Meet the Instrument

I took my fifth-grade daughter to try-the-instrument night at the high school last night. We're in the throes of the big decision of deciding what instrument she wants to play in band this year.

She thought she wanted to play the tuba, but when we tried it last night, she realized just how big the tuba really is. It was awkward and difficult to hold. She decided that while it looked cool, it wasn't the right instrument for her.

So, now we're down to the trumpet or the clarinet. I'm thrilled because we have one of each of those in our basement. I played the clarinet growing up, and my husband played the trumpet. I think the trumpet is probably a better fit for her abilities and personality, but we're going to let her choose.

Until I took her up to the high school last night, I didn't realize what a big decision this is for the fifth-graders. It's really the first school-related decision that they get to make on their own. We're offering input, but the final decision is up to her.

Many of the decisions we make in life are a lot like this decision about playing a musical instrument. They are loaded with gray areas, not necessarily wrong, just not the best fit for us.

Helping your child navigate the waters of making choices, of finding the best choice when there isn't necessarily a right one, is tough. Figuring out the best path to take when both choices have benefits and drawbacks requires wisdom and good judgment. Sometimes it takes trial and error. Making a poor choice in one area and dealing with the consequences may keep your child from making the same mistake with bigger stakes when they are older.

Equip your kids with tools to make good decisions.

• Encourage your kids to seek wisdom. James 1:5 says "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." God is the source of wisdom. Any decision made without His input is a decision made without the right framework.
• Illustrate the importance of asking God for wisdom when making a decision. Find an instruction book for your child's favorite toy or video game system. Ask them what they would do if they had a problem with that toy. They would probably ask a parent for help, consult the instructions, then talk with the customer help line if they couldn't solve the problem. Explain that when we make decisions, it's just like asking for help with a toy. We need to go to the source by consulting God. We can pray, look for the answers in the Bible and ask a trusted adult for advice.
• Explain that God wants us to bring all of our decisions to Him. He wants to help us make the best choices. He tells us in Matthew 6:33 to "Seek first his kingdom and righteousness." When we do that, we can make the best decisions.
• Avoid the temptation to make all the decisions for your kids. As our kids get older we need to allow them the freedom to make their own choices. If we shelter them from ever making a poor decision, we don't allow them to learn that our choices matter. Generally, the stakes are small in the choices that younger kids are making. It's better to learn that it's important to make wise decisions when the consequence is small than to have to learn that lesson when the consequence can ruin the rest of their lives.

Teaching our kids to make wise choices is a process. They are going to fail some of the time. But each time they make a choice that doesn't fit -- like the tuba that didn't fit my daughter -- they learn something about how to make a better choice next time.

Giving our kids the tools to tap into the source of wisdom is the best thing we can do to help them make the best decision in any situation.

Summer: Creating a Road Map

Have you ever taken a drive or a walk and just wandered aimlessly? You might see a lot of the countryside and you might even discover something new, but when you get home, you don't really get the sense that you have accomplished anything. The drive or walk was nice, but it didn't really take you anywhere you needed to go.

We can spend our summers with our kids wandering aimlessly. When the summer is over, we'll probably have some memories of some fun times and we might have managed to teach our kids a few things, but we won't be able to point to anything big that our kids have learned. If we start our summer without a direction, we'll end it without having gone anywhere.

The key to a successful summer with your kids is to create your own road map for your time together. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm definitely not telling you to overschedule your summer. You also don't need a day-by-day schedule. What you do need is a simple plan for the things you want to accomplish for the summer.

Look at it this way, if you were going to paint a room, you would make a list of the supplies you needed and set aside some time to get it done. You wouldn't just paint the room with a toothbrush and some children's watercolors. Having a plan for your summer -- a road map -- makes it easier for us to teach our kids the things God wants them to know.

Yesterday, I asked you to pray over your kids and your schedules and ask God to reveal to you what He wants you to focus on with your kids this summer. Now, I want you to finish this statement: By the end of the summer, I want my kids to know ________________.

My statement for the summer is: By the end of the summer, I want my kids to know that God created each person with special gifts and talents to use for Him. Our summer is going to focus on the fact that God made each of them unique and not only should we be ourselves, but we should value others because God made them unique, too.

So, now that you have a focus for your summer, spend some time today asking God to show you how to teach that idea to your children. You might be saying, I'm not creative enough to do this or I don't know where to start. God is simply waiting for you to ask. He offers wisdom to everyone who asks for it. James 1:5 says "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." Ask Him to point out everyday moments where you can teach your kids and to show you bigger, more planned events where you can create moments to teach your kids.

Tomorrow, we'll look at how to create some of those moments, and on Friday we'll make sure we aren't so focused on the big things we have planned that we miss the little, everyday moments that God provides. But, today, spend some more time in prayer about your summer. If God hasn't revealed a focus for your summer to you, keep praying about that, too.

Start creating your road map for the summer today.

