Memory Monday: Another School Year (Luke 2:52)

School starts today for my girls. We have backpacks ready and first-day outfits laid out. The girls are partly excited, partly anxious and partly sad that our summer has come to an end. Mom is partly excited, partly anxious and partly sad to see them go back.

While I no longer have first-day tears (on my part and theirs) like we did in kindergarten, the first day of school always brings a twinge to my heart. Each year as I watch them head into the school building, I realize that we're another year closer to my girls being grown.

This is my oldest daughter's last year of elementary school. As proud as I am of the young lady she's becoming, I miss the little girl she was.

My youngest is now a third-grader. In some ways, that's harder for me to accept than the fact that my oldest is a fifth-grader. My youngest is no longer one of the "little" kids at school. Her class gets grouped with the older kids when they split the school into groups for activities. Since she's my baby, I think that fact makes me realize just how quickly the time has passed.

As I send my kids out the door for another school year, I'm once again reminded that no matter how quickly the time passes or how big my kids get, they still need guidance. I want them to grow like Jesus did: "And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man." (Luke 2:52)

While I want them to grow and be healthy, I also want them to grow to be wise. As they get older, my kids are making more and more of their own decisions. Some are good; some are not.

As they leave our house to venture once more into the world, I know there's nothing I can do to protect them from the things they will encounter. It's my job to build them up at home, pour God's wisdom into them and cover them in prayer when they're gone.

As school starts again, whether we are sending your kids off to a school building or we are their teacher at home, our kids still need us to be their support system. They need us to encourage them, teach them and pray for them. No child is too old to need those things.

Take a moment today, and every day, to give your child an encouraging word, to find a teachable moment and use it and to spend some time specifically praying for your kids. There's nothing more important you can do today.

Growing Up

I took my 9-year-old daughter out to lunch the other day. As I sat across the table from her, it struck me yet again just how quickly she's growing up. It seems like just yesterday she was a chubby, little toddler, and now she's this beautiful, athletic, witty young lady who is just beginning to show glimpses of the amazing woman God has planned for her to be.

She has always been my deep thinker. Even when she was a preschooler, she would ask us some tough questions about God. As she has gotten older, I've been privileged to watch her faith become an important part of her life. She hasn't stopped asking the tough questions, either. As she grows physically, she also matures spiritually, which is exactly what God had in mind. We want our kids to follow in Jesus' footsteps by "growing in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man." (Luke 2:52)

Sometimes, though, it's easy for us to miss the opportunities to help our children grow spiritually. We would never let our children wander around in clothes that are two sizes too small, but we sometimes try to keep them in spiritual clothes that are two sizes too small. It's important that we understand what our kids are capable of learning at certain times in their lives. If we don't give them the spiritual meat that they need, then we are not fulfilling one of our most important roles in their lives.

We don't want our children to be like the Corinthians, to whom Paul said "I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready." (1 Corinthians 3:2) Despite being Christ-followers, the Corinthians had not matured spiritually. Paul could not teach them important things because they had not moved on from being "baby Christ-followers." Don't keep your children at the "baby" stage. Help them grow spiritually as they mature physically.

One of my favorite resources for knowing what a child of a certain age is capable of understanding is Focus on the Family's "Parents' Guide to the Spiritual Growth of Children." This is a great book that offers an overview of what kids need to know about God at different ages. I highly recommend getting your hands on a copy of the book. For quick reference, here's a simplified overview from the book of ages and the things that they can understand. Remember that every child is different. This is just a guideline. Let your own child be your guide.

