4 Steps to Save the Day -- MacGyver-style

My youngest daughter got sent home from school sick on Tuesday. She stayed home again yesterday, but I had work that needed to be done. So, through the wonders of Netflix, I introduced my daughter to one of my favorite TV shows, MacGyver.

MacGyver was my favorite TV show when I was in junior high and high school. Besides having a cute lead actor, I loved how MacGyver could save the day with a stick of bubble gum and a Swiss army knife. Need to disarm a bomb? All you need is a safety pin. Need to stop a leak of sulfuric acid? Use a chocolate bar. MacGyver was a master at using what he had to save the day. Plus, he only used one name, thus upping his coolness factor.

As I watched this show with my daughter, I was reminded that sometimes life doesn't go as planned. While my kids don't often need to save the world from imminent disaster, they do often need to salvage a day gone wrong. They need to learn how to salvage what they can from a bad experience and move on.

My oldest isn't really happy with school right now. She's had a few issues with her teacher, and some of the girls haven't been very nice lately. She asked me yesterday how many days were left in the school year. A couple of bad days this week have her thinking the entire rest of the year is going to be like this.

We need to teach our kids how to perform a MacGyver-like rescue when things go wrong. It requires redirecting their perspective and using what they have to make the best of a tough situation. You see, God didn't promise us that we wouldn't have trouble in our lives. As a matter of fact, Jesus said "In this world you will have trouble" (John 16:33). But the rest of that verse reminds us of one important fact: "But take heart! I have overcome the world."

When your kids have trouble, help them do their best MacGyver impersonation and follow these steps:

1. Assess the situation. MacGyver was always looking around to make the best judgment of the reality of the situation. While things may seem dire at first, there's always a way out. That's not just a MacGyver principle, it's God's principle. God didn't leave the Israelites in captivity; He brought them out of Egypt. God didn't leave us separated from Him; He sent Jesus.
2. Ask for help. MacGyver nearly always had help, whether it was someone he met along the way or back-up that he knew was coming. We have even better help than MacGyver. We have heavenly help. God wants us to ask Him for help, and He promises to answer. Teach your kids to ask God for wisdom in whatever their current situation is.
3. Figure out what tools you have. In the first episode of MacGyver, someone says his bag isn't big enough to carry all the stuff he's going to need to solve the problem. MacGyver says, "This isn't for what I take with me; it's for what I find along the way." God provides us with all the tools we'll need for any situation. Some we may bring with us, like our faith and our attitude. Others, we may find while dealing with the situation, like wisdom and help from others.
4. Use those tools to salvage the day. Using what he had, MacGyver always saves the day, usually just seconds before something is going to explode. Our kids need to use their tools to salvage a day gone bad. It might require an attitude change or dealing with the source of a problem, but by asking for help and using the tools they have, they can turn a bad day into a better one.

We're using these steps with my daughter to salvage the rest of her school year. We've assessed the situation and realized she can't get away from her teacher or the mean girls in her class. We've started praying about the situation every night, asking God to change it and to help her get through the day. We've helped her to realize that her key tool in this battle is her attitude. If she goes into the day thinking it's going to be terrible, it probably will be, but if she chooses joy in the morning, then it will probably be a better day. Last, we're helping her to realize that she can choose to walk away from the mean girls and she can choose to offer her teacher respect, even if my daughter doesn't feel she deserves it.

Rough days and weeks can be tough for our kids, but with some help from us and God, they can save the day -- MacGyver-style.
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When You Miss the Moment

As I sat with my youngest daughter at the NHL game on Saturday night, I got a text message from my dad. It was an update on my older daughter's soccer game. It said, "Score is 4-3. E scored 2 goals."

I thought he was kidding, not because my daughter isn't a good player, but she plays defense. She rarely makes it across the midfield mark in a game, much less gets close enough to score a goal. She's scored one goal all season. And the one week neither of her parents are there, she scores two goals and apparently has the game of her life.

While we had a great time in St. Louis with our youngest (you can read about it here), I was disappointed to have missed my older daughter's stellar performance. It feels like I missed a special moment. And I hate that.

As parents, sometimes, we miss those moments. Oh, not just the goals being scored or the big events, sometimes we miss the teachable moments. We look back at our day and think, "Wow, I missed a great opportunity." And a lot of times, we beat ourselves up for missing it.

I wish I could have been at my daughter's game. I wish she hadn't picked the one game all season that neither of us were there to have the best game she's ever had. I wish I had gotten to share that moment. But would I have given up the memories we were making with our other daughter to do so? Probably not.

I could sit here and wallow in disappointment that I missed her game. But you know what? There will be other soccer games. I will never be able to go back and capture this particular moment in her soccer life again, but there will be others. There will be tournaments to win and games where she's terrible. She might even have another two-goal game, and I will be there for most of those.

Just like there will be other teachable moments. If I miss one today, then I'll just have to look for one tomorrow. It's easy to beat ourselves up over a lost moment with our kids. Sometimes we think, "If I were a better parent, I would have dealt with that better" or "If only I hadn't been so busy, I could have captured that moment."

We all miss the moment sometimes. And it's OK. Recognize that you missed it, ask God to provide you with another teachable moment, and move on. No parent is perfect. We all screw up. We get mad when we should be calm. We chastise when we should teach. We focus on rules when we should be looking at our kids' hearts.

God knows we screw up, and He loves us anyway. He loves us so much, He's always willing to give us another chance to do better. When we screw up, we need to acknowledge it, ask for forgiveness (from God and our kids), and ask God for help to do a better job next time. When we ask God for forgiveness, He gives it and forgets about it. Psalm 103:12 says, "as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." We're the ones that get stuck in remembering our failures, and it keeps us from moving on to the next moment.

Don't wallow in disappointment or compare yourself to another parent. God chose you to be the parent of your child. He's going to give you all the tools you need to do so. If you miss a teachable moment, He's going to give you another one. It won't be exactly the same as the first one, but you'll get another opportunity.

