Love One Another

I recently went on an overnight church trip with my youngest daughter. I spent the night in a cabin with four giggling girls. While we were laying out sleeping bags, one of the girls wanted to know how she was supposed to love someone who had hurt her mom. Nothing like starting the evening with a tough question.

The easy answer to that question is "Ask God to help you." That sounds easy, but when someone has hurt us, our natural instinct is not to reach out to them in love. We don't want God to help us love that person, we want God to punish them, and we want them to hurt like we hurt.

This little girl wanted to know why she should forgive this person. That didn't make any sense to her. Loving and forgiving someone who has hurt us or one of our family members is hard. Even with God's help, it's difficult.

Yet, Jesus said, "A new command I give you: Love one another." (John 13:34) Three simple words. Love one another. He didn't say, "Love those who love you" or "Love the people you like." He said "Love one another." That includes the people who have hurt you, the people who rub you the wrong way and the people who are out to get you. We are to love them.

The only way we can do that is with God's help. We can't love everyone on our own. Some people simply seem unloveable. We don't like their actions. We don't like the way they treat us. Yet, we are to love them.

Loving others in spite of the hurt they inflict or the poor choices they make requires a change in in the way we see them. We have to begin to see them through God's eyes and not our own. That person that hurt you is also God's masterpiece. Jesus died for him, too. When we put on God's eyes, we begin to see others as loveable.

Loving the unloveable also requires a change of heart. We have to let God fill us up with His love so that love can overflow onto others. We simply don't have enough love on our own to love those who have hurt us.

Illustrate these concepts for your kids.

• Get a pair of glasses that change the way things look -- 3D glasses or glasses that distort everything. Have your kids put on the glasses and ask them to describe how things look. Explain that God wants us to love everyone. But we can only do that if we change our perspective on people. Talk with your kids about asking God to help them see others as He sees them -- as His own masterpieces who are worthy of the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross.
• Get a cup, a bowl and a pitcher of water. Place the cup in the bowl. Put Lego people in the bowl. Explain to your kids that the cup is their heart and the Lego people are all the people who have hurt them or who are difficult to love. Pour water in the cup until it's 3/4 full. Explain that the water is our love. We don't have enough on our own to reach those people that are hard to love. Pour enough water into the cup that it overflows onto the Lego people. Explain that when we let God fill us up with love, His love will overflow onto all those around us, including those who we have a hard time loving on our own.

God commands us to love others, not because it's easy, but because it gives the world a picture of who He is. Every time we love someone who seems unloveable, we free our hearts from bitterness and we become a physical picture of who God is. And you never know when that will make a difference to someone else.

The New Kid

My oldest daughter's grade is the smallest in the school. There are only three classes for her grade when the other grades in the school have four or five classes. Most of these fifth-graders have been together since kindergarten.

The other day she came home telling me about this new girl who played soccer with her at recess. I asked "What's her name?" "Does she play soccer on a team?" The answer to both questions was that my daughter didn't know.

Being the new kid stinks. Walking into the beginning of a new school year not knowing anyone is intimidating and lonely. Being the only new kid on the soccer team or in the acting class makes something a child loves, an activity to dread.

As school starts back up for most of us, helping our kids be aware of the new children in their midst and encouraging them to show some compassion and offer friendship can go a long way toward easing the transition for the new kids in their midst.

Most of the time the kids who have been together in a class or on a team don't even think about how tough it must be to be "the new kid." The established kids aren't intentionally mean. They're just oblivious.

As this school year gets under way, help open your kids' eyes to the new kids in their midst and encourage them to offer friendship and include those kids in their activities. Inviting a child to join them in a game or activity doesn't cost your child anything, but it may mean everything to the other child.

• If your child talks about a new child at school or from a sport or activity, gently encourage them to get to know the other child. Ask them if they are including that child in their activity.
• Help your child to walk a mile in the other child's shoes. Ask your child how she would feel if she were the new kid. Help her brainstorm ways that she can make the other child feel welcome.
• Remind your child that God accepts each of us, flaws and all. He loves us and includes us in His kingdom, despite our flaws. He wants us to show the same compassion to others. In John 13:34, Jesus says, "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

Getting our kids to step outside their comfort zone to reach out to another child teaches our children compassion and gives them an opportunity to show God's love to others.

