Friday Introductions: Choose to Serve

The overwhelming feeling on 9/11 for many of us was helplessness. We were powerless to stop what we saw unfolding on our TVs. All we could do was sit and pray.

Ten years later, I think that's the overriding emotion that sticks with me. As sad and angry as I was, it was the helplessness that was the worst.

A year later, some of the families of the victims of 9/11 wanted to turn that feeling of helplessness around. They began urging people to turn 9/11, not into a day of sorrow, but into a day of service -- a day where we help our fellow Americans. These family members want us to remember the best of 9/11 -- the way this country came together to help and support each other in one of its darkest hours. In 2009, Congress formally declared 9/11 to be the National Day of Service and Remembrance.

And what better way to pay tribute to those who lost their lives that day, especially those who gave up their lives to help others?

One of the last acts Jesus did with His disciples was to serve them. Before they sat down to their last meal together, He washed their feet, a task reserved for the lowest servant in the household. Then, he admonished His disciples to follow His example by serving one another. "Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet." (John 13:14)

As we remember those who died on 9/11, make it a point to use some of your time on Sunday to serve someone else. Follow Jesus' example to turn what was a day of national mourning into a day of service, a chance to be the arms and feet of Jesus to someone else.

Your act of service doesn't have to be big. You can take a meal to an elderly neighbor, rake the leaves of the single woman next door or participate in a more organized service project. Check out Serve.gov for more on the National Day of Service and Remembrance. You'll find a list of projects in your area.

You can also check out the KLOVE radio website. The national Christian radio station is asking its listeners to Make a Difference on 9/11. Their goal is to get 1 million people to commit to serve someone else on 9/11.

Check with your church. Some churches are putting together projects where you can serve on 9/11.

By turning 9/11 into a national day of service, we take control of how we remember the day. We honor the memories of those who died, and we thwart the wishes of the terrorists who would like us to continue to cower in fear. What better way to teach our kids that good can come out of evil than to turn a day of tragedy into a day of caring for others?

Don't Forget the Heroes

Our kids choose people to admire and emulate people all the time. My youngest's hero of the moment is Alex Ovechkin, a hockey player for the Washington Capitals. Like many other kids, my youngest sees Mr. Ovechkin's feats on the ice and elevates him to the status of role model.

In our society today, we look to athletes, politicians and celebrities to provide role models for our kids. While these people may have accomplished much in their careers, often their personal lives and attitudes aren't ones we would want our kids to emulate.

The word hero has lost its aura. We label acts on the sports field heroic. We talk about heroic efforts to finish a project at work. Yet, none of those things are truly heroism. Being a hero means making a choice that may cause personal harm to protect someone else.

The biggest hero of all was Jesus, who chose to give up his life so that we could have a relationship with God. Heroes are people who live out the words of John 15:13, "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."

As we focus on the events of 9/11 this week, it's easy to get caught up in the tragedy. Our kids need us to answer their questions to help them understand what happened. But they also need to know that lots of people on that day "laid down their lives" for people they knew and people they didn't know. These are the stories of heroism that day. Some of those people made it out. Some died. But every one of them made a conscious decision to put aside their own needs to see to the needs of others.

Tell your kids some of the stories of heroism on that day, so they can know that even in the midst of horrible events, people carry out the command in John 15:13.

• Tell your kids the stories of the 9/11 rescue workers. More than 400 public service personnel -- police and firefighters -- died that day. When everyone else was rushing out of those burning buildings, police and firefighters were rushing in. They saved countless lives that day, and many paid the ultimate sacrifice to do so.
• Talk about the heroism of Rick Rescorla. He was the head of security for Morgan Stanley, which has 3,700 employees in the World Trade Center. Every three months, he made the employees practice evacuating. When the first plane hit, he ignored the instructions to stay in the building. He evacuated the Morgan Stanley offices. All but three Morgan Stanley employees made it out. Rick and two of his security employees did not. When he was last seen, Rick Rescorla was still helping people get out of the building.
• Remember the amazing acts of heroism of the men and women on United Flight 93. After hearing from family members about what had happened to the other hijacked planes, the passengers of Flight 93 decided they would not let that happen with their plane. They attacked the hijackers in an attempt to regain control of their plane. The plane crashed in a field in Pennsylvania, killing all on board, but it never hit its intended target, which was thought to be the White House or the Capitol building.
• Tell your kids about the kindness of the people in Gander, Newfoundland. On Sept. 11, U.S. airspace was closed. International flights on their way in, were diverted to Canada. More than 6,000 people found themselves in tiny Gander, Newfoundland, a town of only 10,000. People opened their homes, cooked meals and shut down schools for shelters. Until U.S. airspace reopened several days later, the people of Gander put their lives on hold to take care of the displaced people from the planes. One of the passengers said, "For everyone else, 9/11 has a heavy connotation. But for me it was when I was reminded what humanity is." The people of Gander sacrificed their comfort to see to the comfort of others on that day.