• Ages 0-4: God exists, God loves you, Jesus loves you, God wants to take care of you
• Ages 5-6: God is your loving Father, God tells us His story in the Bible, God sent His son Jesus to die for you, God has prepared a place in heaven for you
• Ages 7-9: God is real, there is only one God, the Trinity, God is eternal, Jesus is both God and man, God's character, the Bible is true, God wants you to learn the Bible
• Ages 10-12: Not everyone believes the truth about God but you can respond to their objections, God wants you to explore the Bible, God lets people serve and worship Him in different ways, you can pray on your own, you can learn to worship God on your own and in a group

This is just a snapshot of some of the things your child is capable of understanding at different ages. I've presented it to you mainly as a reminder that we need to change the way we present God to our kids as they grow. Each stage of childhood builds on the one before, but it's never too late to begin sharing God with your kids. Some kids will quickly grasp some truths and be ready to move on to the next while they may need to spend more time on other concepts. Most adults I know don't fully understand the concept of the Trinity, so don't expect your 9-year-old to figure it out right away.

Simply knowing how your child matures spiritually gives you the tools to be a better teacher and mentor for him. It lets you be intentional in how you teach and share with your child.

Ingredients for Growth

We know a lot about how the human body grows in our house. On one hand, I have a child whom I can't keep clothed because she's growing so fast. On the other, I have a daughter who's endocrine system (the system in your body that controls growth) needs a little help. My oldest grows like a weed. Just this fall I've had to replace her entire wardrobe of pants because she's outgrown them. And don't even get me started on how often we have to buy shoes for the child. All the right ingredients are there for her to grow, and grow she does.

However, we have the exact opposite issue with my youngest. Her body doesn't produce the correct amount of growth hormone. Despite the fact that we feed her a well-balanced diet and everything else she needs to grow is in place, that missing hormone would keep her from growing if we did nothing. So, six nights a week we administer a dose of growth hormone to help her grow.

Just as my youngest can't grow well without the extra growth hormone, our kids can't grow spiritually, socially and emotionally without the right inputs from us. If we stand in the way of our children's growth by always protecting them from hurt or not offering them spiritual guidance, they won't be able to grow in these areas. We want our children to grow like the Bible tells us that Jesus did in Luke 2:52, "And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men."

Sometimes it's hard for us parents to step back and let our children grow. Growing isn't always easy. Sometimes it hurts. When kids grow physically, sometimes they get growing pains where their limbs will hurt. The same is true when they grow in other ways as well. If we keep them from anything that might hurt them, we remove opportunities for them to grow.

Now, I'm not advocating that we intentionally throw our children into painful situations, but sometimes its best to see if your children can work out an issue with a friend or if they can solve a problem for themselves. If you jump in and fix everything for them every time they might experience some hurt, you keep them from growing.

Illustrate this concept with your kids by planting a flower.

• Ask your children what you need to plant a flower and gather those supplies. Make sure you have a pot, a seed, dirt and water.
• Help your kids plant their seed in the pot. Make sure the seed has enough water and sunlight to sprout.
• When it sprouts, point out to your children that the seed had to push its way to the surface to get to the sunlight so it can grow. Talk about how sometimes we have to push through difficult things -- a fight with a friend, a mean kid at school or learning to be comfortable with who we are -- so we can grow.
• Put your child in charge of watering the seedling. Point out that rain doesn't always seem like a good thing. It's wet and sometimes cold, but to the flower, rain means growth. Without the rain, the plant can't grow. Talk to your children about how tough times in our lives are like rain -- the death of a loved one, difficulties at school or even the loss of a dream -- but without those tough times, we wouldn't grow like we need to. If everything was perfect all the time, it would be hard for us to have compassion for others going through difficult circumstances. Tough times also help us to rely on God and not on ourselves.
• As your flower grows and blooms, remind your children that despite the hard work and the rain that the flower had to go through to grow, it became a beautiful bloom. We are like that, too. When we come through life's storms, we are always more beautiful on the other side if we allow God to help us grow through the trials.

I want to be clear that while it's OK to let a some challenges into your kids' lives, don't abandon them completely. Step in when things get beyond their age-appropriate ability to handle it. And, always be available for advice and comfort to help them handle the situation in which they find themselves.

Create the appropriate growth environment for your child, just as you did with your flower. Then, nurture them and watch them bloom.