Sometimes Love is Hard

My oldest daughter has some girls in her grade that just aren't very nice to others. They spend their time looking for ways to make others feel bad. They love to exclude others and make fun of people they perceive as weaker than themselves.

Unfortunately, this isn't an unusual occurence. By the time our kids hit third or fourth grade, they've encountered at least one child who makes herself feel better by attacking others.

I have to admit that my first reaction to these types of girls is to pull out my momma bear claws and want to step in. When my oldest is on the receiving end of the hurtful things these girls can say, I really am not interested in teaching her to turn the other cheek and love her enemies. My first instinct is to tell her to fight back and be just as mean as those girls are.

But, that's not the best solution. It simply causes her to stoop to the level of these girls. Jesus' solution for dealing with people who wanted to hurt Him was to pray for them. The world tells us to fight back when someone attacks us -- to hurt them as badly as they have hurt us. But Jesus said, "You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." (Matthew 5:43-44)

No matter how hard, God asks us to love those who dislike us and even pray for them. That's a tall order and it goes against human nature and the general sentiment of the world. Yet, learning to love our enemies and pray for those who hurt us, makes us people of compassion. It shows others a picture of God's love for us.

God has every reason to dislike us. We break His commands. We forget to praise Him and thank Him for all He has done for us. We treat Jesus' sacrifics on the cross lightly. Yet, God loves us anyway. He's not asking us to do anything He hasn't already done.

Does it break God's heart when people treat each other poorly? Yes. Does it make God sad when people choose to hurt others? Yes. Do those things make God stop loving us? No. God loves us in spite of our actions. He sees beyond the surface and loves the person He made in His own image. The key to loving others and praying for our enemies is to see others through God's eyes.

Help your kids love their enemies and pray for those who persecute them by helping them find God's perspective on the person who has hurt them.

• Pray about the situation, and pray specifically for the person who has hurt your child. It's hard to dislike someone when you are praying for them. Ask God to help your child see that person as God sees them.
• Talk about reasons that people act in a mean way. Usually kids who are looking for ways to demean others are very insecure about themselves. They may put on a good front, but deep down they're terrified of losing the approval of their friends, and they don't think very highly of themselves. They target other kids who are weaker or who they see as a threat to their status. Understanding that the other child's hurtful comments and actions are rooted in their own insecurities can help your child feel compassion for them.
• Teach your kids to always respond with kindness. This is hard. It's not easy to be kind to those who have hurt you. But responding in kindness puts your kids above the fray, and they won't ever have to be ashamed of their actions. Proverbs 25:21-22 says "If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you."
• Remind your kids that every child is a masterpiece, even the one's who are mean to us. Help them see the other child as a lovable person, created in God's image.

Loving our enemies is hard. It's not easy to take the high road, especially when we are hurt. Our first instinct is to lash out at those who have hurt us. But when we put on the lenses of God's eyes and we pray for those who have hurt us, God will help us love them. And love always triumphs.

Memory Monday: Obedience and Love (Deuteronomy 11:1)

I have a child who struggles with obedience. I believe the politically correct term for this is "strong-willed." I think "stubborn" and "willful" also fit the bill.

On one of our trips this year, we stayed in a house that had a small beach that led to a dock on the lake. Because the beach had a steep dropoff into the water, we literally drew a line in the sand that we told the kids not to cross.

The first thing my daughter did was see how far across the line she could get before someone told her to get back. She had to know if she could touch the line, put her toes over the line or even get a foot over the line before she got in trouble. It wasn't enough for her to know that there was a rule. She had to know if the rule was going to be enforced.

I think we all struggle with obedience. How often does God tell us to do something or not to do something and we either ignore Him or see how far across the line we can get before we either get hurt or get our hand slapped?

God asks for our obedience to His commands, not because He loves setting up rules for us to follow but becuase obedience is a tangible sign of our love for Him. Even in the Old Testament, God wanted obedience to flow out of love, not just a rote following of the rules. Deuteronomy 11:1 says "Love the Lord your God and keep his requirements, his decrees, his laws and his commands always."

This verse tells us to love God first, then follow His commands. Our obedience to God is how we show we love Him.

Too often, being a Christ-follower can come across as a list of rules to follow. But Jesus' sacrifice on the cross was the ultimate act of love. God asks for our love. When we give Him that, obedience will follow.

