The Process of Becoming

My oldest  daughter is in her last year of elementary school. She's been with the same group of kids since kindergarten. Her place in the fifth-grade social order is firmly fixed. She's the "sporty" girl -- the one who only wears jeans and T-shirts, puts her hair in a pony tail and can keep up with the boys at recess soccer.

The funny thing is that my daughter loves fashion. She loves to dress up at home and create unique outfits. Her favorite video game is one where she owns her own boutique and has to dress customers. She has a great eye for style, but you would never know it by the way she looks when she walks out the door for school.

Last night, she was messing around with her clothes before she went to bed. She tried out a couple of cute outfits and did her hair. I commented on how pretty she is and asked her why she liked to hide it at school. Apparently, she's worked hard at her playground soccer reputation and her clothing is part of her image.

We spent a little time talking about how middle school is an opportunity to change how others see her. It's a new school with lots of new kids who don't already know her. She can be whoever she wants to be.

These late elementary school and early middle school years are tough. It's the age at which our kids -- boys and girls -- are trying to figure out who they are and who they want to be. We call them "tweens" because they are in that stage "between" childhood and being a teenager. It's a time of discovery and learning. It can also be painful and heartbreaking.

No matter the age of our kids, they need to know they are loved -- both by us and by God. They also need to know that God is making them into all that He wants them to be, and every creation of God is beautiful. When your kids are frustrated with who they are or are so busy wanting to be older that they can't appreciate where they are, remind them that "becoming" is a process. It's one we can't speed up, and it's one that can sometimes be painful.

• Find a picture of a butterfly coming out of its chrysalis. Talk with your kids about how a butterfly starts as a fuzzy caterpillar, then goes into its chrysalis and emerges a beautiful butterfly. Butterflies have to fight their way out of the chrysalis, but you should never help a butterfly to get out. Only the struggle to free themselves gives the butterfly enough strength in its wings to be able to fly. Talk with your kids about how growing up is sometimes like being a butterfly. It can be tough, but in the end, God creates a beautiful you.
• Share Ecclesiastes 3:11 with your kids. " He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ask your kids to think of things that God has made that don't start out looking beautiful but end up pretty. Flowers are just green stalks when they sprout out of the ground, yet they provide beautiful color. Trees are barren in winter, yet they spring forth in bud and bloom when the weather warms. Talk about how this verse relates to us. Explain that God is always making us beautiful. Our beauty comes from letting God's love shine through us, not from some outer trappings.
• The next time you see a rainbow or a beautiful sunset, point it out to your kids. Talk about its beauty, and talk about how the beauty just showed up. We couldn't see it earlier in the day, but all the things that happened weatherwise during the day combined to make the sunset or the rainbow. Explain that the same thing happens with people. God uses all of our experiences and personalities to create something beautiful.

No matter the age of your kids, help them recognize that they are becoming something beautiful. God wants them to be who He made them to be. Sometimes that process is confusing and can even be painful, but beauty is the result.

Friday Introductions: Nancy Rue

I got an email in my inbox yesterday from Chuck E. Cheese. Yep, the big mouse that serves really bad pizza sent me an email. Actually, he sent my youngest daughter an email, wishing her a happy half-birthday.

Because I needed an overgrown mouse with a plastic head to remind me that my baby girl is growing up. She's 8 1/2. My oldest is almost 10 1/2. We've moved from playing with Little People and eating crayons to dealing with mean girls and looking for just the "right" pair of jeans.

I'm not sure where the time went, but I sit here this morning with two girls firmly ensconced in their tween years. I love the ages my girls are now, but I have to tell you that I think the tween stage is a whole bunch harder to parent than the tantrum-throwing 2-year-old stage. I knew what to do with a temper tantrum.

Some days I feel completely inadequate as a parent. I can't always fix the problems my girls are facing. All I can do is offer support and love and hope they make the best decisions they can.

