My youngest daughter got a new hat and gloves the other day. She picked them out herself. They are bright pink, and the hat has a cute, little brim on the front of it. She looks adorable, and the color is striking with her black coat.
She wore them to school for the first time on Monday, and some kid decided to make fun of them because they were pink. Personally, I couldn't figure out the insult in making fun of a girl for wearing pink, but it hurt my daughter's feelings. She came home in tears.
Then, two things happened. We went to hockey practice that night, walked into the locker room and the first thing out of our goalie's mouth was "I like your hat." I could have hugged the kid. He had no idea that kids had teased my daughter about her hat. It lifted her spirits and made the day better.
When she came home from school on Tuesday, I asked if anyone had made fun of her hat. She said one little boy did, but it was a joke. This little boy had taken pink gloves from his sister and was hiding his hands in his pockets. He asked Carolyn why she was wearing a pink hat. Then pulled out his pink-clad hands and said "because I think you took my hat."
Both these little boys lifted my daughter's spirits and counteracted the mean words of another child. Our goalie did it without knowing she had been hurt. The other little boy went out of his way to make her feel better.
These boys illustrated the point that our words and actions toward others matter. Proverbs 12:18 says "The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." One recklessly spoken word can do more damage than we know, but one uplifting and kind word can heal hurts we may not even know exist.
The Christmas season is a time when old hurts run close to the surface. Wounds we may not even know about, losses we've never shared and stress we can't see can all cause the people we come into contact with every day to be hurting without us knowing it.
Be cautious with your words all the time, but especially during this season. Look for opportunities to say an encouraging word to others. You never know what that person is going through. Your words might be the difference in their day.
Encourage your kids to offer kind words to their friends. Talk with them about looking for opportunities to lift others up. If you see a child who is upset, encourage your kids to find out what's wrong and offer that child encouragement.
You never know when your words will make a difference. You never know when what you say will be the balm that heals the wounds caused by the piercing words of others. You just never know.
Showing posts with label words. Show all posts
Showing posts with label words. Show all posts
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Fingerprints on the Glass
I cleaned my kitchen yesterday. Every time I clean the kitchen, I go around with the cleaner and a paper towel and clean off the fingerprints. They're everywhere. On the windows. On the walls. On the light switches. But they're especially bad on the back door, which is mostly glass.
I could probably clean fingerprints off my back door twice a day, and the glass would still never be clean. My girls don't mean to leave fingerprints everywhere. They simply can't help it. When they come in from outside, their hands are dirty. When they touch the glass, it leaves a mark.
Those fingerprints are a sign that my girls have been through that door. Much as I dislike constantly cleaning the back door, I know that a day is coming when I will miss those fingerprints.
Just like my girls, we leave fingerprints all through life. Every time we touch a life by offering a hug, a compassionate ear or a moment of shared laughter, we leave our fingerprints on the other person.
Our actions toward others matter. We never know when something we've said or something we've done will change another person's day or even their life. That's why we need to be careful with our words and actions toward others. As easily as we can change someone's day for the good, we can also cause hurt and misery.
Ephesians 4:32 tells us to "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Offering up kindness and compassion to others, even those we don't necessarily get along with isn't just a nice thing to do, it's what God tells us to do.
Illustrate how our actions leave marks for your kids with a bowl of water and a clean window. Have your kids dip their fingers in the water, then shake off the excess. Then have them put their fingers on the window. It will leave fingerprints.
Talk about how those fingerprints are like our words and actions and the window is like one of our friends. Every time we say or do something to our friends, it leaves a mark on them. Unlike the fingerprints on the window, it's not a mark we can see. Our words and actions either make others feel good or bad. We want our words and action to leave marks that encourage and help other people no matter how their words and actions make us feel.
Every day, we leave fingerprints on others' lives. It's up to us to make sure the fingerprints we leave make a difference for good.
I could probably clean fingerprints off my back door twice a day, and the glass would still never be clean. My girls don't mean to leave fingerprints everywhere. They simply can't help it. When they come in from outside, their hands are dirty. When they touch the glass, it leaves a mark.