Our kids need to know that being a Christ-follower isn't just a list of rules to follow. It's a lifestyle based on love. Because we love God, we choose to follow His commands. And, we love God because He first loved us and sacrificed His son so that we would not spend eternity separated from God.

As you memorize Deuteronomy 11:1 this week, talk with your kids about obedience. Explain that obedience is an act of love, whether it's obedience to you or obedience to God. Love makes obedience easier, but it's still a choice we have to make.

God loves us enough that He sacrificed His son for us. All He asks of us is that we love Him and show that love through obedience. Love is the key.

Soccer Tryouts and Tears

My oldest daughter plays club soccer, and we spent the weekend going to soccer tryouts in near 100-degree heat.

For those of you unfamiliar with the world of club soccer, every June soccer clubs hold tryouts. Kids can try out for as many or as few teams as they like. Then, they wait for soccer clubs to call and offer them a spot on the team.

We're a family that has chosen not to tryout hop. Our daughter tries out for one club that guarantees her a spot on one of their teams. The whole tryout process leaves me feeling conflicted, though.

My daughter is 10. She's a decent soccer player who shows occasional flashes of brilliance. She's not a girl who can dominate a game all by herself, but she's an important cog in the wheel of her team. And she loves playing soccer at a competitive level. However, tryouts generally leave me with a sobbing child at some point during the two-weekend long process.

The first day of tryouts on Saturday did just that. The club she plays for has different levels of teams. This year, our daughter played on the top level team and before the tryout we talked about what it would take to make that team again.

A combination of nerves, heat and getting kicked in the ribs had my daughter having a bad day at tryouts. She was exhausted and frustrated. All weekend, I watched girls come off the field in tears. The combination of stress, heat and exhaustion were taking their toll. As I watched the tears fall, I thought, "Why do we do this to our kids?"

The answer is our youth sports culture forces it on us if our kids have even a smidgen of talent. To sit out of the process pretty much leaves your child with no chance of ever making the team when they get older. But the pressure those 10-year-olds felt on the field this weekend was crazy.

Don't get me wrong. I love having my kids play sports. I wouldn't trade the things they have learned from playing team sports for anything. My girls have had great coaches who have invested in them both as people and players. They have learned lessons about winning and losing well. They have gained self-confidence and courage.

But the pressure they feel in trying to make a team is out of proportion with the importance of making that team. Short of pulling my girls out of the sports they love, which would stifle some of who God made them to be, we have to figure out how to help them through the stress of the situation.

So, after a tear-filled Saturday, we changed our tactics on Sunday. Instead of talking about how to make the top team, we simply encouraged our daughter to go out and do her best. We reminded her that we love her whether she makes the team or not and whether she plays soccer or not. Removing the pressure of expectations from my daughters' shoulders made a huge difference. Even a ball to the head didn't keep her down long on Sunday. She even found reasons to smile out there on the blazing hot field as she competed for her spot.

What was the difference? Well, a good night's sleep helped a lot. But the thing that made the most difference for my daughter was knowing that her worth to us and to God was not tied in up in whether she did well on the field or not. Sometimes in our efforts to encourage our kids to do their best in whatever they do, we place unrealistic expectations on them. Everyone wants to be the parent of the next super star, but most of us are not those parents.

When our kids know that they will be loved and accepted by us no matter what happens on the field or at school, it frees them to be able to be themselves. God expects our best. He tells us "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." (Colossians 3:23). But God doesn't expect us to be someone that He did not design us to be. Ephesians 4:11 reminds us that He gave everyone different gifts: "It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers."

Expect the best from your children but be sure they know your love and acceptance isn't dependent on anything they do. Don't let the expectations of the rest of the world get in the way of your unconditional love for your child. Your unconditional love and acceptance allows your child the freedom to be who God created them to be.

Memory Monday: Toeing the Line

We just returned from a 10-day vacation. We visited relatives on both sides of the family, attended the Indy 500 and spent a week on Lake Freeman in Indiana with my extended family.

The house we rented on Lake Freeman had its own beach. We never went in the water, but the kids spent hours playing in the sand. The beach had a pretty steep drop off into the water, so we were a bit concerned about someone accidentally falling in.

