Gauging Growth

It's easy to tell how quickly my youngest daughter is growing. We just look to see how her hockey stick measures up. In the past year, she's grown so quickly that we've had to buy two sticks. We're headed out after school today to buy another one.

Using a hockey stick that's too short can keep her from performing her best on the ice. It causes her to hold her stick wrong and forces her to hunch over, meaning she can't get a lot of leverage when she shoots.

We all have a measuring stick for our kids' growth. Whether it's a too short hockey stick or pants that won't go past their ankles, it's easy to see that our kids are growing physically. We replace their clothes or their shoes or their soccer cleats because they have gotten to small. Those tools are no longer the right ones for them.

Unfortunately, it's not quite as easy to measure our kids' spiritual growth. It's easy to miss the signs that our kids are ready for some new tools to face the world.

I don't know about you, but no matter how much my kids grow physically, I would love to keep them little for a while longer. Because of that, it's easy for me to decide that my kids aren't ready for a more grown-up discussion or that we don't need to tackle a certain topic because it's uncomfortable for me.

But my oldest is fifth grade. Next year she goes to middle school. She needs the tools to deal with many of the things she's going to encounter in the next few years. Much as I wish it, I can't keep her little forever.

It's important for us to gauge our kids' spiritual growth just as we gauge their physical growth. When they have outgrown the simple lessons of "God loves you," we need to be ready to provide them with tougher ones like "Even though God is good, bad stuff can happen."

Hebrews 5:13-14 says "Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil." As our kids mature, we want to move them from spiritual milk to spiritual solid food. We want them to grow in their knowledge of God and their relationship with Him just as we want them to grow physically.

Helping our kids grow spiritually may mean answering some tough questions we're not quite ready to answer. It may mean spending some time with our kids helping them understand a passage of scripture. It may simply mean praying with them about a tough situation their facing.

But just like my daughter's hockey stick, if we don't give our kids the spiritual meat they need, it will hurt their game. It will leave them unprepared to deal with situations in a godly manner. It can leave them looking for someone else's advice to make sense of the world around them. And that advice might have nothing to do with God.

Take stock of your child's spiritual growth today. Think about the types of situations your child is dealing with today, then evaluate whether he has the spiritual tools to deal with those situations. Honestly dissect whether the lessons you're teaching your child are appropriate for her age and stage in life or if they are too simplistic or too complicated.

Just as we don't expect our kids to magically get new clothes when they outgrow them, we can't expect them to suddenly understand spiritual matters. It's our job as parents to recognize their need for more complex spiritual training just as we recognize their need for longer jeans.

While I guarantee your kids will outgrow their new jeans, their hockey sticks and their dance shoes, the lessons we teach them about God today will be the basis for the way they deal with the world tomorrow.

Spring Cleaning

We're on spring break this week, so I'm taking advantage of having the girls home and using some of our time to clean out their rooms. We're going through closets, drawers, bookshelves and under beds. We're getting rid of toys we've outgrown, clothes we've outgrown and books we no longer read.

We cleaned out my oldest daughter's closet yesterday. I was amazed at the number of things we got rid of. She is definitely growing up. To some degree, it makes me sad that we're cleaning out a lot of the toys in her room. The Polly Pockets and the Littlest Pet Shop toys are in a pile to be sold at the upcoming consignment sale. We have a stack of stuffed animals that are going, too. Those toys have been replaced with sketch pads and drawing tools, Nintendo DS games and craft supplies.

As they mature physically, our children begin to outgrow childish things. Their interests change and they choose new things that hold their interests. If we kept every toy and book my kids have ever owned, we wouldn't have room for anything new. My kids would be stuck with things that no longer hold their interest, things that don't fit their maturity level, and things that don't help them stretch and grow.

The same is true as we mature spiritually, as well. As our children grow, we need to give them more spiritual meat just like we switch out their toys and books. If we continue to give our children a steady diet of simple truths and don't begin to add in meatier topics, we don't give our children the wisdom and understanding they need to navigate the more complex world around them.

1 Corinthians 13:11 says "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me." Paul understood that part of following Christ is growing in our wisdom and knowledge of Him. As we mature spiritually, we become more like Jesus. If we refuse to grow spiritually, then God can't use us in the way He would like.