Those fingerprints are a sign that my girls have been through that door. Much as I dislike constantly cleaning the back door, I know that a day is coming when I will miss those fingerprints.
Just like my girls, we leave fingerprints all through life. Every time we touch a life by offering a hug, a compassionate ear or a moment of shared laughter, we leave our fingerprints on the other person.
Our actions toward others matter. We never know when something we've said or something we've done will change another person's day or even their life. That's why we need to be careful with our words and actions toward others. As easily as we can change someone's day for the good, we can also cause hurt and misery.
Ephesians 4:32 tells us to "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Offering up kindness and compassion to others, even those we don't necessarily get along with isn't just a nice thing to do, it's what God tells us to do.
Illustrate how our actions leave marks for your kids with a bowl of water and a clean window. Have your kids dip their fingers in the water, then shake off the excess. Then have them put their fingers on the window. It will leave fingerprints.
Talk about how those fingerprints are like our words and actions and the window is like one of our friends. Every time we say or do something to our friends, it leaves a mark on them. Unlike the fingerprints on the window, it's not a mark we can see. Our words and actions either make others feel good or bad. We want our words and action to leave marks that encourage and help other people no matter how their words and actions make us feel.
Every day, we leave fingerprints on others' lives. It's up to us to make sure the fingerprints we leave make a difference for good.
Friday, July 1, 2011
When There Are No Words
Usually on Fridays, I devote this space to sharing another website or blog that I like with you. But this week, I feel it's important to share something else with you. I'll have another Friday Introduction for you next week.
Last night after dinner, I opened an email from my daughter's school. I expected it to be details about the upcoming book exchange. Instead, I was stunned to learn that one of my 10-year-old daughter's classmates had passed away from complications from surgery.
My daughter wasn't good friends with this little boy, but he had been in her grade level since kindergarten. She knew him. She saw him every day. At 10, you don't expect to leave school for summer break and come back in the fall and be missing a classmate because he died.
My daughter was understandably upset, but she kept it together until bedtime. As soon as she laid down for bed, the floodgates opened. She cried and cried. I climbed in bed with her and just held her.
I sit and write this blog every morning, filled with words. I speak to mom's groups, offering Scripture and object lessons. Yet, last night I had no words for my daughter.
What was there to say? Fourth-graders aren't supposed to die. I don't understand why it happened. There really aren't any words to fit that situation. There's no object lesson that makes it easier to bear that grief.
So, we laid in her bed, and we cried together. She talked about the things she remembered about her classmate, and beyond telling her it was OK to be sad, I said very little.
Because sometimes our kids just need us to be there. They don't need us to offer words of wisdom or spout Scripture or platitudes. They just need us to hold them. They need us to pray with them and for them. They simply need to know we are there.
God promises to comfort us. "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" (Matthew 5:4). As parents, sometimes we get to be the physical comforting arms of God. We bolster our kids with a hug or a pat on the back. We hold them while they sob. And we remain silent because they don't always need us to speak. Sometimes they just need us to silently share their grief and pain.
And those are some of the hardest moments as a parent. Moments when there is nothing you can do to fix the situation. You can't make it better. You can only lessen the burden by sharing it.
I pray that those moments are few and far between, but when they come, remember that sometimes you don't have the right words for your kids. And that's OK. In those moments, your presence is simply enough.
Last night after dinner, I opened an email from my daughter's school. I expected it to be details about the upcoming book exchange. Instead, I was stunned to learn that one of my 10-year-old daughter's classmates had passed away from complications from surgery.
My daughter wasn't good friends with this little boy, but he had been in her grade level since kindergarten. She knew him. She saw him every day. At 10, you don't expect to leave school for summer break and come back in the fall and be missing a classmate because he died.
My daughter was understandably upset, but she kept it together until bedtime. As soon as she laid down for bed, the floodgates opened. She cried and cried. I climbed in bed with her and just held her.
I sit and write this blog every morning, filled with words. I speak to mom's groups, offering Scripture and object lessons. Yet, last night I had no words for my daughter.
What was there to say? Fourth-graders aren't supposed to die. I don't understand why it happened. There really aren't any words to fit that situation. There's no object lesson that makes it easier to bear that grief.