I won't get another shot to see the fantastic game my daughter played on Saturday. But I will see a lot more soccer games and a lot more goals. You might not get another shot at the teachable moment you let slide by yesterday, but you will see more teachable moments today. If you're not busy dwelling on what you've missed, you'll be ready when they come around.

    

The Process of Becoming

My oldest  daughter is in her last year of elementary school. She's been with the same group of kids since kindergarten. Her place in the fifth-grade social order is firmly fixed. She's the "sporty" girl -- the one who only wears jeans and T-shirts, puts her hair in a pony tail and can keep up with the boys at recess soccer.

The funny thing is that my daughter loves fashion. She loves to dress up at home and create unique outfits. Her favorite video game is one where she owns her own boutique and has to dress customers. She has a great eye for style, but you would never know it by the way she looks when she walks out the door for school.

Last night, she was messing around with her clothes before she went to bed. She tried out a couple of cute outfits and did her hair. I commented on how pretty she is and asked her why she liked to hide it at school. Apparently, she's worked hard at her playground soccer reputation and her clothing is part of her image.

We spent a little time talking about how middle school is an opportunity to change how others see her. It's a new school with lots of new kids who don't already know her. She can be whoever she wants to be.

These late elementary school and early middle school years are tough. It's the age at which our kids -- boys and girls -- are trying to figure out who they are and who they want to be. We call them "tweens" because they are in that stage "between" childhood and being a teenager. It's a time of discovery and learning. It can also be painful and heartbreaking.

No matter the age of our kids, they need to know they are loved -- both by us and by God. They also need to know that God is making them into all that He wants them to be, and every creation of God is beautiful. When your kids are frustrated with who they are or are so busy wanting to be older that they can't appreciate where they are, remind them that "becoming" is a process. It's one we can't speed up, and it's one that can sometimes be painful.

• Find a picture of a butterfly coming out of its chrysalis. Talk with your kids about how a butterfly starts as a fuzzy caterpillar, then goes into its chrysalis and emerges a beautiful butterfly. Butterflies have to fight their way out of the chrysalis, but you should never help a butterfly to get out. Only the struggle to free themselves gives the butterfly enough strength in its wings to be able to fly. Talk with your kids about how growing up is sometimes like being a butterfly. It can be tough, but in the end, God creates a beautiful you.
• Share Ecclesiastes 3:11 with your kids. " He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ask your kids to think of things that God has made that don't start out looking beautiful but end up pretty. Flowers are just green stalks when they sprout out of the ground, yet they provide beautiful color. Trees are barren in winter, yet they spring forth in bud and bloom when the weather warms. Talk about how this verse relates to us. Explain that God is always making us beautiful. Our beauty comes from letting God's love shine through us, not from some outer trappings.
• The next time you see a rainbow or a beautiful sunset, point it out to your kids. Talk about its beauty, and talk about how the beauty just showed up. We couldn't see it earlier in the day, but all the things that happened weatherwise during the day combined to make the sunset or the rainbow. Explain that the same thing happens with people. God uses all of our experiences and personalities to create something beautiful.

No matter the age of your kids, help them recognize that they are becoming something beautiful. God wants them to be who He made them to be. Sometimes that process is confusing and can even be painful, but beauty is the result.

A Different Perspective on Jesus

We're finishing our basement. Actually, we've been working on finishing our basement for about the past six years, but the past couple of months, my husband and I have been putting a lot more effort into it.

Last night, I needed to paint the drywall that's going on the ceiling, and my youngest daughter decided she wanted to help. Now, this is definitely one of those tasks that was going to take longer with her help than without. I was tired and just wanted to get it done, but I had been promising her she could help me paint for a while, so out to the garage we went.

I took up my paint pole and showed my daughter how to roll the paint onto the drywall. As I was doing that, she began to copy my motions and said "I'm imitating you." As she said that, into my mind popped the thought that we need to be imitators of Christ. In 1 Corinthians 11:1, Paul says "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ."

You know, last night I was tired. My kids were tired. It had been a tough day. The last thing I really wanted to do was teach my child something. I almost didn't grab that teachable moment with my daughter. I almost let it pass. In my mind, I had already said, "Not now, God." But the Holy Spirit kept prompting me to talk with my daughter about being imitators of Christ. So, as I handed over my paint pole and tried not to get side-swiped with the paint roller, I asked my daughter who we should imitate.

Her answer was quick and simple -- God. As we talked about what that meant and how Jesus was a physical example for us to follow, I asked my daughter how Jesus treated others. We've been working a lot on controlling our words and being an encourager to others the past few weeks. I asked her how Jesus talked to other people. Her answer made me sit up and take notice.

"He used nice words," she said. "But sometimes he was kind of harsh."

Wow, I thought. Here my 8-year-old had noticed something that I had never really put a lot of thought into. When you look at the words of Jesus, He never uses discouraging language or puts others down. What He does do is call sin a sin. He doesn't mince words about the consequences of certain choices in life. And He was never afraid to call out the religious leaders of His day.

Too often, we have a tendency to paint Jesus as this kind, gentle man, which He was. But we want to gloss over the side of Jesus that overturned the money lenders' tables in the temple and who took on the religious hypocrites of His day.

I'm not really surprised that my daughter picked up on this aspect of who Jesus was. She's a tell-it-like-it-is personality. She also has a strong sense of justice. Reading about how Jesus stood up for what was right and told people exactly what He thought appeals to who she is.

We want to make sure we're giving our kids an accurate picture of who Jesus is. Jesus is both a kind and loving Savior, but He is also someone who stands up for what's right and doesn't beat around the bush when it comes to sin. We want our kids to emulate all of those qualities. If they're going to be imitators of Christ, then we want them to imitate all of Him.

Take a moment to think about what you're teaching your kids about Jesus. Are you giving them a one-dimensional view of who He is? Are you sharing with them the accounts of when Jesus stood up for what was right? Are you sharing the times when He got righteously angry? If not, start working those things into your child's impression of Jesus.

And don't ignore the prompting of the Holy Spirit when God is asking you to grab a teachable moment with your child. God might want to teach you something in that moment, too.

Friday Introduction: The Power of a Positive Mom

We've been struggling with negative attitudes around here this month. I don't know if it's the onset of winter, the long Christmas break or a lack of sleep, but the complaining and always finding the negative in things is getting on my nerves.


