A Week in My Shoes

I ventured into new territory this week. For the first time in nine years, I'm working outside our home. While I've done some freelance work from home nearly the entire time I've been a stay-at-home mom, this is the first time I've taken an assignment that requires me to go into an office every day. The change in routine has been a challenge, and my hat is off to you moms who work full time. It's a whole lot harder than I thought it would be.

In this first week of work, I've enjoyed being a part of an adult group of people where I'm not defined simply by whose mom I am, and I've had a chance to use some of those skills that have gotten rusty in the past nine years. I've discovered I don't really like getting up at 5:30 in the morning to be at work by 7, and juggling school, work, soccer, hockey, Girl Scouts and church is a huge challenge. But the thing I think I like the least about working in an office is the fact that I have to wear shoes all day, every day.

It's funny that with all the changes, I would pinpoint something so small to be the thing I dislike the most. But when I thought about it, this one thing throws my whole attitude out of kilter. I can't remember the last time I had to wear shoes for eight hours a day for four days in a row. I don't much care for shoes in general. I have hard-to-fit feet, and most of the time my shoes just don't fit exactly right. Add to that the fact that I have rheumatoid arthritis, which manifests itself the worst in the balls of my feet, and you can understand why shoes are not my favorite item of clothing.

When my feet hurt, much of my focus is in figuring out how to make that pain go away. Can I sit down? Can I take my shoes off without anyone noticing? Should I wear a different pair of shoes tomorrow? If I'm expending so much mental energy dealing with this one issue, I'm not able to focus on the other things that probably need my attention more than my poor feet. Small things have the ability to pull our focus away from the more important things.

There's a perfect example of this in the story of Mary and Martha found in Luke 10:38-42. Jesus goes to visit Mary and Martha. Mary is so excited to be able to spend time with Jesus, but Martha is distracted by all the things that need to be done. In her desire to be the perfect hostess, Martha misses out on the important thing -- spending time with Jesus. Too often, our lives are so focused on the little issues -- carpools, activities, making lunches -- that we miss out on the important things -- taking time to listen, sharing Jesus with our kids, playing a silly game.

We want to teach our kids how to choose the important things in life and how not to get hung up in the little things -- the things that make their feet hurt.

• Have your kids slip on a pair of shoes that are too small. Talk about how uncomfortable the shoes feel. Point out that sometimes there are things in our lives that can make us uncomfortable and will distract us from the things that God wants us to do. We need to keep our focus on Jesus and not allow the small things that make us a little uncomfortable keep us from doing the things that God has told us to do. For example, a disagreement with your friends shouldn't keep you from treating them with love and respect. The disagreement may make things a little uncomfortable for you, but it doesn't give you the right to be mean to your friends. God still asks you to love them.
• Ask your kids what they think their three most important possessions are. These are the things that you would take with you to a deserted island. Talk with them about why these things are important to them. Go get the three things and lay them out on the table or on the floor. Ask them if they can think of anything that is more important to them than those three items. Talk about how things can be important to us, but relationships mean more. Ask them if they think things could ever be an issue in their relationship with their friends or their siblings. Talk about ways to avoid placing too much value on the things that we have.
• Turn on some background noise -- a radio or TV or both. Tell your child that you're going to tell her something important, then whisper an important message to her. See if she can pick out the message over all the noise around her. Turn off all the noise and repeat the message. Ask your child how hard it was to focus on the message with all the extra noise around her. Point out that there are lots of things competing for her attention in the world -- friends, TV, school, activities -- but the most important things are relationships with God and family and friends. If we allow the noise from all the other things in our lives to drown out the important things that God has to share with us, then we will miss out on the exciting things that God has in store for us.

As I slip my feet into my shoes and head out to work today, I'll be reminded to keep my focus on Jesus. I hope the same is true for you and your kids.

The Respect Pyramid

We live in a world that has lost its understanding of the word respect. Respect used to be a shared value in our communities. Kids understood that parents and teachers were worthy of respect. Parents and teachers understood that they needed to be worthy of that respect. But it seems that in this day and age, respect has become an old-fashioned idea and for kids it has become something of a nebulous concept.