I think the tween years are confusing for all kids. They're not quite teen-agers, yet they're no longer little kids. As a parent, it's hard to know what's going on in their brains. Getting a handle on who our tweens are and what they are becoming is difficult.

It's a difficult time for our kids, as well. Being stuck in the "in-between" is often a confusing and uncomfortable place to be.

Understanding our tweens, especially girls, is something that today's Friday Introduction excels at. If you have a tween girl, you need the resources that Nancy Rue provides.

Nancy has been writing about tween girls for decades. She has amazing insight into what's going on inside their heads and their hearts, and she has practical advice for moms and dads to nurture their girls through this "in-between" time.

If you have a tween girl, the single best thing I've ever read on them is Nancy Rue's book, Moms' Ultimate Guide to the Tween Girl World. This book offers insight into your daughter's thought process and into the issues she's facing in her world today.

Nancy also has a book for dads of tween girls called What Happened to My Little Girl?: Dad's Ultimate Guide to His Tween Daughter, which offers insight into tween girls for dads. It reiterates how important a dad's influence is in his daughter's life, especially during the tween years.

These are the years when we must talk to our daughters about their changing bodies and sex. Nancy offers some great information from a Godly perspective that speaks right to tween girls in her books Body Talk (Faithgirlz!) and The Body Book: It's A God Thing! (The Lily Series)

Nancy also writes fiction for tweens and teens in her Lily, Sophie and Real Life series of books. These are stories of girls who are facing problems similar to the ones our own girls face every day. Her characters solve them in a Christlike way that offers the reader wisdom and insight into solving their own problems.

Check out Nancy Rue's website for tweens that includes a blog aimed just at tween girls. You'll find a complete list of her books and some wise insight into how tween girls think.

When we're at a loss as to how to deal with an issue, especially ones that deal with our kids, it only makes sense to seek out some resources that offer Godly wisdom. Proverbs 3:13 says "Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding."

Gaining wisdom and understanding about our kids makes us better moms and dads. Seek out God's wisdom in the Bible and look for Godly instruction from those who have already walked the road you're on.

Memory Monday: For Such a Time as This (Esther 4:14)

My oldest daughter will turn 10 in June. This weekend, she was telling us how excited she is to be reaching this significant (in her mind) milestone in her life. As we talked, I realized that it seems like just yesterday that she was taking her first steps and saying her first words.

My 7-year-old played two hockey games on Saturday. As I stood in the freezing cold watching her play at the very early hour of 7 a.m., I realized that she was no longer one of the smallest kids on the ice. Sometime in the past four months, she's caught up with several of the boys on her team. She's growing up so quickly.

You often hear parents bemoan the fact that their kids are growing too fast. It's hard to let go of those little girl and little boy years as our kids become tweens and teens. And I don't know about you, but I feel completely under-equipped to deal with being the parent of a tween or teen. Parenting a young child isn't easy, but their needs are pretty basic. Feed them, kiss their boo-boos, make sure they get enough sleep and teach them the basics of faith.

As they get older, though, our kids need so much more from us. They need wisdom, comfort, freedom and answers to some tough questions. As I look ahead, I worry that I won't be up to the task.

Esther felt the same in her situation. She was a fairly young woman who had been thrust into the position of queen. It was up to her to save the entire Jewish population. Speaking could mean her death. Mordecai told her, "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14)


Such a time as this. God has put you in whatever position you're in -- mom of a toddler, preschooler, elementary-school-aged child, tween or teen -- for such a time as this. He chose you to be the parent of your particular child. Whatever challenges and joys you and your child will face, God knew that you would be the perfect person to deal with them with your child.
 
And, He doesn't expect us to do it alone. God is there to bolster us, offer us wisdom and give us the strength we need for the task. Some stages of being a parent are difficult. We'll face challenges we never dreamed of before we had kids. But, if we rely on God and remember that He put us in this place, at this time for "such a time as this," we can be the parent that our child needs.
 
As you memorize this verse this week, remember that no matter what situations land in your lap this week, God will help you be ready for "such a time as this."