The final straw was when the answer to the question "How was your day today?" was "Lame." This response came after my daughter had spent the entire day playing with her friends. After having kids in my house all day, I was ready to throw in the towel -- and throw it at my daughter.


That's when I decided it was time to tackle the negativity, and I discovered something important. Ending the negative attitudes in my house starts with my own. Like it or not, moms are generally the barometer of attitude in our homes. When our kids hear us complaining about things or being super critical, then they think it's OK to act the same way.


I realized that my kids are picking up their complaining and negative attitudes from me. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm pretty sure they could manage to whine and complain all on their own, but they're getting the signal that it's OK to do that from me. How many times do I criticize the driving of someone else on the road? How often do I complain about having to do my chores? How often do my kids hear me complaining about something on the phone with a friend?


It's easy to have a negative attitude. There's a lot that's not right in this world. There are a lot of things on my to-do list today that I'd rather not do. There are a bunch of people that I'd rather not deal with. But that's not the attitude God wants us to have. No matter what we do or who we deal with, God wants us to be a picture of His loving, gracious attitude. Genesis 1:27 tells us "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." We are the image of God to others. If we portray a consistent negative attitude, then that's the image others are getting of God.


So, how do we change our attitude? We don't. We let God change our attitude. If your attitude is setting a negative tone in your home, then ask God to help you see things in a positive light. Ask Him to remind you that even those chores you hate can be an act of worship to Him. I love the song "Do Everything" by Steven Curtis Chapman. If you haven't heard it, check it out:

I love this song so much because that mom picking up toys 15 times a day is me, and it's way too easy for me to forget that doing so can be an act of worship to God. It's much easier to look at it as a form of drudgery.


The best resource I've found on boosting my positivity level as a mom is Karol Ladd's "The Power of a Positive Mom." This book doesn't just talk about the importance of having a positive attitude, it comes loaded with practical suggestions for keeping your attitude on the positive side. She reminds us of the importance of prayer in keeping our attitudes firmly planted in the positive, and she offers great insight into how our attitudes affect our kids.


There's a lot of negativity in this world. It's easy to get drawn into a cycle of negative thoughts and attitudes. Work to break that cycle today because we can't work on our kids' attitudes until ours are in the right place.

Untangling the Rat's Nest

My youngest daughter has curly hair. Now, I have stick straight hair so it has taken me most of her eight years of life to figure out what to do with her hair. We've finally reached a point where most days her hair looks pretty decent.


Yesterday morning, though, we ran into a snag, actually, it was more of a rat's nest. It took me a good 20 minutes to work the snarls out of the thick hair at the back of her neck. It was a test of my patience and the thickness of her scalp. Needless to say, the end result was a frustrated mom and a sobbing child.


That rat's nest in my daughter's hair shouldn't have degenerated into the sobfest it became. After nearly three weeks of Christmas break, my patience was wearing thin. My youngest daughter has struggled with maintaining a respectful attitude over the entire break. The rat's nest in her hair was the breaking point for both of us. She ended up in her room for 10 minutes while I took a little mommy break.


Neither of us reacted in the way we should have. I absolutely should not have yelled at her for fussing when I pulled her hair, but she definitely over-reacted to the hair pulling. Not my finest moment in motherhood, but not my daughter's finest moment either.


Our morning turned out to be something like that rat's nest in her hair -- a big mess. Frayed tempers and frustrated tears weren't solving the problem either. We needed an attitude change for both of us.


So we sat in our recliner, wiped the tears away and took a new approach. Instead of talking about changing our words or changing our attitude, we talked about what it takes to be a good leader. We talked about the natural leadership qualities that my daughter has. We talked about how a good leader needs to be an encourager, with words and actions. We also talked about how good leaders lead by example.


The tears dried up and we had a good conversation about how God wants us to be leaders for Him. We want our actions to reflect His priorities, and one of God's priorities is for us to treat others with respect. 1 Peter 2:17 says "Show proper respect to everyone." Words and actions are all about respect. When we choose to treat others with respect, we are following God's priorities.


It's too soon to tell if our little chat yesterday morning will have a direct effect on my daughter's actions and words, but when our mommy tempers fray and our children's frustration reaches a tipping point, it can never hurt try something different.

Hone Your Listening Skills

I got a new watch for Christmas. It's my favorite Christmas present. It's a girly Red Sox watch, with the Red Sox logo in the center, surrounded by fake diamonds.

While I love the Red Sox, that's not why my watch is my favorite present. My watch broke about two weeks before Christmas. My husband was standing in the room when it broke. I remember him asking me if it could be fixed, and I decided it would cost more to fix than it would to get a new watch. I hadn't gotten around to replacing it when Christmas rolled around.

My watch is my favorite Christmas present because it required my husband to pay attention to what was happening in my world. He had to know that my watch was broken, then he had to pick out something he knew I would like. I would have been happy with a regular new watch, but I love my Red Sox watch. It fits me to a T. When it comes to presents, this one is a home run. Every time I look at it, I feel loved.

Giving our kids what they need requires the same process as the one my husband went through when he bought me a watch for Christmas. We have to pay attention to what they are saying -- and sometimes to what they are not saying -- then choose to give them what they need in a the form that's most appropriate for that particular child.

It's easy to get so caught up in the daily to-dos of life that we stop listening to our kids. We can miss important cues and cries for help when we're focused on the next thing in the schedule instead of on what our kids are really saying.

As we leave the relaxed days of Christmas break behind and jump back into the daily grind of work, school, sports and activities, make it a point to make time to listen to your kids. Set aside a few minutes in your day to talk with your kids about what's going on in their lives. Whether it's at bedtime, the breakfast table or in the car on the way to soccer practice, get your kids talking and take the time to listen.

When our kids are talking to us, we need to listen. If we don't, our kids will stop talking. Listening to our kids is one of the best gifts we can give them. By listening, we let them know we think they are important and their thoughts are valuable.

