The Fruit of Kindness

A child's first instinct is not to be kind to others. Ever seen a 2-year-old when someone else wants the toy she wants? She doesn't go over and politely ask to play. The best case scenario is she'll go over and take the toy out of the other child's hand. The worst case scenario is she'll go over and take the toy and hit the other child with it.

Kindness is not a character quality that comes naturally to most people. It has to be taught and nurtured. The Bible tells us kindness is a fruit of the spirit. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law" (Galatians 5:22-23). That means that it's something that comes from God. It's something that's difficult to achieve on our own.

Those verses also tell us something else important about kindness -- it comes from within. Kindness to others is an overflow of what's in our hearts. If our hearts are following Jesus, then kindness flows from that. But if our hearts are busy chasing after things that aren't important to God, then it will be hard to find kindness.

It's not hard to teach our kids to be kind to their friends. Most kids will figure out that if you're nice to others, then they will be your friends. It's when we run across those people who are difficult to get along with that kindness becomes more difficult. Yet, Jesus was specific about how we are treat people, even those with whom we don't get along. "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matthew 5:44).

Proverbs 25:21-22 puts it this way: "If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you." Being kind to others, even those who don't like us, is a way to show others God's love.

Being kind isn't always easy, but it is the thing that God calls us to do. Teaching our kids to let God help them show kindness to others is important to God, so it needs to be important to us.

• Show your kids an apple, an orange, a bunch of grapes and a banana. Ask them how they would tell a banana tree from a grapevine or an orange tree from an apple tree. They could tell by the frui the tree bears. Explain to your kids that we are like the fruit trees. People can tell we are Christ-followers by the way we act -- the fruit we bear. Read Galatians 5:22-23. Talk about how kindness is one of the "fruits" by which people know we follow Jesus. Talk about ways you can be kind to others.
• Make kindness a priority. Correct unkind behavior in your kids when it happens. Require an apology when your kids are unkind to someone. Look for opportunities to reward your kids when you see them being kind to others.
• Help your kids see the good in difficult people. Remind your kids that no matter what someone else does, God wants us to be kind to others. Our actions aren't based on how others act toward us. They're based on what God says. Pray with your kids and ask God to help them see others as He sees them. Remind your kids God loves everyone -- even people who are mean to us.
• Model kindness. Look for opportunities to shower others with kindness. Go out of your way to show kindness. Your kids are watching what you do as well as what you say.

When we tap into God's power and lean on Him to do what He asks, we'll find that being kind to others will begin to come naturally. The more we practice it, the more of a habit it will become.

People will be able to recognize us by the fruit of kindness we bear.

Sometimes Love is Hard

My oldest daughter has some girls in her grade that just aren't very nice to others. They spend their time looking for ways to make others feel bad. They love to exclude others and make fun of people they perceive as weaker than themselves.

Unfortunately, this isn't an unusual occurence. By the time our kids hit third or fourth grade, they've encountered at least one child who makes herself feel better by attacking others.

I have to admit that my first reaction to these types of girls is to pull out my momma bear claws and want to step in. When my oldest is on the receiving end of the hurtful things these girls can say, I really am not interested in teaching her to turn the other cheek and love her enemies. My first instinct is to tell her to fight back and be just as mean as those girls are.

But, that's not the best solution. It simply causes her to stoop to the level of these girls. Jesus' solution for dealing with people who wanted to hurt Him was to pray for them. The world tells us to fight back when someone attacks us -- to hurt them as badly as they have hurt us. But Jesus said, "You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." (Matthew 5:43-44)

No matter how hard, God asks us to love those who dislike us and even pray for them. That's a tall order and it goes against human nature and the general sentiment of the world. Yet, learning to love our enemies and pray for those who hurt us, makes us people of compassion. It shows others a picture of God's love for us.

God has every reason to dislike us. We break His commands. We forget to praise Him and thank Him for all He has done for us. We treat Jesus' sacrifics on the cross lightly. Yet, God loves us anyway. He's not asking us to do anything He hasn't already done.

Does it break God's heart when people treat each other poorly? Yes. Does it make God sad when people choose to hurt others? Yes. Do those things make God stop loving us? No. God loves us in spite of our actions. He sees beyond the surface and loves the person He made in His own image. The key to loving others and praying for our enemies is to see others through God's eyes.

Help your kids love their enemies and pray for those who persecute them by helping them find God's perspective on the person who has hurt them.

• Pray about the situation, and pray specifically for the person who has hurt your child. It's hard to dislike someone when you are praying for them. Ask God to help your child see that person as God sees them.
• Talk about reasons that people act in a mean way. Usually kids who are looking for ways to demean others are very insecure about themselves. They may put on a good front, but deep down they're terrified of losing the approval of their friends, and they don't think very highly of themselves. They target other kids who are weaker or who they see as a threat to their status. Understanding that the other child's hurtful comments and actions are rooted in their own insecurities can help your child feel compassion for them.
• Teach your kids to always respond with kindness. This is hard. It's not easy to be kind to those who have hurt you. But responding in kindness puts your kids above the fray, and they won't ever have to be ashamed of their actions. Proverbs 25:21-22 says "If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you."
• Remind your kids that every child is a masterpiece, even the one's who are mean to us. Help them see the other child as a lovable person, created in God's image.

Loving our enemies is hard. It's not easy to take the high road, especially when we are hurt. Our first instinct is to lash out at those who have hurt us. But when we put on the lenses of God's eyes and we pray for those who have hurt us, God will help us love them. And love always triumphs.