Plenty of Time to Play and Have Fun

My youngest daughter is playing a 3-on-3 hockey tournament this weekend. I got an email from the tournament director today that essentially said his goal for the tournament was for the kids to have plenty of time to play and have fun. The emphasis for him would not be on winning but on making sure every child has an enjoyable tournament experience.

Now, my daughter is pretty focused on her team doing well in the tournament. She doesn't play anything without wanting to win. She hated playing kindergarten soccer because they didn't keep score, and "why play if you can't win?"

Too much of our kids' world is focused on competing and winning (this from a mom with two very competitive kids). Our kids are expected to excel in everything -- from state assessments at school to the sports field to the school choir. We have toddlers entering beauty pageants and 12-year-olds being touted as the next Michael Jordan.

Somewhere we've lost the attitude that our kids should have plenty of time to play and have fun. We've lost sight of the fact that some of the greatest memories are made and the most worthy lessons taught not in competition but in cooperation and sharing. We're so busy pushing our kids to succeed that we forget to let them just have fun.

We live in a world where parents put their names on waiting lists before their kids are born to be sure they get into the "right" preschool. Our schools have become focused almost solely on state test scores, leaving little room for the creative experiences that help our kids learn to solve problems and work together.

Solomon was the wisest man on earth. He had succeeded in everything, yet when he neared the end of his life, here is what he had to say, "'Meaningless! Meaningless!' says the Teacher. 'Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.' What do people gain from all their labors at which they toil under the sun?" (Ecclesiastes 1:1-2)

Despite the fact that he had spent his whole life achieving things, Solomon felt his work was meaningless. He looked back and found nothing of worth in all he had accomplished. We want our kids to find meaning in their lives, which can only be found in Jesus.
Our kids need time to enjoy life. They need time to learn about God. They can't do that if the only focus in their lives is to compete and achieve. Make time to play and have fun with your kids. Use the teachable moments that come during those times to point your kids toward God.

• Don't structure everything in your child's life. Leave room for creative play and spontaneity.
• Remember your child does not have to be the best at everything they do. If they enjoy a sport or an activity, let them enjoy it without pushing them to be the next world champion.
• Be willing to encourage your child's passions but set limits on the number of activities you're willing to let them be involved in at the same time.
• Look for teachable moments with your kids. Be aware that those moments often come when they are least expected and not always when they're convenient.

When we leave plenty of time for our kids to play and have fun, we leave time for teachable moments. And we leave time for God to work.

The Value of No

My fingernails are a jagged, broken mess, and my toenails haven't been painted in more than a month. I tell you this because it's a sign of a mom living a life without margin. It takes less than five minutes to do either one of those things. Yet, I haven't managed to scrape together 10 minutes to get them done. So, if you see me today, ignore my fingers and toes.


My kitchen floor is icky, too. I'm not sure when the last time was that it got mopped. It's on the list. It just hasn't made it to the top. I've got several things that have been on the list for a while. Some days I wonder if they'll ever make it to the top of the list.

Some of you came to this blog this morning looking for another post on our 39 Clues summer adventure. It is Wednesday, after all. Up until about five o'clock yesterday evening, I was planning for my day to go something like this: get up and write blog, get two kids and myself ready for Vacation Bible School, spend all morning teaching VBS, grab lunch, have 39 Clues, babysit my neighbors' kids, run my youngest to the doctor to get her latest ear infection taken care of, work for four hours while watching the Stanley Cup game -- all while doing laundry to get ready to go on vacation.

When I write it all down, it looks even crazier than it sounded last night. Yesterday afternoon, I was quickly turning into a puddle of stress as I looked at my very dirty house and thought about everything that I had to get done to pull off VBS, 39 Clues and finishing my freelance project.

Despite the fact that it's summer and schedules are supposed to slow down, June has been our crazy month. We had two car trips planned, VBS and my girls are headed to camps when we get back. And, my parents, whom I can always count on for providing me with some child-free hours, are gone most of the month on vacation. Throw in an unscheduled freelance project, a birthday party and just the general summer activity and June 14 found this household with one stressed-out mama.

My kids and husband will tell you that I wasn't very nice to be around last night. So much so that my husband took my girls and went to the pool. While I enjoyed the blessed peace and quiet, I couldn't relax. There was just too much to do. At one point, I was trying to figure out how many hours of sleep I could do without so I could get everything done. When I found myself trying to figure out how to squeeze in a doctor's appointment for my daughter (which should have been at the top of my list), I realized I was in trouble.

So, I did something that my husband will tell you I don't do often enough. I said "no." I called up the moms of my daughters' friends and told them we weren't going to have 39 Clues today. We'll push it off to next week. I said "no" not because I don't want to do it and not because it's not a worthwhile thing to do. I said "no" because it was something I shouldn't have scheduled on a week where we had VBS and were planning to leave on a trip in the first place.