Most of us know respect when we see it, and we know disrespect when we see it, but explaining it in concrete terms to our kids is much more difficult. Much to the mortification of my fourth-grader, I helped out in her class at church on Sunday where we studied respect. The kids have been studying respect all month. Their definition for respect is a great one: Showing others they are important by what you say and do.

The great thing about this week's lesson was how the lesson made a very abstract concept into a concrete one for the kids. It was such a good illustration that I want to share it with you. All month the kids have been learning 1 Peter 2:17, "Show proper respect to everyone: Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king." They have been talking about showing respect to parents, friends and authority figures. This week they learned that showing respect to others shows respect to God.

To illustrate this, we took small Dixie cups and let the kids write the names or titles of people to whom they should show respect. We took the cups and made a pyramid with them. At the top of the pyramid, I placed my cup, which had the word God written on it. The girls then took turns knocking a cup out of the bottom of the pyramid to show how it affected the cup with God written on it. Every time one of the bottom cups was knocked out, the God cup fell down. The girls really understood how showing respect to their parents or their teachers showed respect to God and how disrespecting their teachers or parents showed disrespect to God.

I thought this was a fantastic illustration to show kids that what they do reflects back on God. It gave them a visual picture that they can think about whenever they are tempted to show disrespect to someone. It make 1 Peter 2:17 a reality instead of just an abstract concept. Try it with your kids and watch understanding dawn on them, too.

Healing the Hurts

Some of you may have noticed that there was no blog post on Friday. I had planned to post something, but I spent my morning taking my oldest to the doctor and to get X-rays on her ankle. Last Thursday at soccer practice, she lost her footing and fell, twisting her ankle on the way down. Thankfully, it looks like nothing is broken; it's just badly sprained.

While we were driving to the doctor, my daughter asked me what I was going to write about on my blog that day. I told her I thought I would write about going to the doctor. You see, my family spends a lot of time at the doctor. In the past year, my children alone have sent us to either the doctor's office, the urgent care center or the hospital for surgery to remove a needle that was embedded in a knee, eight stitches in a chin split open by a fall on the ice, a broken finger that refused to heal, Sever's syndrome and a sprained ankle. This doesn't include the numerous other doctor's visits for well-checks, strep throat, and ear infections. My children's charts at the doctor's office are thick folders.

Yet, every time we go to the doctor, we go with the expectation that he can help us. We expect that he can heal our hurts. We want to teach our kids that God is the Great Physician. He can heal our hurts, both the physical and the emotional. So, the next time you head to the doctor's office with one of your children, use it as an object lesson to teach them to take their hurts to God.

• On your way to the doctor's office, ask your kids how a doctor is like God. Talk about how God is the ultimate healer. Talk about some of the people that Jesus healed when He was on earth. Let your kids know that sometimes God uses doctors to help us get better, but God is always able to heal us. Be honest with your kids and talk about how sometimes God doesn't heal us. Illness is a consequence of sin entering the world and sometimes we just have to deal with that consequence.
• Remind your children that not only can God heal our physical wounds. He can heal our emotional ones as well. Share Psalm 147:3 with your kids, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Ask them to think of a time when someone hurt their feelings really badly. Tell them that a doctor can't heal that kind of hurt, but God can. Show them how to ask God to heal their hurt feelings.
• While you're at the doctor see how many things you can identify that the doctor can use to help people feel better. Then, have your kids identify ways that God can make them feel better when they get their feelings hurt. For example, while a doctor might use a bandage or a cast to help heal a cut or a broken limb, God can use kind words from a friend or a hug from mom to heal the wound caused by a mean girl at school.

Take advantage of this everyday occurrence in your lives to pass on to your kids an important lesson about the nature of God. Encourage them to let Him heal their hurts.

