Memory Monday: Achievement vs. Character (1 Samuel 16:7)

God looks at our hearts, not our achievements, so this week, Everyday Truth will look at building our kids' character. Today is an overview of character. Tuesday, we'll look at teaching our kids to respect others. Wednesday, we'll talk about compassion, and Thursday, we'll look at kindness. On Friday, I'll have some resources that will help you teach your kids character.

We had parent-teacher conferences this past week. My girls' conferences are typically pretty boring with no big issues to discuss. We have one kid who's struggling a bit with the change in math curriculum but overall, we got positive reports.

The best part of the parent-teacher conferences, though, was a simple comment made by both girls' teachers. Both teachers told us our girls were extremely respectful, both of the teachers and of their peers.

You see, there's really not much I can do about my kids' ability to do well in school. I can help them study. I can make sure they have all the tools they need to succeed, but I can't make my kids any smarter than they are. I can't make them better spellers or give them a better math sense.

What I can do is teach my kids to have character. I can teach them to be respectful of others. I can teach them to be kind. I can teach them to be compassionate.

These are the things that matter in the long run. We told our girls we were happy that their grades were good, but we were much more excited about the fact that both their teachers were impressed enough with their respectfulness that they mentioned it during their conferences.

We told our girls that while we're proud of their grades, those grades are just a reflection of how well they've memorized or understood something. When a teacher comments on how you act toward others, it's a reflection of who you are inside. And that's way more important than how you scored on a test.

Society puts a huge emphasis on achievement, and there's nothing wrong with aiming for high achievement, but a grade on a report card says nothing about your character. You can be a horrible person and still get an "A" in math.

God gives us gifts and abilities, and He wants us to use them, but He's most concerned with the attitude of our heart. Achievement isn't a bad thing; it's just not the most important thing.

1 Samuel 16:7 says "But the LORD said to Samuel, 'Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.'"

God chose David to be king, despite the fact that he was a lowly shepherd and the youngest son. These were not outward trappings of achievement. Yet God saw something in David's heart that made Him choose David. It was David's character, not his achievement that made God able to use Him.

We want our kids to have character that shines. That starts at home. We can teach respect, kindness and compassion to our kids from the time they are little. It's those qualities that will make them open to being used by God.

Friday Introductions: Motherhood On A Dime

My youngest bulldozes through life. She's full of energy and is prone to leap before she looks. Often, whatever she thinks comes straight out her mouth. We've been trying to teach her gentleness, restraint and caution since she was little.

This is the child who when she was about 4 years old was told not to touch the hot cast iron skillet by every adult in the room. What was the first thing she did when she sat down at the table? You guessed it. She touched the skillet and burned her hand.

Some days I think teaching her self-control and caution is a lost cause. I feel like I say the same things over and over and over. "Take three seconds to think about what you say before you say it." "Think before you act." It's enough to make you want to throw up your hands and give up.

On those days when I'm ready to give up, I've forgotten that I'm not responsible for making those lessons take hold in her heart. God is. Self-control, patience and gentleness are all fruits of the spirit. I can encourage and mold, but it's the Holy Spirit that is going to have to make those fruits grow in her.

As I struggle to figure out ways to make those character qualities take hold, I'm prone to forget the best way to make that happen -- prayer. I pray for and with my kids daily, but too often, I'm focused solely on the practical -- getting through tests, dealing with other kids, making it through a difficult situation. I don't always stop to pray that my kids would have the character qualities God wants them to have.

This week, I ran across a fantastic way to help me pray for my kids. Head over to Motherhood On A Dime and check out the 30-Day Challenge: 31 Ways to Pray for Your Kids. The printable calendar has a short prayer to pray for your kids for each day of September. This is a great way to pray things for your kids that you might not otherwise think about. Each day covers a godly character quality.

God wants to hear our prayers for our children, no matter what topic they cover. Ephesians 6:18 says "And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests."

No matter what issue you're struggling to deal with with your kids today, God wants to hear about it. He wants you to bring everything to Him in prayer. Only He can help your child grow into the Godly young man or woman He wants them to be. Lay your kids at His feet, so He can work in their hearts.