Don't Forget the Stick

It's my job to get the hockey stick when we go to practice and games. My daughter hauls her bag of gear, and I grab the stick. We've always done it that way, mainly because my daughter doesn't remember how long the stick is and has a tendency to accidentally whack others with it. We've been hauling her gear and stick to practice and games for more than a year and a half, and I've never forgotten the stick. Until last night.

I popped open the back of my station wagon, pulled out her gear and realized we didn't have a stick. A hockey player's stick isn't like a baseball bat. You can't just pick up another one and it will do the same thing. Sticks are cut to be the right height, and the blades are curved differently, depending on if you're a left-handed shot or a right-handed one. Playing with someone else's stick is a lot like trying to borrow someone else's eyeglasses. You can do it, but it may not be the right fit.

Left with no choice, we checked with the guys at the snack bar to see if they had a stick we could borrow. The one they came up with was a little bit short and curved a little bit in the wrong direction. But it was better than no stick at all. My daughter survived practice without her stick but said it wasn't something she wanted to do again.

Because I forgot her stick, my daughter was forced to play with a stick that was less than ideal. Too often, we try to force our kids to play the game of life with the wrong stick. We forget that our kids were created to be who God wants them to be, not who we want them to be.

I'll admit there are times when I try to force my girls into the mold that I would like them to fit. I miss the days when my girls loved to wear skirts and dresses. Now, it's all jeans and T-shirts. Sometimes, I wish I could get my youngest to just take a few minutes to think before she acts and not barrel through life at 110 miles an hour. And there are other days when I wish my oldest would not be quite so cautious. There are days when I'd rather do anything other than sit through another freezing hockey practice or another rainy soccer game.

But God designed our kids to be a part of His perfect plan -- not a part of our "perfect" household. As a parent, it's our job to encourage our kids and to show them how to use their gifts and personalities for Him. It's not our job to create the "perfect" children.

We are to help mold our kids into the image that God has for them, not the image we have in our minds. No matter how different our kids' choices may seem, we must keep in mind that Genesis 1:27 tells us "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." Those quirks and differences are all a part of who they are. And who they are is exactly who God made them to be.

So, encourage your kids to be themselves. Don't expect them to be like anyone else. God didn't make them to fill the same role as anyone else. Let them play with their own stick, not a borrowed one, and you'll be amazed at where God will take them.

One Size Does Not Fit All

I've read lots of books about discipline. Sometimes I take away good stuff that I can use, and other times I look at the book and think, "Does this person even have children?"

The trouble with books about discipline is that they often assume that all children are the same. What works with one child will work with all children. If you've ever met more than one child, you know that each child is different. So it stands to reason that what works with one child may not work with another.

Too many discipline schemes are based on a system that takes a one-size-fits-all approach. Effective discipline will take an individualized approach. The key to effective discipline is finding the things that matter to your child.

My youngest is a tough kid. She's not phased by much. She doesn't really care if you're upset with her. You can talk until you're blue in the face and not get through to her. But take away her video game time or tell her she can't go to hockey practice, and you've got her attention.

My oldest is just the opposite. She couldn't care less about video games, but raise your voice or express disappointment, and she will dissolve into a puddle of tears.

Clearly, attempting to have one system of discipline for both of my kids would never work. When we set up systems for discipline without taking into account the children we are disciplining, we undercut the effectiveness of the system.

God didn't make us all alike, so it's silly for us to assume that what works for one child will work exactly the same way for another. Psalm 139:13-14 says "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." We need to take into account those fearfully and wonderfully made attributes when we consider discipline. We're setting ourselves up for failure when we institute a discipline system that doesn't take our children's individuality into account.

If you look at how God disciplined the Israelites and how he later disciplined David, you'll see He didn't use the same tactics. He let the Israelites wander around in the desert for 40 years to make His point. David's son died because of his sin.

• Use your kids' natural likes and dislikes to institute discipline. Taking away TV time from a child who prefers to read isn't effective, but taking a favorite TV program away from a child who loves TV will make an impact.
• Don't be afraid to use different discipline tactics for kids in the same household. Your kids are not the same, so the methods you use for discipline may not be the same. Your kids may think this is unfair, but it's not about fairness. It's about effectiveness.
• Remember that discipline is about teaching. Whatever method is going to be most effective to teach our children how to change their heart and improve their behavior is the one we should be using.

Spend some time today considering your kids. See if your current discipline system takes into account their individuality. If it doesn't, then work to revamp your system.

It's OK to Be Different

As you've probably noticed from reading this blog, my girls are far from your sterotypical girls. I have to practically wrestle my oldest to get her to wear anything other than jeans and a T-shirt. And, clearly, my youngest has chosen an unusual sport for a girl -- at least in our part of the country.

