Memory Monday: Getting Tangled Up With God

I was enjoying lunch at my favorite wrap place on Saturday with my family, when my blog came up in conversation with the girls.

My youngest looked at me and said, "You should write about my hair." My youngest has beautiful, blond, curly hair. She really does have the kind of curly hair that most of us with straight hair have always wanted. It hangs in gorgeous, loose spiral curls all over her head.  However, I  had no idea how writing about her hair would fit with this blog.

"Why should I write about your hair," I asked.

"Well, my hair gets tangled all the time," she said. This is true. Curly hair comes with a price, and that price is tangles. Combing and styling her hair takes patience and care not to hurt her tender head. Yet, I was still missing whatever connection she was trying to make to the blog.

"And we should get tangled up with God," my youngest finished.

As I sat in stunned silence that my 8-year-old daughter could come up with such a great analogy, I realized that, in seconds, she had grasped a concept that I have been struggling to come to terms with for weeks.

The past few weeks, I've been struggling with all the demands of mommyhood. My kids are in a phase where they seem to think I am a maid, playmate and chauffeur, available at a moment's notice for their convenience. We've spent a lot of time together in confined spaces in the past month with two long car trips. My parents were out of town and had company for the past three weeks, making mommy breaks hard to come by.

To tell you the truth, I haven't really wanted to be a mom lately. I've felt underappreciated, overwhelmed and just plain grumpy. I apparently didn't hide it well, either. My best friend took me out for ice cream the other day, simply to find out if she had done something to upset me.

To top it all off, besides writing this blog, I've been struggling to find any time to spend getting tangled up with God. My youngest daughter is an early riser and after a day of working, dealing with my kids and filling whatever other commitments we have, I'm ready to go to bed by 9 p.m. Summer makes it hard to find a few moments to myself during the day. I feel like I did when my kids were toddlers. I just want 10 minutes to  myself.

I can tell you that all of these things have combined to make me a less-than-pleasant person lately, but they are just symptoms of the problem. The problem is that when I'm not rooted in God's word and spending time with Him, the little annoyances and frustrations in my life add up and leave me sounding and acting like a shrew.

Colossians 2:6-7 tells us "So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him,  rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."

That verse does not describe my life lately. When you look at the roots of a tree, they often resemble my daughter's tangled hair. The roots are tangled with the dirt, which holds the tree firmly upright. When a root gets chopped or dies, it weakens the tree. If the dirt is lacking nutrients or water, it weakens the tree. A weakened tree won't stand up to a storm.

We're just like a tree. If we don't sink our roots into Christ's love and God's word, then we walk through the storms of life like a weakened tree. It's easy to push us over.

When we are rooted in Christ's love and God's word, it shows in our lives. Our lives reflect the fruits of the spirit -- love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self-control.

I know that these qualities have been sorely lacking in my life lately, especially joy and patience. So, this week I'm going to focus on getting my roots tangled back up with God. And, every morning when I comb the tangles out of my 8-year-old's hair, I'll have the perfect reminder to do so. I hope you'll join me.

Friday Introductions: A Holy Experience

Sometimes, it's easy to get caught up in the busyness and crazyness of our lives. Between school, work, activities and sports, church and ministry commitments and simply finding time to spend together as a family, it's easy to get overwhelmed and miss the blessings that have been sent your way.

When I find myself overwhelmed by my circumstances and wanting to cry out like David in Psalm 22:1 "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish?" I know I need a reminder of God's grace and goodness.

When we're running on an empty tank and we've lost sight of God's grace and goodness, His word is always there to fill us back up. But, sometimes, I need a nudge in the right direction.

When that happens, I head over to Ann Voskamp's blog, A Holy Experience. Through Ann's amazing writing, I always find a lesson in God's faithfulness. Whether she's tackling a spiritual practice that draws us closer to God (which she does every Wednesday), sharing pictures of her family or talking about life on their farm, I never fail to find a message of God's goodness.

Her site is loaded with free downloads about everything from parenting to Bible memorization. I know you'll find something on Ann's site that will fill you up and focus your thoughts on God.

Ann is the author of the New York Times bestseller One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are. If you need a reminder of how God blesses us even when circumstances seem dire, then read this book. It will focus your heart on recognizing the gifts you've been given.

So, the next time you find yourself running on an empty tank and you need a nudge to remember God's faithfulness, head on over to Ann's blog. I know you'll find refreshment and encouragement.

Summer Fun: 39 Clues -- Week 5

I woke up to thunderstorms. Considering the fact that we have swim lessons, 39 Clues and soccer practice today, this is not a good thing. As I listened to the thunder rumble at 5 a.m., I was quickly thinking of all the ways I could move our 39 Clues adventure inside. None of my options are good today. So, I'm praying that it stops raining so we can have our duck race outside.

