Memory Monday: One-on-One Time (Matthew 16:18)

We spent the weekend taking my youngest daughter to her first in-season National Hockey League game. We don't have a hockey team here, so we made the four-hour trek to St. Louis to see the Blues play. Her big Christmas present was three tickets to the game.

That's right, she got three tickets -- one for her, and one each for mom and dad. We left big sister at home with the grandparents. We didn't leave our older daughter at home because we don't like her or because she's a terrible traveler. We left her at home because we wanted this trip to be special, one-on-one time with our youngest. (Just so you know we're not leaving our oldest out, she got soccer tickets that don't include her sister.)

We made the trip with a hockey buddy of my daughter's and his family. And we had a fabulous time. When you have more than one child, it's easy to lump your children together as "the kids." We know that our kids have different personalities and different needs, but when life is moving at 100 miles per hour, we tend to think in terms of "the kids would like that" or "that would be tough to do with the kids." In our brains, we begin to think of them almost exclusively as a group.

That's why it's always good to take some time to hang out with your kids individually. I don't know about your kids, but mine often act differently when their sibling is not around. It's like they have two personalities -- the one that comes out when they're part of group and one that comes out when their alone. It's hard to really understand your child if you never get to spend time with him by himself.

Separating your kids and spending some alone time with each one reminds both you and them that you know they are individuals. It helps us focus on their individual personalities and character, and it reinforces the idea that we can't always treat our kids the same.

Jesus knew this. Check out how He treated His disciples. He didn't treat them all the same. There were times in the Gospels when He would speak to just one of them. One of the most notable examples comes in Matthew 16 when Jesus is talking to Peter. Now, Peter was a lot like my daughter in that he was strong-willed and could be difficult, but in this passage, he showed great insight. Peter answered Jesus' question about who He was by saying "You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God."(Matthew 16:16). Jesus then gave Peter words that He knew Peter would need a short time later. "And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it." (Matthew 16:18)

Not too many days later, Peter would deny that He even knew Jesus. Jesus took the time to have a one-on-one conversation with Peter, so He would have Jesus' words in his brain when he realized what he'd done.

One-on-one time with our kids is a great time to follow Jesus' example and encourage them. When we get our kids by themselves, we can use that time to pour encouragement and love into them. That encouragement and love may hold them steady through a rocky time ahead.

Spending one-on-one time with each of your kids is also a good way to get them talking. Even though my daughter had a friend along this weekend, each family had its own hotel room. The window in our hotel room had a small ledge that perfectly fit my daughter's behind. She quickly decided her favorite place in the room was sitting in the window. She climbed up there and gave us a detailed description of what was going on outside. It was a glimpse into the things that fascinate her.

Spending time alone with each child also reminds us of all the things we love about each one. If you've read this blog for any length of time, you know that my youngest daughter can be strong-willed and difficult. This weekend we were reminded that she's also sweet, kind and fun. I needed that reminder to draw on for the days ahead when she will be stubborn, difficult and rude.

Make some time to spend individually with your kids. Remind yourself of all the reasons you love them. It will make your child feel special and the tough days easier.

Memory Monday: Caught in the In-Between (Isaiah 49:13)

Whew. The Thanksgiving weekend is over. I don't know about you, but I found it hard to pull myself out of bed this morning. After all the turkey, shopping and family get-togethers, I could use another day off. Plus, the weather has turned cold, and giving up my cozy spot under the blankets is an act of will power.

My house is stuck in the in-between state of half Christmas, half Thanksgiving. I haven't yet taken down all of the fall decorations, but I've put up a few of the Christmas ones. The tree is up, but so is our Thanksgiving wall. I have a gigantic Joy sitting on my mantel, but there's a scarecrow in my kitchen. The Christmas lights are lighting up the night sky, but my girls still have pumpkins on their doors.

This week, I'll slowly switch over the decorations to all Christmas, but I think sometimes we also get stuck in the in-between during this season of the year. While Christmas is a holiday filled with joy and celebration, it's also often a season of mixed emotions.

This is the time of year when we miss most the family members who aren't here. Whether they are in a different part of the country or they have died or may even be deployed in harm's way, Christmas is when their absence hits home the most. We know we should enjoy the season. We should make the holiday special for our kids. But some days it's tough because we really don't feel that way. We simply feel sad, and we miss our loved ones. We're stuck in that place in between joy and sadness.

If your family is experiencing the emptiness left by a death, an illness or a famly member separated by distance, don't just ignore it and act like it doesn't matter. If that person was special to you, then your kids are probably feeling the loss, too. Take some time to acknowledge the feelings and to know that, yes, this Christmas will be different. It will feel different. There may be tears. And that's OK.

Help your kids understand it's OK to feel sad, even though it's Christmas.

• Talk with your kids about the person you are missing. Don't act like they didn't exist or that everything will be the same. Be honest with your kids about how you are feeling about the situation. It's fine for your kids to see you being sad. It gives them permission to be sad, too.
• Remember the good stuff. Share the happy memories of holidays past when that special person was around. Remember the time Uncle George dropped the cranberries at dinner. Or the time Grandpa tried to play Wii and threw the remote at the TV. Amidst the sadness, you may find laughter.
• Remind your kids that God is the great Comforter. He knows what it is to be sad -- after all, His Son died. God's comfort is even a reason for joy. Isaiah 19:13 says "Shout for joy, you heavens; rejoice, you earth; burst into song, you mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones."

So, if your family is caught in the in-between -- that place between joy and sadness -- this Christmas season, acknowledge it. Remember the person you miss. And reach out to God and each other for comfort. This Christmas will feel different, but you can still find joy in the birth of Jesus.

Memory Monday: Tripping on the Little Stuff (Matthew 25:23)

Friday night was a busy night. My husband went to see the first night race at our local speedway. My oldest had a soccer game, and my youngest had hockey practice at the same time. Hockey practice was followed by a team party.

We managed to get through both soccer and hockey without any injuries. The party was fun. My youngest loved hanging out with all her hockey friends, and I enjoyed talking with all the parents.

We were headed home to put everyone to bed when my youngest got tripped up. She fell off the curb getting into the car after her hockey party. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but when I went around the car, she was lying on the ground whining that her foot hurt.

