Memory Monday: Waiting (Psalm 37:7)

We often tell my youngest that we're not sure what she was doing when God was giving out patience, but she clearly wasn't around when He was doing so. Patience is not a trait that comes easily to most children -- and even many adults. We live in a society of immediate gratification. Advertising screams at us that we should have what we want, when we want it. We are constantly bombarded by the message that we deserve better than what we have, and we should have it now.

But, sometimes, God asks us to wait. For children who are growing up in a world that values immediate gratification, waiting can seem like an impossible task. I know that standing in line for more than five minutes sends up cries of "How long is this going to take" in our family. I imagine God hears that cry often from his children, too.

Sometimes, when we ask God for something, He gives it to us right away. Sometimes, though, He makes us wait. From our point of view, the wait can seem interminable. But, God uses the wait to teach us things. It is in the waiting and the asking that we learn patience. We learn that God's plan is always better than anything we can come up with -- even if we can't see it at the time. We learn to rely only on God. These are things we can't learn if there is no wait.

If God gave us everything in our timing and not in His, we would miss out on the joy we can find in waiting on Him. Psalm 37:7 says "Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes." One of the benefits of waiting is that it forces us to be still. Do you think Paul would have written half the New Testament if God hadn't made him wait in a jail cell for several years of his life? Probably not. He would have been too busy taking the gospel to different churches. Paul's enforced stillness allowed Him to share the gospel not just with the people of his day but with the rest of us who have lived in the past 2,000 years. All because of the wait.

As you memorize this verse with your children this week, think of times when you have had to wait. Talk about those times and see if you can find positive things that came out of waiting. The next time you have to wait at a restuarant, talk with your kids about how much more you're going to appreciate the food because you had to wait for it. If your family is waiting for an answer to prayer, help your children to identify the things that God is teaching them as they wait.

The next time you're tempted to complain to God about waiting on Him, take a minute to think about whether you have learned anything during the wait. Then, instead of complaining, thank Him for all He's taught you in the wait.

Encourage Dreaming

My 7-year-old daughter's school music program is next week. The theme is "What I Want to Be When I Grow Up." Instead of having the kids all dress alike, the music teacher is having them all wear a costume of what they want to be when they grow up. My daughter is going dressed as a hockey player.

Now, the likelihood that my petite little girl is going to actually make a living hockey playing hockey in the National Hockey League is miniscule, but we haven't told her that. She's a smart kid. She'll eventually figure it out. But, right now, we're going to let her go ahead and dream about playing hockey for a living.

You see, right now, she has a big dream. If I use the thorn of reality to pop the bubble of that dream, then I take away something precious from her. At 7 years old, it's harmless for her to want to be the next Alex Ovechkin.

When I was younger, I wanted to be an astronaut. You'll note I'm not currently hurtling through space on the space shuttle. My parents probably knew I wasn't going to end up as an astronaut (I hated math), but they encouraged my dream. They even sent me to Space Camp.

God gives us talents, dreams and ambitions. If we are so mired in reality that we insist on popping the bubble on our kids' dreams, we take away the opportunity for them to stretch their imaginations, try new things and eventually find the special place that God has for them. You know, if someone had told me that being a journalist was a lousy job that didn't pay much, had horrible hours and was a profession populated with cynical people, I would never have gained the skills that allow me to write this blog.

God has given humans an amazing capacity to dream -- sometimes beyond our capacity to reach. But, think of what amazing feats we would have missed if someone had told Picasso he would never be an artist or if the Wright brothers had listened when people told them they would never fly.

Jesus said "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God" (Mark 10:27). While we might think our children's dreams are impossible, you never know which one of those dreams God may make possible.

So, encourage your kids to keep dreaming, and dream some yourself. Who knows 15 years from now, you may see a petite young lady with curly hair taking the ice -- in the NHL.

Why Are Kids So Mean?

Yesterday was one of those days that simply makes a parent's soul weary. My fourth grader is discovering that life isn't always fun and girls can be mean. It's so hard to watch her try to sort out why a girl who is her friend one day decides to be mean to her the next. It's not fun for her and it hurts my heart to watch her struggle.

To make matters worse, it's state testing time. I really don't think there's a person on the planet who hates state testing more than I do. Every year at this time, the focus at school changes from teaching children for the sake of learning to teaching children to take a test. It sucks all the creativity and joy out of going to school for my daughter. She becomes a sullen, cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat child focused on whether or not she's going to meet her next goal.

Combine a missed testing goal with a bunch of 9- and 10-year-old mean girls, and you get a day that can almost reduce a 9-year-old to tears and that can make a mother wonder "What on earth do I say to her?" While it all makes my heart hurt, I can't fix either issue that she's dealing with. She has to take the state tests, and these girls are just the first people she's going to encounter who make themselves feel better by putting others down.

So, on the way to soccer last night, I sent up a prayer for wisdom and dove in with some explanation, some encouragement and lots of love. If you're a heart-sick mom who's watching your child struggle with the hurtful comments of other kids, try some of these things to encourage your child.