Now, I'm sure you're wondering why we would have a duck race. That doesn't represent a talent of one of the kids. Today, though, our featured child is my next door neighbor's middle daughter. And if there's one thing that stands out about her, it's that she loves ducks.

She loves ducks so much that last Easter her dad thought it would be a great idea to bring home live baby ducks (without telling mom), but that's a story for another day. Suffice it to say that the ducks are now living a happy life on a nearby farm.

Ducks are what this little girl is passionate about. Oh, we're also going to have her teach us how to tap dance, which I cannot wait to get pictures of, but ducks are her thing. And that's what this summer is all about -- learning to appreciate other people and their likes and interests. I want my kids to know that just because someone else has a different interest from you, that doesn't make them weird or wrong. It just makes them different. And we need to value those differences in others.

So, today, we're going to talk about Philippians 2:3-4, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." We're going to talk about what it means to value someone else and how selfishness can rob others of their value.

The kids will each get a dollar, and I'll ask them if they want to trade that dollar in for other currency of varying amounts. The point is to get the kids to recognize that with money, some things are more valuable than others and how we care for that money shows how much we value it. If we lose a quarter, we're not going to be as sad as if we lose a $100 bill.

We're going to talk about how people aren't like money. Even though we're different, God values each of us. And He wants us to value one another as well. He wants us to treat each other as if everyone is as valuable as a $1,000 bill. We'll talk about what that means and how we can show others that we think they have value.

Then, we're going to focus on our duck-loving child. The girls are going to draw ducks. We're going to have a rubber duck race in our little kiddie pool. The kids will get a chance to practice being good winners and losers like we talked about in this space yesterday. I'm hoping to get the chance to explain that even in competition, we need to let others know we value them.

We're also going to let our featured child teach us how to tap dance as she's participated in dance for the past year. I can't wait to see how my non-dancing girls do with this activity.

We'll end the day with prayer and a challenge to show others that we value them this week. The girls will get to take their $1 bills home and put them somewhere that they can see them this week to remind them that God wants us to value others.

So, I'm hoping the rain stops, so we can spend some time today showing our friends how much we value them.  Even if it takes a duck race to do that.

Winning and Losing Well

My youngest daughter hates to lose. It doesn't matter if she's playing in a playoff hockey game or racing her sister to the car, she wants to win. Much to the frustration of her sister and friends, she would rather quit in the middle of a game than finish it and lose.

While that drive to win can be a great motivator, it can also be a liability. I don't know how many tears have been shed in this house over the years over losing a board game or a Wii game. We spend a lot of time talking about not being a sore loser.

But as important as it is to know how to lose well, it's also important to know how to be a gracious winner. My youngest daughter tends to be a bit on the obnoxious side when she wins something. I do believe the words "In your face" and "I'm the best" have been known to come out of her mouth on occasion.

In the past six months, we've been working with her on learning to win and lose well because winning or losing in life is often based on talent and/or luck. How you act when you win or lose, however, is based on your character. Whether you win or lose says nothing about who you are. How you win or lose reflects what is in your heart.

Our kids are going to win and lose at things all through life. How they deal with the highs and lows that come along with those wins and losses reflects back on God. Graciously congratulating the winner when they lose or complimenting the loser for a well-played game when they win shows humility and maturity.

Proverbs 11:2 tells us "When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." When our children are arrogant winners or poor losers, it's a reflection of pride taking a hold in their heart. That poor reaction to losing is rooted in the idea that "I'm too good to lose." The obnoxious celebration of an arrogant winner stems from the attitude that "I'm better than you."

Neither of those are attitudes that are pleasing to God. Humilty isn't easy to teach, especially if you have a child who doesn't like to lose. But it's an important lesson that will make a difference in our children's lives as they mature.

