3 Easy Ways to Talk With Your Kids on MLK Day

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. It's easy to let this day slip by without acknowledging the significance of the man we're celebrating. It's the first day off from school since the holidays, and it's a day that not everyone gets off from work. It's easy to view it as a day we can sleep in and let the kids hang out in their pajamas until noon and never really focus on the importance of what Martin Luther King Jr. accomplished.

Prejudice is an ugly thing. It breeds hatred for no reason other than someone looks or acts differently than us. No child is born with prejudice in their hearts. It is a learned attitude. Whether kids learn if from their parents, their grandparents or someone else in their lives, kids who express prejudice toward others learned it from someone.

God isn't real happy when we judge others based on their looks. He made every person in the world, and He made each one of them in His image (Genesis 1:27). When we choose to judge someone based on the way they look, we're judging God. God never looks at the out trappings of beauty or skin color. He looks at our hearts.

1 Samuel 16:7 says "The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." God is concerned with the content of our hearts, not whether our skin is black, white or purple or whether our hair is straight curly or spiked.

Prejudice causes us to view others as less important and less valuable than ourselves. Prejudice has led to slavery. It was behind the massacre of 8 million Jews in World War II. It has been the reason for the slaughter of ethnic groups in Rwanda and Kosovo. It comes in all forms, against all sorts of people.

Take some time today to talk with your kids about prejudice and help them understand that God does not want us to judge others. Use these three quick ways to focus your kids' attention on the reason for the day of from school.

• Give your kids a box of 64 crayons. Tell them to draw a picture. Then take the box away and give them just one crayon and ask them to draw a picture. Compare the two pictures. Talk about the variety of colors and how the colorful picture is more interesting than the one that has just one color. Explain that God created variety when it comes to people. Ask your kids to name the ways that people are different from each other. Explain that God wants us to love each other because He loves us and thinks we are all valuable, no matter the color of our skin, our hair or how we sound when we talk.
• Take a walk outside. Ask your kids to find five different things God made while on your walk. Talk about how different all the things are that God made. Even trees and grass have different varieties, sizes and colors. Talk about how people are like that, too. God made all different varieties of people so we could all fill different roles in God's plan. He designed us for a reason, and He made each one of us a masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10). When we choose to make fun of someone or dislike someone because of the way they look, we're telling God that what He made is no good.
• Talk about Martin Luther King Jr. Find pictures on the Internet of "whites only" bathrooms and drinking fountains. Talk about what it would have been like to be a black person living in a society like that. Most of our kids don't comprehend how the world could have functioned like that. My youngest daughter probably has 10 different ethnicities in her classroom this year. She is always puzzled when I describe a world where black people couldn't do the same things as white people. Listen to Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have a Dream" speech. Talk about how difficult it would have been to stand up to the authorities. Talk with your kids about why it's important to speak up against injustice even when it is the unpopular thing to do.

God created a world with a huge variety of people. He didn't make one set of people more important than any other. He loves each and every one of us. Make sure you take some time today to focus on the beauty in all of the people God made.

Don't Forget the Stick

It's my job to get the hockey stick when we go to practice and games. My daughter hauls her bag of gear, and I grab the stick. We've always done it that way, mainly because my daughter doesn't remember how long the stick is and has a tendency to accidentally whack others with it. We've been hauling her gear and stick to practice and games for more than a year and a half, and I've never forgotten the stick. Until last night.

I popped open the back of my station wagon, pulled out her gear and realized we didn't have a stick. A hockey player's stick isn't like a baseball bat. You can't just pick up another one and it will do the same thing. Sticks are cut to be the right height, and the blades are curved differently, depending on if you're a left-handed shot or a right-handed one. Playing with someone else's stick is a lot like trying to borrow someone else's eyeglasses. You can do it, but it may not be the right fit.

Left with no choice, we checked with the guys at the snack bar to see if they had a stick we could borrow. The one they came up with was a little bit short and curved a little bit in the wrong direction. But it was better than no stick at all. My daughter survived practice without her stick but said it wasn't something she wanted to do again.

Because I forgot her stick, my daughter was forced to play with a stick that was less than ideal. Too often, we try to force our kids to play the game of life with the wrong stick. We forget that our kids were created to be who God wants them to be, not who we want them to be.

I'll admit there are times when I try to force my girls into the mold that I would like them to fit. I miss the days when my girls loved to wear skirts and dresses. Now, it's all jeans and T-shirts. Sometimes, I wish I could get my youngest to just take a few minutes to think before she acts and not barrel through life at 110 miles an hour. And there are other days when I wish my oldest would not be quite so cautious. There are days when I'd rather do anything other than sit through another freezing hockey practice or another rainy soccer game.

But God designed our kids to be a part of His perfect plan -- not a part of our "perfect" household. As a parent, it's our job to encourage our kids and to show them how to use their gifts and personalities for Him. It's not our job to create the "perfect" children.

We are to help mold our kids into the image that God has for them, not the image we have in our minds. No matter how different our kids' choices may seem, we must keep in mind that Genesis 1:27 tells us "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." Those quirks and differences are all a part of who they are. And who they are is exactly who God made them to be.

So, encourage your kids to be themselves. Don't expect them to be like anyone else. God didn't make them to fill the same role as anyone else. Let them play with their own stick, not a borrowed one, and you'll be amazed at where God will take them.