It's easy to think that in the grand scheme of the world, our kids troubles with their friends or their worries about monsters in the closet aren't that important. We all know that those childhood worries and fears will disappear as they grow. But how our kids learn to deal with those thiings now will shape how they deal with larger troubles and fears in the future. When we jump in to offer advice and direction without really listening, we run the risk of teaching our kids bad habits in dealing with the tough issues in life. Proberbs 18:13 says "To answer before listening—that is folly and shame."

As we embark back into the routine of this new year, make it a point to listen to your kids. You won't be sorry you did.

Having trouble getting your kids to talk to you? Don't miss tomorrow's blog on creative ways to get your kids talking.

Memory Monday: A Lesson in Integrity (Proverbs 22:1)

My youngest daughter learned a lot this weekend. No, we didn't make her spend the holiday weekend studying history, English and geography. We let her play hockey, hockey and more hockey.

She played in her first ever hockey tournament on Friday and Saturday. Her team finished in sixth place out of seven teams with a 2-2 record. She had a hat trick and a couple of other goals. And she learned some important life lessons about fairness, losing and leadership.

The most important thing she learned this weekend, though, was that how you play the game matters more than the points on the scoreboard. She learned that when you walk off the ice, putting a W in the win column is nice, but being able to hold your head up and know that you played with integrity is even more important.

After a great game on Friday night where her team played well and won, they had to play a really tough team Saturday morning. While my daughter was playing with her regular house league team, the other team had been put together specifically for the tournament, with the goal of winning it. About midway through the first period, the other team started sending their best player out for double shifts. Neither of those things broke any rules, but double shifting in a house league tournament goes against the spirit of house league hockey, where it's all about letting the kids have an equal chance to play.

Our coaches had a choice: they could continue to play our kids evenly or they could put our best players on the ice more often. Our coaches switched up which kids played together, but they kept the playing time equal for all of our kids. We lost -- by a lot. The kids were disappointed, but it was a great opportunity for my youngest to learn that while others don't always play "fair," sticking with the high road is always better in the end.

Losing that game cost my daughter's team any chance for a place in the championship game. Yet every child on her team got to play. They played hard and they left their best effort on the ice -- and they did it within the spirit of the rules of the game.

Proverbs 22:1 tells us "A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold." A tournament championship would have been nice, but it would have come at the cost of a "good name." My daughter's coaches provided a perfect example of playing with integrity for my daughter. While she was less than happy with the score of the game, she learned a lesson much more valuable than any trophy she can set on a shelf.

We need to make sure we're surrounding our kids with adults who show integrity. We can't expect them to learn to make the right choices if all the adults in their lives are cutting corners and looking out only for themselves.

It's important for our kids to see adults making choices that show integrity. And it's equally important that we talk about those moments with our kids. They can happen in the grocery store, in the car or even at the ice rink. As parents, we need to take notice of those moments and use them to teach our children that the right choices are always right, even when the immediate result isn't what we want.

And, remember, all the teaching in the world does nothing if we aren't living up to those standards ourselves. Our kids need to see us making the right choice even when it's hard. It's the only way they can learn what integrity means.

Friday Introduction: Motherhood on a Dime

Driving home from my parents' house last night, my husband said something about us having been married almost 16 years.

"Have you really been married that long?" came the question from the back seat.

"Yes, we have," we answered.

"That's a long time," said my oldest.

Sixteen years is a long time, but it seems to have sped by. I think the older we get the faster time seems to pass. I remember that a year seemed a whole lot longer when I was a kid.

As we bring 2011 to a close, it's a good time to reflect on the year just past and look forward to the year to come. I love the start of a new year. I love to get out my new calendar and see all the blank pages just waiting to be filled. At the start of a new year, we get a clean slate, a chance to do new things and walk new paths.

I'm not much for new year's resolutions. I find I always lose interest after a few weeks, but I do think the beginning of the new year is a great time to set goals -- whether they be spiritual, physical or monetary. It's a great time to focus on things we want to do differently, whether it's reading a new book or changing the way we deal with our children.

Set aside some time in the next few days to sit down with a notebook, your calendar and God. Ask God to help you decide what your goals should be for the year. We can make all the plans we want, but if God isn't in them, we'll never succeed. Proverbs 16:3 says "Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans." Spend some time praying over your new calendar. Commit your days and your plans for this year to Him. Ask Him to guide your steps as you walk into the new year.

Sometimes making plans and setting goals can seem overwhelming. Where do you start? If you need some help getting started, check out the goal brainstorming questions over at Motherhood on a Dime. This is a great resource for getting started on figuring out your goals for the year.

If we start our year with our eyes focused on the goals God wants us to have, then our homes, our families and our co-workers will all benefit. Make time in your life to hear what God has to say about where He wants you to go in this new year.

Plenty of Time to Play and Have Fun

My youngest daughter is playing a 3-on-3 hockey tournament this weekend. I got an email from the tournament director today that essentially said his goal for the tournament was for the kids to have plenty of time to play and have fun. The emphasis for him would not be on winning but on making sure every child has an enjoyable tournament experience.

Now, my daughter is pretty focused on her team doing well in the tournament. She doesn't play anything without wanting to win. She hated playing kindergarten soccer because they didn't keep score, and "why play if you can't win?"

Too much of our kids' world is focused on competing and winning (this from a mom with two very competitive kids). Our kids are expected to excel in everything -- from state assessments at school to the sports field to the school choir. We have toddlers entering beauty pageants and 12-year-olds being touted as the next Michael Jordan.

Somewhere we've lost the attitude that our kids should have plenty of time to play and have fun. We've lost sight of the fact that some of the greatest memories are made and the most worthy lessons taught not in competition but in cooperation and sharing. We're so busy pushing our kids to succeed that we forget to let them just have fun.

We live in a world where parents put their names on waiting lists before their kids are born to be sure they get into the "right" preschool. Our schools have become focused almost solely on state test scores, leaving little room for the creative experiences that help our kids learn to solve problems and work together.