With six kids on the beach ranging in age from 3 to 10, we spent a lot of time telling them not to get too close to the edge. We discovered that "close" is a relative term. The adults' idea of close to the water wasn't what the kids considered close to the water. There was much discussion between parents and children about how close was too close.

To solve the issue, we laid a rope in the sand and said, "Don't cross this line." The defined line made it much easier for the kids to know how close was too close to the water. It was interesting to watch how each child dealt with the clearly defined rule.

Our two rule-followers never went anywhere near the rope. Once the line had been defined for them, they didn't have any trouble not stepping over it. The other four weren't as convinced about the steadfastness of the rule. They would get near the rope and often try to see how close they could get to the rope.

I sat and watched my youngest get as close to the rope as possible and even put her toes on the rope. She knew better than to actually cross the rope, but she wanted to see how far she could go before it was considered disobedient.

How often are we like my youngest? God clearly lays out rules for us to follow -- not because He loves making rules but because He loves us. Yet, we don't always see the wisdom in those rules and we see how close we can get to the line He has drawn -- and often we step over it. The consequences are that we step into sin without meaning to.

None of our kids wanted to fall into the murky lake water, but if they got too close that's exactly what would have happened. The same is true with sin. Most of the time, none of us intend to jump into sin. We just get too close to the line and fall in. We end up covered in the muck and mire of sin because we stepped over the line God drew.

Jesus told us in John 14:15, "If you love me, keep my commands." Following God's rules is a way that we show we love Him. If we try to follow God's commands as if they are a to-do list to get into heaven, those rules become a burden. But if we recognize that God created rules for us because He loves us and we follow those rules because we love Him, staying within the lines God has drawn becomes an act of worship, not a tedious task.

Most of the time, we make rules for our kids because we are concerned about their safety or their character. The same is true wtih God. He didn't just set arbitrary rules. All of the commands God gives us are either intended to keep us safe or to mold our character.

As you memorize John 14:15 this week, help your kids to understand that God's rules are about love -- not restrictiveness. He loved us enough to give us a framework in which to live. We show we love Him by following His commands.

Toeing the line of God's commands is much easier if we understand the reasons behind the rules. And God's reason is love.

Why Are Kids So Mean?

Yesterday was one of those days that simply makes a parent's soul weary. My fourth grader is discovering that life isn't always fun and girls can be mean. It's so hard to watch her try to sort out why a girl who is her friend one day decides to be mean to her the next. It's not fun for her and it hurts my heart to watch her struggle.

To make matters worse, it's state testing time. I really don't think there's a person on the planet who hates state testing more than I do. Every year at this time, the focus at school changes from teaching children for the sake of learning to teaching children to take a test. It sucks all the creativity and joy out of going to school for my daughter. She becomes a sullen, cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat child focused on whether or not she's going to meet her next goal.

Combine a missed testing goal with a bunch of 9- and 10-year-old mean girls, and you get a day that can almost reduce a 9-year-old to tears and that can make a mother wonder "What on earth do I say to her?" While it all makes my heart hurt, I can't fix either issue that she's dealing with. She has to take the state tests, and these girls are just the first people she's going to encounter who make themselves feel better by putting others down.

So, on the way to soccer last night, I sent up a prayer for wisdom and dove in with some explanation, some encouragement and lots of love. If you're a heart-sick mom who's watching your child struggle with the hurtful comments of other kids, try some of these things to encourage your child.

• Reassure your child of their worth. Remind them that Ephesians 2:10 says "For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." No matter what anyone else says about them or to them, God created them and considers them to be his "masterpiece."
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  Help your child to understand that people who don't know Jesus, don't know that they are God's masterpiece. When they feel insecure or bad about themselves, they can't fall back on the knowledge that God made them in His image. So, to make themselves feel better, they use their words to put other people down.
• Help your child pray for those that are causing them pain. This is so hard, even as an adult, but Matthew 5:44 says "But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." Pray that those other kids would learn that they are valuable to God, so they will no longer need to put others down to feel better about themselves.
• Reassure your child of your love. Make a point to tell your child how much you love him. Spend some extra time with him. Do something that will make him feel special and loved.
• Don't hesitate to step in if the situation warrants. This may mean a phone call to the teacher or the other child's parent. This one is tricky because you don't want to make the situation worse, but don't let your child continue to be bullied if the situation begins to spiral out of control. There's a big difference between a bad day and a continual pattern of bullying.
• Pray diligently for your child. There is nothing your child needs more than your love and your prayer. Let your child know that you are praying for them while they are at school. Knowing that you are jumping into the battle with them will bolster your child's confidence in dealing with the situation.