It was 10:30 at night, so I did what every good mom does. I checked her out, saw no blood or bone, assumed the whining was a product of the late hour, said "you'll be fine," took her home and put her to bed. Saturday morning, she came hopping into my bedroom about 8 o'clock and announced she couldn't walk.

So, off to the urgent care we went. We returned home with an orthopedic boot and orders for a week of rest to heal badly sprained ligaments in her foot.

As I reflected on the events of the evening, I had to laugh. We survived a soccer game where elbows were flying and my oldest ended up on the ground more than once. My youngest made it through practice for a sport that allows 7- and 8-year-olds to carry large sticks and puts blades much sharper than my kitchen knives on their feet. No one suffered injury in either of those things.

Yet, when it came time to do one of the simplest tasks of the evening -- walk to the car and get in -- we ended up with an injury that required treatment.

So often, it's the little things that trip us up. We survive the big temptation only to be caught by the little one. We choose not to lie, only to be tripped up by gossip. We pass on dessert, only to find ourselves adding calories with a piece of chocolate. We do well in controlling our tongue, only to find unkind words spilling out in a moment of anger.

We have to constantly be on guard against the little temptations in life because the more times we get tripped up by the little stuff, the easier it is to lose focus in the big things. Everything we do matters to God. How we act in the small moments is just as important to Him as how we do when faced with the big issues.

God cares about how we treat our friends and family. He cares about how we treat our bodies. He cares about whether we spend time with Him. He gives us opportunities to make the right choices when the consequences are small, so we can make the best choices when the consequences are large.

Matthew 25:23 says "You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things." When we are faithful to follow God in the small things, He will reward us with more opportunities to be faithful.

It's in the way we handle the small things that our true character shows. Anyone can do the right thing in public, but it's what you do when no one is watching that says the most about who you are.

Small things matter to God. Don't let them trip you up.

Memory Monday: Turning Chores Into Joy

I hate cooking dinner. Oh, I don't mind the actual cooking part. I just hate being responsible for making a meal every night that is nutritious and everyone in my family will eat. Squeezing that meal into a time slot that means we can all sit down together is another challenge in the cooking dinner process. If I had my choice, we'd eat out a whole lot more. Unfortunately, our entertainment budget tells me that's not going to happen.

I've been pretty discontent about the whole cooking dinner process the past couple weeks. Because of soccer tournaments and other weekend commitments, most of the money in our entertainment envelope has gone toward eating lunch on the weekends, which means six nights of cooking dinner every week. (In this house, everyone fends for themselves on Sunday night.)

I haven't had the best attitude about feeding my family. There's been lots of mental grumbling in the kitchen around 5:30 every night. To me, cooking dinner is a chore. It's a task that has to be done every day. Some days, I'd honestly rather clean the toilets than figure out what we're having for dinner.

In our lives, there are lots of things that fall under the category of "chore." They are those things that must be done but that we simply don't enjoy. Those things are different for everyone. Some of you think I'm weird because I don't like to cook dinner, but picking up after your kids is a chore for you. Some of you may not care for doing mountains of laundry every week.

Our kids suffer through repetitive tasks they don't enjoy as well. Some of our kids don't like a certain subject at school. Some of them hate cleaning up after the dog. Some don't like practicing their instrument.

Whatever the task, God wants us to do our best. He doesn't want us to whine and complain about the things we don't enjoy. He wants us to do even the tasks we don't care for with a joyful heart. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." Even in the midst of those "chores" we find less than enjoyable, God asks that we find joy in Him.

So, how do we change our attitude and the attitude of our children when it comes to things we consider drudgery? 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 has the answer:

• Rejoice always. Find something in your task to be joyful about. If you're scrubbing the kitchen floor, find joy in the fact you have a floor to scrub. When your child spills their full bowl of cereal all over that clean floor (as mine just did), find joy in the fact you can get down on your hands and knees and help her clean it up. Many people have physical ailments that prevent them from doing that simple task. When your child grouses about doing their chores, remind them to find joy in the fact they get to help out and be a contributing member of your family.
• Pray continually. Add prayer to the equation. While you're doing that thing you dislike, pray. As you fold your sixteenth load of laundry for the week, pray over each family member who wears those clothes. As you cook dinner, pray for the health of your family. Encourage your kids to pray during that class they dislike. Show them how to pray for their teacher and to thank God for the ability to learn.
• Give thanks in all things. It's almost impossible to have an attitude of thankfulness and a grumbling heart at the same time. Replace your grumblings with thankfulness. As you clean the toilets, thank God for the miracle of indoor plumbing. As you vaccuum, thank Him for the ability to live in a clean home. Get your kids into the habit of practicing gratitude, as well. When they grumble, ask them to find one thing about their situation for which they can be thankful.

Memorize 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 and use it as a guide for making those unpleasant tasks in your life jobs filled with joy. Your family will grumble less, your attitude will improve and your life will be full of joy.

Memory Monday: Making Time to "Sit at Home" (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)

My husband and I sat down and looked at the calendar yesterday. The next three weeks are nuts, and we don't even have the hockey game schedule yet. Between soccer tournaments, Girl Scout campouts, hockey practice and music lessons, we're booked. I don't even know when our next open weekend is.

Fall is always our crazy time of year when it comes to the schedule. Both soccer and hockey swing into full gear, other commitments pick up and school projects start rolling in. I often feel like one of those people in the circus who keep plates spinning at the top of a pole. I have to keep running up and down the line to keep those plates moving or they'll all fall.

Our sermon yesterday was on creating margin in your life, leaving space in your life for the unexpected. Having margin means we can drop everything and help a friend. It means we can spend some time with our kids outside of driving them to the next event.

I've been pondering this topic for the past few weeks. I let go of a few things that I love this fall to create some margin in my life during the day. While my kids are at school, I have plenty of margin. I have enough time to work, write and do some things around the house.

It's when the kids come home that we struggle. We have set limits on the things our kids can do. They're only allowed to play one sport at a time. We try to reserve at least one evening a week for all of us to be home. We do our best to sit down to the table for dinner together as many times a week as humanly possible -- even if it means we eat at 4:30 in the afternoon.

On weeks like this one, I struggle with the topic of margin. My girls love the sports they play. It's good for their bodies, and they've learned great life lessons playing sports. But, playing sports means they're each gone two nights of the week. We have one overlapping practice, so that's three nights of the week we surrender to sports. Add in AWANA at church on Sunday nights and we've used up four nights of our week.