Solomon was the wisest man on earth. He had succeeded in everything, yet when he neared the end of his life, here is what he had to say, "'Meaningless! Meaningless!' says the Teacher. 'Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.' What do people gain from all their labors at which they toil under the sun?" (Ecclesiastes 1:1-2)

Despite the fact that he had spent his whole life achieving things, Solomon felt his work was meaningless. He looked back and found nothing of worth in all he had accomplished. We want our kids to find meaning in their lives, which can only be found in Jesus.
Our kids need time to enjoy life. They need time to learn about God. They can't do that if the only focus in their lives is to compete and achieve. Make time to play and have fun with your kids. Use the teachable moments that come during those times to point your kids toward God.

• Don't structure everything in your child's life. Leave room for creative play and spontaneity.
• Remember your child does not have to be the best at everything they do. If they enjoy a sport or an activity, let them enjoy it without pushing them to be the next world champion.
• Be willing to encourage your child's passions but set limits on the number of activities you're willing to let them be involved in at the same time.
• Look for teachable moments with your kids. Be aware that those moments often come when they are least expected and not always when they're convenient.

When we leave plenty of time for our kids to play and have fun, we leave time for teachable moments. And we leave time for God to work.

Good Gifts

I'm sure the neighbors heard my oldest daughter jumping up and down and screaming on Christmas morning. Unbeknownst to this Santa, the other Santa in our house purchased and placed a tablet computer beneath the tree.

If you remember this post, you'll know how much my daughter wanted a tablet for Christmas. I had told her not to be disappointed when there wasn't one under the tree. So, imagine both her and my surprise when we opened the last present under the tree, addressed to everyone, and found a tablet.

It's always fun when our wishes get fulfilled. We react with joy and enthusiasm. We're excited, and we feel special.

God sometimes surprises us with the unexpected. Like my daughter, we ask for something, but we don't think we'll receive it. When we do, we act surprised that God could and would give us what we asked for.

We really shouldn't be surprised, though, when God provides what we need or want. God wants us to have an abundant life. He wants our lives to be filled with the joy of knowing that He can and does provide. God isn't Santa Claus. He doesn't simply give us everything our little brains can dream up. He provides what we need and gives us what's best for us. But He hears our requests, and He loves to give us what we need.

Matthew 7:9-11 says "Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" God wants us to ask Him for what we want. He wants to give us good gifts. And we shouldn't be surprised when He gives them to us.

Help your kids understand that God wants to give us good gifts. The next time your kids ask for something small, surprise them by giving it to them. Talk about how getting that gift made them feel. Explain that we can ask God for the things that we need -- from good grades at school to healing an illness to guidance in a decision. When we ask God for something, we should be prepared for Him to answer our request. Talk with your kids about how God never leaves a request unanswered. Even when He says no, God still answers. Talk with your kids about how God loves to give us good gifts. Share Matthew 7:9-11 with your kids. Sometimes those gifts come in a different form than we expect, but God always gives us good things.

The next time you or your kids ask God for something, don't be surprised when He answers.

All You Have to Do is Be There

Last week, we said goodbye to some long-time friends. Today, they are moving to Colorado. Our friends have four kids. Their oldest two are each a couple of weeks younger than my girls. On Thursday night, we went to a going away party for this family.

My youngest cried all the way to the party and all the way home. She was so upset that her friend was moving. We reassured her that we would visit her friend when we go to Colorado to see my husband's family this summer, but it didn't make a difference. Her friend was leaving, and her heart was broken.

I think the toughest part of being a parent is watching your kids hurt and not being able to do anything about it. I can't change the fact that our friends are moving. I can't shelter my girls from mean people. I can't create a bubble around them that keeps out any illness, sadness or hurt.

What I can do is be there for my kids. I can hold their hands when they hurt. I can wipe their tears when they cry. I can pray with them when their little hearts are breaking.

And, sometimes, that's what our kids need most. They don't need us to fix all their problems. They don't need us to protect them from every hurt. They don't need us to choose their friends or make the ground smooth. They simply need us to be there. They need us to be available. They need us to offer good advice. They need us to boost their spirits.

As our kids grow and become independent, we have to let them begin to walk some roads alone. We have to let them outside of our sheltering arms and let them be vulnerable to all the hurts, the trials and the difficulties that come with growing up. Yet, we can take comfort in knowing that although our kids have stepped outside the shelter we can provide, our kids never have to step outside the sheltering arms of God. Psalm 91:1 says "Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty."

When you can't protect your kids from the hurt and disappointment that come their way, remember tat God is right there to keep your kids under His sheltering arms. And sometimes all they need from you is for you to be there, too.

Looking Back -- and Ahead

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. We celebrated with presents, two fabulous meals and a birthday cake for Jesus. We started our day in the spirit of Gladys Herdman from "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever" with a shouted welcome to the grandparents "Hey, unto you a child is born!" Then we shared in the joy of the day with laughter and fun. We made some new memories -- the look on my youngest daughter's face when she realized the three pieces of paper in the bag she was holding were tickets to an NHL game will go down as one of my favorite Christmas moments ever -- and held on to some old traditions. I hope your day was just as wonderful as ours.

After a busy Christmas week, I'm taking the day off from blogging to sleep in and hang out with my family. I'll be back tomorrow ready to blog away for another year. For today, start reflecting on the year past. Here's some questions from a previous blog to get you started.

It's the end of another year. I don't know about you, but it seems the older I get, the faster the years seem to go by. With only a few days left in 2011, I want to urge you to take a few minutes to reflect on how God has worked in your life and the lives of your children this year.

As I look back over 2011, I see how God has changed me to be able to share my passion for training our children with you. Even just two years ago I would have told you that you were crazy if you suggested that I would write a daily blog encouraging other moms to teach their children about God. Yet, here I am at the end of 2011 with a passion to share, a blog that reaches people all over the world and an excitement about what God has in store for all of us in 2012.

Reflection is an important part of making a difference for God -- in our children's lives and in the lives of those around us. In the Old Testament, God admonishes the Israelites over and over to not forget what He has done for them. Deuteronomy 15:15 says "Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and the Lord your God redeemed you." In the same way, we need to take a moment and look back at our year to remember the things that God has done for us. Ask yourself these questions:

• How did God work in my life this year?
• How did I see God work in my children's lives this year?
• In what direction is God moving me in my work, my parenting and my ministry?

