Friday Introductions: Chore Resources

Earlier this week, we talked about the value of chores. Today, I want to give you some resources to help you set up your own chore system for your kids.

We've had several chore systems in our house over the years. Some have worked well. Some have not. There's no one perfect chore system that works for every household. I know families who pay for chores in tickets and tokens. Those tickets or tokens can then be turned in to gain special privileges like watching TV or playing video games. I know other families who pay their kids for all of their chores and still others that pay for none. Whatever system works for you is the one you should use.

But how do you go about choosing that system? If you're just starting chores with your young kids, where do you start? If your system isn't working, how should you change it?

Setting up a chore system isn't difficult. Finding the right one for your family may take some trial and error. Luckily, there are plenty of great resources available to help.

• Ask friends and family how they deal with chores in their homes. Someone you know may have a fantastic idea that you didn't know about. Sometimes the best advice comes from our own circle of influence.
• Check out the list of age-appropriate chores at Focus on the Family. This list is a great starting point if you're trying to figure out what chores your kids are capable of doing.
• Create a chore chart of some kind. Our chore chart right now is simply a dry-erase board with each girls' list of chores. This works especially well for us because I can create a new list every day. There are lots of chore chart resources available, but I like the variety of printable charts available at Free Chore Charts.
• If you're looking for a system that's already set up and all you have to do is implement it, check out Accountable Kids. This is more than a chore system. It uses chores and privileges to create an accountability system for your kids. I have a friend who uses this system and loves it.
• Use your system, and change it if it's not working. Your chore system is only useful if it's teaching your kids responsibility and you are able to manage it. Don't stick with something that's not working just because you've always done it that way. If it's not working, change it.

Chores are an important tool for teaching our kids responsibility. Use the start of the new year as a time to get a fresh start on getting the jobs done around your house because when everyone chips in, the work goes a lot faster. Like the Bible says, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor" (Ecclesiastes 4:9). Use these resources to get your family working, and get a good return for your labor as you work together.

Memory Monday: The Value of Chores (Proverbs 14:23)

I had a conversation with a friend of mine last night about the helpfulness (or lack of helpfulness) of her daughters. She was having trouble getting them to help out around the house and do their chores. Her kids weren't motivated by money and had no innate desire to help mom and dad get stuff done around the house.

Chores always seem to be a battle with kids. From age 4 to 18, kids don't like to do work. As a parent it's incredibly frustrating to do everything it takes to keep a household running and then have to fight over things like putting your clothes in the dirty clothes and feeding the dog.

There are days when I think it would just be easier to do the chores myself. It would certainly be faster, and I wouldn't feel like an ogre. Yet, not giving our kids responsibilities around the house is a disservice to them. It deprives our kids of the opportunity to learn about the benefits of hard work and the consequences of not doing that work. I'd rather my children learn that not doing their work results in consequences at 8, when the punishment is no Nintendo DS for the day, than at 24, when the result is losing a job.

We need to teach our kids the importance of working hard and doing a good job, not because we want the praise of people, but because God calls us to it. When we put all of our effort into a task, we do it not to gain the accolades of others but to please God. God wants us to reap the benefits of our hard work. Proverbs 14:23 says "All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty."

Over and over again in his letters, Paul commends those who have worked hard for the Lord. In Romans 16:6, he says "Greet Mary, who worked very hard for you." And in Romans 16:12, he says "Greet Tryphena and Tryphosa, those women who work hard in the Lord. Greet my dear friend Persis, another woman who has worked very hard in the Lord."

If our kids don't learn to put effort into the small tasks we ask them to do at home, then it will be difficult for them to "work hard in the Lord" when it comes to the big tasks God sets before them. Giving your kids chores to do helps prepare them for the work God has for them as they get older. It teaches them work ethic and encourages them to pull their own weight in a group setting. 

Yet, finding the balance between giving your kids responsibilities and expecting them to do them and nagging them to do them is difficult. We've tried numerous chore systems around here. Some have worked really well but have taken too much time or energy on my part to adminstrate. Others have been abysmal failures all the way around. There's no one system that works for everyone, but here are some things to consider in setting up a chore system with your kids.

• Set the expectations from the start. Let your kids know exactly what you expect of them in each chore you give them. Do the chore with them the first time and give them an example of what you want it to look like when they're done.
• Decide if you're going to pay your kids for their chores. Our kids have chores they get paid for and chores they do just because they're part of the family.
• Make chores a priority. Set a deadline for chores being done. My girls can't play anything until their chores are done.
• Create some type of chore chart, then expect your kids to use it. My girls have a list of things that have to be done every day on a dry/erase board in the kitchen. When the tasks are done, they check off the box for the day. This lets me switch up their chores when I need to. I don't nag to get chores done. My kids know where the list is. If they ask to play electronics or watch TV, I check to see if their box is checked off. If it's not, then I simply say "No" and leave it to them to figure out why not.
• Institute a no complaining rule. If kids are whining and complaining as they do their chores, they're not learning how to do a distasteful task with a good attitude. Institute a punishment for complaining about chores. Ours is that I don't pay for chores done with a bad attitude.

Most of us would never choose to do hard work, yet God often asks us to do things that are hard or that we would rather not do. Giving our kids the responsibility of chores is simply preparing them to work hard for God.