With just two activities, we've given up more than half of our evenings. Some days I struggle to find the balance between what my girls love and how much time we need together as a family. I honestly don't know what the answer is. I'd love for it to be cut and dried, but it's not. Where do you draw the line when your kid is talented and loves an activity? How much is too much?

I know families who don't have their kids in anything, and I know families whose kids are never home because the kids each play three sports and two instruments. I don't think either of those extremes is right for our family, but in weeks like this one, I look at the calendar and wonder if we've got the right balance.

I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all answer when it comes to this topic. What I do know is that we can't teach our kids and influence their lives in the way God calls us to if we're never with them. If we don't have time to really talk with our kids, then we can't know what's going on in their lives. If we never see them outside of the confines of the car, we can't help them deal with the issues that arise in their lives.

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says "These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Note that this verse, says "talk about them when you sit at home." All your training for your kids shouldn't be "along the road." Sometimes, we need to just sit at home and spend some time together with nothing on the schedule. Finding that balance is the trick.

Whatever the right balance is for your family, make sure having time together is a component. You can't help your kids grow in their faith if there's no time for you to spend with them.

I'd love to hear how your family deals with balancing your schedules. What limits do you set on your kids' activities? How do you make sure you have time together as a family?

Memory Monday: An Undivided Heart (Ezekiel 11:19)

I always make sure we have plenty of time when I take my youngest shopping. You see, she's a ditherer. She can't decide what she wants. Faced with more than one choice, it can take her 20 minutes to make up her mind. We have to weigh the pros and cons of each choice, then make a decision.

When it comes to shopping, my youngest has a divided heart. She doesn't want one thing more than she wants another, so it makes it difficult to make a quick decision. Her heart has to be persuaded to choose one thing over the other. She's always afraid the thing she didn't choose will turn out to have been the better choice.

Too often, we are just like my daughter when it comes to choosing God. There are so many things in the world that look better than what God is offering -- money, accolades, fitting in with the crowd. Our heart is divided. We want the things of God, but we also want the trappings of the world.

God wants us to follow Him with our whole hearts. He wants our undivided attention, so we can do the things He has planned for us.

Ezekiel 11:19 says "I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh." God was talking about the Israelites who had let the things of the world tempt them away from God. They had broken their convenant with God, and God was about to let the Babylonians take them into captivity. Yet, God made this promise that the Israelites would once again follow after Him with an undivided heart.

That's what He wants from us as well. He wants everything we do to be based on following Him. While it's easy to be pulled away by the immediate gratification the world offers, the rewards God offers for following Him are so much greater.

We want to teach our kids to follow after God with an undivided heart as well. It's easy for kids to let their peers pull them away from God, to seek after the things of the world and not of God.

Illustrate a divided heart for your kids by offering them two choices. Make sure the choices are equally attractive to your child.

If your child has trouble choosing, talk about how they have a divided heart -- they want both things and can't wholeheartedly go after one or the other. Explain that God doesn't want us to have a divided heart when it comes to following after Him. He wants us to seek Him in everything that we do.

If your child chooses one thing quickly, talk about how they had an undivided heart. Their heart wanted only one thing. Explain that God wants us to have an undivided heart when we follow Him. He wants us to always choose His way just as quickly as your child chose the thing you offered.

A divided heart keeps us from following God. It distracts us from the plans God has for us. Ask God to help you and your kids to follow after Him with an undivided heart today.

Memory Monday: Obedience and Love (Deuteronomy 11:1)

I have a child who struggles with obedience. I believe the politically correct term for this is "strong-willed." I think "stubborn" and "willful" also fit the bill.

On one of our trips this year, we stayed in a house that had a small beach that led to a dock on the lake. Because the beach had a steep dropoff into the water, we literally drew a line in the sand that we told the kids not to cross.

The first thing my daughter did was see how far across the line she could get before someone told her to get back. She had to know if she could touch the line, put her toes over the line or even get a foot over the line before she got in trouble. It wasn't enough for her to know that there was a rule. She had to know if the rule was going to be enforced.

I think we all struggle with obedience. How often does God tell us to do something or not to do something and we either ignore Him or see how far across the line we can get before we either get hurt or get our hand slapped?

God asks for our obedience to His commands, not because He loves setting up rules for us to follow but becuase obedience is a tangible sign of our love for Him. Even in the Old Testament, God wanted obedience to flow out of love, not just a rote following of the rules. Deuteronomy 11:1 says "Love the Lord your God and keep his requirements, his decrees, his laws and his commands always."

This verse tells us to love God first, then follow His commands. Our obedience to God is how we show we love Him.

Too often, being a Christ-follower can come across as a list of rules to follow. But Jesus' sacrifice on the cross was the ultimate act of love. God asks for our love. When we give Him that, obedience will follow.

Our kids need to know that being a Christ-follower isn't just a list of rules to follow. It's a lifestyle based on love. Because we love God, we choose to follow His commands. And, we love God because He first loved us and sacrificed His son so that we would not spend eternity separated from God.

As you memorize Deuteronomy 11:1 this week, talk with your kids about obedience. Explain that obedience is an act of love, whether it's obedience to you or obedience to God. Love makes obedience easier, but it's still a choice we have to make.

God loves us enough that He sacrificed His son for us. All He asks of us is that we love Him and show that love through obedience. Love is the key.

Memory Monday: Just Open the Door and Ask for Help (Matthew 6:25-27)

I'm a bit tardy with this post today. I just dropped my daughter off at hockey camp, which is about 45 minutes away from our house, and it starts at 8 a.m. I love all of you, but I was unwilling to get up at 5 a.m. to write this morning, so this week's posts will be a bit later than normal. Unless, of course, I actually manage to get ahead of my schedule. But I wouldn't hold my breath, if I were you.

This is the first time my youngest has ever gone to camp where I drop her off for the day and come back and get her at the end of the day. They skate for an hour twice during the day, so she has to be responsible for getting her gear on and off by herself and making sure it all gets back in her bag. The responsibility of all of this was very concerning to her.

Because the camp is across town from us, not many of her hockey friends were attending. Whenever we walk into a new hockey season where she doesn't know people, she gets really nervous. She never knows if she's going to be the only girl or if she'll know anyone else. She's always concerned about how she's going to fit in.