• Before your children enter into a sports, dance or other competition, pray with them. Pray that they would do their best and that they would accept both winning and losing with a gracious spirit.
• Institute a no quitting rule in your home. Whether it's a board game or a championship game, it's important to finish what you start. If your child is allowed to quit every time he thinks he's going to lose, the he never learns to lose well.
• Don't shelter your children from losing. Always letting them win at a game is not giving them the opportunity to learn to lose. It's OK to beat your 4-year-old at CandyLand sometimes. It gives them an opportunity to deal with the feelings that come with losing. If our children never lose at anything until they're older, it's a lot harder for them to learn how to deal with it.
• Make sure your kids know that their value to you and to God is not tied up in whether they win or lose a game. Our kids will place too much value on winning if they think that is the only way they can gain our approval. Even when your kids lose, find things to focus on that they did well. Use the loss as a learning experience about what to do better next time but also find time to focus on good things they did in the loss.
• Talk with your kids about how to handle a loss. Explain that temper tantrums and blaming the other person or team for a loss does not reflect humility and graciousness. Encourage them to find something good to say to the other player or team, congratulating them on their win.
• Talk with your kids about how to handle winning. If your team is up 10-1, then celebrating your eleventh goal with fist pumps and jumping up and down is just rude. While it's exciting to score, we need to always take into consideration the fact that the other people playing the game have feelings, too.
• Remind your kids that how they win or lose is what is important. Winning is fun, and losing is tough, but our reaction to those circumstances is much more important than whether we actually win or lose.

It's never fun to lose. I don't know anyone who says, "I hope I lose this game," but winning isn't the most important thing in life. A humble spirit and a willingness to reflect God's love to others is much more important to God than whether you win a game. God cares whether you win or lose well -- not whether you win or lose.

Training Every Day

As I told you last week, I spent the week taking my daughter to hockey camp. She spent six hours every day last week doing something related to hockey. Of that six hours, she only spent 2 1/2 hours on the ice. Much of the rest of the time was spent doing dry land training.

Dry land training is where the kids strengthened their muscles and their skills off the ice. At my daughter's age,  that consists of playing games and working on stick handling and agility. As the kids get older, they focus on training their muscles and building their endurance by doing things like running stairs.

Dry land certainly isn't the most fun part of training to play hockey, but it is necessary. The things the kids did off the ice got them ready to play on the ice.

Our spiritual walk is much like training to play hockey. We can be actively involved in ministry and in living our lives as God wants us to. We can put up a good front and never spend any time alone with God. From the outside, it looks like we have a close relationship with God, but on the inside, we're just skating by on what we already know. We're not growing in our relationship with Him because we're not spending any time with Him.

In hockey, your game won't get any better if you don't spend time off the ice perfecting your skills and training your muscles. When faced with the pressure and intensity of a game, you won't have enough knowledge or skill to win.

In life, if you aren't filling yourself up daily with God's word and spending time with Him, then when faced with the pressure and intensity of life, you will falter and fall. Psalm 119:58 says "I have sought your face with all my heart; be gracious to me according to your promise." If we're not spending time with God each day, then we're not seeking His face with our whole hearts like David.

God called David a man after His own heart. We want to follow in those footsteps and become men and women after God's own heart. The only way to do that is to spend time getting to know God's heart.


Spending time with God is a habit -- one we have to take the time to cultivate. It's important that we spend time with God every day, and it's important that we teach our kids to spend time with God every day.

• Set aside a time in each day that will be your family's quiet time. Our time is in the morning before school.
• Get your kids an age-appropriate devotional book and Bible. There are some great versions of the Bible out there, but my favorite for elementary school-aged children is the New International Reader's Version (NIrV). It's written in an easy-to-read style for kids without watering down the Word. It's a full Bible. It just doesn't have a lot of the really big words.
• Talk with your kids about the importance of spending time with God every day. Get three pictures -- one of their best friend, one of someone you see a couple of times a year and one of their favorite sports star, movie actor, or singer. Ask them to tell you how well they know each person. Ask them if they know that person's favorite food, favorite TV show and favorite color. Explain that the more time they spend with a person, the better they know them. We know about the celebrity, but we don't know the celebrity. We have never met them or spent any time with them. We know a little bit more about the acquaintance that we see a few times a year, but we don't know them intimately. Your child will probably be able to tell you all sorts of things about her best friend because she knows that person well. She spends lots of time with her. Explain that the same is true with God. We can know all about Him and never spend any time with Him. To know Him, we have to talk with Him and listen to what He has to say to us. We have to understand who He is and how He wants us to live. If we love Him, we'll want to spend time with Him. We want God to be like our best friend, someone whom we know intimately.
• Spend time with God yourself. The more connected you are with God, the better you are able to parent your children and help them create a relationship with God.

We can go through life, just skating by on what we already know about God, but that creates a shallow relationship with Him. When we hit the thin ice in our lives, we'll know we haven't trained hard enough off the ice to survive the intensity of being on it.

Let your relationship with God bring you strength for the intense moments in your life. Spending time with Him every day means you let Him fill you up with grace and strength so you and your kids can get in the game and face head-on any challenges that come your way during the day.