So, we laid in her bed, and we cried together. She talked about the things she remembered about her classmate, and beyond telling her it was OK to be sad, I said very little.
Because sometimes our kids just need us to be there. They don't need us to offer words of wisdom or spout Scripture or platitudes. They just need us to hold them. They need us to pray with them and for them. They simply need to know we are there.
God promises to comfort us. "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" (Matthew 5:4). As parents, sometimes we get to be the physical comforting arms of God. We bolster our kids with a hug or a pat on the back. We hold them while they sob. And we remain silent because they don't always need us to speak. Sometimes they just need us to silently share their grief and pain.
And those are some of the hardest moments as a parent. Moments when there is nothing you can do to fix the situation. You can't make it better. You can only lessen the burden by sharing it.
I pray that those moments are few and far between, but when they come, remember that sometimes you don't have the right words for your kids. And that's OK. In those moments, your presence is simply enough.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Summer Fun: The 39 Clues to You -- Day 3
We're back on schedule with our summer adventure -- 39 Clues to You. If you missed the first two posts about our adventures, you can find them here and here. The goal of 39 Clues to You is to teach my girls and four of their friends about the value of others. Join us on our journey as we learn that it matters to God how we treat each other because each person is precious to Him.
We drove home from Colorado yesterday -- that's 10 hours in the car. Now, we don't have a spacious minivan or SUV where each girl has lots of space to themselves. My car is a VW Passat station wagon (which I love, by the way). The bigger the girls get, the less room they each have -- and the more often they fuss at each other.
We've found the trip home always seems longer than the trip out, probably because everyone is tired of each other and just plain tired. Yesterday, our girls started the trip bickering with one another. It wasn't so much what they actually said to one another as how they said it.
My girls are old enough to know better than to flat-out insult one another, but they are experts at making sure their tone conveys exactly what they think of their sister at that moment. It's frustrating, and we've been trying to impress on our girls that our tone and what we are thinking is equally as important as the words that actually come out of our mouths.
Today's 39 Clues adventure focuses on the importance of treating others respectfully with our words. But I'm not going to lecture on what words God wants us to use or not use. Giving the kids a list of rules to follow simply makes God seem like a hard taskmaster. No, today, we're going to go after the root of the problem and take a look at our hearts.
Our memory verse for today is Luke 6:45: A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.
It's what's in our hearts that determines what comes out of our mouths. If we're filling our hearts up with anger, frustration and meanness, then that's what's going to come out of our mouths. However, if we are spending time with God each day and letting Him fill us up with His love, then words that reflect His love will come pouring out of our mouths.
To illustrate this point with the girls, I'm giving them each a cup and a bowl. We're going to pour water in the cups until they overflow into the bowls. Then we're going to talk about what we expected to come out of the cups. We poured in water, so why didn't we expect orange juice or hot chocolate to come out when it overflowed?
We'll talk about how our hearts are like the cup. We can't expect love to overflow out of our hearts into our words, if we're not filling our hearts up with God's love. We'll spend some time talking about what our speech will sound like if it's overflowing with God's love. And we'll discuss how words really do matter. We can't take them back once they're out, and they can hurt worse than an actual punch to the arm.
Before we use our cups in our illustration, I'm going to have the girls use Sharpies to decorate them with hearts. Part of their homework will be to drink out of their cups everyday to remind them to fill their hearts up with God's love every day.
Our featured girl for the day is my next-door-neighbor's oldest daughter. I'll hand out the clues, and we'll figure out which girl we're going to learn about today. She's a gorgeous girl who is a lot of fun. She's super smart and is an excellent problem solver. She loves to play piano and volleyball. So, today, she's going to teach the rest of us about her two favorite skills. We're going to get a little piano lesson, and we're going to head outside to bump and set our way through the afternoon.
After our activities, we'll come back inside and talk about how hard or easy each of them was. And, we'll talk about what we liked or dislike about each one. We'll have my neighbor's daughter talk about why she loves each of those activities.
