Memory Monday: Toeing the Line

We just returned from a 10-day vacation. We visited relatives on both sides of the family, attended the Indy 500 and spent a week on Lake Freeman in Indiana with my extended family.

The house we rented on Lake Freeman had its own beach. We never went in the water, but the kids spent hours playing in the sand. The beach had a pretty steep drop off into the water, so we were a bit concerned about someone accidentally falling in.

With six kids on the beach ranging in age from 3 to 10, we spent a lot of time telling them not to get too close to the edge. We discovered that "close" is a relative term. The adults' idea of close to the water wasn't what the kids considered close to the water. There was much discussion between parents and children about how close was too close.

To solve the issue, we laid a rope in the sand and said, "Don't cross this line." The defined line made it much easier for the kids to know how close was too close to the water. It was interesting to watch how each child dealt with the clearly defined rule.

Our two rule-followers never went anywhere near the rope. Once the line had been defined for them, they didn't have any trouble not stepping over it. The other four weren't as convinced about the steadfastness of the rule. They would get near the rope and often try to see how close they could get to the rope.

I sat and watched my youngest get as close to the rope as possible and even put her toes on the rope. She knew better than to actually cross the rope, but she wanted to see how far she could go before it was considered disobedient.

How often are we like my youngest? God clearly lays out rules for us to follow -- not because He loves making rules but because He loves us. Yet, we don't always see the wisdom in those rules and we see how close we can get to the line He has drawn -- and often we step over it. The consequences are that we step into sin without meaning to.

None of our kids wanted to fall into the murky lake water, but if they got too close that's exactly what would have happened. The same is true with sin. Most of the time, none of us intend to jump into sin. We just get too close to the line and fall in. We end up covered in the muck and mire of sin because we stepped over the line God drew.

Jesus told us in John 14:15, "If you love me, keep my commands." Following God's rules is a way that we show we love Him. If we try to follow God's commands as if they are a to-do list to get into heaven, those rules become a burden. But if we recognize that God created rules for us because He loves us and we follow those rules because we love Him, staying within the lines God has drawn becomes an act of worship, not a tedious task.

Most of the time, we make rules for our kids because we are concerned about their safety or their character. The same is true wtih God. He didn't just set arbitrary rules. All of the commands God gives us are either intended to keep us safe or to mold our character.

As you memorize John 14:15 this week, help your kids to understand that God's rules are about love -- not restrictiveness. He loved us enough to give us a framework in which to live. We show we love Him by following His commands.

Toeing the line of God's commands is much easier if we understand the reasons behind the rules. And God's reason is love.

Memory Monday: Matthew 22:37-39

Does it honor God? Does it help others? These two simple questions can help you teach your kids values. Everything Jesus did, and everything found in the Old Testament law is summed up in these two questions.

Our church is doing a sermon series on Raising G-rated Kids in an R-rated World. Yesterday's sermon focused on teaching your kids values. Our pastor yesterday suggested that the best way to teach values to your kids, which is what this blog is all about, is to reduce all the rules you have to these two questions. That's what Jesus did in today's Memory Monday verse. In Matthew 22:37-39, he says "Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

Jesus took thousands of years of tradition and law and distilled them into two simple commands -- love God and love your neighbor. He kept the commands simple and easy to remember. And He based those commands on a value.

While rules are important and set limits for our kids, we need to follow Jesus' example and remember to focus on the values behind the rules. We need to know what the most important values are in our life and base the rules in our households on those values. As our children learn the values, we'll find that they need fewer rules.

If it sounds like I'm advocating that you have no rules, I'm not, but remember that if children only follow rules because they have to, they will just be rules. They won't learn anything from them and will just see them as restrictive. If you use the rules to teach values, eventually your children will rely on the value to guide their behavior. Use these ideas to set up rules in your home that reflect the values you want to teach.

• Sit down with your spouse and decide what big values you want to emphasize. Start with the two that Jesus taught in this verse. You may want to distill those values down into smaller chunks like respect for others, helping others, telling the truth, etc. Decide what rules you need to have in place to reflect those values. Try to keep your list of rules as short as possible, depending on the age of your kids. Younger kids will need more rules because they don't already have a grasp on the value. Remember, the goal of having rules is to teach children a value. If you have rules in your home that don't reflect a certain value, it might be time to examine why you have that rule and whether it's worth enforcing.
• Draw up a contract for your family. Have it clearly state the values in your home. It can be a simple document that simply lists the things you as a family value. For example, it might read something like this, "We, the Fairchild family, promise to: treat others with respect, honor our parents, refrain from lying, help others, play fairly, honor God and love each other." Have everyone sign the document and hang it somewhere where everyone can see it. When your kids break a rule based on a value in the contract, remind them of the action they agreed to in the contract. Having them sign the contract places responsibility for their actions on your kids and lets them know up front the values that your family thinks are important.
• Use the questions "Does it honor God? Does it help others?" frequently. When your children are trying to make choices or they have made a poor choice, use these questions to help them understand why certain behaviors are wrong. This takes the emphasis off of the rule they broke and puts it squarely on the underlying value you want them to learn.

As you learn this verse this week, don't forget to apply those questions to the things you are doing in your life. Do your actions honor God and help others? If they don't, you can talk until you're blue in the face about those values to your kids, but your own actions will undermine your teaching. Give your kids a good example to follow as you work to move from just enforcing rules to teaching them the values behind the rules.