Remember that nothing provides healing more than God's love. Help your child remember that she is a God's masterpiece and that you consider her a gift. Children who know that they are loved and have love to give to others have the most important weapon in these childhood skirmishes.

The Mistletoe Hung Where You Can See

Nothing sums up the meaning of Christmas better than John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he sent his only son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life." It's easy to focus on the miraculous birth of Jesus, the wise men and the shepherds while never really focusing on the fact that Jesus' birth was a gift of love from God to us.

God loves us so much that he doesn't want us to spend eternity separated from him. His love is so great that he was willing to send his son to die as a sacrifice for our sins. God gives us a free gift borne out of His great love.

In the next few days before Christmas, don't forget to help your kids understand that the gift of Jesus comes from God's love for us. As a simple reminder of this, hang some mistletoe in your house. Mistletoe has traditionally been a symbol of love. You hang it in your house, and whoever is standing under it gets a kiss.

Hang some in your house and every time you kiss your child remind her that you love her and God does, too. Tell her that you're giving her a kiss to remind her that Jesus is God's gift of love.

In the busyness of the next few days, among all the baking, family events, church services, and gift-giving, give a kiss to remind everyone that Christmas is the season of love.

God is Love

Each day in November, the Everyday Truth blog is looking at a different name for God and providing a family devotional for you to use with your kids. The goal is to keep our hearts focused on giving thanks to God during the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving.



God loves you. You've probably heard that before, right? But have you ever really thought about what that means?

The God who spoke the universe into being loves you. The Bible tells us He knows the number of hairs on your head. He loves you so much that He sent Jesus to die for you, so that you can have a relationship with God. He refused to let our sin separate us forever from His love.

God's love is unconditional. No matter what we do, God will still love us. He doesn't care if you wear the "right" clothes. He doesn't care if your hair is blonde, brown or purple with pink stripes. He's even ready to forgive you when you mess up -- no matter what you have done.

Sometimes people tell us they love us, but then get mad at us when we don't live up to their expectations. Has your mom or dad ever said to you, "If you do well at school, then we'll go out for ice cream" or "If you clean your room, you can watch TV?" Those are conditional statements -- if you do this, then I will do that -- but they're not related to love. Sometimes, though, we have friends who don't want to be friends with us unless we do everything their way. They tell us with their words and actions that if we wear the right clothes or if we act a certain way, we can be their friend. That's conditional love.

God's love isn't like that. His love isn't based on anything that we do. It's based on who God is. The Bible tells us in 1 John 4:7-8 "Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love."

Look at that last statement. It says God is love. His whole being is made up of love. And He chooses to pour that love out on you. I don't know about you, but sometimes I'm not very lovable. I can be crabby and not much fun to be around. I make mistakes, and I don't always treat others like I should. But God loves me anyway.

Give everyone in your family a piece of paper. On the paper make two columns. Label one column lovable, and the other column unlovable. In the lovable column write down the things that you think make a person easy to love. In the other column right down things you think make a person hard to love. Share those lists with your family. Now draw a big red heart over both columns and write God in the middle. Hang your list somewhere that you can see it to remind you that even when you act in ways that might not be easy to love, God still loves you.

Do you know what the best thing about God's love is? We can share it with others. His love fills us up so much, that it should spill out of our lives onto other people. God will never run out of love. He has enough for each of us. Talk with your family about ways that you can show God's love to other people. Be sure to share God's love with someone else today.

Write on your thankfulness tree leaves ways that you are thankful for God's love. You can thank Him for loving you enough to send Jesus. You can thank Him for loving you even when you aren't easy to love. Thank Him for ways that you see His love in your life (he's given you great parents, good friends, a dog who loves to sit in your lap and kiss you). Hang your leaves on your tree.

Pray together, thanking God for His unconditional love. Have everyone take a turn telling God how His love makes a difference in their lives. Ask God to give your family opportunities to show God's love to others this week.