Memory Monday: 1 Peter 3:15-16

I don't have any boys, but I've always loved the Boy Scout motto, "Be prepared." That motto reminds me of my favorite TV show of the late '80s and early '90s -- "MacGyver." There's a guy who was always prepared. If he had a Swiss Army knife, a wad of bubble gum and some duct tape, he could build a tank. God actually calls us to be the MacGyvers or the Boy Scouts of Christianity.

1 Peter 3:15-16 says, "But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander." God calls us to be prepared to always stand up for Him and to share the good news of Jesus with others.

Not only are we to share our faith with others, but we are to do so in a manner that attracts rather than repels. Too many so-called Christians have missed the second half of this set of verses where it talks about sharing our faith with gentleness and respect. It's not our job to force people to accept Christ. It is our job to be prepared to share the reason for our hope whenever and where ever the topic arises. The most effective way to share your faith, though, is not in a Bible-beating manner but as a genuine expression of love for Christ.

It's not our job to condemn anyone. It's simply our job to be part of the dialogue. God is responsible for changing hearts. We are just to be open to being the tools that he uses to bring the good news of Christ. When we try to make ourselves responsible for the decisions and choices of others, we run the danger of sharing Christ in a manner that isn't coated in "gentleness and respect." Jesus didn't go around forcing people to follow Him, and that's not the attitude that we should take either.

As adults, it's often hard for us to share the gospel. We fear being rejected. We're afraid we'll say the wrong thing. We wonder what others will think of us. The same fears are true for your kids. I believe that the best way for your kids' friends to meet Jesus is through your example and through your child's example. Preparing our kids to enter into honest, respectful dialogue with their peers about what they believe, is preparing them for a world that would love to trounce on their belief.

The best way I know of to prepare our kids for that kind of dialogue is to engage in it at home. Ask your kids questions like:

• What would you say if someone asked you to tell them about Jesus?
• What answer would you give if someone told you the Bible was just a bunch of stories?
• What would you say if someone asked you what you believe?
• How should you answer if someone from a different faith asked you how the faiths are different?

Walk through these scenarios with your child. As they get older, the answers will grow. Emphasize that even though we disagree with what other religions teach, we are called to treat other with respect and gentleness. We can disagree with someone and still like them and be respectful of them.

Begin having these conversations with your kids, so that when they are asked to give a reason for their hope, they will be prepared.

Do Your Best

We've been struggling in our house to impress upon our girls the importance of doing your best. My youngest, especially, has a tendency to rush through her schoolwork, her chores or any other thing she doesn't particularly like to do. We've been working to persuade her that it's important to do her best even when she doesn't like the task. When we explain this to her, we are met with the inevitable question of "But, why?"


I think even as adults, we're guilty of asking the same question about the tasks that we dislike. I don't like to clean the bathrooms, which means I often rush through the chore to get to something I like more. I know all the reasons why we need to have a clean bathroom, but sometimes that's not enough to get me to do the chore well. My kids are really no different from me.

So, how do we impress upon our kids that doing their best is important, not just for them but because it's important to God. As Christ-followers, everything we do reflects back on God, even cleaning the bathrooms. We don't have to be perfect in all that we do, but God does ask us to give it our best shot. Colossians 3:23 says "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." Whether it's schoolwork, soccer practice or doing chores, we want our children to do it as if they were doing it for the Lord and not for any earthly reward or punishment.

That's a big concept for kids to grasp, so let's break it down for them.

• Ask your kids to give you examples of people who are in positions of authority. You'll probably get answers like a police officer, fire fighter, school principal, teacher, etc. Ask your kids to tell you why we should obey those people. Talk about how God is the ultimate authority over everything, so if He asks us to do something, we should do it and do it well. Share Colossians 3:23 with your kids.
• Put your child in a position of authority. Let him decide what to have for dinner. He's the boss and you're his employee. He chooses the dinner; you make it. When you make dinner, do a terrible job -- make it taste bad and look bad. When you put dinner on the table, ask your child what he thinks about the job you did. Ask him if you were really his employee what he would do. Ask him how he thinks God feels when He gives us a job and we do it badly. Explain that if you were a chef at a restaurant and your child was the owner, your poor cooking skills would reflect badly on him, the owner. In the same way, when we don't do our best that affects the way people think about God.
• Don't hesitate to make your child redo subpar work, whether it's homework or a chore. Remind them that God expects our best and so do you.