Heroes are people, who like Jesus, give up the comfort and security of their own lives to see to the needs of someone else. The stories of heroism on 9/11 are countless. They are as much a part of the legacy of that day as the tragedy. And it's as important for our kids to know about the men and women who "laid down their lives" in so many ways as it is for them to know the facts about the events of the day.

Answering the Tough Questions

All this week, Everyday Truth is focusing on how to talk with our kids about the events of 9/11.

As my kids have gotten older, the questions they ask have gotten harder. While I enjoy being able to converse with my kids at a higher level than when they were preschoolers, some days I'd like to go back to those days where the toughest thing they asked was "Why is the sky blue?"

It's natural to shy away from the tough questions. Sometimes it's easier just to change the subject or offer up a distraction rather than deal with questions from our kids that have no good answers. But that a disservice to our kids.

As we talk with our kids about 9/11 this week, they're going to ask some tough questions. The way we answer those questions is going to make a difference in not only how our kids view the events of 10 years ago but how they view bad things that happen in the future.

To give you a starting point, here are some of the tough questions your kids might ask and a starting point for your answers. Remember to keep it simple and straightforward. We don't want to scare our kids, but we do want to give them a framework for dealing with the bad stuff that happens in life.

Why did 9/11 happen?
I think this is the toughest question. There's simply no good answer except that we live in a fallen world. Evil exists and it was in evidence on that day. Talk with your kids about how because Adam and Eve chose to sin, the world is not a perfect place. God gives us the ability to choose what we do. Unfortunately, some people made some really horrible choices on that day that affected thousands of lives.

Romans 3:23 says "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." The sin of the hijackers on the airplanes and those who planned the attacks simply had far greater consequences than a lot of the sins we commit every day.

Why didn't God stop it?
Talk with your kids about the fact that God could have stopped those planes from hitting those buildings. He's powerful enough. But God allows us to make choices. If we were all like robots, only doing what God allowed us to do, then God wouldn't get any glory from our praise. Our ability to make choices means that when we choose to follow God, He is glorified.

The people behind 9/11 chose to disobey God. Unfortunately, that created far-reaching consequences for innocent people. However, God has used the events of that day for good. We watched our country pull together and support one another. Some people started seeking God because of the events of that day. We can't know how God is even now using the events of that day for good because we can't see the big picture. What we do know is that God promises "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

Is Islam bad?
We don't want to teach our kids to hate or judge people based on what they believe. Jesus never did that. He went into the homes of tax collectors, prostitutes and Pharisees. He never withheld his love because of who someone was or what he believed.

The people who planned 9/11 were Muslim, but we don't want our kids to think that every person who practices Islam believes that Americans are bad. That's simply not true.

However, we do want our kids to know that we believe that what Islam teaches is wrong. There is only one way to God, and that's through Jesus. Talk with your kids about the fact that people believe different things. Jesus said He was the only way to God, but He doesn't want us to dislike people based only on what they believe. The only way others can know the truth about Jesus is if we share it with them. We can't do that if we're busy hating people because of the religion that they follow.

Explain to your kids that while the people who created the chaos on 9/11 were Muslim, it's possible for anyone to twist any religion to suit their own purposes. People have done horrible things in the name of Christ, too. Just because one person does a terrible thing and blames it on his religion doesn't mean we should tar all the others with the same brush.

The questions that arise around 9/11 don't come with easy answers. But answering our kids tough questions with honesty and an age-appropriate explanation can go a long way toward helping them sort out what happened that day.

Be deliberate in answering your kids' questions because your answers matter. They will help your kids sort through the tragic events of 10 years ago, but they will also be the lens through which they view tough things in the future.

Personalize It

All this week, Everyday Truth is focusing on how to talk with our kids about the events of 9/11.

Everyone has a 9/11 story. We all know exactly where we were and what we were doing on that morning when the world as we knew it changed.

It was my first day as a full-time stay-at-home mom. I was having breakfast and feeding my 3-month-old. I had the radio on and heard that a small plane had hit the World Trade Center. I thought, "How odd" and finished breakfast. As I went upstairs to get dressed, I turned on the TV to see what was going on. Not two minutes after I flipped the TV on, the second plane hit the other tower.

In horrified shock, I reached for the phone. The only thought I could come up with was "Where is my dad?" My dad travels a lot, and on a Tuesday morning, it was not unlikely that he would be on a plane. When my mom answered the phone, I didn't bother with "Hello." I simply asked "Where is dad?" Puzzled, my mom answered "Right here. He's leaving for New York later this morning."

While you and I have a 9/11 story, most of our children do not. They either weren't alive or were very small on that day.

It's important that we never forget 9/11. Otherwise those who died, did so for nothing. As the years pass, it becomes another day in history for our kids. While the horror of the day is imprinted on our brains, so is the heroism. The stories of people pulling together and helping each other are as much a part of the legacy of 9/11 as being frisked at the airport.