Between these two things this morning, I was afraid I was never going to get my daughter out of the locker room. She was letting her nerves get the best of her and was in tears before we finished getting her dressed. We had to take a deep breath and remember that we had conquered these situations before and that she was perfectly capable of handling the situation.

Her tears this morning reminded me that no matter how old we are, new situations full of uncertainty leave us feeling anxious. Usually, when we look back on the situation, though, we find that we worried for no reason.

God doesn't want us to worry. As a matter of fact, Jesus commands us not to worry in Matthew 6:34. He even  asks the question "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" (Matthew 6:27). Worry robs us of joy. It makes us irritable and anxious. Constant worry can cause health problems.

We don't want to raise children who are worriers, yet we don't want to discount the things that concern them either. My daughter had some legitimate concerns this morning. She's never gotten completely dressed in her hockey gear by herself before. She can't tie her skates. She does need some help. But this is a camp for 5- to 8-year-olds. Help is always nearby. My job was simply to reassure her that if she needed help, all she had to do was open the locker room door and ask.

The same is true any time we begin to worry. All we have to do is ask God for help. He wants us not to worry. He wants us to rely on Him for the things that we need. He wants us to replace the worry in our lives with reliance on Him. Just like my daughter is going to have to rely on the camp workers to help her tie her skates, we need to rely on God to help us through our worry. We can't conquer worry on our own. It takes God's help.

The fastest way for your kids to learn how to deal with worry is to see how you deal with worry. If they see you looking to God for help with your worry, then that's where they will learn to turn with their worries. But, if they see you in constant turmoil because of worry, they will learn that the only way to deal with their concerns is to worry and gnaw on them until you are sick. I know which one of these approaches to worry I want my kids to take, so I have to model it for them.

I hope that this week, you'll take the time with your kids to memorize Matthew 6:25-27, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"

Use this verse to replace your thoughts when you begin to worry. Use it to remind yourself that worry accomplishes nothing, and Jesus commands us not to do it. Use it to teach your kids that worry has no place in their lives.

When you start to worry this week, be like my daughter and open that line of communication with God and ask for help.

Memory Monday: Making a Beautiful Mess (Isaiah 64:8)

We recently spent some time in Kentucky, visiting my extended family. While we were there we went through some things that had belonged to my grandma, including boxes of old family pictures. In the boxes, we found school pictures of all the grandkids from kindergarten through graduation.


We had a good laugh at some of the hairstyles and fashions in those photos. My girls’ favorite pictures were those of the era when I had my hair permed and braces on my teeth. They thought mom looked pretty funny.

Looking at those pictures, I realized there were some years that I looked pretty awkward. Those years between being a cute, little kid and a grown-up young lady had some pretty bad moments. Those tween/early teen years are often not kind as your body changes and you begin to look like the adult you will become.

Looking at those photos now, with the perspective of 25 years in between, I can laugh and see the woman I was becoming. But I remember living those years and feeling awful about being caught in between. I felt as awkward as I looked.

Even now, I go through stages in my life where my life is an awkward mess. Stages where stress is the only constant and it seems like I’ll never get to where I want to be, never become the person I think I should be.

Yet, it is in the middle of the messy, awkward stages that God works the most. Isaiah 64:8 says “Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand. Sculpting something out of clay is a messy process. Your hands get covered with mushy, sticky clay. If you’re throwing a pot on a pottery wheel, clay will sometimes go flying. If you’ve ever been in a potter’s workshop, you know that the floor and often the walls end up with clay on them. No potter wears nice clothes when they’re creating something.

Yet, the Bible also tells us that God makes all things beautiful in His time (Ecclesiastes 3:1). Through the messy process of becoming who He designed us to be, God is working to make us beautiful to Him.

It’s often hard for kids to see that God is making them beautiful. The world’s standard for beauty is skewed toward an impossible-to-meet standard of perfection. Hollywood stars and starlets present artificial, made-up bodies as the standard for beauty, and our kids get discouraged because they can’t meet that fake standard.

Help your kids understand the process of becoming beautiful by letting them throw a pot or make a sculpture out of clay. Give them a lump of clay and let them make as big of a mess as possible. Let them take as long as they want. Let the clay dry and have them paint it.

When they are done, talk about how the process of making something beautiful was messy. Yet, the end product is beautiful. Explain that sometimes, we’re like that clay. We’re messy and not all that attractive, yet God is molding us into something beautiful. He’s making us into someone who is beautiful both inside and out, someone who is seeking to follow Him.

Memorize Isaiah 64:8 this week and remember that while the world may tell us that beauty is some unattainable standard, God tells us we are beautiful because He made us. The process of becoming who God made us to be is often messy. But to God, we are always beautiful – just because we belong to Him.

Memory Monday: Passing the Decision-Making Baton

My oldest daughter turned 10 a little more than a week ago. Besides making me feel old, this milestone in her life has come with the realization that she is well on her way to being a young woman and is no longer that little girl I can hold in my lap. Pretty soon, she's going to be as tall or taller than me. She has her own distinct taste in clothing that is different from mine and pretty distinct ideas about how she wants to do things.

We discovered this weekend that with age come tougher decisions. When she was little, it was easy for us to be in control of every aspect of her life. We chose what she ate, what she wore, whom she played with and which adults would have a big influence on her life.

As she has grown, we've had to relinquish some control on many of those decisions. Don't get me wrong. We still exert our influence on a regular basis, but more and more it's in the role of offering advice on making good decisions. We still step in when we need to, but we are beginning to pass the baton of decision-making to her.

This weekend, we were faced with a choice that forced us to step out of our comfort zone and pass the decision-making baton to her -- with our input.

We've always tried to surround our kids with as many Godly adults as we can. If we have the option to have them coached or taught by a Christ-following adult, we've done our best to make that happen. We've made a lot of their sports and school decisions based on who we think the best adult influence will be. I guess we've created something of a cocoon around our kids.

Yesterday morning, the sermon at our church was about being on the offense as a Christ-follower. Our message series is about being called to serve God -- about getting out there and getting in the game for Jesus. One of the points the pastor made was that too often we create these cocoons around our families. We're playing defense trying to protect our kids and families from any worldly influence instead of equipping our families to be light in the world of darkness. It was a message I needed to hear before we headed to my daughter's soccer tryouts.

God didn't tell us to create a protective barrier around our kids until they're 18. He called us and our families to serve Him. Joshua 24:15 says, "But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." Memorize this verse this week and think about ways that you and your family can choose to serve God.