We'll wrap up with a reminder that God made each one of us different and our differences are what make us useful in God's plan. Even if some of the girls dislike the activities, they'll have a new appreciation for how difficult each one of those things is.
The girls will leave today with a devotional page that takes them through 1 Corinthians 13 in the next five days to help them spend time each day with God. They'll also leave with a challenge to write down the times this week when their words reflect God's love.
Hopefully, by the time they leave today, they won't just have a better understanding of the talents of one of their friends, but they'll be more aware of their words as well.
We drove home from Colorado yesterday -- that's 10 hours in the car. Now, we don't have a spacious minivan or SUV where each girl has lots of space to themselves. My car is a VW Passat station wagon (which I love, by the way). The bigger the girls get, the less room they each have -- and the more often they fuss at each other.
We've found the trip home always seems longer than the trip out, probably because everyone is tired of each other and just plain tired. Yesterday, our girls started the trip bickering with one another. It wasn't so much what they actually said to one another as how they said it.
My girls are old enough to know better than to flat-out insult one another, but they are experts at making sure their tone conveys exactly what they think of their sister at that moment. It's frustrating, and we've been trying to impress on our girls that our tone and what we are thinking is equally as important as the words that actually come out of our mouths.
Today's 39 Clues adventure focuses on the importance of treating others respectfully with our words. But I'm not going to lecture on what words God wants us to use or not use. Giving the kids a list of rules to follow simply makes God seem like a hard taskmaster. No, today, we're going to go after the root of the problem and take a look at our hearts.
Our memory verse for today is Luke 6:45: A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.
It's what's in our hearts that determines what comes out of our mouths. If we're filling our hearts up with anger, frustration and meanness, then that's what's going to come out of our mouths. However, if we are spending time with God each day and letting Him fill us up with His love, then words that reflect His love will come pouring out of our mouths.
To illustrate this point with the girls, I'm giving them each a cup and a bowl. We're going to pour water in the cups until they overflow into the bowls. Then we're going to talk about what we expected to come out of the cups. We poured in water, so why didn't we expect orange juice or hot chocolate to come out when it overflowed?
We'll talk about how our hearts are like the cup. We can't expect love to overflow out of our hearts into our words, if we're not filling our hearts up with God's love. We'll spend some time talking about what our speech will sound like if it's overflowing with God's love. And we'll discuss how words really do matter. We can't take them back once they're out, and they can hurt worse than an actual punch to the arm.
Before we use our cups in our illustration, I'm going to have the girls use Sharpies to decorate them with hearts. Part of their homework will be to drink out of their cups everyday to remind them to fill their hearts up with God's love every day.
Our featured girl for the day is my next-door-neighbor's oldest daughter. I'll hand out the clues, and we'll figure out which girl we're going to learn about today. She's a gorgeous girl who is a lot of fun. She's super smart and is an excellent problem solver. She loves to play piano and volleyball. So, today, she's going to teach the rest of us about her two favorite skills. We're going to get a little piano lesson, and we're going to head outside to bump and set our way through the afternoon.
After our activities, we'll come back inside and talk about how hard or easy each of them was. And, we'll talk about what we liked or dislike about each one. We'll have my neighbor's daughter talk about why she loves each of those activities.
We'll wrap up with a reminder that God made each one of us different and our differences are what make us useful in God's plan. Even if some of the girls dislike the activities, they'll have a new appreciation for how difficult each one of those things is.
The girls will leave today with a devotional page that takes them through 1 Corinthians 13 in the next five days to help them spend time each day with God. They'll also leave with a challenge to write down the times this week when their words reflect God's love.
Hopefully, by the time they leave today, they won't just have a better understanding of the talents of one of their friends, but they'll be more aware of their words as well.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Why Are Kids So Mean?
Yesterday was one of those days that simply makes a parent's soul weary. My fourth grader is discovering that life isn't always fun and girls can be mean. It's so hard to watch her try to sort out why a girl who is her friend one day decides to be mean to her the next. It's not fun for her and it hurts my heart to watch her struggle.
