I'm Thankful for Friends

Each day until Thanksgiving, Everyday Truth is looking at a different reason to be thankful in a family devotional. Use these devotionals with your kids to help keep your family focused on giving thanks. If you missed the introductory post, check it out here for directions on creating a "Thanksgiving wall." When you're done wiht the devotional head on over to the Everyday Truth Facebook page and join in the discussion of why we're thankful for our families.

Do you have a best friend? Someone that you like to hang out with? Someone that you want to talk to when something exciting happens?

My daughter has a best friend that she's known since she was born. They love to hang out together. If my daughter is bored or has something exciting to share, she wants to immediately see her friend. They go to the movies together, sit together at lunch and have sleepovers. They never seem to run out of things to talk about. They've even shared birthday parties.

Friends are one of God's gifts to us. He gives us friends so we don't have to go through life alone. God knows that sometimes life gets tough. He gives us friends to encourage us and cheer us up during the tough times.

Think about your friends and what you like to do with them. Share your favorite thing to do with your friends. Now, think about how much fun that thing would be to do by yourself. Generally, the things we do with our friends aren't as much fun when we do them by ourselves. It's hard to play a board game or jump rope by yourself. A game of basketball isn't a game unless there's more than one person.

Friends can also help us out. They can make a job seem easier and go by quicker. If your mom or dad told you to go rake all the leaves in your yard, it would seem like a big job. However, if you found a couple of friends to help, it wouldn't take any time at all to finish.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

If we have good friends, then they will be there to help us up when we fall down. They will help us complete a task. They can help us stand up to a bully. We can do all those things alone, but the job is easier with a friend.

Be thankful for your friends today. Add some leaves or sticky notes to your Thanksgiving wall with the names of your friends on them. And be sure to tell your friends how thankful you are for them. A great way to do that is to write them a note and tell them how grateful you are for their friendship. Make it a point to thank at least one of your friends for their friendship today.

Pray together and thank God for your friends. Thank Him for all the ways that friends make life more fun.

The New Kid

My oldest daughter's grade is the smallest in the school. There are only three classes for her grade when the other grades in the school have four or five classes. Most of these fifth-graders have been together since kindergarten.

The other day she came home telling me about this new girl who played soccer with her at recess. I asked "What's her name?" "Does she play soccer on a team?" The answer to both questions was that my daughter didn't know.

Being the new kid stinks. Walking into the beginning of a new school year not knowing anyone is intimidating and lonely. Being the only new kid on the soccer team or in the acting class makes something a child loves, an activity to dread.

As school starts back up for most of us, helping our kids be aware of the new children in their midst and encouraging them to show some compassion and offer friendship can go a long way toward easing the transition for the new kids in their midst.

Most of the time the kids who have been together in a class or on a team don't even think about how tough it must be to be "the new kid." The established kids aren't intentionally mean. They're just oblivious.

As this school year gets under way, help open your kids' eyes to the new kids in their midst and encourage them to offer friendship and include those kids in their activities. Inviting a child to join them in a game or activity doesn't cost your child anything, but it may mean everything to the other child.

• If your child talks about a new child at school or from a sport or activity, gently encourage them to get to know the other child. Ask them if they are including that child in their activity.
• Help your child to walk a mile in the other child's shoes. Ask your child how she would feel if she were the new kid. Help her brainstorm ways that she can make the other child feel welcome.
• Remind your child that God accepts each of us, flaws and all. He loves us and includes us in His kingdom, despite our flaws. He wants us to show the same compassion to others. In John 13:34, Jesus says, "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

Getting our kids to step outside their comfort zone to reach out to another child teaches our children compassion and gives them an opportunity to show God's love to others.

Friday Introductions: Girlfriends in God

Girlfriends are the best. They laugh with you when you're happy. They share your sorrow when tears come. They pick up the slack when you simply can't do it all.

Girlfriends are there to watch your kids when you have to make an unexpected run to the emergency room. They are there to commiserate when your kids get sent home from school sick on the one day in six months that you have a date planned with your husband.

True girlfriends live out John 15:13 every day: "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."

While nothing can replace a real-life girlfriend, hanging out with some girlfriends in cyberspace is sweet fellowship as well.

Today, I want to introduce you to some of my favorite cyber girlfriends over at the Girlfriends in God website and Facebook page. Mary Southerland, Gwen Smith and Sharon Jaynes are the faces behing Girlfriends in God. I've never met Gwen outside the melodies of her music or Sharon outside the pages of her books, but I'm blessed to get to count Mary among my real-life girlfriends.

Each of these ladies has an amazing heart for reaching women with the message of God's love. Through their devotionals, music and books, they have consistently shared God's truth with women. Their first Girlfriends in God book is coming out before the end of the year, and I can't wait to own a copy.

Besides offering a daily devotional aimed at women, their Facebook page is a place of warm community with other godly women. If you're looking for some encouragement, be sure to like them on Facebook. Currently, they are trying to reach 100,000 friends, so check them out today. You'll find some new girlfriends you love to hang out with.

Friday Introductions: One Girl Among a Bunch of Boys

Last night and this morning, I've been babysitting a friend's three kids. That makes five kids in my house. If you're the mom of five or more, God bless you. It's been loud and challenging. It's also been raining, so my grand plan of sending them all outside to play went nowhere.

So, we've spent the last 18 hours together in our three-bedroom ranch. I've been busy trying to get us ready for vacation while settling disagreements, finding toys for a bored 4-year-old and mentioning that hockey sticks are not a weapon.

Yesterday, the 4-year-old followed me from place to place as I was trying to pack She talked non-stop. I have never been so glad to put a child to bed. My poor ears simply needed a break.