Building a cocoon around our kids isn't a bad thing when they're small, but if we don't start poking some holes in that cocoon and giving them opportunities to be light in a world of darkness as they grow, then when we throw them out into the world as adults, they won't have the ability to make good decisions. Let them practice those decision-making skills while they are still in your home and listening to your advice when the consequences are small, so they don't make huge mistakes when they're older and the consequences are huge. That's what we did this weekend.

You see, last year when our daughter decided to make the switch to club soccer, we researched a bunch of different clubs and carefully chose a club where we knew the coach and we knew the philosophy of the coach fit our lifestyle. Our oldest had a fantastic season being coached by a Godly man who cared about her as both a player and a person. We were looking forward to another year of the same.

But the club shook up my daughter's age group by adding another coach, about whom we know very little. He will be coaching the top team. Watching her at tryouts, my husband and I were hoping we wouldn't have to make a decision about playing her on the top team or leaving her with the coach we love. But after yesterday's tryout, the coaches asked us to consider putting her on the top team.

While proud of her for making the team, we were torn. We loved having her on a team where we knew she would essentially be protected from harm. That second team is a known quantity. Yet, she had worked so hard and the opportunity to play tougher competition really appealed to her. Ultimately, we realized we had to lay the decision in her lap.

So, we presented the pros and cons of each situation to her, and she chose to play on the top team. Despite being sad about not playing for her current coach, she's really excited about the coming season. My husband and I aren't sure how it will all turn out and left to our own devices would probably have chosen to play her on the team that we know.

But we also know that the goal of parenting is to move our kids to a place where they can make their own decisions, relying on God for wisdom. My daughter may find herself faced with some tough situations on this new team in her interactions with a new coach. We don't know if she'll play a lot or little. We don't know this coach's style of coaching. We don't know whether this choice will make her happy or make her miserable.

What we do know is that it's important to begin letting our daughter make decisions and live with the results. No matter the situation in soccer this year, our daughter will have a chance to be a light for God on her team. No matter what the coach is like, she'll get the opportunity to learn that her reactions to him matter to God.

And we'll be right there with her, offering guidance and support. We're not leaving her on her own. We're just letting her take a few steps toward adulthood while she still has us to fall back on. And isn't that what parenting is all about?

Memory Monday: Toeing the Line

We just returned from a 10-day vacation. We visited relatives on both sides of the family, attended the Indy 500 and spent a week on Lake Freeman in Indiana with my extended family.

The house we rented on Lake Freeman had its own beach. We never went in the water, but the kids spent hours playing in the sand. The beach had a pretty steep drop off into the water, so we were a bit concerned about someone accidentally falling in.

With six kids on the beach ranging in age from 3 to 10, we spent a lot of time telling them not to get too close to the edge. We discovered that "close" is a relative term. The adults' idea of close to the water wasn't what the kids considered close to the water. There was much discussion between parents and children about how close was too close.

To solve the issue, we laid a rope in the sand and said, "Don't cross this line." The defined line made it much easier for the kids to know how close was too close to the water. It was interesting to watch how each child dealt with the clearly defined rule.

Our two rule-followers never went anywhere near the rope. Once the line had been defined for them, they didn't have any trouble not stepping over it. The other four weren't as convinced about the steadfastness of the rule. They would get near the rope and often try to see how close they could get to the rope.

I sat and watched my youngest get as close to the rope as possible and even put her toes on the rope. She knew better than to actually cross the rope, but she wanted to see how far she could go before it was considered disobedient.

How often are we like my youngest? God clearly lays out rules for us to follow -- not because He loves making rules but because He loves us. Yet, we don't always see the wisdom in those rules and we see how close we can get to the line He has drawn -- and often we step over it. The consequences are that we step into sin without meaning to.

None of our kids wanted to fall into the murky lake water, but if they got too close that's exactly what would have happened. The same is true with sin. Most of the time, none of us intend to jump into sin. We just get too close to the line and fall in. We end up covered in the muck and mire of sin because we stepped over the line God drew.

Jesus told us in John 14:15, "If you love me, keep my commands." Following God's rules is a way that we show we love Him. If we try to follow God's commands as if they are a to-do list to get into heaven, those rules become a burden. But if we recognize that God created rules for us because He loves us and we follow those rules because we love Him, staying within the lines God has drawn becomes an act of worship, not a tedious task.

Most of the time, we make rules for our kids because we are concerned about their safety or their character. The same is true wtih God. He didn't just set arbitrary rules. All of the commands God gives us are either intended to keep us safe or to mold our character.

As you memorize John 14:15 this week, help your kids to understand that God's rules are about love -- not restrictiveness. He loved us enough to give us a framework in which to live. We show we love Him by following His commands.

Toeing the line of God's commands is much easier if we understand the reasons behind the rules. And God's reason is love.

Memory Monday: Finding Your Compass (1 Peter 4:11)

We're on vacation this week, so I'm re-running some of my favorite posts from the last year. Enjoy some of my favorite ideas, and I'll be back with you on Monday.



I spent a wonderful hour with my oldest daughter last night. Her sister and her dad had gone to hockey practice, so it was just the two of us. She decided she wanted to work on a jigsaw puzzle. As we sat on the floor sorting the pieces, we started talking about whatever was on her mind. The conversation turned to how some of the girls in her class have changed since the end of the last school year. We had a neat conversation about how hard it is for some of the kids to be confident in who they are.


I don't think it's just fourth graders that struggle with being confident in who God made them to be. I know adults struggle with it, too. The root of all that struggle is that we don't know our purpose. Our purpose serves as a compass -- it points us in the direction we want to go. If you're unsure of your purpose, you end like a fourth-grade girl struggling to find her way. You might try all sorts of different things and go in all sorts of directions, never finding contentment and joy.

As children of God, we have one purpose in this life -- to bring glory to God. This week's verse 1 Peter 4:11 says "If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. "

No matter what you do, you should do it with an eye toward bringing glory to God. Our goal is to have people see God's love through us, which brings glory to Him. When we know our purpose, it's much easier to navigate our way along life's path without getting stuck in the brambles or distracted by the things along the way.

