Gauging Growth

It's easy to tell how quickly my youngest daughter is growing. We just look to see how her hockey stick measures up. In the past year, she's grown so quickly that we've had to buy two sticks. We're headed out after school today to buy another one.

Using a hockey stick that's too short can keep her from performing her best on the ice. It causes her to hold her stick wrong and forces her to hunch over, meaning she can't get a lot of leverage when she shoots.

We all have a measuring stick for our kids' growth. Whether it's a too short hockey stick or pants that won't go past their ankles, it's easy to see that our kids are growing physically. We replace their clothes or their shoes or their soccer cleats because they have gotten to small. Those tools are no longer the right ones for them.

Unfortunately, it's not quite as easy to measure our kids' spiritual growth. It's easy to miss the signs that our kids are ready for some new tools to face the world.

I don't know about you, but no matter how much my kids grow physically, I would love to keep them little for a while longer. Because of that, it's easy for me to decide that my kids aren't ready for a more grown-up discussion or that we don't need to tackle a certain topic because it's uncomfortable for me.

But my oldest is fifth grade. Next year she goes to middle school. She needs the tools to deal with many of the things she's going to encounter in the next few years. Much as I wish it, I can't keep her little forever.

It's important for us to gauge our kids' spiritual growth just as we gauge their physical growth. When they have outgrown the simple lessons of "God loves you," we need to be ready to provide them with tougher ones like "Even though God is good, bad stuff can happen."

Hebrews 5:13-14 says "Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil." As our kids mature, we want to move them from spiritual milk to spiritual solid food. We want them to grow in their knowledge of God and their relationship with Him just as we want them to grow physically.

Helping our kids grow spiritually may mean answering some tough questions we're not quite ready to answer. It may mean spending some time with our kids helping them understand a passage of scripture. It may simply mean praying with them about a tough situation their facing.

But just like my daughter's hockey stick, if we don't give our kids the spiritual meat they need, it will hurt their game. It will leave them unprepared to deal with situations in a godly manner. It can leave them looking for someone else's advice to make sense of the world around them. And that advice might have nothing to do with God.

Take stock of your child's spiritual growth today. Think about the types of situations your child is dealing with today, then evaluate whether he has the spiritual tools to deal with those situations. Honestly dissect whether the lessons you're teaching your child are appropriate for her age and stage in life or if they are too simplistic or too complicated.

Just as we don't expect our kids to magically get new clothes when they outgrow them, we can't expect them to suddenly understand spiritual matters. It's our job as parents to recognize their need for more complex spiritual training just as we recognize their need for longer jeans.

While I guarantee your kids will outgrow their new jeans, their hockey sticks and their dance shoes, the lessons we teach them about God today will be the basis for the way they deal with the world tomorrow.

Getting Into a Routine

We're only two weeks into our summer vacation, and I'll admit there have been a few times in those two weeks when I've caught myself wondering how much longer it is until school starts. We were on vacation last week, and this week my girls and I have struggled to settle into a comfortable routine.

I look at the calendar for June and see Vacation Bible School, another short trip and a week of camps. I know it will be the beginning of July before we see anything that remotely resembles a settled schedule. I know my daughters yearn for a routine as well because yesterday I found them both with a piece of paper trying to create their own schedule for the day.

For whatever reason, many of us are wired so that we need a routine. I'm not a Type A, schedule things down to the minute personality, but I do like to have a general outline of what I need to accomplish during the day. I'm usually willing to throw out the plan at a moment's notice if something better comes along, but I generally like to start the day with one. I find that having a plan helps me get the things done that I need to do.

When it comes to encouraging our kids in their spiritual growth, we need to have a routine, as well. We can't just expect our kids to learn healthy habits that will feed their spiritual growth on their own. We need to teach them to spend time with God reading their Bibles and praying. We need to encourage them during the week to think about how God wants us to act toward others. And we need to be an example of those things for them.

Ephesians 6:4 tells us "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." It's the last part of that verse that I want to focus on today. We need to bring up our children in the "training and instruction of the Lord." That takes a concerted effort on our part.

If we put our focus on helping our children create habits that will aid their spiritual growth throughout their lives, we're giving them the tools to continue to grow. Just like we teach our kids to eat healthy foods so their bodies can grow, we need to teach them how to fill their souls with spiritual food so they can grow spiritually as well.