To make matters worse, it's state testing time. I really don't think there's a person on the planet who hates state testing more than I do. Every year at this time, the focus at school changes from teaching children for the sake of learning to teaching children to take a test. It sucks all the creativity and joy out of going to school for my daughter. She becomes a sullen, cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat child focused on whether or not she's going to meet her next goal.
Combine a missed testing goal with a bunch of 9- and 10-year-old mean girls, and you get a day that can almost reduce a 9-year-old to tears and that can make a mother wonder "What on earth do I say to her?" While it all makes my heart hurt, I can't fix either issue that she's dealing with. She has to take the state tests, and these girls are just the first people she's going to encounter who make themselves feel better by putting others down.
So, on the way to soccer last night, I sent up a prayer for wisdom and dove in with some explanation, some encouragement and lots of love. If you're a heart-sick mom who's watching your child struggle with the hurtful comments of other kids, try some of these things to encourage your child.
To make matters worse, it's state testing time. I really don't think there's a person on the planet who hates state testing more than I do. Every year at this time, the focus at school changes from teaching children for the sake of learning to teaching children to take a test. It sucks all the creativity and joy out of going to school for my daughter. She becomes a sullen, cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat child focused on whether or not she's going to meet her next goal.
Combine a missed testing goal with a bunch of 9- and 10-year-old mean girls, and you get a day that can almost reduce a 9-year-old to tears and that can make a mother wonder "What on earth do I say to her?" While it all makes my heart hurt, I can't fix either issue that she's dealing with. She has to take the state tests, and these girls are just the first people she's going to encounter who make themselves feel better by putting others down.
So, on the way to soccer last night, I sent up a prayer for wisdom and dove in with some explanation, some encouragement and lots of love. If you're a heart-sick mom who's watching your child struggle with the hurtful comments of other kids, try some of these things to encourage your child.
- Reassure your child of their worth. Remind them that Ephesians 2:10 says "For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." No matter what anyone else says about them or to them, God created them and considers them to be his "masterpiece."
Help your child to understand that people who don't know Jesus, don't know that they are God's masterpiece. When they feel insecure or bad about themselves, they can't fall back on the knowledge that God made them in His image. So, to make themselves feel better, they use their words to put other people down.- Help your child pray for those that are causing them pain. This is so hard, even as an adult, but Matthew 5:44 says "But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." Pray that those other kids would learn that they are valuable to God, so they will no longer need to put others down to feel better about themselves.
- Reassure your child of your love. Make a point to tell your child how much you love him. Spend some extra time with him. Do something that will make him feel special and loved.
- Don't hesitate to step in if the situation warrants. This may mean a phone call to the teacher or the other child's parent. This one is tricky because you don't want to make the situation worse, but don't let your child continue to be bullied if the situation begins to spiral out of control. There's a big difference between a bad day and a continual pattern of bullying.
- Pray diligently for your child. There is nothing your child needs more than your love and your prayer. Let your child know that you are praying for them while they are at school. Knowing that you are jumping into the battle with them will bolster your child's confidence in dealing with the situation.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Stop the Bickering
I think my girls have been home more than they have gone to school in January. Between Christmas break, snow days, Martin Luther King day and sick days, we've spent a lot of time at home. The weather has been cold and wet, which means we've spent much of that time cooped up in the house together.
Now, I don't know what happens in your house when your kids spend a lot of time together inside, but in my house, those days generally deteriorate into my children saying things to each other that aren't very nice. Sometimes, gasp, the situation becomes so charged that they will hit or shove one another.
Sibling bickering is a part of most families. Having to share anything with another person goes against our naturally selfish natures. It's not natural for us to want to think about someone else before we think about ourselves. When we think only of ourselves, it's easy to say something we don't really mean or to lash out at someone else when things don't go our way. When your young and your brain has yet to develop all the brakes for impulse control, it's even easier.
The constant bickering can drive parents nuts. Too often, we simply react by separating our kids or offering up punishment without explanation. I know that my first reaction is to make my girls go sit in separate rooms. While that's a valid response and stops the immediate problem, it doesn't help my girls learn to get along or learn to think before they speak.
If you are caught in the throes of sibling bickering, try some of these ideas.