As you're remembering what God has done for you and your family this year, take a moment, as well, to evaluate the things you have done with your children this year. Examine how you have been teaching, encouraging and loving your kids this year. Ask yourself these questions:

• What did my children learn about God this year?
• What worked with my kids this year? What didn't work?
• In what direction do I see God leading my kids?

Finally, take a few minutes to think about where you think God is leading you in 2012. The entire purpose of this blog is to help you be intentional about teaching your children about God. We can only be intentional if we start with a plan. Start 2012 with an outline in mind of the general direction that you want to go in your own life and in teaching your children. Ask yourself these questions:

• Where do I think God is leading me in the next year? Are there any steps that He is asking me to take to get there?
• What do I want to focus on teaching my children in 2012? Do I need to focus on different things with each of my children?
• What do I need to do be deliberate in teaching my kids in 2012?

An end-of-the-year time of refelction allows us to evaluate where we've been and set a direction for where we'd like to go. Pray over these questions and spend some time thinking them through. Then take the steps God is leading you to take in the direction He wants you to go in 2012. I can't wait to see where He takes you.

Unto Us a Child is Born

Christmas is only two days away, and my girls are excited. I've been doing my best to keep them both busy this week. We've had playdates and parties and hockey clinics, so they haven't really had a whole lot of time to get antsy for Christmas.

Kids anticipate Christmas better than any of us. They get excited about the day long before it gets here. When it finally arrives, no one is more excited than a young child, waking on Christmas morning and rushing to see what gifts are under the tree.

Christmas is exciting, not just because there are gifts to be opened and good food to eat. On a dark, Christmas eve night more than 2,000 years ago, a couple of shepherds rushed to see a gift in a stable. They were the first outside His family to see Jesus. They were the first to hear the good news of His birth.

As we approach Christmas (just two more days), we want to be as excited as a young child and as awed as the shepherds. It's easy to let the gift of Jesus become routine. Going to church on Christmas Eve can become rote. Talking about Jesus' birth can become an afterthought. We can miss the joy and wonder without realizing it.

As you celebrate Christmas on Sunday, make it a point to slow down, to look around and to see Jesus. As big as we've made Christmas, it's easy to miss that Christmas is a personal holiday. Jesus came to save each one of us. He loves us enough to die for us. He loves you enough to die for you.

When you hear the good news of Jesus' birth, let your heart be filled with wonder. Take time to talk with your kids about how amazing it is that Jesus became a man because He loves us. Use this simple illustration:

Give your child a crown or a tiara. Ask him what the crown or tiara signifies. Talk about what it means to be a king. Talk about all the perks and trappings that come with being royalty. Ask your kids if they think it would be hard to give all of that up. Explain that Jesus was more powerful than any king -- He is God. Yet he took off His crown and came to earth as a baby so He could die for our sins and create a path for us to be near God. Explain that that is what we celebrate on Christmas.

Jesus willingly gave up His rightful place at God's side to come to us. He came as a baby, the most helpless of creatures. He depended on a mom and dad to help Him grow. He learned a trade. He spent three years ministering to others. Then He made the ultimate sacrifice in dying on the cross. But He didn't stay dead. He defeated death and created a way for us to have a relationship with God.

When Isaiah said "For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace" (Isaiah 9:6), he was giving us a glimpse of all that Jesus would be and do.

As you celebrate Christmas this weekend, remember that while Jesus came to save the world, He also came to save you.

Merry Christmas!

Three Gifts

We exchanged Christmas gifts with my parents at their house last night. My youngest daughter was so excited because my parents had gotten her a remote-control yellow Camaro. She has been asking for a remote-control Camaro for months. To have it show up underneath the tree was bliss.

We were finishing up a game of Pictionary on the Wii when my youngest came up the steps with her car and remote control in hand. She set them in the chair and burst into sobs. Looking over, I saw the antenna for the remote control -- in two pieces.

My daughter was distraught. It took me half an hour to persuade her the broken antenna was not the end of the world. She was upset that the antenna was broken, but she was most upset that this gift that my parents had chosen for her was in pieces. Despite the fact that we can replace the antenna, my daughter was upset that her special gift was broken.

I know my parents searched high and low for the "perfect" remote-control car for my daughter. They checked out remote-control cars online and in stores. They pondered the features and asked the salesperson for help. This was not a gift that was an afterthought. It was a considered, well-researched purchase.

Gifts are special when they are given with the recipient in mind. The wise men in the account of Jesus' birth knew this. Matthew 2:11 says "On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh."

Now, gold, frankincense and myrrh might seem like strange gifts to bring a baby, but the wise men knew their recipient. When we look at these gifts, we can learn a lot about gift-giving from the Magi.

Gold. They brought a gift that recognized Jesus' true nature. Gold represented royalty. By presenting Jesus with gold, the wise men were acknowledging His status as King of Kings.

When we give gifts, we want to acknowledge the recipient's true nature. We want to choose things that appeal to the recipient's likes and interests. I wouldn't give my older daughter a skirt for a gift because she's more of a jeans and T-shirt kind of girl. When we choose gifts with the recipient's true nature in mind, we let him know that we value him.

Frankincense. The Magi brought a gift of sacrifice. Frankincense was burned on the altar in the Old Testament as a sacrifice to God. The gift of frankincense acknowledged that Jesus would become a sacrifice.

We, too, can give a gift of sacrifice. We can give gifts that require a sacrifice of time or something else that's important to us. When we give a gift that requires a sacrifice of some kind, we let the recipient know that we think she is worth giving up something for. Gifts of sacrifice can be small or large. You can give a friend the gift of baby-sitting once a week, or you can give your kids' friends an outing with you as the chaperone. You can give up  your daily cup of coffee to buy your friend a special gift. Gifts that require sacrifice are precious and priceless.

Myrrh. The wise men brought a gift that looked to the future. Myrrh was a resin used in the embalming process. By giving Jesus myrrh, the Magi were looking toward the future when Jesus would die and be raised again.