God did great things in the midst of 9/11. He gave courage to the weak and comfort to the grieving. Churches were in the middle of the crisis. They fed the rescue workers. They counseled the stricken. They opened their doors as shelters. God's love and care were just as evident during 9/11 as the evil that caused the events of that day.

Our kids need to know that there was good that came out of evil. We need to help them remember. In the Old Testament, the Israelites were faced with a similar issue. Their children weren't around when God did great things to bring them out of slavery in Egypt. They had to pass on the stories of redemption. Psalm 78:4 says "We will not hide them from their descendants; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders he has done."

Telling your kids your 9/11 story and the stories of people you know makes the event more than just a page in the history books for them. It makes it real, and it gives you the opportunity to focus on how God showed up during the crisis. It makes the stories of heroism and the stories of tragedy more than just a picture on the TV.

• Let your kids ask questions. The memories of that day are so thick with emotion that it can be easy to want to simply gloss over what happened. Discussion may be difficult for us. But for our kids to understand that God is there in the bad times as well as the good, we need to satisfy their curiosity about that day.
• Give your kids the information they are ready for. We don't want our kids to live in fear. If you're child will be terrified by the pictures of the twin towers, then don't show them pictures. If graphic descriptions of what happened that day are going to cause your child not to be able to sleep at night, then give them the generalities.
• Expect your kids to not grasp the significance of the day. Kids are extremely self-centered. They may not realize that this anniversary has anything to do with them. And that's OK. Your goal is to personalize the event so they realize this is something that happened to real people. As they get older, they'll begin to grasp more of how 9/11 changed the world we live in.
• Let your kids take the lead. As you talk with your kids, they will let you know how much they are ready to hear and see. Pay close attention to their cues.
• Talk about your feelings. Let your kids know how it felt to be a part of that day. Fill them in on what you did in the days that followed.

Your 9/11 story is part of the legacy of that day. Share it with your kids so they begin to understand what happened on that autumn morning 10 years ago. Focus on the things that God did during one of the darkest hours of our nation. Because He was there even in the midst of the destruction.

Memory Monday: Tackling 9/11 (John 16:33)

Unless you live in a cave, this week is going to be filled with stories and remembrances about 9/11. Unless you have very small children, you're going to find yourself answering questions this week about that horrible day 10 years ago.

I don't know about you, but it's difficult for me, even 10 years later, to process exactly what type of people would celebrate killing so many innocents. Watching those towers fall qualifies as the single most horrifying experience of my life. I've never felt so helpless, angry, sad and overwhelmed. It seemed as if in that one day, the world had gone crazy.

My kids don't remember that day. My oldest was three months old. They have no memories of the horror and the tears. They don't remember watching New Yorkers stream across the George Washington and Brooklyn bridges on foot, their shocked faces covered in ash. They don't know what it was like to see two buildings that we knew were full of people simply disappear in an instant. To them, 9/11 is something they hear about every now and then. It's still incomprehensible, but it's not a personal experience.

Unless you have older teenagers, our kids don't remember a time that they didn't have to take off their shoes to go through airport security. They don't remember a New York skyline that included twin skyscrapers. The word terrorism has always been a part of their vocabulary. Our kids are products of a post-9/11 world, and as we remember the tragedy of 10 years ago we have to keep that in mind.

When we talk with our kids about the events of that day, we have to remember that their lens is different from our own. They need us to be able to share with them both the tragedy and the heroism of that day. They need to know that God did not forget us in the face of evil on that day. They need to hear our stories, so they can begin to process that event and understand how it affected their world.

It's natural to want to shy away from talking about 9/11. Even 10 years later, the horror of that day is still fresh. It changed all of our lives, and our kids need to know that. All this week, the blog is going to look at ways we can talk with our kids about what happened on Sept. 11, 2001. It's important for our kids to hear our stories and our perspective on that day to help them process through it. If we let media coverage and teachers be the lead communicators on this, then we miss an opportunity to help our children sort through the issues of bad things happening even though God is good.

Start today by learning John 16:33 together. In these verses, Jesus said, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Talk with your kids about what this verse means. Explain that even though bad things happen because there is sin in the world, Jesus defeated sin when he died on the cross. That doesn't mean that He always keeps bad things from happening. We all get to choose what we do, and there are consequences for our actions. 9/11 happened because a group of people chose to do a horrible thing. We all felt the consequences of those actions. But that doesn't mean that God wasn't there. That doesn't mean that in the end, God doesn't triumph.

Bad things happen, but God is always there. He offers comfort. He offers courage. He brings light out of the darkness and good out of evil. God is always there.

The events of 9/11 are nearly incomprehensible. Boiling it down so our kids can grasp what happened is a tough task, especially when we are still trying to process it ourselves. But God offers us wisdom as well as comfort. Lean on Him this week as you talk with your kids. He will provide the words to help your kids understand.