Memory Monday: Achievement vs. Character (1 Samuel 16:7)

God looks at our hearts, not our achievements, so this week, Everyday Truth will look at building our kids' character. Today is an overview of character. Tuesday, we'll look at teaching our kids to respect others. Wednesday, we'll talk about compassion, and Thursday, we'll look at kindness. On Friday, I'll have some resources that will help you teach your kids character.

We had parent-teacher conferences this past week. My girls' conferences are typically pretty boring with no big issues to discuss. We have one kid who's struggling a bit with the change in math curriculum but overall, we got positive reports.

The best part of the parent-teacher conferences, though, was a simple comment made by both girls' teachers. Both teachers told us our girls were extremely respectful, both of the teachers and of their peers.

You see, there's really not much I can do about my kids' ability to do well in school. I can help them study. I can make sure they have all the tools they need to succeed, but I can't make my kids any smarter than they are. I can't make them better spellers or give them a better math sense.

What I can do is teach my kids to have character. I can teach them to be respectful of others. I can teach them to be kind. I can teach them to be compassionate.

These are the things that matter in the long run. We told our girls we were happy that their grades were good, but we were much more excited about the fact that both their teachers were impressed enough with their respectfulness that they mentioned it during their conferences.

We told our girls that while we're proud of their grades, those grades are just a reflection of how well they've memorized or understood something. When a teacher comments on how you act toward others, it's a reflection of who you are inside. And that's way more important than how you scored on a test.

Society puts a huge emphasis on achievement, and there's nothing wrong with aiming for high achievement, but a grade on a report card says nothing about your character. You can be a horrible person and still get an "A" in math.

God gives us gifts and abilities, and He wants us to use them, but He's most concerned with the attitude of our heart. Achievement isn't a bad thing; it's just not the most important thing.

1 Samuel 16:7 says "But the LORD said to Samuel, 'Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.'"

God chose David to be king, despite the fact that he was a lowly shepherd and the youngest son. These were not outward trappings of achievement. Yet God saw something in David's heart that made Him choose David. It was David's character, not his achievement that made God able to use Him.

We want our kids to have character that shines. That starts at home. We can teach respect, kindness and compassion to our kids from the time they are little. It's those qualities that will make them open to being used by God.

Do Your Best

We've been struggling in our house to impress upon our girls the importance of doing your best. My youngest, especially, has a tendency to rush through her schoolwork, her chores or any other thing she doesn't particularly like to do. We've been working to persuade her that it's important to do her best even when she doesn't like the task. When we explain this to her, we are met with the inevitable question of "But, why?"


I think even as adults, we're guilty of asking the same question about the tasks that we dislike. I don't like to clean the bathrooms, which means I often rush through the chore to get to something I like more. I know all the reasons why we need to have a clean bathroom, but sometimes that's not enough to get me to do the chore well. My kids are really no different from me.

So, how do we impress upon our kids that doing their best is important, not just for them but because it's important to God. As Christ-followers, everything we do reflects back on God, even cleaning the bathrooms. We don't have to be perfect in all that we do, but God does ask us to give it our best shot. Colossians 3:23 says "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." Whether it's schoolwork, soccer practice or doing chores, we want our children to do it as if they were doing it for the Lord and not for any earthly reward or punishment.

That's a big concept for kids to grasp, so let's break it down for them.

• Ask your kids to give you examples of people who are in positions of authority. You'll probably get answers like a police officer, fire fighter, school principal, teacher, etc. Ask your kids to tell you why we should obey those people. Talk about how God is the ultimate authority over everything, so if He asks us to do something, we should do it and do it well. Share Colossians 3:23 with your kids.
• Put your child in a position of authority. Let him decide what to have for dinner. He's the boss and you're his employee. He chooses the dinner; you make it. When you make dinner, do a terrible job -- make it taste bad and look bad. When you put dinner on the table, ask your child what he thinks about the job you did. Ask him if you were really his employee what he would do. Ask him how he thinks God feels when He gives us a job and we do it badly. Explain that if you were a chef at a restaurant and your child was the owner, your poor cooking skills would reflect badly on him, the owner. In the same way, when we don't do our best that affects the way people think about God.
• Don't hesitate to make your child redo subpar work, whether it's homework or a chore. Remind them that God expects our best and so do you.

Remember that doing your best does not mean being perfect. My oldest daughter is never going to win the spelling bee. If she brings home spelling tests with a few missed words on them, I'm not going to accuse her of not doing her best because I know that she studied those words and tried her hardest. You're not trying to make your child an A+ student, star athlete or champion chore-doer for God -- you just want them to give God their best.