Now, I don't know what happens in your house when your kids spend a lot of time together inside, but in my house, those days generally deteriorate into my children saying things to each other that aren't very nice. Sometimes, gasp, the situation becomes so charged that they will hit or shove one another.
Sibling bickering is a part of most families. Having to share anything with another person goes against our naturally selfish natures. It's not natural for us to want to think about someone else before we think about ourselves. When we think only of ourselves, it's easy to say something we don't really mean or to lash out at someone else when things don't go our way. When your young and your brain has yet to develop all the brakes for impulse control, it's even easier.
The constant bickering can drive parents nuts. Too often, we simply react by separating our kids or offering up punishment without explanation. I know that my first reaction is to make my girls go sit in separate rooms. While that's a valid response and stops the immediate problem, it doesn't help my girls learn to get along or learn to think before they speak.
If you are caught in the throes of sibling bickering, try some of these ideas.
- Have your kids memorize Ephesians 4:29, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." When you hear them saying something that doesn't fit the instruction in this verse, have them repeat the verse to you. Then ask them if they think what they just said fits with the directions in the verse.
- Cut out some lips from construction paper. Give each child a set of lips and a Band-Aid. Tell them that when they want to say something mean to their sibling, they should go stick the Band-Aid on the construction paper lips as a reminder not to say mean and hurtful things.
- Talk about putting others first. Read Philippians 2:3-4, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." Talk about how when we get caught up in what we want, instead of putting others first, we can hurt other people with our words.
- Give your children a task to do together on a regular basis. Forcing them to work together gives them opportunities to work out their differences. It also lets them see that the other sibling can be a help to them.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Impulse Control
My youngest was at a tailgate party for her hockey team last week when one of the little boys on her team said to her "Girls playing hockey is stupid! You're stupid!" Now, before I go on with this story, keep in mind that this is my child who has never backed away from a fight, and by any measure, those were fighting words. Keep in mind, also, that she had a the perfect weapon -- a hockey stick -- in her hand. However, on this night, it appeared that everything we had been trying to tell her about hanging on to her tongue and not letting other people bother her, had sunk in. She looked at the little boy, said "So, what?" and walked away.
I wasn't there to witness this breakthrough moment in my child's life, but I was so incredibly proud of her when she told me about it. I was even more proud when she told me, "I wanted to say, 'I think you're stupid,' but I didn't." In this one instance, my youngest had mastered the fine art of holding her tongue and taking the high road.
Too often, we speak or act first and think later. We act on our first impulse, which in tension-filled situations is rarely the right one. Think of all the hurt feelings and fractured relationships that could have been prevented if one person in a situation had simply taken three seconds to think before they acted or spoke. Adults who should know better often don't practice this in their relationships and broken homes and hearts are often the result.
Before we talk about our kids, today, take a moment and examine your own response to situations. Is it your natural reaction to speak first and think later or do you take a moment to look at the situation and decide on the best response? If you struggle with this, ask God to change your actions so they honor Him.
James 1:19 says "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." The key word in this passage is slow. Too often, we are quick to speak and quick to take offense. If we simply slow down and take a moment to think, we will be able to either defuse a tense situation or simply walk away from a volatile one.
Proverbs 10:19 tells us "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." Being quicker to hold your tongue than to speak is the sign of a wise person. We want our children to be wise in their choices, so we need to teach them how to control their impulses and think before acting.
I wasn't there to witness this breakthrough moment in my child's life, but I was so incredibly proud of her when she told me about it. I was even more proud when she told me, "I wanted to say, 'I think you're stupid,' but I didn't." In this one instance, my youngest had mastered the fine art of holding her tongue and taking the high road.
Too often, we speak or act first and think later. We act on our first impulse, which in tension-filled situations is rarely the right one. Think of all the hurt feelings and fractured relationships that could have been prevented if one person in a situation had simply taken three seconds to think before they acted or spoke. Adults who should know better often don't practice this in their relationships and broken homes and hearts are often the result.
Before we talk about our kids, today, take a moment and examine your own response to situations. Is it your natural reaction to speak first and think later or do you take a moment to look at the situation and decide on the best response? If you struggle with this, ask God to change your actions so they honor Him.
