Hone Your Listening Skills

I got a new watch for Christmas. It's my favorite Christmas present. It's a girly Red Sox watch, with the Red Sox logo in the center, surrounded by fake diamonds.

While I love the Red Sox, that's not why my watch is my favorite present. My watch broke about two weeks before Christmas. My husband was standing in the room when it broke. I remember him asking me if it could be fixed, and I decided it would cost more to fix than it would to get a new watch. I hadn't gotten around to replacing it when Christmas rolled around.

My watch is my favorite Christmas present because it required my husband to pay attention to what was happening in my world. He had to know that my watch was broken, then he had to pick out something he knew I would like. I would have been happy with a regular new watch, but I love my Red Sox watch. It fits me to a T. When it comes to presents, this one is a home run. Every time I look at it, I feel loved.

Giving our kids what they need requires the same process as the one my husband went through when he bought me a watch for Christmas. We have to pay attention to what they are saying -- and sometimes to what they are not saying -- then choose to give them what they need in a the form that's most appropriate for that particular child.

It's easy to get so caught up in the daily to-dos of life that we stop listening to our kids. We can miss important cues and cries for help when we're focused on the next thing in the schedule instead of on what our kids are really saying.

As we leave the relaxed days of Christmas break behind and jump back into the daily grind of work, school, sports and activities, make it a point to make time to listen to your kids. Set aside a few minutes in your day to talk with your kids about what's going on in their lives. Whether it's at bedtime, the breakfast table or in the car on the way to soccer practice, get your kids talking and take the time to listen.

When our kids are talking to us, we need to listen. If we don't, our kids will stop talking. Listening to our kids is one of the best gifts we can give them. By listening, we let them know we think they are important and their thoughts are valuable.

It's easy to think that in the grand scheme of the world, our kids troubles with their friends or their worries about monsters in the closet aren't that important. We all know that those childhood worries and fears will disappear as they grow. But how our kids learn to deal with those thiings now will shape how they deal with larger troubles and fears in the future. When we jump in to offer advice and direction without really listening, we run the risk of teaching our kids bad habits in dealing with the tough issues in life. Proberbs 18:13 says "To answer before listening—that is folly and shame."

As we embark back into the routine of this new year, make it a point to listen to your kids. You won't be sorry you did.

Having trouble getting your kids to talk to you? Don't miss tomorrow's blog on creative ways to get your kids talking.

Put Your Listening Ears On

I love to talk. I'm sure you're all shocked by that statement. I process information by talking it through. If I'm at home by myself, I'll talk to the dog just to have someone with whom to talk. Unfortunately, I'm not always the best listener, and I've discovered that being a good listener is an important part of being a mom. If I can't hear what my children are saying, then I can't be wise in instructing them.

My oldest daughter is a talker, as well. My dad likes to say that I deserve every minute of her chatter. Because she talks so much, it's really easy for me to tune her out sometimes. However, when I do that, I run the danger of missing something important, some place where she really needs me to tune in and help her out. God has been talking to me about the importance of really listening to my girls because if I don't listen now while they still want to talk to me, they're going to think I don't want to listen when they're teen-agers and I need them to talk to me.

The other reason I need to be a good listener when my kids speak is because it teaches them how to be good listeners. If we don't know how to listen to each other, how are we ever going to hear God's voice?

The Bible actually has a lot to say about listening. All throughout the Bible, the prophets and even Jesus exhort us to listen to the words of God. Listening keeps us from answering wrongly or heading off on the wrong track. Study these verses so you can apply them to your life, then use them to teach your kids:

• Proverbs 12:15 -- The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.
• Proverbs 13:1 -- A wise son heeds his father's instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke.
• Proverbs 15:31 -- He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise.
• Proverbs 18:13 -- He who answers before listening— that is his folly and his shame.
• Ecclesiastes 7:5 -- It is better to heed a wise man's rebuke than to listen to the song of fools.

Let's look at two practical applications for the art or listening. First, we'll start with you. This afternoon when your kids walk in the door from school, put down whatever it is that you are doing and really pay attention to what your kids are saying. If supper is late getting on the table or your bathroom doesn't get spotlessly clean, it's ok. Taking 5 or 10 minutes to listen to your kids is more important.

Set aside a time during the day when your kids know that they have your undivided attention to listen to them. For some of you, that might be bedtime. For others, it might be over the breakfast table. Whatever the time, make it consistent and make sure your kids know that that time belongs to them. Don't spend all the time asking them specific questions. Just open up the conversation with some open-ended questions and let your kids do the talking while you do the listening.

Instill the value of listening in your kids by instituting a rule that when someone else is talking, the others in the family are listening. Make it a practice at the dinner table to let each child have a turn to tell something about his or her day. After they are done, each person has to ask the child a question about whatever was said. This keeps everyone's focus on the person doing the talking.

Show your children how much we miss when we are so busy talking that we're not listening. Take your kids outside in the evening. Have them stand quietly for two minutes and listen. After the two minutes is up, ask your kids what they heard. Try to identify all the sounds. Your kids will be amazed at how many different sounds they heard. Talk with them about how when we are talking, we can't listen well at the same time. Ask them if they think they might miss important things that other people say because they are too busy talking themselves. Stress the importance of listening to others.

This week, let's lead by example. I plan to do less talking this week and whole lot more listening. I hope you do, too.

Be Careful Little Ears What You Hear

Have you ever noticed how noisy our lives are? Just sitting in my house this morning with no TV or radio on, I've heard train whistles, cars passing outside, the dog snoring and the refrigerator running. In a lot of households the TV or radio is on constantly, sometimes several at once. All this background noise in our lives may not seem like a big deal, but it's something to which we need to pay attention.

Are you someone who has to have the TV or radio on whenever you are home. Does it matter if anyone is watching it? Do you think about what is on the radio when you are driving the car? Are you aware of what is being said by others when your children are around?

My youngest daughter is an auditory learner. If she hears something once, she can repeat it almost word for word. The things that are said around her will be remembered. The TV commercials and shows, the talk radio programs and the song lyrics are all being processed by her 7-year-old brain. Like all kids, she's a sponge. She soaks up whatever it is that surrounds her.

That sponge quality means that we need to be aware of the things our children are hearing. I always notice that the longer the school year goes on, the more my kids' speech begins to resemble that of their classmates. What goes in the ears, comes out the mouth.

Today, I want to challenge you to be aware of what is going into your children's ears. Think about what is on the TV or the radio before you turn it on. Monitor what comes out of your own mouth when you speak. Use Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- think about such things," as a guide for deciding whether something is appropriate for both you and your children to hear. If it's not true, noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable, it's probably not suitable for anyone who calls themselves a Christ follower.

Engage your kids in helping to clean up the airwaves around your house:

• Sing or play a few well-known commercial jingles for your kids. See who can name the product the ad represents the fastest. Talk about how the things we hear are powerful and how they can stick with us for years. Read Philippians 4:8 to your kids and talk about what it means. Ask your kids to come up with ways that they can determine if the things they are listening to meet the standards of Philippians 4:8.
• If your kids have iPods or CD players, sit down with them and look at their music choices. Go through the lyrics of some of the songs with them. Talk about whether those songs meet the standards of Philippians 4:8. Don't demand that your kids get rid of their songs, but encourage them to choose to raise their standards to God's standards.
• Make your own listening choices wisely. Tune to your local Christian radio station when you're all in the car or play books on CD that the whole family can enjoy. Some of the best conversations that we have had in the car have begun with a song on KLOVE.

As you begin the process of clearing the air in your lives, you might find that without all the background noise to distract you, you can hear the voice of God more clearly.