Illustrate this concept to your kids by sending them out in the yard to find something you have hidden. Once they find it, give them a compass. Explain how the compass works, then give them directions to find something else you have hidden using the compass. Talk about how much easier it was to find the thing when they had the directions and the compass. Explain that knowing God's purpose for our lives is like the compass. It keeps us on the right path, headed toward the goal of glorifying God.

As you learn this verse this week, keep your purpose in mind no matter what task you are doing.

Memory Monday: Change Your Attitude (Colossians 3:23)

I don't like to cook dinner. Walking into my kitchen at 5 or 5:30 every evening and putting together a meal every night doesn't appeal to me at all. I love to bake, and I love to make a really nice meal for a group of people, but the daily chore of putting together something that everyone in my house likes to eat every night is not my favorite chore.

Friday night I really didn't want to cook dinner. When my husband came home, he really didn't want to go out to eat. So, I made dinner. But I did it with a really poor attitude. Oh, I made a nice dinner -- chicken, potatoes and vegetables, but I grumbled about it in my head the whole time. And I didn't even pretend I was happy about it. Everyone in my family knew that mom was not happy about cooking dinner.

And, much to my regret, I didn't let it go after dinner either. I stewed the whole evening. The issue went from the fact that I didn't want to cook dinner to everything that I considered to be unjust in my life. I threw myself a little pity party -- ok, a big pity party. And I made my family miserable while I did it. My husband was afraid to open his mouth, so he went downstairs. The girls were trying to figure out what was wrong with mom, so they were afraid to say anything either.

We don't have a lot of nights where we don't have to take a child somewhere, so we usually try to make the most of the evenings at home that we do have. Yet, my attitude caused us to miss out on a fun, family evening on Friday night. In the span of five minutes, my attitude changed our evening from the possiblity of a fun, family night to a miserable, tension-filled evening.

Like it or not, a mom's attitude generally sets the tone for the household. It's a lot of responsibility, and it may not be fair. However, it's true. There's a saying that goes "If mom's not happy, ain't nobody happy," and I've found that to be so true in our household.

I know there are things that you have to do in your daily life that you really don't like to do. For you, it may not be cooking dinner. It might be surviving the car line at school or dealing with a demanding boss or even helping with homework. Whatever it is, keep in mind that your attitude toward that task directly affects your family, especially if your attitude spills over into how you treat your family.

What we need is a change in attitude toward those things that we dislike doing. Colossians 3:23 says "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters." If we view even those tasks that we dislike as tasks that we are doing for God, then it's a whole lot easier to change our attitude toward that task. It keeps our hearts and minds focused on God. If we cook dinner, clean the bathroom or change the dirty diaper with this verse in our hearts, we can do even the repetitive, menial jobs in our lives with purpose.

Memorize this verse this week, and the next time you have to do a job that you dislike, pull it out of your memory banks and use it to keep your attitude in check. That way, your attitude won't change the atmosphere in your home. When our hearts and minds are focused on the right things, even the tasks we hate become ways we can serve our families and God.

Memory Monday: Be Prepared (1 Peter 3:15-16)

Good Monday morning. My husband and I are spending a long weekend celebrating our anniversary, so I'm using the blog this morning to rerun one of my favorite Memory Monday verses. The topic of preparing our kids to defend their faith has been on my mind lately, so I wanted to share this with you again. If you already memorized this verse, use today as a review. If you missed this one, take the time to learn it. Enjoy learning to "Be Prepared," and I'll meet you back here tomorrow with a new blog.

I don't have any boys, but I've always loved the Boy Scout motto, "Be prepared." That motto reminds me of my favorite TV show of the late '80s and early '90s -- "MacGyver." There's a guy who was always prepared. If he had a Swiss Army knife, a wad of bubble gum and some duct tape, he could build a tank. God actually calls us to be the MacGyvers or the Boy Scouts of Christianity.


1 Peter 3:15-16 says, "But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander." God calls us to be prepared to always stand up for Him and to share the good news of Jesus with others.

Not only are we to share our faith with others, but we are to do so in a manner that attracts rather than repels. Too many so-called Christians have missed the second half of this set of verses where it talks about sharing our faith with gentleness and respect. It's not our job to force people to accept Christ. It is our job to be prepared to share the reason for our hope whenever and where ever the topic arises. The most effective way to share your faith, though, is not in a Bible-beating manner but as a genuine expression of love for Christ.

It's not our job to condemn anyone. It's simply our job to be part of the dialogue. God is responsible for changing hearts. We are just to be open to being the tools that he uses to bring the good news of Christ. When we try to make ourselves responsible for the decisions and choices of others, we run the danger of sharing Christ in a manner that isn't coated in "gentleness and respect." Jesus didn't go around forcing people to follow Him, and that's not the attitude that we should take either.

As adults, it's often hard for us to share the gospel. We fear being rejected. We're afraid we'll say the wrong thing. We wonder what others will think of us. The same fears are true for your kids. I believe that the best way for your kids' friends to meet Jesus is through your example and through your child's example. Preparing our kids to enter into honest, respectful dialogue with their peers about what they believe, is preparing them for a world that would love to trounce on their belief.

The best way I know of to prepare our kids for that kind of dialogue is to engage in it at home. Ask your kids questions like:

What would you say if someone asked you to tell them about Jesus?
What answer would you give if someone told you the Bible was just a bunch of stories?
What would you say if someone asked you what you believe?
How should you answer if someone from a different faith asked you how the faiths are different?

Walk through these scenarios with your child. As they get older, the answers will grow. Emphasize that even though we disagree with what other religions teach, we are called to treat other with respect and gentleness. We can disagree with someone and still like them and be respectful of them.

Begin having these conversations with your kids, so that when they are asked to give a reason for their hope, they will be prepared.

Memory Monday: Seek God's Counsel (1 Kings 22:5)

My oldest daughter wanted to know the answer to some random question that she had, so we looked it up on the Internet. In the course of our conversation, I mentioned to her that when we were in school, we didn't have the Internet. She looked at me in shock and said, "How did you look things up?" I explained that we looked things up in books and encyclopedias -- which led to a long explanation of what an encyclopedia was.

Today's kids have a vast array of resources from which to get their questions answered -- all available at the click of a button. It's tough to teach our kids that not everything they read on the Internet is true, and it's even more difficult to teach them what constitutes a reliable source of information. With so much information readily available at their fingertips, teaching them to discern the wisdom from the ridiculous is a daunting task.