• Emphasize the importance of spiritual growth with your kids. Lay an assortment of healthy foods in front of your kids. Explain that healthy foods help us to grow big and strong. Then show your kids a Bible. Explain that just like healthy food, the Bible helps us to grow. Ask your kids if the food you showed them can help them grow if they don't eat it. Talk about how the Bible is the same way. If we don't spend time reading God's Word, then it can't help us become more like God.
• Set aside some time each day for your kids to spend on their own with God. It doesn't have to be a long period of time, but it needs to be consistent. Get your child a devotional book to guide their time with God if they are struggling to know what to do during their God time. Let them know that their time with God should include prayer and reading the Bible.
• Talk with your kids about what they are learning during their time with God. Make it a dinner table conversation where everyone shares something they have learned in their time with God.

Making time with God a priority and a habit when your kids are young will make it easier for them to maintain that habit when they get older. Be sure you are setting an example by having your own time with God. Creating a routine for the habits of spiritual growth will help both you and your kids spend time with God. It will nourish your souls and create a habit that will last a lifetime.

Never Stop Growing

We're on vacation this week, so I'm re-running some of my favorite posts from the last year. Enjoy some of my favorite ideas, and I'll be back with you on Monday.


In our house, we know a lot about how the body grows. My youngest doesn't make enough growth hormone on her own, so she takes a shot every night that gives her the growth hormone that she needs. Growth hormone is necessary for growth to take place, but it's also necessary for a whole lot of other things in your body. It helps keep your bones from becoming brittle, and it affects a whole bunch of other systems in your body. Without growth hormone, your body simply will not grow like it should.

Just like we don't want our children's bodies to be stunted in their growth, we don't want their spiritual growth to be stunted, either. We want to help them build the habits they will need to continue growing spiritually throughout their whole lives. The most important way to do this is to model the behavior for them. If you're not consistently spending time studying your Bible, praying and worshipping, then you can't expect your children to do it. If you're not growing, then it's hard to tell your children that they need to grow.

I know that it's much easier to spend time with God when your children are not around, but your children need to see you spending time studying your Bible and praying. Even if all you do is read a couple of verses, make sure your kids see you consistently spending time in God's word. You can have a more serious time of study later, but modeling this behavior for your kids is the best way to impress upon them how important it is.

Help your children understand what it means to grow spiritually. It's kind of an abstract concept for them, so let's make it more concrete.

• Most kids love to look at pictures of themselves when they were younger. Break out the baby albums and flip through them with your kids. Talk about all the things they could and could not do when they were younger. Compare that with all the things they can do now. Talk to them about how it wouldn't be any fun to stay small forever. To be able to do more things, they had to grow. Talk about the things they will be able to do when they get older. Read Hebrews 5:12-14 with your kids and talk about how God needs us to grow in our understanding of Him just as we grow bigger physically. The more we grow, the more God can use us to fulfill His plans.
• On your kitchen table set out some healthy foods that would help you grow. Also set out some junk food. Ask your children to choose the things that will help them grow to be big and strong. Ask them if they can think of things that they might need to grow in their understanding about God. Just like we need to eat the right foods to grow strong physically, we need to put the right things into our minds and hearts to grow spiritually. We need to spend time reading and memorizing God's word, spend time with other believers and spend time talking to God.
• Give your children a journal and a devotional book. Make doing a devotional part of their daily routine, just like brushing their teeth and combing their hair. Have them write what they learned from their devotional in their journal each day. This exercise helps them form the habit of spending time with God each day.

Remember, your teaching is only as effective as your actions, so be sure to be a model of spiritual growth for your children.

Ingredients for Growth

We know a lot about how the human body grows in our house. On one hand, I have a child whom I can't keep clothed because she's growing so fast. On the other, I have a daughter who's endocrine system (the system in your body that controls growth) needs a little help. My oldest grows like a weed. Just this fall I've had to replace her entire wardrobe of pants because she's outgrown them. And don't even get me started on how often we have to buy shoes for the child. All the right ingredients are there for her to grow, and grow she does.

However, we have the exact opposite issue with my youngest. Her body doesn't produce the correct amount of growth hormone. Despite the fact that we feed her a well-balanced diet and everything else she needs to grow is in place, that missing hormone would keep her from growing if we did nothing. So, six nights a week we administer a dose of growth hormone to help her grow.

Just as my youngest can't grow well without the extra growth hormone, our kids can't grow spiritually, socially and emotionally without the right inputs from us. If we stand in the way of our children's growth by always protecting them from hurt or not offering them spiritual guidance, they won't be able to grow in these areas. We want our children to grow like the Bible tells us that Jesus did in Luke 2:52, "And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men."