I love that my girls are confident enough in who they are that they feel comfortable stepping outside the "typical" box, but sometimes that can be tough. Kids can be mean. For whatever reason, anyone who steps slightly outside the norm can be shunted to the edges of the childhood social circle. That's tough on kids and on moms and dads.

I don't know about you, but when one of my girls comes home upset about some mean comment that someone made, I want to put on my mommy bear claws and wade into the childhood social strata and knock some sense into kids. But that's probably not going to help, and it won't fix the problem.

The best thing we can do for our kids is to help them find their niche. They may never be the most popular kid in school, but they can find their place and surround themselves with good friends. But all of that starts at home.

If your kids are not completely confident that you will back up their "different" choices, then they won't have the confidence to be who they are in a crowd. I'm not suggesting that you back up wrong choices, but if your daughter wants to play hockey instead of taking dance or your son wants to play the flute instead of the tuba, those are choices where your approval or disapproval makes a difference.

God made each one of us to be exactly who we are. He wired each of us differently to fulfill a different role in his plan. I'm not really sure how my oldest always playing soccer with the boys at recess or my youngest preferring to play with matchboxes rather than dolls fits into the grand scheme of God's design, but I do know that He has a plan. He wouldn't have given my girls the personalities that they have if He didn't have a use for those specific traits.

So, how do you go about creating an environment in your home that allows your kids to be who God made them to be?

• Watch your reactions. You can put a stop to a great idea simply by reacting poorly to it the first time it's presented. When my youngest asked to play hockey, my first reaction was "Are you kidding me? I like all of your teeth in your mouth where they belong." Luckily, God stopped my tongue from saying that and instead allowed me to ask her some questions about why she thought she would like to play instead.
• Be interested in what your child is interested in. If your child's passion is science, learn something about science. Do some cool science experiments with your child. If their interest is soccer, learn the rules and figure out how the game is played. If their interest is dance or music, learn enough talk knowledgeably with them about it. I can play neither soccer nor hockey, but I know the rules of both games and enough about the strategy and mechanics to be dangerous. Being interested in your child's passions lets them know that you support their endeavors. It gives them confidence to stand up and be themselves when you're not around.
• Build them up when the world tears them down. It can be tough to go against the grain in anything. The childhood social strata values conformity above all else. Be there to talk with your kids when someone teases them. Let them know that God made them to be the special person that they are. Remind them that they are God's masterpiece.
• Illustrate the importance of each person in God's plan for your kids. Put together a puzzle with your child, but take out one of the middle pieces. When you are done, talk about how the missing piece left a big hole in the picture. Explain that we are like God's puzzle pieces. When one of us is missing, it leaves a gap, a role that isn't being filled. Like puzzle pieces, we're all different so we can fill a different part of God's plan.

Helping our kids become confident in who God made them to be is an important part of our role as parents. As you help your children understand the importance of being who God made them to be, keep in mind these words from Romans 12:4: "For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others." Help your child learn to fill their function in the body of Christ.

MacGyver Mom

Do you remember MacGyver? I used to love that show. Give the guy a piece of gum, a rubber band and a Swiss army knife and he could break out of jail, save the world and rescue the damsel in distress all in a one-hour episode.

I think most moms are a lot like MacGyver. And I know your kids see you that way. Most moms I know can fix a broken Silly Band, pack a lunch, find a lost shoe and impart important wisdom -- all before 8 o'clock in the morning. Most moms have a mental filing system that files away important information like the fact that you saw your child's favorite toy stuffed under the couch or the fact that your daughter's homework got left on the table. Then, when you are asked, it all comes back, and you can tell your child exactly where it is. I don't know about you, but most of the time I can track down whatever my child is missing, but half the time I can't find my own car keys.

When it comes to training up our kids, those MacGyver-like skills come in handy. One of the goals of this blog is to encourage you and offer you ideas for training your kids in a Godly manner, but it's meant to be a jumping off point for you. If there's an idea here that works with your kids, that's fantastic. But, hopefully, the ideas here are also triggering your own creativity in teaching your children. Each one of you is unique, and you are raising unique kids. Psalms 139:14 says "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

God created you in exactly the right way to be able to train up your child, whom He also created in a fearful and wonderful way. Too often, we look at other parents and their children and wish we were in their shoes. We wish we were as creative or as pretty or our kids were as well behaved or as smart as their kids. But God made you the perfect mom for your child. He gave you all the tools you need to train your child. He gave you the exact amount of patience, love, creativity and humor to be able to parent your child exactly as he or she needs.