• Reassure your child of their worth. Remind them that Ephesians 2:10 says "For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." No matter what anyone else says about them or to them, God created them and considers them to be his "masterpiece."
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  Help your child to understand that people who don't know Jesus, don't know that they are God's masterpiece. When they feel insecure or bad about themselves, they can't fall back on the knowledge that God made them in His image. So, to make themselves feel better, they use their words to put other people down.
• Help your child pray for those that are causing them pain. This is so hard, even as an adult, but Matthew 5:44 says "But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you." Pray that those other kids would learn that they are valuable to God, so they will no longer need to put others down to feel better about themselves.
• Reassure your child of your love. Make a point to tell your child how much you love him. Spend some extra time with him. Do something that will make him feel special and loved.
• Don't hesitate to step in if the situation warrants. This may mean a phone call to the teacher or the other child's parent. This one is tricky because you don't want to make the situation worse, but don't let your child continue to be bullied if the situation begins to spiral out of control. There's a big difference between a bad day and a continual pattern of bullying.
• Pray diligently for your child. There is nothing your child needs more than your love and your prayer. Let your child know that you are praying for them while they are at school. Knowing that you are jumping into the battle with them will bolster your child's confidence in dealing with the situation.

Remember that nothing provides healing more than God's love. Help your child remember that she is a God's masterpiece and that you consider her a gift. Children who know that they are loved and have love to give to others have the most important weapon in these childhood skirmishes.

Get Plugged In

My children will tell you that I woke up grumpy yesterday. I really wasn't very nice. By the time I sent them off to school, I owed them an apology. I was out of sorts for most of the day -- overwhelmed by all the things I need to get done, frustrated with the rearranging of my schedule caused by circumstances entirely out of my control and just generally unhappy with a lot of my current circumstances. It took me until my drive home from hockey last night to figure out what my real problem was.

You see, I'm a lot like my laptop. I can carry my laptop around from room to room without plugging it in -- for a while. But, after about two hours, my laptop will run out of battery, and it will be useless until I plug it back in. I'm the same way. I can go for a while without really being plugged in to God. I can coast on what I already know. I can even feel like I'm plugged in. But, if I'm not spending daily time studying God's word and talking with Him, I'm eventually going to run out of battery.

That's what happened to me yesterday. After having a wonderful Christmas season with my family, my little world got so clogged with sick kids, work responsibilities, church responsibilities and kids' activities that I unplugged myself from the source of power. I put off having a daily time with God. We missed church several weeks in a row for illness and games.

Until this week, I was able to rest on the laurels of my past relationship with God, but yesterday, my foul mood, was directly related to my disconnecting myself from the source of power. Colossians 1:9-11 says "We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience." That's what I want -- to be strengthened by God's power. But, I have to make the effort to plug myself into that power.

Parenting is tough. My oldest daughter this week has been a bundle of conflicting emotions. It's state testing time at school, and she always ends up being a basket case from the pressure. I know this is the root of her attitude, but this week I didn't tap into God's wisdom to deal with it. I dealt with it on my own -- and not well. When she needed me to be understanding and patient, I was intolerant and impatient. Now, we all have those moments when we don't react the best way to our kids. But, I know that this week my reactions stemmed from my lack of connection to God -- not from a simple misjudgment.

So, today I want to encourage you to get plugged in to God. I spent some time talking with God yesterday and will be plugging in with Him again this morning. Because if we're trying to parent our kids under our own power, then sometimes we'll get it right but more often we'll miss the mark. If you've unplugged yourself from the ultimate source of power and wisdom, it's time to plug yourself back in.

Stop the Bickering

I think my girls have been home more than they have gone to school in January. Between Christmas break, snow days, Martin Luther King day and sick days, we've spent a lot of time at home. The weather has been cold and wet, which means we've spent much of that time cooped up in the house together.

Now, I don't know what happens in your house when your kids spend a lot of time together inside, but in my house, those days generally deteriorate into my children saying things to each other that aren't very nice. Sometimes, gasp, the situation becomes so charged that they will hit or shove one another.

Sibling bickering is a part of most families. Having to share anything with another person goes against our naturally selfish natures. It's not natural for us to want to think about someone else before we think about ourselves. When we think only of ourselves, it's easy to say something we don't really mean or to lash out at someone else when things don't go our way. When your young and your brain has yet to develop all the brakes for impulse control, it's even easier.

The constant bickering can drive parents nuts. Too often, we simply react by separating our kids or offering up punishment without explanation. I know that my first reaction is to make my girls go sit in separate rooms. While that's a valid response and stops the immediate problem, it doesn't help my girls learn to get along or learn to think before they speak.

If  you are caught in the throes of sibling bickering, try some of these ideas.

