Summer: Fighting the Entitlement Monster

Have you ever told your child that the world does not revolve around him? It probably came as shocking news to him. Kids are born thinking they are at the center of everything and everyone else's needs should be secondary to their own. And this idea is simply reinforced in the first year or so of their lives when they're unable to do much for themselves and the household really does revolve around their needs.

Imagine the shock it must be for a child to hear the word "No" for the first time. You've spent the past nine months catering to their needs and all of sudden, you're telling them they can't have something they want. It must be a shock to their selfish little system.

As our kids grow, it can become really easy for them to focus only on their own wants and needs. My family lives in the richest county in Kansas. We're located right next door to the poorest county in Kansas. The difference is striking, but many kids who live here have no idea of the poverty that exists just 20 miles away. They have no idea that there are kids going to bed hungry every night just minutes from their doorstep.

My kids and many of the kids I know begin to foster a sense of entitlement from a young age. They think the world owes them things. If they want something, they expect to have it handed to them, preferably on a silver platter. It's not a pretty sight to see.

If you are noticing a sense of entitlement in your own kids, summer is a great time to work on changing that attitude. With the extra time in the schedule, you can broaden your child's horizons and help them realize that there are children in the world who live with a lot less than what your kids have.

The best way to combat entitlement is to get your hands dirty and get your kids serving others who are less fortunate than they are. Make your summer a summer of service -- in big and small ways -- and by the time your kids go back to school, they'll have a different perspective on the world.

• Battling the entitlement monster takes time and planning, so sit down with your calendar and find some open dates. Mark those off as days of service. Explain to your kids that you're going to spend some days this summer helping other people. Ask your kids what types of projects they would like to take on. The more involved they are in the planning, the more interested they will be in serving.
• Take a proactive approach at home to not feed the entitlement monster. It's OK to treat your kids to something special every once in a while, but saying "No" is good for your child's character. Make your kids earn their own money to buy things that they want. Make sure your kids understand how much things cost and that things like playing sports and going to the movies are privileges, not rights.
• Talk with your kids about how there are people not far from where you live that may not have enough food to eat or a place to sleep every night. Explain that God has called us to take care of the poor and even promises to bless us if we do. Proverbs 22:9 says "A generous man will himself be blessed, for he shares his food with the poor."
• Choose some ways you can serve others this summer and curb the sense of entitlement in your kids:
• Organize a food drive in your neighborhood. Have your kids create fliers and talk to their friends about donating food. Then let your kids take the food to a local food pantry. Arrange ahead of time for the someone at the food pantry to talk with your kids about what the food pantry does.
• Take cookies to a nursing home and visit with some of the residents. Let your kids know that focusing on others doesn't have to be expensive or take a lot of time. It's simply a matter of putting others' needs above their own.
• Check with your local children's hospital to see if there's a way that your kids can volunteer or donate supplies. Seeing children their own age in tough situations always gives kids a different perspective.
• Check with a local homeless shelter to see if there's something your family can do to help out. A great experience for older kids is to help serve a meal at a homeless shelter.
• Have your kids organize a book drive for a school or charity. Last summer, my girls learned that just 20 minutes from our door there are kids growing up without a single book in their homes. Having books in the home is a huge predictor of how successful a child will be in school. Organizing a book drive is simple, and people usually have books just lying around that they're happy to pass on.
• Get your kids looking for ways to serve other people in their everyday lives. Encourage them to look for simple ways to serve their friends and family. Give out an award each week for the best act of service during your everyday lives.
• Create care packages for servicemen and women who are deployed. Ask around. Someone you know probably knows a deployed service person. Help your kids put together a box for that person and send it to them.
• Be creative. You know where your kids are struggling with entitlement. Target those issues with your activities and discussions.

With a little planning, a lot of discussion and a determined focus, you can start fighting back against the entitlement monster this summer. Creating a heart for others that shows up in serving others can be your goal for the summer. By the time your kids head back to school, they'll have a new attitude.