Remember that doing your best does not mean being perfect. My oldest daughter is never going to win the spelling bee. If she brings home spelling tests with a few missed words on them, I'm not going to accuse her of not doing her best because I know that she studied those words and tried her hardest. You're not trying to make your child an A+ student, star athlete or champion chore-doer for God -- you just want them to give God their best.

Give Up Your Expectations

Before we had kids, I had an idea of what my life would look like when we did. I'd have perfectly groomed, well-behaved children who were smart and talented. They would obey when I told them to do something and we'd have calm, rational discussions when they disagreed with me about something. They would pick up their toys and put their clothes in the dirty clothes. Are you laughing, yet?

My current life as the mom of 7- and 9-year-old daughters looks nothing like my pre-children daydreams. Just like any other household with children in it, we have good days where my children do pick up after themselves, speak with respect and do their homework without being told. But we have other days where my kids stomp off in anger, leave messes behind for me to deal with and shed tears when told to do their homework. But I wouldn't trade my messy, sometimes noisy life for the perfect one of my imagination because if I did, my children would need to be little robots doing only what I asked of them and never having a thought of their own. As nice as that sounds some days, we would miss out on the richness of life that God has given us through the two precious girls that live in our house.

One of the biggest traps that we can fall into as parents is letting our dreams for the way we want things to be get in the way of recognizing the gifts we have been given in what we have. One of our biggest challenges is to give up our expectations and dreams for our kids so that we can fully participate in our children's dreams and hopes, which may be very different from our own. I'm not saying that you shouldn't encourage your children to try new things or try to improve, but when you do encourage them to do those things, be sure to examine your motives. Do you want your child to excel at something because it's something you want or do you want them to do well because it's something they want?

Believe me, I know how hard this is. When they handed me my second daughter after she was born, visions of ice arenas and hockey games did not flit through my head. When my oldest daughter decided she wanted to play soccer, I never thought three years later I would stand in driving rain in 40-degree weather to watch her play (which shows how little I knew about soccer). I never thought I would consider the school nurse an adopted member of our family. As a copy editor (you know those people who make sure everything is spelled correctly) by profession, I never thought I'd sit with a spelling list in one hand and a sobbing child in the other arm because she just can't figure out how to spell "surprise." As an avid reader, I never thought I'd sit in a library poring over the shelves looking for anything that would persuade my reluctant reader to pick up a book.

If I had my choice, my girls would participate in activities that didn't require me to sit in the stands and watch them get kicked, checked or tripped. We wouldn't be on a first-name basis with the doctors at the urgent care center, and I would have no idea how awful it is hold your child down while she is getting stitches. Spelling wouldn't frustrate them, and they would love to read. But that's not who God made my girls to be. If I try to force them into the mold that I had in mind for them, they will be miserable and so will I. Together, we would miss the opportunities for them to fit into the place God has in mind for them.

In Jeremiah 1:5, God tells Jeremiah, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." This is true for you and your children. God knew them before they were born. He knew my oldest would be a self-motivated child full of compassion and love. He knew my youngest would be a stubborn, spunky girl who is the life of the party. He has a plan in mind for both of them, and He gave them to me and my husband to nurture and raise so that they are ready to go when God calls.

So, the practical application in today's post is for you.