Even as adults, our first inclination when we need information is to "google" it. We seek parenting advice, job advice and relationship advice on the Internet. Yet, our first source of wisdom shouldn't be Google. It should be God.

Ahab was a king of Israel in the Old Testament. He did the B.C. equivalent of googling when he wanted some wisdom on whether he should go to war. He turned to Jehoshaphat, the king of Judah, and asked him what he should do. Jehoshaphat answered "But Jehoshaphat also said to the king of Israel, “First seek the counsel of the LORD” (1 Kings 22:5). So, Ahab called together his 200 "prophets" who all said he should go to war. Jehoshaphat wasn't convinced, though. He asked Ahab, "Is there no longer a prophet of the LORD here whom we can inquire of?" (1 Kings 22:7)

So, Ahab sent for the prophet Micaiah of whom he said "There is still one prophet through whom we can inquire of the LORD, but I hate him because he never prophesies anything good about me, but always bad" (1 Kings 22:8) When Micaiah came, he prophesied death and defeat for Ahab. Ahab ignored him, had Micaiah thrown in jail and went to war anyway. Ahab died in battle.

With so many sources of "wisdom" available to him, Ahab followed the advice of his 200 prophets instead of the wisdom of the God. Helping our kids learn to turn to God and not the Internet or their friends teaches our children the true source of wisdom. But, how, do we make turning to God the first place our kids want to turn?

• Examine your own life. Do you turn to God first when you need wisdom? Do you seek out what the Bible says and pray about the situation before making a decision? Your children will learn what they see you live. If they see you turn to Google or pick up the phone and call your friends before they see you seek out what God has to say, they will learn to do the same. There's nothing wrong with gathering information on a problem, but we need to seek God's wisdom first.
• Introduce your kids to an online Bible program, such as Bible Gateway. Use the Internet to seek God's advice. Show them how to type in a word and pull up all the Bible has to say on that word. For example, if your child is having trouble with friends, open the program, type in friends and read all the verses the Bible has on friends.
• Pray with your children for wisdom when they are facing a difficult issue. Ask God to show them what they need to do.
• Talk with your children about seeking God first. Ask them if they think the wisdom of Google and their friends is better than the wisdom of God. Talk about how God has given us great resources for gaining wisdom, but He wants us to seek and follow His wisdom first. Share the story of Ahab with your kids and compare the 200 prophets to seeking wisdom for other sources than God.

As you memorize 1 Kings 22:5 this week, remember that God is the ultimate source of wisdom and choose to help your kids seek God's wisdom first.

Memory Monday: Jesus is Alive (Romans 6:23)

We were driving home from AWANA last night when my older daughter mentioned that she was having trouble answering one of the questions in her AWANA book. For those who don't know, AWANA is a progam for kids that many churches use. It includes some hefty scripture memory, games and a large-group teaching time. The kids work on finishing a workbook every year.

So, I asked my daughter what the question was. She said, "Why is it important that Jesus rose again?" I nearly wrecked the car as it dawned on me that we had clearly done a good job of teaching our kids that Jesus had died for them but we had done a terrible job of helping them understand that Jesus' death would have been worthless if He hadn't risen again three days later.

I think this is a common failing in the way we and the church present the gospel to our kids. We focus so much on Jesus' sacrifice that we forget to give equal focus to his victory over death. Jesus' death on the cross would have been just another death if He hadn't risen from the dead three days later. Of all the religions in the world, most of them claim to have prophets or gods that walked the earth. But, they all died. Only Jesus conquered death and rose again.

Romans 6:23 says "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." This means that when we sin, we deserve death, both spiritual and physical. For Jesus' death to be a sacrifice for sin, He had to conquer the consequences of sin, which is death. If He had simply died on the cross, it would have meant nothing. By rising again, He showed that He had power over death, making his sacrifice on the cross an action that can keep us from an eternity without God.

As we teach our kids about the saving power of Jesus' sacrifice, we need to keep in mind that His resurrection is equally important as His death. Without resurrection, there is no victory.

• Memorize Romans 6:23 with your kids this week. Talk about how the consequence for sin is death. Remind your kids that Jesus conquered death when He rose from the dead after three days and that's why we can have eternal life with God.
• Whenever you talk with your kids about Jesus' death, remember to talk about His resurrection as well. Make sure your kids understand that one action without the other would not have provided a way for us to have a relationship with God and the opportunity to have eternal life.

Think of Jesus' death and resurrection as a matched pair -- one without the other is worthless. Remember that His resurrection is an equally important part of the story and we need to make sure our kids understand that.

Memory Monday: Snow Day (Psalm 51:7)

As I look out my window today, I see a blanket of pristine white. We're having our first snow day of the season. Since I don't have to go anywhere today, I'm enjoying the beauty of the winter wonderland.

I have to admit when I considered the possibility of a snow day today, I wasn't all that excited. I work from home, so any day the kids are home makes it difficult for me to work. The snow has also interrupted a couple of meetings I had planned for today. But, as I gaze out at the beauty created by the blanket of snow, I find myself looking forward to a day of children who look mummified in their snow gear, snowball fights and snowman building (I could really live without the snow shoveling, but I'll do some of that, too).

The picture out my window reminds me of Psalm 51:7, which says "Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow." When God forgives my sin, he makes my life as clean as the snow. When God looks at me, through Jesus' sacrifice on the cross, He sees a soul as pure as the snow on the ground outside my front door.

When you have a snow day, take advantage of the moment to memorize Psalm 51:7 with your kids and to talk about what it means to be washed "whiter than snow."

• Before anyone tromps through your yard, have your kids look out the window. Talk about how a sinless life looks like an untouched field of snow. After your kids have played in the yard, take another look at the snow. It will be churned up and dirty in places. Talk about how when we sin, our life looks like the churned up snow. Ask your kids what happens when new snow falls. The yard will look beautiful again. Jesus' death on the cross allows God to see our lives as if they were that untouched, sinless field of snow. He forgives our sins and wipes away the dirt and holes left in our lives by that sin.
• If you live somewhere where it doesn't snow, buy some of the fake snow, and demonstrate the same lesson with your kids.

As you enjoy your next snow day, remember to look at the time with your kids as a gift. Take advantage of the opportunity to spend some unexpected time together, and use the opportunity to provide an object lesson about how God makes us "whiter than snow."