Memory Monday: Training Pays Off (Proverbs 22:6)

My youngest daughter's team lost its hockey game this weekend by one goal. (Yes, we're still playing hockey in May). Her team outplayed the other team and really should have won. But they didn't because their goalie is just learning to play hockey.

I think hockey is one of the toughest sports to play. After all, you have to do everything on a sheet of ice. Just standing up and holding onto your stick is an accomplishment when you first start playing. Add pounds and pounds of goalie gear and the fact that everyone is aiming that frozen piece of rubber at you, and I have no idea why anyone signs up to play goalie. Learning to be a goalie is tough, and you're pretty much guaranteed that you will cost your team a few games as you learn.

That's what happened on Saturday. My daughter's team's goalie stopped some really tough shots, which was a huge accomplishment. And he let some easy ones into the goal. In the end, it was those easy shots that sunk her team.

You probably know by now that if there's one thing my youngest daughter hates, it's losing. I really think she would rather cheat than lose. (Yes, we're working on that.) She's also not known for holding her tongue when she's upset about losing.

I fully expected to have to shush her in the locker room and have to talk with her about being encouraging to others on her team, even when they lose. So, imagine my surprise (and joy) when the first thing out of her mouth after the game was "You know, mom, our goalie made some really good saves."

I was more proud of her in that moment than I was of any goal she's gotten this season or any great play she's made on the ice. Despite her disappointment in losing, she was able to see that her team's goalie was improving and to celebrate that fact. I watched her during one of her shifts on defense go over and congratulate her team's goalie after he made a good stop.

These aren't things that come naturally to her. They are qualities that are taught and nurtured. Two years ago, her first reaction would have been to get upset about losing on an easy goal. Saturday, she wasn't happy about losing, but she was able to offer grace to someone else and focus on what he was doing well. That's a big accomplishment for her.

It's moments like these that make all the teaching, all the discipline and all the effort that it takes to be a parent worth it. This week's verse talks about the importance of training our children. Proverbs 22:6 says "Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it." Training our children pays dividends in their actions.

When our children make a shift in their attitudes and actions, it's a much bigger accomplishment than if they score a goal or make a great play. Because their actions toward others are a reflection of what's in their hearts. It's those hearts that we want to touch. It's those hearts that we want our kids to let God fill up with His love and His grace, so they can pour that love and grace out on others. When that happens, it's worth celebrating.
 
Starting tomorrow, we're going to spend the rest of the week looking at ways to be intentional teaching your kids certain topics this summer. Last week, I asked for suggestions of topics. So far, I've got money, humility and respect. Shoot me an email, leave a comment on the blog or on the Facebook page if you have any other topics you'd like the blog to tackle.

Summer: Don't Lose Your Voice

As many of you know, we had a rough winter around here. My kids were sick more than they were well. We are a family happy to see the warmer days of spring and are looking forward to the even warmer, germ-free days of summer.

However, it seems that illness decided to take one last whack at our family. Both girls spent time at home in the past two weeks with head colds and ear infections. Amazingly, as much illness as has been in our home over the past five months, I have managed not to get sick. Until this week.

I have a miserable head cold. My head is stuffed up, my throat is sore, and I've lost my voice. There's a lot of "What did you say?" going on around here. I have to resort to a combination of whispering and hand motions to get my point across. I will be so glad to be well.

As summer rolls around and we begin focusing on what we want to teach our children with the extra time we have, it can be easy to lose your everday voice.  We can get so caught up in our plans for the summer that we miss the everyday moments to teach our kids. While having a plan for the summer is great, don't let that plan become the only focus of your summer.

We want to continue to take advantage of every opportunity to teach our kids in the style of Deuteronomy 6:6-9. We want to use the everyday moments of the summer to pass along God's truth. Look at the opportunities that God gives us to teach every day. Read those verses: "These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates." Make this command your purpose for the summer. Talk about God at every opportunity.