James 1:19 says "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." The key word in this passage is slow. Too often, we are quick to speak and quick to take offense. If we simply slow down and take a moment to think, we will be able to either defuse a tense situation or simply walk away from a volatile one.
Proverbs 10:19 tells us "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." Being quicker to hold your tongue than to speak is the sign of a wise person. We want our children to be wise in their choices, so we need to teach them how to control their impulses and think before acting.
- Institute a three-second rule. Encourage your kids to count to three before they decide to say or do something. They should use that time to think about whether what they are about to say or do is the right thing to do. Have them use the criteria found in Ephesians 4:29 and Philippians 4:8 as a measure for their actions.
- Show your kids how just taking a few seconds to think can make a huge difference in the result. Set up a quick obstacle course in the yard (it can be as simple as weaving in and out of some cones). Don't let your kids see the course until after you have given them instructions. As soon as they approach the course, they have to run it -- no time to think or plot a strategy. Time them on a stopwatch. Then, let them run it again, but give them a minute to look at the course to decide the best way around it. Time them again. They're second time will usually be faster. Talk about how taking time to think about a situation allows us to choose the best way to navigate through it -- just like with the obstacle course.
- Prepare your children for different situations they might face by talking about them beforehand. Ask your kids what they would do if someone was picking on them or being mean to one of their friends. Plan strategies for dealing with a situation with tact and grace. When they are faced with those situations down the road, they will have already thought them through with you and will be better equipped to handle them.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Memory Monday: Proverbs 16:28
It's Monday, so that must mean it's time for a new verse. One of my readers mentioned to me that the last two weeks, the verses were pretty long, so this week's is short and easy. This one's for you, Kristy. While the verse, itself, is short, it's oh so difficult to put into practice because it deals with gossip. If there's one thing in this world that most women struggle with (besides an incredible fondness for chocolate), it's taming our tongues. And, as I'm sure any of you with school-aged kids know, our kids struggle with it, too.
The problem with gossip is that most of the time it's not true, and it is almost always hurtful to someone else. You know the hurt gossip can cause either through a personal experience or through having your child come through the door in tears because someone started a rumor about her. Gossip is never helpful; it always hurts. And most of the time, the gossip becomes so convoluted and twisted that any semblance of truth is completely gone. Gossip can destroy friendships and cause dissension in families. Satan loves gossip because it is so easy to twist the truth when we're willing to gossip.
Today's verse Proverbs 16:28 is a reminder of the consequences of choosing to gossip. It says "A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends." I don't know about you, but I don't want to be considered perverse or the person who broke up friendships. I certainly don't want my children to be on the giving or the receiving end of gossip.
One of my favorite ways to teach my girls about the dangers of gossip is to play the old telephone game where one person whispers something to the next person until it goes all the way around. Usually what comes out of the last person's mouth doesn't at all resemble what the first person said. This gives you a great illustration of the way a story can change when it passes through many people. Remind your kids that if they have any concern about whether a story is true, then they should ask the person the story is about. And if something is hurtful or mean, they should just ignore it.
Remind your children never to repeat a story unless they know it to be true. If they don't know if something is true, remind them to talk to you first before repeating it. Together, you can figure out if it is true, and if it is something worth repeating.
Remember, too, that if your children hear you gossiping with others, all your teaching about gossip will go right out the window. You have to set the example with regard to your tongue, so your children can follow it.
So, this week, as you memorize this verse, guard your tongue. Examine the things that come out of your mouth for truth. If it's not truthful or helpful, don't say it. Remind your children of the same. Let truthfulness and helpfulness be the standard against which you and your children measure your words.
The problem with gossip is that most of the time it's not true, and it is almost always hurtful to someone else. You know the hurt gossip can cause either through a personal experience or through having your child come through the door in tears because someone started a rumor about her. Gossip is never helpful; it always hurts. And most of the time, the gossip becomes so convoluted and twisted that any semblance of truth is completely gone. Gossip can destroy friendships and cause dissension in families. Satan loves gossip because it is so easy to twist the truth when we're willing to gossip.