So, today, I'd love to hear some MacGyver mom stories. Share with the rest of us a creative way that you have taught a Biblical truth to your kids. If you've taken one of the Everyday Truth ideas and used it with your kids, let us know how it worked and if you made any changes. Share your creativity with the rest of us so we can all add it to our MacGyver mom stores of knowledge.

And if anyone's MacGyver mom skills actually extend to fixing a broken Silly Band, the rest of us would love to know.

Finding Your Spot

I love to go to my girls' music program. I am constantly amazed at what our music teacher can accomplish with a group a of kids. They don't just stand up there and sing -- they twirl, they do hand motions, they bop up and down, mostly in time with the music. Every year, though, one of my girls will come home complaining about how someone else got in her spot.

The girls' music programs only look good when everyone is in their spot. When one child starts encroaching on another child's spot, things go wonky. Kids fall off risers, somebody gets an elbow in the face, props get knocked over. It's not a pretty sight -- funny, but not pretty.

It's the same way in life, too. God created each of us -- you, me, your kids -- to fill a specific spot in His plan. When we're unhappy with who God made us to be or we try to be just like everyone else, we throw things out of kilter. Mostly, the person we mess up is us. If you have a child who loves ballet, signing her up for field hockey will probably make her miserable. On the other hand, if you have a child who loves to play football, signing him up for art class may not be the way to go.

It's tough to be a kid. As our kids grow, they start learning where their spot is. Sometimes that spot is smack in the middle of what everyone else is doing. Sometimes that spot is so far away from what their friends consider normal, your child might as well be on another planet. For most kids, their friends' approval is important to them. They will do some of the craziest things to gain it. The struggle for us moms is to help our children find the spot God has for them as well as their place among their friends.

Raising confident, self-assured children who know they are valuable in God's sight and in yours is a daunting challenge. Mainly, it consists of being consistent and persistent in giving your child that message. I think that outside of "God loves you and sent Jesus to die for you," the message that they are valuable in God's sight is the most important one that your children will ever hear. I've already decided that in our house, next summer's adventure will revolve around this. I'm calling it "The 39 Clues to Finding You." Until then, try some of these quick activities to help your kids find their spot in God's plan.

• When your child brings home artwork from school or creates a marvelous piece of artwork at home, talk about what a masterpiece it is. Ask them what they think God considers His masterpiece. Have them look up or read to them Ephesians 2:10, which says "For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." Talk about the fact that you are God's masterpiece means you are the best thing He could ever make.
• Let your kids try new things. It's tough to find your spot -- the place where you can serve God best -- if you don't know what you can do. If your child wants to learn to ice skate, paint pottery, play water polo, write books or fly an airplane, do what you can to enable them to learn about those things. Even if doesn't seem like something they would be good at, let them give it a try. You might be surprised. My oldest daughter plays soccer. Honestly, she's not the most graceful child in the world, and she's about the gentlest soul you could meet. We thought she would get eaten alive on the soccer field, but we let her try it. Turns out she has a completely different personality on the field than off of it. She's aggressive, does amazing things with her feet and is a pretty talented player -- and she loves it. We never would have known that if we had discouraged her from trying.
• Encourage your children. Offering encouragement to your kids is probably the single most important thing you can do as they seek to find their spot. Remind them often that you love them for who they are and so does God. Even when they fail at something, remind them that their value is not in whether they succeed in everything but in the fact that God made them. Don't puff your children up with a false sense of pride. Every child is not the next Renoir or Mickey Mantle, but don't put down their accomplishments either. Help your child discover the things at which God has gifted them without destroying their sense of accomplishment when they try something at which they aren't that gifted.
• If you have more than one child, chances are they are good at different things. Have the whole family try the things at which one child excels. For example, in our house, my youngest ice skates well. My husband can't skate at all. Getting the whole family on the ice gives the rest of us an appreciation for what my youngest has accomplished. This is especially good for siblings who have a tendency to put down whatever the other one does as "not that hard."
• Get some modeling clay or Play-doh and a mold for it. Ask your children to make several items with the clay and the mold. Point out how all the things made with the mold look very similar. Talk about how God didn't use a mold to make your child. He didn't want us all to look alike, act alike or be talented at the same things. Tell them that sometimes our friends want us to look like them and act like them, but God didn't make us to all be just alike. He made us different and special so we can take our spot in His plan.

Whatever you choose to do to remind your children that they are God's masterpiece, do it consistently and do it often. The world works hard to force our children to fit a mold. We want them to know the only mold they have to fit is the one God used to make them -- and that mold was broken the day they were born. No one else was made just like them.