Summer Fun: The 39 Clues to You -- Day 2

Today is the second day of our summer adventure “39 Clues to You.” Two weeks ago we kicked off our adventure with a day dedicated to learning about how each person is God’s masterpiece – the best thing that He can make. If you missed it, you can read about our first day here.


The goal of this summer’s adventure is to help the kids understand that each person is important to God. Each of the girls gathered around my kitchen table has special gifts and talents that God will use. Because God made each person different, we need to respect and appreciate those differences. How we treat others matters to God.

Today, our lesson focuses on being the image of God. Our memory verse for the day is Genesis 1:27, “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”

God created us in His image. That means we are created to be like God. We aren’t exact replicas of God, but because we are created in God’s image, we should reflect the character qualities of God. To illustrate this point with the girls, I’m going to have them draw an image of themselves on a piece of paper. We’ll talk about how that image reflects their physical characteristics. Then we’ll talk about how we are made in God’s image, not to reflect His physical characteristics but to reflect His character. We also need to be aware that if we claim to follow Jesus, then our actions show the world a picture of God. We want those actions to be an accurate reflection of who God is.

Each week, we’re going to focus on the gifts and talents of one girl. This week, our clues will lead us to learn more about my oldest daughter. The girls will get six clues that they must put together to figure out which girl we’re focusing on. As we reveal the clues, we’ll add things to the “picture frame” stuck to the wall, which represents the masterpiece God created when He created that child.

Each child will be asked to identify something that they like about my oldest daughter and write it down. We’ll add those items to the “picture frame” as well.

My oldest daughter loves to play soccer and draw, so our activities for today include learning some soccer moves and playing a soccer game. She also enjoys drawing, so we’ll be learning how to draw a few simple items. When we’re done learning these things, we’ll talk about whether they were easy or hard. We’ll discuss how we can’t all expect to be good at the same things, but we should appreciate the talents that our friends have.

We’ll finish the day with a reminder that each person is made in God’s image and we should act as if what we do reflects back on God because it does. The challenge for the girls this week is to get caught being a reflection of God in their actions toward others, which is a good challenge for all of us to take on this week.

Memory Monday: Growing Up

My oldest daughter turns 10 in a month. She is a beautiful girl who is turning into a lovely young lady. Lately, we've been having a few conversations about the changes her body will go through in the next few years. We had one the other day that I found especially revealing. It ended with her saying, "I don't want to grow up."

Changing bodies can be a scary time for kids. Some of the stuff that's heading their way sounds yucky and different. With growing up come more hygiene responsibilities and a whole host of new emotions. It's easy for kids to be scared.

Yet, all of the changes are part of God's amazing plan for us. No matter what stage our bodies are in -- whether it's pre-puberty, post-pregnancy or menopausal -- they are performing how God created them to perform. Those changes may be scary, and they may make us feel uncomfortable in our own skin, but they are still beautiful.

I know that eight years after having my last baby, I still have several pounds I'd like to shed. Ever since I hit the grand old age of 35, my metabolism doesn't work like it once did. I have pounds that have moved around to new places and clothes in my closet that most likely will never fit again. I have to work harder to keep weight off. What I'm experiencing is no different than what  my daughter is going through, facing the impending changes in her own body. And, there are days when I want to throw up my hands and announce "I don't want to grow up" too.

But the truth is that God made our bodies, and He thinks they're beautiful. Genesis 1:27 says "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." Memorize this verse with your kids this week. Knowing from an early age that we are made in the image of a perfect God can help take away some of the fear associated with a changing body.

We need to remind our kids that their bodies are working just as God designed. And what He designed is beautiful. We can and should start this process when our kids are young, so that when they face changes in the design of their bodies, they have a sense of self-worth that is rooted in the fact that they are beautiful in God's eyes -- not in whether they look like an air-brushed model on the cover of a magazine.

• When your kids are young, make it a point to focus on the non-physical aspects of who they are. It's OK for kids to like to look nice, but it's not OK for that to become a focal point of who they are. Try to compliment them on character qualities like being nice to others, truthfulness and unselfishness more than you focus on their physical attributes.
• For older kids, buy a few of those fashion magazines. Lay them out on the table and ask them to flip through the magazines. Ask them what they think of the actors and models featured in the magazines. Ask them if they think that's how those people really look. Use a photo of a familiar person or animal and change it in a photo editing program. Show your kids how easy it is to change the appearance of someone with photo editing software. Emphasize that what they see on a magazine cover is rarely what a person looks like in real life. Comparing ourselves to those unrealistic images isn't healthy because it's not an achievable look without the help of some judicious editing.
• When you begin to have discussions with your children about how their bodies are changing, keep at the forefront of their minds that all of this is normal and designed by God. As you begin your discussions, get a pot, some dirt and a flower seed. Together over the course of a few weeks, watch the flower grow. Talk about how the flower changes as it grows. Remind your child that without those changes, the plant would never become a beautiful flower. Tell your child they are just like that flower -- going through changes that will result in beauty.
• Watch your words. Be careful how you talk about your own body. If you have girls, you are instilling in them an example of how they should think about their bodies. If you have boys, you are setting up expectations for how they should view the female body. What you say about your own physical image counts when it comes to your kids. Act like your body is designed in the image of God, so your children will believe you when you encourage them in how they view their bodies.

The change from little girl or little boy to young woman or young man brings with it some excitement and some fear. Knowing that God made their bodies to work this way, makes the whole process a whole lot less scary.