Sometimes it's hard for us parents to step back and let our children grow. Growing isn't always easy. Sometimes it hurts. When kids grow physically, sometimes they get growing pains where their limbs will hurt. The same is true when they grow in other ways as well. If we keep them from anything that might hurt them, we remove opportunities for them to grow.

Now, I'm not advocating that we intentionally throw our children into painful situations, but sometimes its best to see if your children can work out an issue with a friend or if they can solve a problem for themselves. If you jump in and fix everything for them every time they might experience some hurt, you keep them from growing.

Illustrate this concept with your kids by planting a flower.

• Ask your children what you need to plant a flower and gather those supplies. Make sure you have a pot, a seed, dirt and water.
• Help your kids plant their seed in the pot. Make sure the seed has enough water and sunlight to sprout.
• When it sprouts, point out to your children that the seed had to push its way to the surface to get to the sunlight so it can grow. Talk about how sometimes we have to push through difficult things -- a fight with a friend, a mean kid at school or learning to be comfortable with who we are -- so we can grow.
• Put your child in charge of watering the seedling. Point out that rain doesn't always seem like a good thing. It's wet and sometimes cold, but to the flower, rain means growth. Without the rain, the plant can't grow. Talk to your children about how tough times in our lives are like rain -- the death of a loved one, difficulties at school or even the loss of a dream -- but without those tough times, we wouldn't grow like we need to. If everything was perfect all the time, it would be hard for us to have compassion for others going through difficult circumstances. Tough times also help us to rely on God and not on ourselves.
• As your flower grows and blooms, remind your children that despite the hard work and the rain that the flower had to go through to grow, it became a beautiful bloom. We are like that, too. When we come through life's storms, we are always more beautiful on the other side if we allow God to help us grow through the trials.

I want to be clear that while it's OK to let a some challenges into your kids' lives, don't abandon them completely. Step in when things get beyond their age-appropriate ability to handle it. And, always be available for advice and comfort to help them handle the situation in which they find themselves.

Create the appropriate growth environment for your child, just as you did with your flower. Then, nurture them and watch them bloom.

Never Stop Growing

In our house, we know a lot about how the body grows. My youngest doesn't make enough growth hormone on her own, so she takes a shot every night that gives her the growth hormone that she needs. Growth hormone is necessary for growth to take place, but it's also necessary for a whole lot of other things in your body. It helps keep your bones from becoming brittle, and it affects a whole bunch of other systems in your body. Without growth hormone, your body simply will not grow like it should.

Just like we don't want our children's bodies to be stunted in their growth, we don't want their spiritual growth to be stunted, either. We want to help them build the habits they will need to continue growing spiritually throughout their whole lives. The most important way to do this is to model the behavior for them. If you're not consistently spending time studying your Bible, praying and worshipping, then you can't expect your children to do it. If you're not growing, then it's hard to tell your children that they need to grow.

I know that it's much easier to spend time with God when your children are not around, but your children need to see you spending time studying your Bible and praying. Even if all you do is read a couple of verses, make sure your kids see you consistently spending time in God's word. You can have a more serious time of study later, but modeling this behavior for your kids is the best way to impress upon them how important it is.

Help your children understand what it means to grow spiritually. It's kind of an abstract concept for them, so let's make it more concrete.

• Most kids love to look at pictures of themselves when they were younger. Break out the baby albums and flip through them with your kids. Talk about all the things they could and could not do when they were younger. Compare that with all the things they can do now. Talk to them about how it wouldn't be any fun to stay small forever. To be able to do more things, they had to grow. Talk about the things they will be able to do when they get older. Read Hebrews 5:12-14 with your kids and talk about how God needs us to grow in our understanding of Him just as we grow bigger physically. The more we grow, the more God can use us to fulfill His plans.
• On your kitchen table set out some healthy foods that would help you grow. Also set out some junk food. Ask your children to choose the things that will help them grow to be big and strong. Ask them if they can think of things that they might need to grow in their understanding about God. Just like we need to eat the right foods to grow strong physically, we need to put the right things into our minds and hearts to grow spiritually. We need to spend time reading and memorizing God's word, spend time with other believers and spend time talking to God.
• Give your children a journal and a devotional book. Make doing a devotional part of their daily routine, just like brushing their teeth and combing their hair. Have them write what they learned from their devotional in their journal each day. This exercise helps them form the habit of spending time with God each day.

Remember, your teaching is only as effective as your actions, so be sure to be a model of spiritual growth for your children.