Sometimes Love is Hard

My oldest daughter has some girls in her grade that just aren't very nice to others. They spend their time looking for ways to make others feel bad. They love to exclude others and make fun of people they perceive as weaker than themselves.

Unfortunately, this isn't an unusual occurence. By the time our kids hit third or fourth grade, they've encountered at least one child who makes herself feel better by attacking others.

I have to admit that my first reaction to these types of girls is to pull out my momma bear claws and want to step in. When my oldest is on the receiving end of the hurtful things these girls can say, I really am not interested in teaching her to turn the other cheek and love her enemies. My first instinct is to tell her to fight back and be just as mean as those girls are.

But, that's not the best solution. It simply causes her to stoop to the level of these girls. Jesus' solution for dealing with people who wanted to hurt Him was to pray for them. The world tells us to fight back when someone attacks us -- to hurt them as badly as they have hurt us. But Jesus said, "You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." (Matthew 5:43-44)

No matter how hard, God asks us to love those who dislike us and even pray for them. That's a tall order and it goes against human nature and the general sentiment of the world. Yet, learning to love our enemies and pray for those who hurt us, makes us people of compassion. It shows others a picture of God's love for us.

God has every reason to dislike us. We break His commands. We forget to praise Him and thank Him for all He has done for us. We treat Jesus' sacrifics on the cross lightly. Yet, God loves us anyway. He's not asking us to do anything He hasn't already done.

Does it break God's heart when people treat each other poorly? Yes. Does it make God sad when people choose to hurt others? Yes. Do those things make God stop loving us? No. God loves us in spite of our actions. He sees beyond the surface and loves the person He made in His own image. The key to loving others and praying for our enemies is to see others through God's eyes.

Help your kids love their enemies and pray for those who persecute them by helping them find God's perspective on the person who has hurt them.

• Pray about the situation, and pray specifically for the person who has hurt your child. It's hard to dislike someone when you are praying for them. Ask God to help your child see that person as God sees them.
• Talk about reasons that people act in a mean way. Usually kids who are looking for ways to demean others are very insecure about themselves. They may put on a good front, but deep down they're terrified of losing the approval of their friends, and they don't think very highly of themselves. They target other kids who are weaker or who they see as a threat to their status. Understanding that the other child's hurtful comments and actions are rooted in their own insecurities can help your child feel compassion for them.
• Teach your kids to always respond with kindness. This is hard. It's not easy to be kind to those who have hurt you. But responding in kindness puts your kids above the fray, and they won't ever have to be ashamed of their actions. Proverbs 25:21-22 says "If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you."
• Remind your kids that every child is a masterpiece, even the one's who are mean to us. Help them see the other child as a lovable person, created in God's image.

Loving our enemies is hard. It's not easy to take the high road, especially when we are hurt. Our first instinct is to lash out at those who have hurt us. But when we put on the lenses of God's eyes and we pray for those who have hurt us, God will help us love them. And love always triumphs.

Memory Monday: What to Do With Our Enemies? (Matthew 5:43-45)

I fully intended to start this week with the first blog in a series on getting ready for summer. However, I woke up this morning to scenes of people celebrating the death of Osama bin Laden. It reminds me much of the Munchkin celebration in the Wizard of Oz -- "Ding, Dong. The witch is dead."

As I watched, it struck me that this situation is incredibly confusing for our kids, many of whom weren't born or have no memories of Sept. 11. To them it's an historical event -- not one that changed their worlds.

I'll admit that when the news came out last night that bin Laden was dead, a part of me cheered. It's a natural human emotion to feel vindicated that this man who caused so much pain and chaos in our world finally reaped the consequences of his actions. Yet, another part of me felt sad that there are people in this world who are so deluded about their religious beliefs that they believe that killing other people is a part of their calling.

If I was in a dither about how to feel and what a Christ-like reaction to this news would be, how much more confusing is this situation to our children? Many of our kids don't remember 9-11. They don't remember the horror of watching those towers fall and knowing that thousands of people were still inside. They don't remember the heroism of the men and women on United 93. They don't have scenes of smoke rising from a gaping hole in the Pentagon etched in their minds. In short, they don't even have the context that we have for the events of this morning.

So, how do we explain the celebrations in the street over the death of a man who hated America? How do we reconcile that with Jesus' command to love our enemies?

Honestly, I'm not really sure. I can only tell you what I'll be telling my kids this morning and maybe that will help you with your kids.

• If you have really young kids, keep the explanation simple. Tell them bin Laden had done some bad things and he was killed as part of a war. Remind your kids that God loves everyone, even those who do what we consider really bad things. But some sins have bigger earthly consequences, and in this case, that consequence was death.
• For older kids, start with a short discussion of the events of 9-11. Your kids have probably been exposed to some of it at school. Give them some context for who Osama bin Laden was.
• Talk with them about why some people would think his death is a cause for celebration. Explain how you feel about bin Laden's death -- whether it's relief or vindication or even joy. Let them know that it's tough to know how to feel about the situation.
• Read and memorize Matthew 5:43-45: "You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’  But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven." Jesus calls us to love our enemies and even pray for them. Set an example of this for your kids by praying with them for bin Laden's followers. Pray that those people would have their hearts turned toward God and away from murder and destruction.
• Explain to your kids that even though we are called to love our enemies, sin has its consequences. Bin Laden was the leader of a group that attacked the United States, with whom we are currently at war. The consequences of the choices that bin Laden made were that he would be a target of the U.S. as it fought this war.
• Talk about how it's hard to reconcile the command to love your enemies with the need to capture bin Laden. Be sure to point out to your kids that by all accounts, our military gave bin Laden the chance to surrender before killing him. In that moment, he made another choice that had its consequences -- death. Bin Laden turned his heart away from God and made killing and destroying others his purpose. That purpose, which is opposed to God's commands, led to bin Laden's death.
• Bring the conversation down to a level to which your kids can relate. Talk about how they should treat the people that they don't get along wiith. Remind them that God wants them to love and pray even for those who mistreat them. What a great thing it would have been if bin Laden had turned to God instead of creating destruction and mayhem. Praying for their enemies allows your kids to not be eaten up with hatred or yearning for vengeance.

As you deal with these tough issues with your kids, don't forget to ask God for wisdom. There are no easy answers for the questions your kids might ask about the situation. Let your kids lead the conversation and give them the wisdom they need to guide them through the tricky waters of this current event.