Today's verse Proverbs 16:28 is a reminder of the consequences of choosing to gossip. It says "A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends." I don't know about you, but I don't want to be considered perverse or the person who broke up friendships. I certainly don't want my children to be on the giving or the receiving end of gossip.
One of my favorite ways to teach my girls about the dangers of gossip is to play the old telephone game where one person whispers something to the next person until it goes all the way around. Usually what comes out of the last person's mouth doesn't at all resemble what the first person said. This gives you a great illustration of the way a story can change when it passes through many people. Remind your kids that if they have any concern about whether a story is true, then they should ask the person the story is about. And if something is hurtful or mean, they should just ignore it.
Remind your children never to repeat a story unless they know it to be true. If they don't know if something is true, remind them to talk to you first before repeating it. Together, you can figure out if it is true, and if it is something worth repeating.
Remember, too, that if your children hear you gossiping with others, all your teaching about gossip will go right out the window. You have to set the example with regard to your tongue, so your children can follow it.
So, this week, as you memorize this verse, guard your tongue. Examine the things that come out of your mouth for truth. If it's not truthful or helpful, don't say it. Remind your children of the same. Let truthfulness and helpfulness be the standard against which you and your children measure your words.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Memory Monday: Ephesians 4:29
I hope you are all enjoying Memory Monday as much as I am. I have two new verses in my heart and have had plenty of opportunity to use them. This week, we're going to memorize a verse that I've made my children memorize but never took the time to learn myself (bad mommy, I know). I know the general idea of the verse but can't recite the whole thing from memory. This week, we're going to change that.
Let's look at Ephesians 4:29, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." If you have more than one child, you know that it can seem like you spend more time breaking up arguments than you do anything else. While our children are going to disagree with one another at times, this verse tells us that even when we disagree, we need to be respectful in our speech.
Remind your children that what comes out their mouths is a reflection of what is in their hearts. Because we have Jesus in our hearts, the words that come out of our mouths should be a reflection of Him. Ask your children to think about whether what they are about to say is a reflection of Jesus. If it's not, then they should keep those words in their mouths.
In our house, I tell my kids that every time they open their mouths, they should stop, count to three and think about if what they are about to say is useful for building others up. I have to tell you that if you are going to use this method, you need to apply it to your mouth as well. Nothing undermines our teaching, like our own example, which is why this verse is so important for all of us to remember.
Create a picture for your child of how hurtful words can tear someone else down. Give your child a set of building blocks or Legos and ask them to build the tallest tower that they can. About midway through their building process, walk by and knock it over. After they get done having a fit at what you've done, tell them that hurtful words do the same thing to people that you did to their tower -- it tears them down. Help your child rebuild his tower and talk about how we want our words to be helpful, just like your hands are helping your child. When our words are helpful, they build people up.
As school starts for many of us this week, may it be a week of helpful words and children who build each other up.
Let's look at Ephesians 4:29, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." If you have more than one child, you know that it can seem like you spend more time breaking up arguments than you do anything else. While our children are going to disagree with one another at times, this verse tells us that even when we disagree, we need to be respectful in our speech.
Remind your children that what comes out their mouths is a reflection of what is in their hearts. Because we have Jesus in our hearts, the words that come out of our mouths should be a reflection of Him. Ask your children to think about whether what they are about to say is a reflection of Jesus. If it's not, then they should keep those words in their mouths.
In our house, I tell my kids that every time they open their mouths, they should stop, count to three and think about if what they are about to say is useful for building others up. I have to tell you that if you are going to use this method, you need to apply it to your mouth as well. Nothing undermines our teaching, like our own example, which is why this verse is so important for all of us to remember.
Create a picture for your child of how hurtful words can tear someone else down. Give your child a set of building blocks or Legos and ask them to build the tallest tower that they can. About midway through their building process, walk by and knock it over. After they get done having a fit at what you've done, tell them that hurtful words do the same thing to people that you did to their tower -- it tears them down. Help your child rebuild his tower and talk about how we want our words to be helpful, just like your hands are helping your child. When our words are helpful, they build people up.
As school starts for many of us this week, may it be a week of helpful words and children who build each other up.
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