Whether it's a toy that grows with a child or an investment in a college fund, give gifts that look to the future. From music lessons to teaching cooking skills, think about giving gifts that teach a skill that will last. These types of gifts may stick with a child for a lifetime, even as they are fun now.

Help your kids choose gifts for others based on what the wise men gave. Make gift-giving a considered exercise, not a mad dash through the store. Gifts that are given with thought and planning make the recipient feel special.

The wise men knew a lot about gift giving. Follow their lead this year and give gifts that recognize the recipient's nature, require a sacrifice and look to the future. You might still have some broken antennas, but you'll also have gifts that last much longer.

For more practical ways to get your kids focused on Jesus during the Christmas season, check out Lori's new e-book Everyday Christmas. It's available for Kindle, Nook and as a PDF file.

Good Gifts Require Thought

There are four shopping days left until Christmas. The hustle and bustle of this season is quickly winding down. We still have parties to attend, celebrations to host and presents to buy. I'll be taking the girls out to finish their Christmas shopping today.

Shopping with my oldest is a breeze. She usually knows exactly what she wants and chooses something quickly. Shopping with my youngest is a different story. Let's just say you'd best have lots of time on your hands. She wants to consider all the options, then make a decision. My oldest does all her thinking before we leave home. My youngest does all of her thinking in the store aisle.

No matter how we do our thinking, the best gifts are the ones that we've thought about -- the ones that we've painstakingly chosen. God spent thousands of years thinking about His gift for us. He came up with a plan for redemption way back when Adam and Eve first sinned. He spent thousands of years getting us ready for that gift. Romans 6:23 says, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." God sent Jesus as a gift to us, then he wrapped Him in an unexpected package.

My mom likes to put little gifts in big packages. She disguises the shape of what you're getting by putting it in an unusual package. God did that. He sent the Savior of the world to earth -- not as a king -- but as a baby.

As we shop for gifts this year, remember that God put a lot of thought into His Christmas gift to us. Even though it didn't come in the "package" many people were expecting, it is the best present we could ever receive.

Help your kids understand the unusual "wrapping" God put on Jesus and the time and planning that went into His gift.

• Take your kids shopping for a gift for someone else. While your child is deciding what to get, talk about how a good gift requires thinking about what the other person needs. Talk about how God gave us the gift of Jesus because He knew what we needed.
• Wrap up something obvious like a book. Don't add any extra packaging. Ask your kids what they think is in the package. Wrap another book in an odd package. Ask your kids if they can guess what's in that package. Unwrap both presents. Talk about how God could have sent Jesus as a mighty warrior to overthrow the Romans, but instead He sent a baby because God knew we needed a Savior, not a warrior.

As you and your family and friends exchange gifts this year, remember that God sent Jesus in an unexpected "package" so we could have what we needed to bridge the gap between us and God. And that's the best gift anyone could get.

There's still time to create special moments with your kids this Christmas, check out Lori's new e-book Everyday Christmas. It's available for Kindle, Nook and as a PDF file.

Not Just Cookies

It's one of my favorite days of the Christmas season. Shortly after lunch 16 kids will descend on my home. We'll decorate cookies, play some games, make a big mess and have a whole lot of fun. It's cookie party day.

Eight years ago, when my oldest was 2 and my youngest was just a baby, we invited a couple of friends over to decorate cookies. The party has grown and grown since then. This year, I made 138 cookies, and when I get done writing this blog, I'm going to go make several pounds of frosting. By the time everyone leaves, there will be sprinkles all over my kitchen.

At 2:30, though, 14 kids will walk out my door, having had a good time. They will have spent two hours knowing they are loved. They will have experienced some of the joy of Christmas in our home.

The cookie party is a lot of work. It's two hours of high energy, exhausting fun. And it's my best chance to be an influence on my kids' friends during the Christmas season. This year's theme is "A Charlie Brown Christmas." We've turned the party into an opportunity to help others. Everyone is bringing a couple of cans of food to donate to a local food bank. We're also going to make blankets for Project Linus, which provides blankets to kids who are in the hospital. There will be plenty of fun and food, but by the time they, leave these kids will have taken a few minutes to focus on the needs of others during this season in which kids often focus only on their own wants and wishes.

We're also planning to watch "A Charlie Brown Christmas," which is a way to sneak in the true meaning of Christmas with these kids. Our cookie party offers us a chance to influence the lives of kids who are not our own, even if it's in a small way.

We all have opportunities to be an influence on the kids who come through the front doors of our homes. We don't have to go halfway around the world to influence people for Jesus. We can do it in our own homes. We can have conversations with our kids' friends. We can slip Jesus into a party. We can be an example of what a family centered on Jesus looks like.

Don't be afraid to be an example of Jesus to the kids in your life. Don't be afraid to offer Godly advice. Don't be afraid to slip Jesus into the conversation. Isaiah 52:7 says "How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news." We want to have beautiful feet when it comes to our kids and their friends.

You may be the only Jesus some of the kids in your life ever see. Use the opportunities God sends your way to be an influence for Him. You never know, you may be the instrument God uses to change a child's life.

There's still time to create special moments with your kids this Christmas, check out Lori's new e-book Everyday Christmas. It's available for Kindle, Nook and as a PDF file.

Don't Miss the Moment

Warning: If you read this devotional with your kids, be warned that this one will spoil the Santa secret.

This is the first year no one in our house believes in Santa. One night at dinner during the summer our youngest daughter announced that everyone knows Santa isn't real. When we asked what gave it away, she looked at us, raised her eyebrows, waved her fork and said, "Flying reindeer, really?"

I have to tell you it's a bittersweet moment. I'm proud of my girls as they grow up into lovely young women. Part of growing up is letting go of some of your childhood fantasies, but as we approach Christmas this year, I'm a bit sad, too. Some of the wonder and excitement of childhood has disappeared.

I heard the song "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" on the radio as I was baking cookies the other day. I had to smile as I remembered how indignant my grandmother would get when my brother would play that song and announce that it was his favorite. My grandmother would put on this big show about how awful that song was, then she and my brother would laugh about it.

