Today is my husband's birthday. We're doing something today that we haven't done in a long time. He's taking the day off, and we're spending the day together while the girls are in school.
Oh, we'll probably do some really exciting things like go to the grocery, and I still have a bit of work to do for the week. We might catch a movie. We don't really have big plans, but we will get some kid-free time together today.
Our schedules in the fall get crazy. Between the three soccer tournaments, bi-weekly Friday night hockey practice, Girl Scout camping and church overnights, our weekends are booked from now until Nov. 1. It's easy to get so caught up in dealing with all the kids' activities that we miss spending time alone together.
I love my kids, but my kids need me to love my husband and him to love me. It's hard to continue building a relationship with our spouses if we never spend any time with them.
We excuse working on our relationships with our spouses with thoughts like, "We'll have plenty of time together when the kids are gone" or "We'll go on a date when things slow down." Listen, life is probably not going to slow down, and if we don't work on our relationship with our spouses now, there won't be a relationship later.
After God, our relationships with our spouses should be the top priority. Genesis 2:24 says "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." It's the only time God talks about becoming one with another person. Nowhere does God tell us that our children should be our top priority. Being close to our spouses comes first.
Check out this great article on the MarriageBuilders website. It talks about the importance of putting your spouse first. "Children do not require parent's attention 24 hours a day. Nor do they suffer when parents are giving each other their undivided attention."
Somewhere in the past 50 years, our culture has placed a premium on sacrificing everything in our lives for our children, including our marriages. Kids don't benefit when marriages fall apart, and marriages fall apart when every available resource is poured into our kids.
Carve out some time for you and your spouse. Ask a friend to watch your kids for a couple of hours and go on a date. Remind yourselves why you got married in the first place. Set aside some time every week just to talk to each other.
Because your marriage is the most important human relationship in your life. It's the most important relationship in your kids' lives, too. It's worth making some time for each other. It benefits everyone in your family.
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Friday, September 16, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Take a Time Out
Parenting is the only job I know of where you are thrown into the job with no training or experience. It's a 24-hour, 7 day a week job that comes without a training manual or a review system. Oh, you can read all the books you want and listen to all your friends who have kids, but until that child is placed in your arms, you really have no idea what you have signed up for.
No amount of reading will prepare you for the fear that comes with the first time your kid gets really sick or the joy you feel in their accomplishments. Nothing prepares you for the overwhelming love that you feel for that small bundle of squirming childhood. No one can tell you how hard it will be to leave your child with a sitter for the first time -- even when that sitter is your mom.
And no one tells you that there will be days that you want to throw your hands up in the air and quit. No one mentions the days that you will walk through like a zombie because you stayed up all night with a sick child. There's no warning sign that tells you there will be days when you are stretched to the limit of what you think you can endure.
Yes, parenting is a job like no other. The rewards are great, but the job can wear you down. If we let it, parenting can become the sole focus of our lives. We can lose our own identities because we are so wrapped up in our children. Many marriages fail after the children leave home because for the past 18 years mom and dad were so busy investing in their children that they forgot to invest in their marriage.
You all know that I think the primary calling of a parent is to raise our children to know God, but I don't think that children should take first place in your life. God gets that position. If you're not spending time with Him every day, then He's not first. I struggle with this because it's so easy to say, "I'll get to it later." Then, it's the end of the day, and I still haven't spent any time alone with God. If I don't schedule my time with God like I schedule doctor's appointments and sports practices, I don't do it. Matthew 6:33 tells us to "Seek first the kingdom of God." That means the first thing that goes on my calendar should be my time with God.
Second place doesn't belong to your children either, if you're married. That spot belongs to your spouse. Too often we get this one wrong. Kids needs are often immediate and urgent. They tend to take precedence, especially when the kids are small. But, if you're letting your kids' needs always take precedence over time with your spouse, that's an issue. Find some time in your life for your spouse. Either start putting your kids to bed earlier or have them sleep later. There's nothing wrong with sending your kids to bed a half hour before their regular bedtime to read in bed so you can get some time with your spouse.
Be protective of your time with your spouse. Make sure your kids know that time alone for mom and dad is important and it needs to be an emergency before that time is interrupted. Genesis 2:24 says "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." This isn't just referring to coming together physically. It's talking about becoming one in every sense of the word. If we don't invest time in our spouses, we can't work together in our marriage or our parenting.