Memory Monday: Let Freedom Ring (Galatians 5:1)

Happy 235th Birthday, America. I love the Fourth of July -- the parades, the cookouts, the fireworks, the friends and family. I love the opportunity to teach my kids about the courageous men who had a radical idea called democracy. I enjoy getting the chance to talk about the sacrifice that men and women in our armed forces have made over the centuries so that we can continue to enjoy the freedoms that those men in 1776 embraced.

As much as I enjoy teaching my kids how lucky they are to live in the United States, with all its freedoms and benefits, the Fourth of July is a great time to talk about the ultimate freedom -- freedom in Christ. We can use today to teach our kids that while freedom to do what we wish is one thing, freedom from sin is a greater blessing.

There are people all over the world today living in countries where their physical freedoms are restricted. Places where you take your life in your own hands if you want to meet with other Christ followers and worship God. Places where simply sharing your faith can get you arrested. Places where it's not safe to walk outside because there's a war going on. Places where no matter how smart you are or how creative, you will never rise above the class into which you were born.

Our kids need to know that places like this exist. When you  are born and raised in the United States, it's easy to take your freedoms for granted. Most of us have never had to put our lives on the line to worship God. We've never wondered if the next knock on our door will be the one that takes us to prison. Today, we should be thankful for the countless sacrifices that have made that possible.

• Talk with your kids today about what freedom means. Explain that there are countries where people can only do the things the government tells them they can. Talk about how that means that those people may not be able to leave their homes at certain times. They may not be able to go to church. They may not get to choose what sport they play or what school they go to. Ask your kids how that makes those places different from the United States.

• Explain to your kids that even in situations where people aren't physically free, they can still be find freedom in Christ. Jesus sets us free from sin. Sometimes people think that following Jesus takes away our freedoms because God asks us to live a certain way. However, when we realize just how much Jesus has done for us -- He made the ultimate sacrifice in dying on the cross for us -- we choose to follow Him out of love. Share Galatians 5:1 with your kids: "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Talk about how Jesus sets us free from our sin. He takes it away and forgets about it. If we keep dwelling on the things that we have done wrong after we have confessed them and been forgiven, then we make ourselves slaves to sin again. Teach your kids to confess their sins and then move forward, so that they can enjoy the freedom that Christ has given them.

•  If you go to a parade today, you will probably see a soldier or two. Explain to your kids that Jesus is like those soldiers. Our soldiers sometimes sacrifice their lives so we can have physical freedoms. Jesus sacrificed his life so we can be free from sin. While physical freedoms are wonderful, spiritual freedom allows us to be free even when our physical freedoms are missing.

Celebrate your freedoms today with food, fun and fireworks. In the midst of the celebration, take a moment to thank God for both your physical freedoms and your freedom from sin.

When There Are No Words

Usually on Fridays, I devote this space to sharing another website or blog that I like with you. But this week, I feel it's important to share something else with you. I'll have another Friday Introduction for you next week.

Last night after dinner, I opened an email from my daughter's school. I expected it to be details about the upcoming book exchange. Instead, I was stunned to learn that one of my 10-year-old daughter's classmates had passed away from complications from surgery.

My daughter wasn't good friends with this little boy, but he had been in her grade level since kindergarten. She knew him. She saw him every day. At 10, you don't expect to leave school for summer break and come back in the fall and be missing a classmate because he died.

My daughter was understandably upset, but she kept it together until bedtime. As soon as she laid down for bed, the floodgates opened. She cried and cried. I climbed in bed with her and just held her.

I sit and write this blog every morning, filled with words. I speak to mom's groups, offering Scripture and object lessons. Yet, last night I had no words for my daughter.

What was there to say? Fourth-graders aren't supposed to die. I don't understand why it happened. There really aren't any words to fit that situation. There's no object lesson that makes it easier to bear that grief.

So, we laid in her bed, and we cried together. She talked about the things she remembered about her classmate, and beyond telling her it was OK to be sad, I said very little.

Because sometimes our kids just need us to be there. They don't need us to offer words of wisdom or spout Scripture or platitudes. They just need us to hold them. They need us to pray with them and for them. They simply need to know we are there.

God promises to comfort us. "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" (Matthew 5:4). As parents, sometimes we get to be the physical comforting arms of God. We bolster our kids with a hug or a pat on the back. We hold them while they sob. And we remain silent because they don't always need us to speak. Sometimes they just need us to silently share their grief and pain.

And those are some of the hardest moments as a parent. Moments when there is nothing you can do to fix the situation. You can't make it better. You can only lessen the burden by sharing it.

I pray that those moments are few and far between, but when they come, remember that sometimes you don't have the right words for your kids. And that's OK. In those moments, your presence is simply enough.