I'm not encouraging you to push your children to grow up before they are ready. I think the world does enough of that for us, but when your children are ready to tackle some tougher issues like why bad things happen, how to deal with difficult people or sex, don't hold them back by not giving them the spiritual wisdom they need. If we don't guide our children through the rough waters of maturing, they'll find someone who will. And we might not like what those other people have to say.

Help your children grow. Help them understand what God has to say about the tough subjects.

• Educate yourself on those tough topics before your kids get there. Read up on what the Bible has to say. Seek wisdom from other Christ-following parents who have already walked the road you're on.
• When they begin to ask questions, answer them at an age-appropriate level. Don't ignore the topic or your kids may decide you're not someone they can talk to about tough topics.
• Always rely on the Scriptures as the base source for wisdom. No matter what some parenting book or blog has to say about a topic, if it doesn't line up with Scripture, it's not worth using.
• Be open to talking about anything even if it makes you uncomfortable. If your kids are asking questions about a topic, they already know something about it. You have an opportunity to help form their opinions on the topic. Don't pass it up.

As difficult as it is for us sometimes, we have to let our children put aside childish things as they grow up. We wouldn't really want them to stay little forever. Help guide your children as they mature both physically and spiritually.

Growing Up

I took my 9-year-old daughter out to lunch the other day. As I sat across the table from her, it struck me yet again just how quickly she's growing up. It seems like just yesterday she was a chubby, little toddler, and now she's this beautiful, athletic, witty young lady who is just beginning to show glimpses of the amazing woman God has planned for her to be.

She has always been my deep thinker. Even when she was a preschooler, she would ask us some tough questions about God. As she has gotten older, I've been privileged to watch her faith become an important part of her life. She hasn't stopped asking the tough questions, either. As she grows physically, she also matures spiritually, which is exactly what God had in mind. We want our kids to follow in Jesus' footsteps by "growing in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man." (Luke 2:52)

Sometimes, though, it's easy for us to miss the opportunities to help our children grow spiritually. We would never let our children wander around in clothes that are two sizes too small, but we sometimes try to keep them in spiritual clothes that are two sizes too small. It's important that we understand what our kids are capable of learning at certain times in their lives. If we don't give them the spiritual meat that they need, then we are not fulfilling one of our most important roles in their lives.

We don't want our children to be like the Corinthians, to whom Paul said "I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready." (1 Corinthians 3:2) Despite being Christ-followers, the Corinthians had not matured spiritually. Paul could not teach them important things because they had not moved on from being "baby Christ-followers." Don't keep your children at the "baby" stage. Help them grow spiritually as they mature physically.

One of my favorite resources for knowing what a child of a certain age is capable of understanding is Focus on the Family's "Parents' Guide to the Spiritual Growth of Children." This is a great book that offers an overview of what kids need to know about God at different ages. I highly recommend getting your hands on a copy of the book. For quick reference, here's a simplified overview from the book of ages and the things that they can understand. Remember that every child is different. This is just a guideline. Let your own child be your guide.

• Ages 0-4: God exists, God loves you, Jesus loves you, God wants to take care of you
• Ages 5-6: God is your loving Father, God tells us His story in the Bible, God sent His son Jesus to die for you, God has prepared a place in heaven for you
• Ages 7-9: God is real, there is only one God, the Trinity, God is eternal, Jesus is both God and man, God's character, the Bible is true, God wants you to learn the Bible
• Ages 10-12: Not everyone believes the truth about God but you can respond to their objections, God wants you to explore the Bible, God lets people serve and worship Him in different ways, you can pray on your own, you can learn to worship God on your own and in a group

This is just a snapshot of some of the things your child is capable of understanding at different ages. I've presented it to you mainly as a reminder that we need to change the way we present God to our kids as they grow. Each stage of childhood builds on the one before, but it's never too late to begin sharing God with your kids. Some kids will quickly grasp some truths and be ready to move on to the next while they may need to spend more time on other concepts. Most adults I know don't fully understand the concept of the Trinity, so don't expect your 9-year-old to figure it out right away.

Simply knowing how your child matures spiritually gives you the tools to be a better teacher and mentor for him. It lets you be intentional in how you teach and share with your child.