• Spend some time today thanking God for the children He has given you. Ask Him to help you see your children as He sees them. Ask Him to help you be willing to participate in activities that you might not choose for yourself if it's something that fits your child.
• Be open to doing things with your child that are outside your comfort zone. You might have to strap on ice skates for the first time in 20 years. You might have to learn the finer points of ballet. You might have to learn the difference between a rubber eraser and a gum eraser. Even if you know who Maradona is, you might have to figure out what his soccer move looks like. Whatever it is, be open to following your child's lead where his gifts and talents are concerned.
• Let go of your expectations. Whatever it is that your child excels at or doesn't excel at, let them be who they are, not who you want them to be in your "perfect" world. Accept your child for who he or she is. Push them to do their best, but don't be disappointed if they choose a different activity than the one you would have chosen or if they simply want to have fun playing and not be the next Babe Ruth or Pele.
• Enjoy your kids. Even if you have to learn about something in which you have no interest. Be interested for your kids. I'm not really all that interested in Lego Bionicles, but I'm learning all sorts of things about them because my youngest loves them.
• Be involved in what your kids love. By simply being there, you are loving them and giving them the confidence to be who God made them to be.

Even though your life probably doesn't remotely resemble your pre-children dreams, enjoy what you have been given. In this case, reality is better than the dream.

The Winds of Change

In about a week, our household is will undergo a big change. I'm headed back to work for the next two months. While I currently do freelance work from home, I haven't gone into an office every day in more than nine years. This job is still a freelance job, but I have to go into an office every day except Friday. It's a great opportunity, but my girls are less than excited about the whole idea. As a matter of fact, every time we bring the subject up, they get all weepy-eyed.

My youngest is worried about who will do her hair on the mornings her dad is getting her off to school. My oldest is concerned about her grandparents picking her up from school one day a week. Both are legitimate concerns, but they are just expressions of the much deeper cry of "I don't want my life to change." In that respect, kids are just like adults. How often do we face a change in our lives with anxiety and tears?

We often like to think that kids are extremely adaptable, but change is just as hard for them as it is for us. Sometimes it's harder because they may not understand all the reasons behind the changes in their lives. My girls always experience anxiety the night before a new school year. It's the same type of anxiety I might feel before starting a new job.

In Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, Solomon talks about how life is full of change and that God provides a season for everything. He says:

"There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

God has given us a time for everything. But sometimes those seasons come upon us, and they require that our lives change. I don't know about you, but I'm as bad as my children sometimes. God asks me to make a change in my lifestyle, and I kick and scream and cry and say "But I like my life." Seasons in life come and go, but God is constant. Despite our dislike of change, those changes help us to grow both emotionally and spiritually.
 
Helping our kids understand the changes in their lives, whether they are big or little, can make big life changes happen more smoothly in your household. Change also allows our kids to see that God uses those changes for a bigger purpose. Prepare your kids for big life changes, whether it's a change in your employment status, a move or just the promotion to a new grade.

• Show your kids pictures of themselves as babies. Have them point out the things that have changed about their bodies since they were small. Then, help them find the things that haven't changed. Ask them if they would want to remain a baby forever. Talk about how God designed us to grow and change. Remind them that if we never changed, then we would never be able to talk or walk. Talk about how sometimes changes in our lives help us to be ready to do new things. A move can make us better at making friends or put us in a place where there are different opportunities available to us.
• If you know that your family will be making a big change, don't spring it on your kids at the last minute. Give them as much time as you can to get used to the idea. Answer their questions and do your best to calm their fears. Remind them of Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." God allows us to go through changes so that He can use those things for good. Help them think of a time when they were afraid or anxious about a change, but it turned out to be a good thing.
• Read Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 with your kids. Try to identify times in your lives that match the seasons mentioned in the passage (when you get to the time to kill passage, you might look at it in terms of things that you have to get rid of in your life rather than actually killing someone). Helping your kids identify different seasons in their own lives will help them see that this change is just another season.
• Go outside and talk about the current season. Talk about what each person likes and dislikes about that particular season. Remind your kids that the seasons change and each one is different and brings different adventures and challenges. Remind your kids that our lives have seasons, too, and each season of life brings its own adventures and challenges. No matter what season we are in, though, God is always with us.

I don't know what season of life you are currently in. You may be raising preschoolers or you may be trying to decide what your purpose is now that your kids are in school all day. Whatever the season, remember that God has plans for you and your children in this particular season. Embrace the season you're in and enjoy all that it has to offer. As the season begins to change, remember that God has good things in store for you and your children in the next season as well.