Trumpet Envy

We have a case of trumpet envy going on in our house. This is the first year my oldest daughter can play in the band. She's never played an instrument before and decided she wanted to play the trumpet.

My husband played the trumpet, so we had an old one in our basement. It's not the prettiest trumpet in the world. It has some bumps and dings, and the valve slides are a bit sticky. But it works, and it's paid for.

My daughter was happy with her trumpet and excited at the prospect of getting to play her dad's instrument. Until everyone else opened their trumpet cases in band yesterday.

Last night at dinner our daughter was telling us how ugly her trumpet was compared to everyone else's. Everyone else has a shiny, new trumpet. She told us how much she wished her trumpet was shiny and new, too.

Until yesterday, my daughter was thrilled with her trumpet. But the minute she compared her trumpet to everyone else's trumpet, her excitement about her instrument faded. She let envy strip her of joy.

Envy is one of those emotions that hurts the person feeling it the most. I think that's why God made it one of the 10 Commandments. He knew how destructive it can be. Proverbs 14:30 says "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." That's not a pretty picture, but it's an accurate one.

Envy eats away at us. It steals our contentment and our joy. Nothing good ever comes from envy. It destroys relationships and causes us to make poor choices. Envy can leave us in financial ruin.

Learning to avoid the envy trap is important to maintaining our joy. When envy rears its ugly head in your household, be wise and get rid of it quickly -- before it has time to rot the bones.

• Counteract envy by counting your blessings. When one of your kids is envious of something another person has, take a minute to help them count their own blessings. Ask them to list five things that they do have for which they are thankful. It's hard to have a thankful heart and an envious one at the same time.
• Talk about the difference between envy and desire. It's OK to want something; that's desire. It's not OK to want something so badly that we are unhappy when someone else has it; that's envy. We all have things that we would like to have. It's when that wanting crosses the line to unhappiness that we are letting envy get the upper hand.
• Take a piece of bread and let it sit out until it gets moldy. Show the bread to your kids. Explain that envy is like that mold. The mold takes over the bread until eventually there's nothing left of the bread. Envy can take hold in our hearts and take over until there's no room for anything else.

Envy is a destructive and useless emotion. It steals joy. It hurts relationships. And it takes over our lives.

As my daughter walks out the door with trumpet in hand today, I'll be reminding her of all the beautiful music her trumpet has already made, hoping to slay the envy dragon before it takes hold.

What shards of envy do you need to pluck out of your family's life today?

Memory Monday: Proverbs 14:30

I spent the weekend with my oldest daughter and six other fourth-grade girls at Worlds of Fun, our local amusement park. The theme for the weekend was respect, and we spent time learning the 10 commandments. As we were talking about the 10 commandments, I realized that most of the girls in my group did not know what the word envy meant. As soon as I described it, one of the girls piped up and said "That's like when I got some colored pencils and my friend had to go out and get a box that had even more in it." It didn't take long for the other girls to chime in with their own examples.

This morning I ran across Proverbs 14:30, "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." I love the visual that this verse gives us about how destructive envy can be. I think envy is something that kids struggle with almost constantly. There's always someone who has more or is better at something than your child.

My girls have TV envy. According to them, we are the last household on the planet to still have a TV that looks like a box. No, we have not yet joined the flat-screen revolution in this house. Every time we go in a store that has TVs, the girls have to go look at them and talk about how much cooler they are than our TV. Any time they go to someone else's house, they let us know all about the TV that the other kid has. Despite the fact that we have good reasons for not upgrading  our TV at this time, our girls continue to envy other kids who have flat-screen TVs.

Today's verse offers a great way to create a visual picture for your kids about what envy can do. Take a peach or other soft fruit and set it in a plastic container in the window sill. Leave it there for a few days until it starts to decay. Show your kids how the decay starts as a small spot on the peach, but it slowly takes over the whole thing until it is a rotten, smelly, disgusting thing. Read Proverbs 14:30 and talk about how envy can take over our minds to the point of pushing everything else out. Remind them of the queen in the Snow White fairy tale who was so jealous of Snow White that she wanted to kill her. Talk about how envy can cause us to do things that we might not otherwise even consider.

Don't leave out the first part of the verse, either. Talk with your kids about what they think a heart at peace looks like. Ask them why they think God contrasted a heart at peace with one full of envy. Ask your kids if there are things that they envy about others. Pray with them and help them to turn those things over to God. Ask God to fill your hearts with peace, so that your bodies will be full of life. Show your kids how to capture their envious thoughts and replace them with this verse. Tell them that every time they feel jealous of someone else, they should give that thought to God and say Proverbs 14:30 to give themselves something else on which to focus.

As you learn this verse this week, I pray that you and your children will have bodies full of life and that you will leave bone-rotting envy behind.