Why is it so hard for so many of us to say "no"? We take on more than we can handle and then make everyone around us miserable trying to get it all done. Many of us live our lives pressed to the edge all the time. We give up sleep, meals and time with our families trying to be Super Mom. And where does it get us? Does it make us happier? More fulfilled? More Godly?

No. It makes us grumpy, tired and stressed. Wow. Doesn't that sound like fun?

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens." But you know what? Sometimes that time is not now.

We can't do everything and be everywhere, no matter how hard we try. The myth that to be a great mom, you have to be perfect in everything is just that -- a myth.

Saying "yes" to every opportunity that comes our way not only stresses us out, it sets a bad example for our kids. We try to teach our children to make wise choices -- to consider the impact of the decisions they make on themselves and those around them. Yet, we contradict that by saying "yes" to every request that comes our way. What we're actually teaching our kids is that it's never OK to say "no" and pleasing others is the most important thing -- more important than family, health or sanity.

If you're overloaded and stressed out, it's time to say "no" to some of the things on your plate. Create some margin in your life so you can go back to being someone your family enjoys hanging out with.

Today, I'm going to make sure my daughter gets seen by a doctor, VBS gets taught and my freelance work gets done. But, I'm also going to make some time to file my fingernails and paint my toenails. My kitchen floor might actually see the bottom side of the mop.

And tonight, because I said "no" to something last night, I'm going to have the chance to sit down -- without a computer in my lap -- and share watching the Boston Bruins in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup finals with my girls. No distractions of work or chores. Just time spent with my hockey-mad daughter and her tolerant sister and dad. Because saying "no" lets me focus on the people who are important in my life. Try it today.

Memory Monday: Overextended (Matthew 11:28)

I had a minor meltdown this weekend -- over a paper towel holder. The paper towel holder in our kitchen broke several months ago, so my husband went out and bought a new one. For some reason, almost every time I tear off a paper towel, the roll falls out of the holder. Usually, I grumble a bit and put the paper towels back in the holder. On Saturday, however, I was trying to clean up the kitchen (which I really didn't want to be doing), went to get a paper towel and the roll fell down. So, I did the logical thing and promptly burst into tears.

Now, clearly the issue was not that the paper towels keep falling down (although it is annoying, especially since no one else in my family seems to have the same problem). The issue was that I was tired and overwhelmed. My to-do list for last week and this week is a mile long. I'm in the middle of meeting deadlines for the biggest freelance project I do all year, I'm speaking to two different groups this week, my girls head back to school and activities and I was trying to get everything sorted and tagged for the semi-annual consignment sale I take part in.

To put it simply, I am overextended. I simply don't have enough time and energy to do all of this well, so I'm burning the candle on both ends trying to get it all done. I don't know about you, but when I get overextended, the people that take the brunt end of  my tired crabbiness are the people that I love the most -- my husband and kids.

My girls were on spring break last week, and I wasn't a very good mom all week. I really just wanted my girls to entertain themselves so I could get all of my work done. I didn't look for and take advantage of the teachable moments God sent my way. I was way too busy trying to do everything else. So, when my girls got into fights with each other or didn't pick up after themselves, I was more likely to grumble or yell than I was to take a moment to teach. My bad.

Guess what else I wasn't doing last week? Spending daily time with God. I wasn't taking the time to let God fill me up, so I could fill others up with the overflow of His love. I was trying to do it all myself. I was clearly not very successful. Sure I was tired and overburdened, but Jesus was really clear about what we should do with our weariness. Matthew 11:28-29 says “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”


I don't know about you, but I could sure use some of that rest. When we take our cares, worries and weariness to Jesus, He carries the load. When we're doing the things that He wants us to do and not the things that everyone else asks us to do, we carry an easy and light load. It's when we start piling on all those things that seem good but only sap our energy and time that we create a heavy load for ourselves.

• As you memorize this verse this week, take a minute to examine your schedule. Are you weary? Are you and your kids overscheduled? Have you taken on burdens that you were never meant to carry? Turn your schedule and your commitments over to God and ask Him to help you sort out what He wants you to do. Say no to everything else.
• Find time every day this week to let God fill you up, so you can fill up others with His love. Don't be discouraged by your to-do list. When we let God have the hours in our days, He can get us through that mammoth list with grace and love (and no tears over the paper towels).
• If you had a crummy attitude with your family last week, or even yesterday, turn it over to God and ask Him to help you do better today. Don't dwell on what you failed at yesterday. Look at the possibilities found in today.
• Lastly, practice saying "No." Consider every request in the light of if it's something God is asking you to do. If it's not, then say "No."

I'll be working on all of these things this week. I hope you'll join me in getting rid of those burdens and weariness and taking up the light and easy yoke that Jesus offered us.