Answering the Tough Questions

All this week, Everyday Truth is focusing on how to talk with our kids about the events of 9/11.

As my kids have gotten older, the questions they ask have gotten harder. While I enjoy being able to converse with my kids at a higher level than when they were preschoolers, some days I'd like to go back to those days where the toughest thing they asked was "Why is the sky blue?"

It's natural to shy away from the tough questions. Sometimes it's easier just to change the subject or offer up a distraction rather than deal with questions from our kids that have no good answers. But that a disservice to our kids.

As we talk with our kids about 9/11 this week, they're going to ask some tough questions. The way we answer those questions is going to make a difference in not only how our kids view the events of 10 years ago but how they view bad things that happen in the future.

To give you a starting point, here are some of the tough questions your kids might ask and a starting point for your answers. Remember to keep it simple and straightforward. We don't want to scare our kids, but we do want to give them a framework for dealing with the bad stuff that happens in life.

Why did 9/11 happen?
I think this is the toughest question. There's simply no good answer except that we live in a fallen world. Evil exists and it was in evidence on that day. Talk with your kids about how because Adam and Eve chose to sin, the world is not a perfect place. God gives us the ability to choose what we do. Unfortunately, some people made some really horrible choices on that day that affected thousands of lives.

Romans 3:23 says "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." The sin of the hijackers on the airplanes and those who planned the attacks simply had far greater consequences than a lot of the sins we commit every day.

Why didn't God stop it?
Talk with your kids about the fact that God could have stopped those planes from hitting those buildings. He's powerful enough. But God allows us to make choices. If we were all like robots, only doing what God allowed us to do, then God wouldn't get any glory from our praise. Our ability to make choices means that when we choose to follow God, He is glorified.

The people behind 9/11 chose to disobey God. Unfortunately, that created far-reaching consequences for innocent people. However, God has used the events of that day for good. We watched our country pull together and support one another. Some people started seeking God because of the events of that day. We can't know how God is even now using the events of that day for good because we can't see the big picture. What we do know is that God promises "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)

Is Islam bad?
We don't want to teach our kids to hate or judge people based on what they believe. Jesus never did that. He went into the homes of tax collectors, prostitutes and Pharisees. He never withheld his love because of who someone was or what he believed.

The people who planned 9/11 were Muslim, but we don't want our kids to think that every person who practices Islam believes that Americans are bad. That's simply not true.

However, we do want our kids to know that we believe that what Islam teaches is wrong. There is only one way to God, and that's through Jesus. Talk with your kids about the fact that people believe different things. Jesus said He was the only way to God, but He doesn't want us to dislike people based only on what they believe. The only way others can know the truth about Jesus is if we share it with them. We can't do that if we're busy hating people because of the religion that they follow.

Explain to your kids that while the people who created the chaos on 9/11 were Muslim, it's possible for anyone to twist any religion to suit their own purposes. People have done horrible things in the name of Christ, too. Just because one person does a terrible thing and blames it on his religion doesn't mean we should tar all the others with the same brush.

The questions that arise around 9/11 don't come with easy answers. But answering our kids tough questions with honesty and an age-appropriate explanation can go a long way toward helping them sort out what happened that day.

Be deliberate in answering your kids' questions because your answers matter. They will help your kids sort through the tragic events of 10 years ago, but they will also be the lens through which they view tough things in the future.

Make It Concrete

My oldest daughter is in fourth grade this year. Her spelling lists have gotten a lot harder, and she now has to know what the words mean as well as how to spell them. She often comes home with words that she doesn't know what they mean. My favorite lists are when she comes home with words that are defined with words that she also doesn't know.

When we talk with our kids about God, church and the Bible we need to be careful that we are using words that they understand. If you've been a part of a church for any length of time, you just naturally tend to pick up the terminology that your church uses to describe things. When we talk about being saved, becoming a Christian or being alive in Christ, we need to remember that children tend to be concrete thinkers. They will take big, abstract concepts and try to fit them into their concrete way of thinking, sometimes with amusing results.

When I was a kid, I always thought God must have a big oven so he could bake a whole bunch of bread because the Lord's Prayer says "Give us this day our daily bread."

Keeping this in mind, when you talk about things like salvation will help you present the ideas in terms that your children understand. So often when talking to our kids, we revert back to terminology that we learned. Just because it's familiar to us, doesn't mean it will make sense to our kids. Here's some easy ways to break down some big concepts for your kids.

• Salvation -- Sin is the stuff that we do that God tells us not to. For kids, that's things like disobeying your parents and being mean to your sister. Sin keeps us from being close to God. The Bible tells us that the consequence of sin is to be forever separated from God. But Jesus died on the cross so that we could be close to God -- we can be His sons and daughters. All we have to do is tell God we're sorry for doing wrong things and ask Jesus to be in charge of our lives, and we can be close to God forever.
• Why bad things happen -- God doesn't cause bad things to happen, but He doesn't always stop them from happening. Bad things happen -- people get sick, people hurt each other, natural disasters happen -- as a consequence of sin. Because people can choose to do wrong things, the world isn't perfect and bad things happen. But, if we have Jesus in charge of our lives, we know that God can use even the bad things for good.
• Why everyone doesn't follow Jesus -- God gives all of us a choice. God loves us and doesn't want anyone to be separated from us. But God wouldn't get any joy from forcing us all to follow Him. He wants us to choose to follow Him. Some people choose not to because they think following Jesus is just a bunch of rules or they don't think they need God. We can pray for the people we know who don't follow Jesus.

No matter the topic, remember to find ways to explain things to your children in the most concrete terms you can find. If possible, give them a visual picture of what you are talking about. And whenever you don't know what to say in answer to your kids' questions, ask God for help. I promise He'll supply you with exactly the right words.