I miss those moments. My grandmother is now in a nursing home with very little awareness of what is going on around her. We didn't know several years ago when we celebrated Christmas together, it would be the last time she and my brother would have the "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" conversation.

As we start this last week before Christmas, I want to encourage you to stop and focus on the moment. I know there is baking to be done, there are gifts to be wrapped and parties to attend. But you never know which moments won't come again. If we miss them this year, we may never get to experience them again.

I know that this year, I don't want to miss any of those moments. I don't want to miss a minute of the shared laughter with my kids. I don't want to miss the love from my family. I don't want to miss the wonder in the eyes of my kids. And I don't want to miss the baby that came on a "silent night" nearly 2,000 years ago.

Psalm 46:10 says "Cease striving and know that I am God" (NASB). If we get so caught up in the to-do lists of the week before Christmas, we will miss the important moments in these special days. Cease striving for the perfect Christmas and focus on the fleeting moments because your kids will grow up, your family will change, and you'll never be able to capture this moment again.

God will give you plenty of moments this week to enjoy the celebration of His Son's birth. He will offer up teachable moments for your kids by the dozens. The question is, will you be too busy to notice them or will you "cease striving" and treasure the moment?

There's still time to create special moments with your kids this Christmas, check out Lori's new e-book Everyday Christmas. It's available for Kindle, Nook and as a PDF file.

Friday Introduction: Truth in the Tinsel

Last year, I participated in a Jesse Tree ornament exchange. For those of you who don't know what a Jesse Tree is, it's a tree (or a branch) on which you hang ornaments that represent the entire story of the Bible. Each of the 24 ornaments matches up to a set of verses and a short family devotional. It's a great way to help your kids see how Jesus' birth relates to the Old Testament. It's called a Jesse Tree because Isaiah 11:1 says this about Jesus: "A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse; from his roots a Branch will bear fruit."

It's important for us to connect Christmas with all that God did in the Old Testament. Without understanding the rules of the law and the way God provided for the Israelites, we can't appreciate the sacrifice Jesus made. If we don't understand how sin came into the world, we can't understand how it separates us from God. The Jesse Tree is one way to help your kids grasp these concepts.

Over the years, I've heard from people who are frustrated with the Jesse Tree because it's too in-depth for their young kids. They love the concept but have trouble breaking down the verses for their younger kids.

Today, I want to introduce you to a solution to that problem, Truth in the Tinsel. This e-book takes the idea of the Jesse Tree and makes it accessible for younger kids. Each day you make a printable ornament that helps your child connect the stories in the Bible together. The material is aimed at children ages 3 to 5.

Whether you use Truth in Tinsel, a Jesse Tree or another method, use Christmas as a time to help your kids see that Jesus' birth was the fulfillment of the promises God made in the Old Testament. When we connect the dots for our kids, they can see that God is always faithful, and He always keeps His promises.

For more practical ways to get your kids focused on Jesus during the Christmas season, check out Lori's new e-book Everyday Christmas. Give one as a gift, to pack away with the Christmas decoration so it's ready for next Christmas. Everyday Christmas is available for Kindle, Nook and as a PDF file.

Filling the Hole

For the past couple of years, we've given teachers and coaches a plate of Christmas cookies as part of their Christmas gifts. Yesterday was our day to make the cookies. We went over to my parents' house and made a mess of my mom's kitchen. We made chocolate thumbprint cookies, peanut butter cup cookies, Greek butter cookies and stained glass window cookies.

The stained glass window cookies are my oldest daughter's favorite cookie to make. They are sugar cookie cutouts with a hole in the center. You fill the hole with crushed up hard candy. When you bake them, the candy melts and leaves an opaque colored center in your cookie. My daughter loves how the powdered candy melts into something beautiful.

Our cutouts last night were gingerbread men and women, snowmen and stars. My daughter's job was to cut the holes and fill them with candy. As she was taking a tray to her station, she said "They're hungry, and I'm filling up their stomachs." She stopped, thought for a minute, then said, "No, it's more like they need Jesus, and I'm filling them up with Him."

I stopped for a moment and thought about what she had said. In a single sentence, my daughter had summed up the need for Christmas. We all have a need for Jesus, a hole in our lives that isn't full unless Jesus is a part of them. When we fill ourselves up with Jesus, when we let Him have control of our lives, He melts the powdered dust of our lives into something beautiful.

Just like our stained glass window cookies, we become a new creation. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." We may look the same on the outside, but on the inside our hearts are different. We need Christmas because nothing else in the world can fill that Jesus-sized hole we have in our hearts. We can try to fill it with activity, people and misguided beliefs, but only Jesus can take our broken, powdered lives and turn them into a thing of beauty.

At Christmas, it's easy to focus on the picture of Mary and Joseph and Jesus in the manger. The celebrations, the food and the family all add to our joy in Jesus' birth. But we need to remember we celebrate Christmas because God was meeting our need for Jesus. He sent Jesus so we could return to God without needing to make a sacrifice every time we sinned. Christmas is all about filling the hole in our lives.

Illustrate this idea for your kids. Help them understand that only Jesus can fill the "hole" in their lives.

• Give your kids a piece of paper with a circle cut in it. Give them different shapes to try to fit in the hole. Make it so they could put several pieces in the hole. Ask them to fill the whole up with the shapes. Talk about how while they can put things in the hole, none of them actually fit. Explain that those different shapes are like the things we try to put in our lives in place of Jesus. Talk about how God created us with a need for Jesus that only He can fill. When we try to put other things like accomplishments or friends or even other religions in that hole, they never really fill it.
• Make sugar cookie cutouts with your kids. You can find the recipe here. As you make them, talk about how we are like the cookies. Jesus fills the hole in our lives and makes something beautiful out of it, even when it seems our lives are crumbled and messy like the powdered candy.

This Christmas season, focus on letting Jesus fill the hole in your life. Ask Him to make something beautiful out of your life. Encourage your kids to remember that we have Christmas because we need Jesus.

For more practical ways to get your kids focused on Jesus during the Christmas season, check out Lori's new e-book Everyday Christmas. It's available for Kindle, Nook and as a PDF file.