An Attitude of Joy

It isn't easy for adults to be joyful in the midst of difficult circumstances. It's even tougher for kids. Children, with their concrete-thinking minds and lack of maturity, live in the moment. They often can't see beyond the immediate. Often they act like the crisis of the moment will never end.

So, living with an attitude of joy in the midst of difficult circumstances is hard. We need to help our kids see that joy is a choice. It's not dependent on what is happening to you. It's dependent on knowing that God is in control and that He loves us and wants a relationship with us.

Paul says in Philippians 4:4, "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" He doesn't say "Rejoice when things are going well" or "Rejoice when everything is just the way you want it." He says "Rejoice in the Lord, always."

That seems impossible. Crummy stuff happens in our and our kids' lives. Someone makes fun of your child at school. Your daughter doesn't make the soccer team she tried out for. Your son strikes out three times at his baseball game. People get sick. Finances are in a shambles.

Yet in the midst of those trying moments, the Bible says "Rejoice!" Because we know that this is not all there is. We know that the eternity we gain when we accept Christ into our hearts is so much better than this troubled world. When we live with an eternal perspective, we discover that we have reason for joy.

Joy is a condition of the heart. It's not dependent on anything going on in our lives. We can be joyful even in the midst of the most dire circumstances because we know that God is in control and we have a relationship with Him because Jesus died on the cross for us.

Teaching our kids the difference between joy and happiness when they are young will give them an eternal perspective from which to approach the trials and frustrations of this life.

• Have your kids make a list of the things that make them happy. Think of Maria in "The Sound of Music," singing "My Favorite Things." That's the type of list your kids are creating. Have them write down the things that give them a pick-me-up. Talk about how all of those things are external things. They are things we can do or see or touch or eat. While they may make us happy for a few moments, they won't give us a long-term joy. Explain that our joy -- a long-term attitude -- comes from knowing God and having a relationship with Him. That type of joy lets us have a joyful attitude even when our external circumstances stink.
• Give your kids a Goldfish cracker or some other type of easily crushable cracker. Put the cracker on a paper towel. Tell your child to crush the cracker with his fingers and look at what happens. Then give your kids a wooden block. Ask them to crush the block with their fingers. The cracker will break into a bunch of tiny pieces, but unless you have a child with Herculean strength, the block won't even budge. Explain that bad things happen in our lives, and we can choose to either let those things crush us or we can choose to find joy in God despite our circumstance. If we choose to let external circumstances dictate our attitude, we're like the Goldfish -- easily crushed. But if we choose to find our joy in our relationship with God, we are like the block, and we can stand firm in the face of difficulties.

Help your kids understand that happiness is fleeting, but joy gives us strength. An attitude of joy lets us face whatever comes our way strong in the knowledge that the God of the universe loves us and He wants to have a relationship with us. That is the source of our joy, and no outside circumstance can take that joy away.

Learning to Be Content

Our church's women's retreat is coming up in March with a theme of "Rejoice!" I'm helping to set up the breakout sessions, and in preparation for that, I've begun studying the book of Philippians. Yesterday, I was struck by these words from Paul in Philippians 4:11-13:

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."

I have read those words many times before but yesterday the word "learned" struck me. I began to think about how you would go about learning to be content. We live in one of the most materialistic cultures in the world. We have so much in this country, yet we are always wanting more. Many Americans live on credit that so overextends them that their lives are one big ball of stress caused by trying to figure out how to make ends meet.

Imagine how much less stress we would have in our lives if we learned to be content. I don't know what happens in your home, but it seems that as soon as Christmas is over, my kids start talking about the things that they want for their birthdays, which are four and six months away. The only way our kids will learn to be content in all circumstances, with both their material possessions and with their life circumstances is if we teach them how to do that.

The tempation is to remind our children how good they have it. Did your mother ever tell you to clean your plate because "there are starving children in Africa?" Did you ever wonder how those two things were related? Was your mother going to scrape the stuff off your plate, put it in a box and send it to those kids in Africa?

Kids need concrete, non-preachy ways to help them understand the idea of contentment, which is simply finding joy in your own circumstances. Because our joy does not come from our situation but from knowing God through Jesus, we should be able to find contentment in any circumstance. Open your kids' eyes to the way other children in other parts of the world (and even in places near your home) live, but do it in such a way that it teaches them contentment--not makes them wonder what the connection is.

• When your kids start to get the "gimme's" for things that are well beyond their reach, help them to focus on the blessings in their own lives. Gently turn the conversation to the things they have to be thankful for. Play a game to see who can name the most things for which they are thankful.
• Participate in service projects that allow your kids to help other kids, both locally and abroad. Help out at a local soup kitchen. Collect books for a local school or homeless shelter. Get your kids involved in choosing the people they want to help. If at all possible, let your kids tour a facility that helps kids in some way, whether it be a homeless shelter or a ministry partner in the inner city. Give your kids an up-close look at how some other kids live.
• Work together to sponsor a child through a Christian organization. Most child sponsorships cost only $30-50 a month. Talk about all the things that your sponsored child receives for that small amount of money. Find out all you can about how your sponsored child lives and compare it to how your children live.
• Talk about contentment with your kids. Read Philippians 4 with them and talk about how Paul was in prison when he wrote those words. As a family, make a list of the things that make you content. Focus on the intangible rather than the tangible. Make up scenarios that take away material things and ask your kids how they could be content. For example, "You live in a tent in the forest, how can you be content?"

Contentment is learned. The most important way you can teach it to your children is to be content yourself. If your kids see you constantly striving to "get more" and never being content with what you have, then that is what they will consider normal. If you have never learned to be content, spend some time with God asking Him to show you how to be content in your current circumstances. Remember that our contentment comes from our joy in Christ, not from any material possessions. When we focus on that, we, too, can learn to be content.