If you're at the zoo, talk about how God created everything. If your child is going off to sports camp of some kind, talk about the importance of being a good sport and revealing a Godly character. If you're hanging out in the pool, talk about how God is like a lifeguard -- he saves us.

Have a plan for the summer, but use those everyday moments to bring God into your lives each day of the summer. Don't lose your everyday voice in the midst of your summer plans.

Next week, the blog is going to focus on ways to teach particular topics during the summer. I'd love to know what some of you are planning to focus on with your kids this summer, so I can get you started. Leave me a comment here on the blog or on the Facebook page letting me know what topic you'll be creating opportunities to teach your kids this summer.

Summer: Creating Opportunities to Teach

A couple of summers ago, my kids had a case of what the Berenstein Bears call the "gimmes." You've all run into the "gimmes." You walk into a store, and immediately your kids start saying "gimme this" or "gimme that." It seemed as if my kids had turned into greedy children almost overnight.

So, I decided we were going to spend the summer focusing on those less fortunate than we are. I created a summer "camp" around an Amazing Race theme. We called it "Passport to the World." Every week we "traveled" to a different country where we learned about the customs in that country and compared them to the way we live in the U.S. We also learned about a missionary in that country and the work they did.

By the time our summer was over, my girls and four of their friends had a good grasp on how people in the rest of the world live and how fortunate they were to be able to go to school, have enough to eat and not be limited in their options for life simply because of who their family is. They learned six Bible verses and ate some different foods.

Their attitudes had undergone a radical change as well. While we still get the occasional attack of the "gimmes" in our house, more often we find our girls looking for people in need and trying to meet those needs. We've continued to work with the girls and teach them about unselfishness, but the roots of what they learned came from that summer spent "traveling" around the world.

While most of the time, this blog is about finding moments to teach in your kids simply as you go about your life, summer is the perfect time to set aside some time to create an opportunity to teach your children. Great teaching takes place in the spur of the moment -- and we'll talk about that tomorrow -- but if you create an opportunity to put the spotlight on a character quality or other subject for the entire summer, you can take advantage of the time to really reinforce the concept.

Yesterday, I asked you to create a focus statement for your summer. Today, I'm going to walk you through the steps to create your own opportunity to teach your kids this summer. Your opportunity doesn't have to be as big as our "trip" around the world. You can take a half hour a week to get your point across, or you can do something every day. The amount of time you invest is up to you. The important thing is that you make the effort to provide your kids with a concentrated focus for the summer.

Begin by making a few decisions:

• How much time do you have?
• Do you want to work with just your kids or do you want to invite some of their friends?
• How much money do you want to spend?
• Do you want to do it all at your home or do you want to go elsewhere?
• What resources do you need?
• When will you meet?

After you've answered these questions, sit down and make a plan. Now, I'm not much of a planner. My plans for each week usually are just a simple outline, but you may be one of those people who need a detailed plan. Whatever works for you is what you should do. Your plan needs to include the Biblical basis for what you're teaching, any verses you want to share with your kids, whatever activities you're going to do and any resources you'll need.

You can create an entire summer of activity focused on your theme or you can plan to spend a few minutes each day simply talking with your kids about a topic. Whatever you do, make it fun and make it memorable. Let your knowledge of your kids be your guide in creating activities. If your kids love crafts, plan some craft activities around your theme. If they love sports, figure out a way to get some physical activity in your time together.

Make the most of your time together this summer by creating opportunities to teach your kids because the days will slip by quickly. Ecclesiastes 3:1 tells us "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens." In our house, we've found summer to be the season for creating opportunities to teach our kids, mold their character and have fun together. I hope this summer, you'll find that to be true, too.

Next week, the blog is going to focus on ways to teach particular topics during the summer. I'd love to know what some of you are planning to focus on with your kids this summer, so I can get you started. Leave me a comment here on the blog or on the Facebook page letting me know what topic you'll be creating opportunities to teach your kids this summer.