Memory Monday: Isaiah 9:6

The months before a child is born are a time of excitement for everyone involved. The parents-to-be anticipate the birth by getting a nursery ready, choosing names and wondering what the new member of their family will be like. Friends and family anxiously anticipate the new little person's birth. We give gifts and celebrate the impending arrival of a new person. For nine months, everyone involved waits for their special baby's birth.

Imagine how much the Jewish people were anticipating the birth of Jesus. Way back in the time of Isaiah, Jesus' birth was prophesied. Isaiah 9:6 says "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." For hundreds of years the Jewish people had been anticipating the arrival of Jesus. The birth of Jesus was the arrival of the hoped-for Messiah.

As you go through this last week before Christmas, take a moment to anticipate the celebration of Jesus' birth. As you memorize Isaiah 9:6, work to create a sense of excitement about celebrating Christmas. Channel your kids' excitement from the presents to the opportunity to celebrate Jesus' birth.

• Plan a birthday party for Jesus. Hang streamers, bake a cake and invite some friends to celebrate. Make the story of Jesus' birth a central part of the celebration. Let your kids help plan the party so it will build anticipation.
• Create a tradition of setting out a piece of your nativity set every day before Christmas. Build up to Chrismas Eve when you will place Jesus in the manger. This gives your kids the opportunity to anticipate Jesus' "arrival."
• Talk with your kids about how excited they are about Christmas. Compare that excitement to how excited the Jewish people would have been to hear of the arrival of Jesus.

Don't get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of this last week before Christmas that you forget to anticipate celebrating Jesus' birth.

Memory Monday: The Wise Men (Matthew 2:1-2)

We went to my parents' church last night to see my dad sing in their annual Christmas program. During the program they showed a short, funny video about all the things that are wrong with our nativity scene depictions of Christ's birth. One of the things they pointed out was that the wise men were not present at the birth of Christ, and we have no idea how many of them there were. We only know that they came from the east and they brought three gifts.

Scholars actually think that Jesus was probably a toddler when the wise men showed up. Mary and Joseph were probably living in a house. Can you imagine what the neighbors thought when a bunch of guys on camels bearing expensive gifts showed up at Mary and Joseph's house? They were probably the talk of the neighborhood.

So, if the wise men weren't at Jesus' birth and we're not really sure how many of them there were, why are they so often put into the Christmas scene? I think the answer is found in Matthew 2:1-2, which says "After Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea, during the time of King Herod, Magi from the east came to Jerusalem and asked, 'Where is the one who has been born king of the Jews? We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.'"

These men were scholars who were looking for Jesus. When they saw the new star, they believed it would lead them to Jesus, so they followed it. Can you imagine hopping on your camel to follow a star, not knowing how far you would need to go or how long it would take you? If it was a nearly two-year journey to see Jesus, do you think you might have begun to wonder if you were ever going to get there or if you were just chasing a whim?

We don't know if the wise men ever got discouraged on their journey. What we do know is that they saw an opportunity to worship Jesus, and they took it. Despite the challenges and the distance, they were so excited about seeing Jesus that they dropped everything for a chance to worship him. When was the last time you were that excited to worship Jesus?

Too often our worship of Jesus becomes rote. We go to church, we sing the songs and we listen to the pastor and say we have gone "to worship." But true worship begins in our hearts and can be done anywhere, any time. If, like the wise men, we look for opportunities to worship Jesus. He has given us so many reasons to worship Him -- His love, His grace, His peace. Any time we encounter something that reminds us of what Jesus has done for us, it should be a time for worship.

Help your kids recognize opportunities for worship by pointing them out when you see them. If you're awed by a rainbow in the sky, stop and thank God for it. If you are blessed with a joyful spirit, sing a song of praise together. When things aren't going well but you feel the comforting presence of God, take a moment to pray. Worship comprises all of these things -- it's simply bringing praise to God.

As you go throughout your week this week, memorize Matthew 2:1-2 and be like the wise men. Be looking for Jesus and opportunities to worship Him.

Memory Monday 1 Peter 2:9

Last weekend, after our assortment of hockey and soccer games, we took the kids to the pumpkin patch. This is a yearly ritual in our family -- one that nearly always ends in an argument with my youngest. She always wants to buy the biggest, tallest, most magnificent pumpkin in the patch. My wallet does not ever want to buy that pumpkin -- thus the argument. We only get one pumpkin that is big enough to carve each year, then the girls get to pick a smaller pumpkin to decorate with markers and construction paper. It's the big pumpkin that causes all the drama.

Our pumpkin patch trip usually ends with my youngest stomping off or in tears. I've yet to figure out how to keep this task from becoming a power struggle with her. This year was no different. She chose a pumpkin that probably would have cost $20 all by itself, and we spent 10 minutes trying to persuade her of the merits of the smaller pumpkin we had chosen. Nothing we said could convince her until we pointed out that her pumpkin had a flaw -- one small hole. After we pointed out the flaw in her pumpkin, she was persuaded that the pumpkin we had chosen was going to be OK.

I have discovered when we are choosing pumpkins, it's not the fact that my youngest doesn't like the pumpkin we choose; it's that she wants to choose her own. The fact that she chose the pumpkin makes it valuable to her. Just as the fact that God chose us makes us valuable to Him. This week's verse, 1 Peter 2:9 says "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light."

Every child needs to know not just that God loves them but that God chose them to be a part of His family. And it's not just children that need to hear this. Many adults have a hard time believing that God would choose them to be a part of His family. God loves each of you, and He chose you to be a part of His family. You are chosen and set apart by God, part of a holy nation.

If you haven't yet made your pumpkin patch trek this year, take a moment while you're there and use a couple of pumpkins to show your children that God chose them -- with all their faults and flaws -- to be part of His family.

• Choose three pumpkins -- one "perfect" one, one slightly flawed and one rotten. Line them up and ask your child which pumpkin he would like to take home. He will probably choose the perfect one.
• Explain to your child that while we are drawn to the perfect things, God chose us even though sometimes we look like the slightly flawed pumpkin and and sometimes we look like the rotten pumpkin. Despite that God chooses to offer us a place in His family.
• Remind your child that God can take the imperfect (us) and turn it into something beautiful that He can use.

As you learn your verse this week, place a small pumpkin someplace where you and your kids can see it to remind you that God has chosen the imperfect pumpkins in the patch -- you -- to be a part of His family.