Making Choices

I took my oldest daughter shopping for shoes about a month ago. Apparently the big thing in shoes for kids her age are DC skate shoes. I had never heard of these shoes before, so I went online to see what they looked like -- and almost choked on the price. I also didn't much care for several of the styles that looked like they had graffiti sprayed all over the heel of the shoe.

We talked about it, and I told her she could have the shoes if she was willing to pay the difference between what I thought was a reasonable amount of money to pay for shoes and what the shoes actually cost. I also had to approve the style. We spent several hours hunting for these shoes. When we finally found a store with a decent selection, it took us another 45 minutes to agree on a price and a style. Finally, we left the store with a pair of shoes with which everyone was happy. My oldest only had to pay $10, and I thought the shoes were acceptable for school and other activities.

Two years ago if my daughter had wanted those shoes, I would have looked at her and said "No," and we would have gone on our merry way to Target to buy sneakers. But, as she gets older, I have to let go of some of the decisions and begin to let her make them. As far as the shoes went, everyone ended up happy with the decision. She loves her shoes and hasn't had any second thoughts about her purchase.

But not every decision that we allow her to make ends up so happily. Sometimes she regrets a purchase. Sometimes she has to deal with the consequences of choosing poorly -- whether she's tired because she chose to go to a sleepover on a busy weekend or she fails a test because she chose not to study.

As my daughter much too quickly approaches the teen years, it's tempting to hang onto the decision-making responsibilities. I still get the final say on most things at this point, but if I don't let go of some of those decisions and let her get some practice making decisions, then she won't know how to make wise ones. The temptation is often to save our kids from the natural consequences of their decisions, but when we do that, we rob them of the opportunity to learn to make wise decisions. The consequences for a bad decision are much less at 10, than they are at 23.

You are still available to offer guidance and discuss your child's options with them, but you allow them to fail. Unless the consequences will be disastrous beyond measure (someone gets hurt or property gets damaged), letting them fail teaches your children valuable lessons they can't learn in any other way.

As you loosen the reins on decision-making, keep these things in mind:

• Choose age-appropriate places for your child to make decisions. A 3-year-old can decide which shoes she wants to wear. A 15-year-old can go shopping by herself, knowing the parameters you find acceptable.
• When your child is struggling with a decision, be available to help him see all the options and their logical consequences. When we arm our kids with information, they can make better decisions.
• Always talk about how God feels about the issue. Use scripture to back up the godly option. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 tells us "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." Scripture is designed to help us make good decisions.
• If your child makes a poor decision, don't offset the consequences. Do sit down with them and discuss what happened and why. Help them decide on what would have been a better option and what the logical outcome of choosing that better option would be.
• Encourage your children to take their decisions to God before they make them. God is the source of ultimate wisdom, and He will never not give us wisdom when we need it. James 1:5 says "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."
  
  Today, take a look at whether you are giving your child enough decision-making power. Remember to keep the decisions age-appropriate, but give your child the opportunity to make decisions. If we want our kids to make good decisions, we have to let them begin practicing that skill while we are around to be a sounding board and a source of wisdom. If we hold onto the decision-making reins too long, our kids will begin to feel stifled and rebellious. Avoid that by helping them to make good decisions on their own.

God of Wisdom

Each day in November, the Everyday Truth blog is looking at a different name for God and providing a family devotional for you to use with your kids. The goal is to keep our hearts focused on giving thanks to God during the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving.


When you don't know the answer to a question, what do you do? You might ask your parent or a teacher for the answer. You can look up the answer in a book or search for the answer on a reliable site on the Internet. If you really want to find out the answer, you will look for it.

Sometimes, though, we face tough things in our lives, where there don't seem to be any answers. Maybe your mom or dad has lost their job or someone in your family has died. Maybe you're having trouble with another child at school. Maybe you have a tough choice to make, and both choices seem good. No amount of searching the Internet or asking an adult is going to provide the best wisdom on those subjects. The one who can offer the best guidance in these types of situations is God.

God is called the God of wisdom. Do you know what wisdom is? Wisdom is good counsel based on God's principles and experience. God is the source of all wisdom, and He freely offers it to us. Job 12:13 says "To God belong wisdom and power; counsel and understanding are his." God is the best one to ask for advice on any subject. And He's always ready to give us His wisdom. James 1:5 says "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you."

God cares even about the small decisions that you make in your life. He's ready and willing to offer you wisdom in any situation. When you're trying to decide whether to stand up for the kid in your class who is being picked on, God is there to offer counsel. When you're nervous before a test, God is there with His wisdom. When you're mad at your parents, God can show you the best way to deal with your anger. God wants to share His wisdom with you. All you have to do is ask.

Have everyone in your family practice asking God for wisdom today. Whenever you're faced with a situation where you don't know what to do today, stop and ask God for wisdom. Over dinner this evening, share with each other how God provided wisdom to you today.

On your thankfulness leaves today, write down situations in which you are thankful for God's wisdom.

Pray together, thanking God for being a God of wisdom. Thank Him for providing us with wisdom when we need it.