Summer: Creating a Road Map

Have you ever taken a drive or a walk and just wandered aimlessly? You might see a lot of the countryside and you might even discover something new, but when you get home, you don't really get the sense that you have accomplished anything. The drive or walk was nice, but it didn't really take you anywhere you needed to go.

We can spend our summers with our kids wandering aimlessly. When the summer is over, we'll probably have some memories of some fun times and we might have managed to teach our kids a few things, but we won't be able to point to anything big that our kids have learned. If we start our summer without a direction, we'll end it without having gone anywhere.

The key to a successful summer with your kids is to create your own road map for your time together. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm definitely not telling you to overschedule your summer. You also don't need a day-by-day schedule. What you do need is a simple plan for the things you want to accomplish for the summer.

Look at it this way, if you were going to paint a room, you would make a list of the supplies you needed and set aside some time to get it done. You wouldn't just paint the room with a toothbrush and some children's watercolors. Having a plan for your summer -- a road map -- makes it easier for us to teach our kids the things God wants them to know.

Yesterday, I asked you to pray over your kids and your schedules and ask God to reveal to you what He wants you to focus on with your kids this summer. Now, I want you to finish this statement: By the end of the summer, I want my kids to know ________________.

My statement for the summer is: By the end of the summer, I want my kids to know that God created each person with special gifts and talents to use for Him. Our summer is going to focus on the fact that God made each of them unique and not only should we be ourselves, but we should value others because God made them unique, too.

So, now that you have a focus for your summer, spend some time today asking God to show you how to teach that idea to your children. You might be saying, I'm not creative enough to do this or I don't know where to start. God is simply waiting for you to ask. He offers wisdom to everyone who asks for it. James 1:5 says "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." Ask Him to point out everyday moments where you can teach your kids and to show you bigger, more planned events where you can create moments to teach your kids.

Tomorrow, we'll look at how to create some of those moments, and on Friday we'll make sure we aren't so focused on the big things we have planned that we miss the little, everyday moments that God provides. But, today, spend some more time in prayer about your summer. If God hasn't revealed a focus for your summer to you, keep praying about that, too.

Start creating your road map for the summer today.

Are You Ready For Summer?

I know it's hard to believe, but summer is just around the corner. As we flip the calendar page to May, my kids only have three weeks of school left. Then it's a seemingly endless stretch of lazy days until August.

I love summer. I love getting to spend lots of time with my kids. I love that there are a lot of days in the summer where we get up with nothing on the calendar. The hustle and bustle of the school year settles into a more restful pace.

Summer is a fantastic time to reconnect with your kids and focus on teaching them some things that they won't learn in school. It's a fabulous time to create some intentional moments with your kids to share with them God's truths.

But, that won't happen without a plan. For the next few weeks, the blog is going to focus on planning for summer. We'll look at how to get ready for an intentional summer and how to implement some of those ideas into your everyday life. This week, we're going to focus on planning for summer.

And that starts with prayer. I've found the key to a successful summer, like most anything else in life, begins with me on my knees.

Before you can plan anything, you need a direction for your summer. It's easier to be intentional about using the time in your summer if you have one or two things on which to focus your energies. Summer is a great time to work on attitudes and behaviors that indicate a godly character. With your kids out from under the daily influence of other kids at school, sports or activities, you can work one-on-one with your kids on those character qualities that you most want to see them develop.

Today, I want you to ask God what He wants you to do with your summer. Follow the guidance found in Proverbs 16:3 "Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans."

• Ask God to make this summer a special time for you and your kids. Ask Him to help you look forward to the long stretch of days with your kids with anticipation and not dread.
• Pray over each of your children, asking God to show you the specific things He wants you to teach each of them this summer.
• Lay your calendar before you and pray over it, letting God show you how to fill those days.
• Ask God for patience and understanding for your kids as you all work back into a routine of spending more time together this summer.
• Ask God to show you two or three truths that He wants you to share with your kids this summer. These are the things around which you want to build your summer activities.
• Pray that your summer would be filled with fun and laughter for both you and your kids.