Memory Monday: Turning Chores Into Joy

I hate cooking dinner. Oh, I don't mind the actual cooking part. I just hate being responsible for making a meal every night that is nutritious and everyone in my family will eat. Squeezing that meal into a time slot that means we can all sit down together is another challenge in the cooking dinner process. If I had my choice, we'd eat out a whole lot more. Unfortunately, our entertainment budget tells me that's not going to happen.

I've been pretty discontent about the whole cooking dinner process the past couple weeks. Because of soccer tournaments and other weekend commitments, most of the money in our entertainment envelope has gone toward eating lunch on the weekends, which means six nights of cooking dinner every week. (In this house, everyone fends for themselves on Sunday night.)

I haven't had the best attitude about feeding my family. There's been lots of mental grumbling in the kitchen around 5:30 every night. To me, cooking dinner is a chore. It's a task that has to be done every day. Some days, I'd honestly rather clean the toilets than figure out what we're having for dinner.

In our lives, there are lots of things that fall under the category of "chore." They are those things that must be done but that we simply don't enjoy. Those things are different for everyone. Some of you think I'm weird because I don't like to cook dinner, but picking up after your kids is a chore for you. Some of you may not care for doing mountains of laundry every week.

Our kids suffer through repetitive tasks they don't enjoy as well. Some of our kids don't like a certain subject at school. Some of them hate cleaning up after the dog. Some don't like practicing their instrument.

Whatever the task, God wants us to do our best. He doesn't want us to whine and complain about the things we don't enjoy. He wants us to do even the tasks we don't care for with a joyful heart. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." Even in the midst of those "chores" we find less than enjoyable, God asks that we find joy in Him.

So, how do we change our attitude and the attitude of our children when it comes to things we consider drudgery? 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 has the answer:

• Rejoice always. Find something in your task to be joyful about. If you're scrubbing the kitchen floor, find joy in the fact you have a floor to scrub. When your child spills their full bowl of cereal all over that clean floor (as mine just did), find joy in the fact you can get down on your hands and knees and help her clean it up. Many people have physical ailments that prevent them from doing that simple task. When your child grouses about doing their chores, remind them to find joy in the fact they get to help out and be a contributing member of your family.
• Pray continually. Add prayer to the equation. While you're doing that thing you dislike, pray. As you fold your sixteenth load of laundry for the week, pray over each family member who wears those clothes. As you cook dinner, pray for the health of your family. Encourage your kids to pray during that class they dislike. Show them how to pray for their teacher and to thank God for the ability to learn.
• Give thanks in all things. It's almost impossible to have an attitude of thankfulness and a grumbling heart at the same time. Replace your grumblings with thankfulness. As you clean the toilets, thank God for the miracle of indoor plumbing. As you vaccuum, thank Him for the ability to live in a clean home. Get your kids into the habit of practicing gratitude, as well. When they grumble, ask them to find one thing about their situation for which they can be thankful.

Memorize 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 and use it as a guide for making those unpleasant tasks in your life jobs filled with joy. Your family will grumble less, your attitude will improve and your life will be full of joy.

The Challenge of Chores

Join the discussion on chores at the Everyday Truth Facebook page or on Twitter @ldfairc.

My girls love to do chores. They never have to be asked to do them and always do them without complaining. Oh, wait, that was a dream I had the other night.

In reality, my girls are like most other kids I know and really don't like to do chores. Generally, the statement that it's time to do chores is met with grumbling, complaining and multiple attempts to get the other child to do the chore that they don't like to do.

The two least favorite chores in our house are pooper scooping and vacuuming. The first one I understand, the second one leaves me puzzled, but I can guarantee that every week my girls will argue over who has to do these two chores.

I struggle with how to get my kids to do their chores without a battle some days. Kids are selfish by nature and don't want to do anything that resembles work. They also don't always understand how doing chores benefits them.

I have to admit, sometimes I don't like to do the laundry or clean the bathrooms either, so I get where they are coming from.

However, I believe that all kids need to have some chores. They need to contribute to the running of the family as part of the team. It teaches them responsibility and appreciation for the works of others.

So, how do we stop the battle and the complaining? We start by changing our own attitude toward household chores and helping our children change theirs.

• Remind your kids that Ecclesiastes 4:9 says "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor." When we all pitch in together to get a job done, it's faster and easier than doing it ourselves.
• Use a chart of some type. When kids start to complain about whose turn it is to do a certain job, stick with what's on the chart. This takes away the arguing about whose turn it is to do something. Be sure to rotate the chores.
• Make sure you have some chores for which your children don't get paid. Every child should chip in to making the household run smoothly just because they are part of the family. My girls have to make their beds every morning, sweep the kitchen and wipe off the table after every meal. They don't get paid for these chores.
• Make doing your chores without complaining a requirement for being paid. Chores teach our children a work ethic that will stick with them for the rest of their lives. Have your children memorize Philippians 2:14, "Do everything without grumbling and complaining."
•  Don't accept sloppy work. If it's not done right, send them back to do it again. Use chores as an opportunity to teach your kids that God wants us to do everything as if we are doing it for Him. Remind them that Ephesians 6:7 says "Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free."
• Attach your kids' allowance to their completion of their chores. Only pay for chores done. This begins to teach your kids that good work results in a reward, and not doing their work results in no reward.

Using scripture to change the attitudes in our homes toward chores will result in better quality work and will help get our kids ready for when they are asked to do things they consider unpleasant in the future. Sometimes God asks us to step out of our comfort zones to do work for Him. Learning to do chores well without complaining gets our kids ready for what God may ask them to do in the future.