Make time to get away. We go away for our anniversary every year. We don't usually go very far or for very long (with some exceptions), but we make a point of spending at least 24 hours away. We love getting to spend time together without someone interrupting our conversation every second sentence. It gives us a chance to get on the same page and set some goals for the year.
After your spouse, is where your children come in on the priority scale, but that doesn't mean that your kids always get to come before you. So often we give up things that we love (and are often good for us) because there just doesn't seem to be time for them. Make it a point to put something in your schedule for you -- even if it's as simple as setting aside half an hour a day to exercise or read a book. Take the time to connect with friends. If you aren't taking a little time for yourself during the week, it's tough to be an effective parent. If your batteries aren't charged, then you won't have anything to give to your spouse and your kids.
Spend some time today praying over your priorities and get them aligned in the proper order. There's nothing wrong with taking a short time out from parenting to focus on your relationship with God, your spouse or even to just refresh yourself. When our priorities are in order, we are being filled with God's strength, modeling a healthy marriage for our kids and keeping ourselves healthy. Our kids benefit immensely from all of those things. So, take a time out today and put your priorities in the right place.
No amount of reading will prepare you for the fear that comes with the first time your kid gets really sick or the joy you feel in their accomplishments. Nothing prepares you for the overwhelming love that you feel for that small bundle of squirming childhood. No one can tell you how hard it will be to leave your child with a sitter for the first time -- even when that sitter is your mom.
And no one tells you that there will be days that you want to throw your hands up in the air and quit. No one mentions the days that you will walk through like a zombie because you stayed up all night with a sick child. There's no warning sign that tells you there will be days when you are stretched to the limit of what you think you can endure.
Yes, parenting is a job like no other. The rewards are great, but the job can wear you down. If we let it, parenting can become the sole focus of our lives. We can lose our own identities because we are so wrapped up in our children. Many marriages fail after the children leave home because for the past 18 years mom and dad were so busy investing in their children that they forgot to invest in their marriage.
You all know that I think the primary calling of a parent is to raise our children to know God, but I don't think that children should take first place in your life. God gets that position. If you're not spending time with Him every day, then He's not first. I struggle with this because it's so easy to say, "I'll get to it later." Then, it's the end of the day, and I still haven't spent any time alone with God. If I don't schedule my time with God like I schedule doctor's appointments and sports practices, I don't do it. Matthew 6:33 tells us to "Seek first the kingdom of God." That means the first thing that goes on my calendar should be my time with God.
Second place doesn't belong to your children either, if you're married. That spot belongs to your spouse. Too often we get this one wrong. Kids needs are often immediate and urgent. They tend to take precedence, especially when the kids are small. But, if you're letting your kids' needs always take precedence over time with your spouse, that's an issue. Find some time in your life for your spouse. Either start putting your kids to bed earlier or have them sleep later. There's nothing wrong with sending your kids to bed a half hour before their regular bedtime to read in bed so you can get some time with your spouse.
Be protective of your time with your spouse. Make sure your kids know that time alone for mom and dad is important and it needs to be an emergency before that time is interrupted. Genesis 2:24 says "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." This isn't just referring to coming together physically. It's talking about becoming one in every sense of the word. If we don't invest time in our spouses, we can't work together in our marriage or our parenting.
Make time to get away. We go away for our anniversary every year. We don't usually go very far or for very long (with some exceptions), but we make a point of spending at least 24 hours away. We love getting to spend time together without someone interrupting our conversation every second sentence. It gives us a chance to get on the same page and set some goals for the year.
After your spouse, is where your children come in on the priority scale, but that doesn't mean that your kids always get to come before you. So often we give up things that we love (and are often good for us) because there just doesn't seem to be time for them. Make it a point to put something in your schedule for you -- even if it's as simple as setting aside half an hour a day to exercise or read a book. Take the time to connect with friends. If you aren't taking a little time for yourself during the week, it's tough to be an effective parent. If your batteries aren't charged, then you won't have anything to give to your spouse and your kids.
Spend some time today praying over your priorities and get them aligned in the proper order. There's nothing wrong with taking a short time out from parenting to focus on your relationship with God, your spouse or even to just refresh yourself. When our priorities are in order, we are being filled with God's strength, modeling a healthy marriage for our kids and keeping ourselves healthy. Our kids benefit immensely from all of those things. So, take a time out today and put your priorities in the right place.
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