As you commit the days of your summer to God, really seek His will in choosing the things you will teach your kids this summer. You want to be ready to take any opportunity to teach your kids but having a plan for some of those moments means you won't get to the end of the summer and feel like you missed a golden opportunity.

Don't read this blog this morning and skip this step. I promise if you spend the time in prayer about how to best spend your summer, God will reveal exactly the things that your kids need to know. If we go on about our plans without submitting to God's plan, then we and our kids will miss out.

Memory Monday: What to Do With Our Enemies? (Matthew 5:43-45)

I fully intended to start this week with the first blog in a series on getting ready for summer. However, I woke up this morning to scenes of people celebrating the death of Osama bin Laden. It reminds me much of the Munchkin celebration in the Wizard of Oz -- "Ding, Dong. The witch is dead."

As I watched, it struck me that this situation is incredibly confusing for our kids, many of whom weren't born or have no memories of Sept. 11. To them it's an historical event -- not one that changed their worlds.

I'll admit that when the news came out last night that bin Laden was dead, a part of me cheered. It's a natural human emotion to feel vindicated that this man who caused so much pain and chaos in our world finally reaped the consequences of his actions. Yet, another part of me felt sad that there are people in this world who are so deluded about their religious beliefs that they believe that killing other people is a part of their calling.

If I was in a dither about how to feel and what a Christ-like reaction to this news would be, how much more confusing is this situation to our children? Many of our kids don't remember 9-11. They don't remember the horror of watching those towers fall and knowing that thousands of people were still inside. They don't remember the heroism of the men and women on United 93. They don't have scenes of smoke rising from a gaping hole in the Pentagon etched in their minds. In short, they don't even have the context that we have for the events of this morning.

So, how do we explain the celebrations in the street over the death of a man who hated America? How do we reconcile that with Jesus' command to love our enemies?

Honestly, I'm not really sure. I can only tell you what I'll be telling my kids this morning and maybe that will help you with your kids.

• If you have really young kids, keep the explanation simple. Tell them bin Laden had done some bad things and he was killed as part of a war. Remind your kids that God loves everyone, even those who do what we consider really bad things. But some sins have bigger earthly consequences, and in this case, that consequence was death.
• For older kids, start with a short discussion of the events of 9-11. Your kids have probably been exposed to some of it at school. Give them some context for who Osama bin Laden was.
• Talk with them about why some people would think his death is a cause for celebration. Explain how you feel about bin Laden's death -- whether it's relief or vindication or even joy. Let them know that it's tough to know how to feel about the situation.
• Read and memorize Matthew 5:43-45: "You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’  But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven." Jesus calls us to love our enemies and even pray for them. Set an example of this for your kids by praying with them for bin Laden's followers. Pray that those people would have their hearts turned toward God and away from murder and destruction.
• Explain to your kids that even though we are called to love our enemies, sin has its consequences. Bin Laden was the leader of a group that attacked the United States, with whom we are currently at war. The consequences of the choices that bin Laden made were that he would be a target of the U.S. as it fought this war.
• Talk about how it's hard to reconcile the command to love your enemies with the need to capture bin Laden. Be sure to point out to your kids that by all accounts, our military gave bin Laden the chance to surrender before killing him. In that moment, he made another choice that had its consequences -- death. Bin Laden turned his heart away from God and made killing and destroying others his purpose. That purpose, which is opposed to God's commands, led to bin Laden's death.
• Bring the conversation down to a level to which your kids can relate. Talk about how they should treat the people that they don't get along wiith. Remind them that God wants them to love and pray even for those who mistreat them. What a great thing it would have been if bin Laden had turned to God instead of creating destruction and mayhem. Praying for their enemies allows your kids to not be eaten up with hatred or yearning for vengeance.

As you deal with these tough issues with your kids, don't forget to ask God for wisdom. There are no easy answers for the questions your kids might ask about the situation. Let your kids lead the conversation and give them the wisdom they need to guide them through the tricky waters of this current event.