• Have your kids memorize Ephesians 4:29, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." When you hear them saying something that doesn't fit the instruction in this verse, have them repeat the verse to you. Then ask them if they think what they just said fits with the directions in the verse.
• Cut out some lips from construction paper. Give each child a set of lips and a Band-Aid. Tell them that when they want to say something mean to their sibling, they should go stick the Band-Aid on the construction paper lips as a reminder not to say mean and hurtful things.
• Talk about putting others first. Read Philippians 2:3-4, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." Talk about how when we get caught up in what we want, instead of putting others first, we can hurt other people with our words.
• Give your children a task to do together on a regular basis. Forcing them to work together gives them opportunities to work out their differences. It also lets them see that the other sibling can be a help to them.

If your kids are anything like mine, you'll have plenty of opportunity to work on stopping the bickering during the cold, snowy days of winter.  Remember to hold onto your own frustration and help your kids take the focus off their own wants and put their focus on the needs of others.

Memory Monday: For Such a Time as This (Esther 4:14)

My oldest daughter will turn 10 in June. This weekend, she was telling us how excited she is to be reaching this significant (in her mind) milestone in her life. As we talked, I realized that it seems like just yesterday that she was taking her first steps and saying her first words.

My 7-year-old played two hockey games on Saturday. As I stood in the freezing cold watching her play at the very early hour of 7 a.m., I realized that she was no longer one of the smallest kids on the ice. Sometime in the past four months, she's caught up with several of the boys on her team. She's growing up so quickly.

You often hear parents bemoan the fact that their kids are growing too fast. It's hard to let go of those little girl and little boy years as our kids become tweens and teens. And I don't know about you, but I feel completely under-equipped to deal with being the parent of a tween or teen. Parenting a young child isn't easy, but their needs are pretty basic. Feed them, kiss their boo-boos, make sure they get enough sleep and teach them the basics of faith.

As they get older, though, our kids need so much more from us. They need wisdom, comfort, freedom and answers to some tough questions. As I look ahead, I worry that I won't be up to the task.

Esther felt the same in her situation. She was a fairly young woman who had been thrust into the position of queen. It was up to her to save the entire Jewish population. Speaking could mean her death. Mordecai told her, "For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14)


Such a time as this. God has put you in whatever position you're in -- mom of a toddler, preschooler, elementary-school-aged child, tween or teen -- for such a time as this. He chose you to be the parent of your particular child. Whatever challenges and joys you and your child will face, God knew that you would be the perfect person to deal with them with your child.
 
And, He doesn't expect us to do it alone. God is there to bolster us, offer us wisdom and give us the strength we need for the task. Some stages of being a parent are difficult. We'll face challenges we never dreamed of before we had kids. But, if we rely on God and remember that He put us in this place, at this time for "such a time as this," we can be the parent that our child needs.
 
As you memorize this verse this week, remember that no matter what situations land in your lap this week, God will help you be ready for "such a time as this."

No Guarantees

I'm pretty sure my 7-year-old has the flu -- you know the fever, achy, coughing flu. She's staying home again today, and I'm praying that she can stay fever free. She's missed an entire week of school, and she may miss her hockey games tomorrow (can't wait for the drama that announcement is going to create). This wasn't supposed to happen.

You see, back in October, my whole family got the flu shot to protect us from just this scenario. My husband marched the girls into the doctor's office and dealt with all the drama that goes along with taking two little girls to get a shot. He walked out with two girls who were protected from the ravages of the flu for the year.

Except they weren't. The flu shot only covers scientists' best guesses as to the strains of flu that will be in circulation that year. Sometimes they're wrong, and even those people who get the shot get the flu. This appears to be one of those years in our house.

This whole episode with illness reminded me of a question my youngest asked in the car the other day. She wanted to know if being a Christian meant we were protected from bad stuff. At first, I thought, "Where did she get that idea?" but then I realized that this is a common misperception. Sometimes we think that being a Christ-follower is like getting the flu shot in that it will protect us from something bad happening to us. That's simply not true.

God doesn't promise us a life that is free of challenges and trials. As a matter of fact, Jesus said "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world" (John 16:33). He promises us peace in our troubles, but He does not promise us a life without trouble.

Help your kids get their minds and hearts around this concept:

• When tough things happen to your kids, and you hear the inevitable, "That's not fair," talk with your kids about how God didn't promise that life would be fair. Share John 16:33 with them. Ask them what they think peace is. Help them to understand that God is with us even when life gets tough. Talk about how God's grace and peace gives us strength to get through the tough situations.
• Write down some good things and some bad things on slips of paper. Put them in a bag or a hat and have your kids take turns drawing them out. When they draw out a slip, ask them how they would feel if that event happened to them. Remind them that during the good times in our lives, we should be thankful, and during the bad times, we can rely on God to give us peace.

When tough times come, remember that being a Christ-follower is not a cure-all for everything that ails us. We shouldn't expect life to suddenly be easy. We should simply expect a life filled with grace and peace -- even when times are tough.