Listening to one voice for long periods of time can skew your perspective. Simply listening to my friends' daughter all day yesterday, I learned that a radio is a magical thing, she was very concerned about where she was going to sleep and she likes princesses. But if that was the only voice I listened to ever, I would have a very skewed perspective of the world.

I love that each of you makes Everyday Truth a part of your day. I love sharing my life with you each morning. I love that you are willing to send me emails and comments to share your lives with me. But there are so many great voices out there that I don't want you to miss, either. So many wise people who have amazing things that God has laid on their heart to share.

God offers us wisdom in so many places. Mining the treasure trove of wisdom that's available from others always brings fresh perspective into my life. Some days it helps me to know I'm not alone. Other days it brings a much-needed smile to my face. Proverbs 11:14 says, "For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisers."

The more wise, Godly voices we have in our lives -- whether they be in real life or virtual -- the better able we are to seek after God. We should never substitute someone else's voice for God, but we can gather insight and joy from what others have learned about Him.


So, I'm going to start using this space on Fridays to share with you other blogs and books that touch my heart and speak wisdom into my life on a regular basis. Some of them are written by people I know while others are ones I've simply come across on my own. We're going to call it our Friday Introductions.

Today, I want you to meet my friend Tonya Shrader. She's the mom of two boys and has an amazing testimony of God's faithfulness. She's a talented writer, and I'm thrilled to call her my friend. She writes a fantastic blog called "One Girl Among a Bunch of Boys." This week she blogged about her experiences teaching Vacation Bible School and had some fabulous insights into the hearts of children. Her blogs this week made me smile and brought tears to my eyes. Head on over and check out what she had to say. I'm sure you'll love her as much as I do.

I hope you enjoy this trip as we venture outside the cyber walls of Everyday Truth to meet some new people on our journey. If you know someone who writes a great blog or has written a book that touched your life, shoot me an email or leave me a comment and I'll consider using them in a future post.

Your Kids Need a Parent

Somewhere in the past 30 years, parents have lost their way. Somewhere along the way parents became more concerned with being their children's friend than with being their parent. I want to let you in on a little secret: Your child doesn't need another friend; he needs a parent.

There's nothing wrong with sharing fun times and laughter with your kids. In the end, though, your role is that of parent -- someone who guides, sets limits and loves unconditionally. When we strive to be our child's friend instead of her parent, we blur the lines of responsibility and set our kids up to be confused.

When you act like your child's friend instead of his parent, you make it difficult for him to respect your authority. Without that authority, we will find it difficult to set limits and make them stick. It's hard to administer discipline that means anything without that authority.

When we become more concerned with whether our children like us than we are with teaching them what's right, that's a problem. There are going to be times as a parent where your children don't like you. They won't like your rules or your discipline. Those are the moments to hold firm and grow a thick skin. Proverbs 13:24 says "Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them." Now, this verse isn't advocating beating your children. It's simply stating that discipline is part of loving your kids. It's impossible to effectively administer discipline if you are more worried about your children liking you than you are in molding their character.

Enjoy your children. Have fun with them. Laugh with them. Encourage them. Share in their joys and sorrows. Through it all, remember your primary role is that of parent. Don't compromise your ability and God-given role to help your children grow and become the person God wants them to be by trying to be their friend instead.

The Best Gift: Friendship

Believe it or not, my youngest daughter is no longer counting down the days until Christmas. She's now using our advent calendar to count down to something that in her mind is a bigger event. You see, about four years ago, her best friend moved away -- a long way away. She's seen him about once a year since then. On Dec. 20, he arrives with his family on an airplane, and on Dec. 21, he will be at our house. The best part as far as my youngest is concerned is that he is most likely moving back for good. My youngest is counting the days until her friendship is restored to what she considers its rightful state.

She's more excited about her friend coming back than she is about whatever Santa is going to bring or any other Christmas tradition that we have. And that got me to thinking about some of our Christmas traditions. Many of our favorite Christmas traditions revolve around our friends. It just seems that Christmas is a time when we can take a step back and appreciate those people in our lives who are there to laugh with us when life is good and who are there to pick up the pieces when the world shatters around us.

God created us to be social beings, and the Bible talks a lot about the importance of good friends. Proverbs 17:17 says "A friend loves at all times," and John 15:13 tells us "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." God gives us a beautiful picture of friendship in Ruth and Naomi, Jonathan and David and Jesus and his disciples. We are not meant to go through life alone, and Christmas is the perfect time to nurture both our friendships and our children's friendships.

Help your kids to show their friends how much they value them. Small acts of service or a heartfelt gift will make your kids' friends feel loved and special.

• Ask your kids to tell you why they think friendship is important. Share with them the story of Jonathan and David. Talk about how Jonathan was willing to sacrifice for his friend. Talk about the types of sacrifices we can make for our friends -- choosing to let them play with a new toy or letting them go first in a game.
• Help your child to celebrate his friendships by letting him design and make gifts for them. Easy things for kids to make include cards with a piece of candy inside, a simple Christmas ornament, a snow globe made out of a baby food jar or necklaces or bracelets made out of beads. A plate of cookies has never been turned down by any kid I know.
• Make it a point to have friends in your home during the holiday season. Whether it's a cookie party for your kids and their friends or a Christmas open house for friends of the entire family or a quiet dinner with another family, place value on spending time with friends during the holidays.

Celebrate the birth of Jesus with your friends. Have a good time, and be sure to thank God for placing those people in your lives. After all, Matthew 18:20 says "For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them." So, gather, be merry and celebrate Jesus' birth.

Cookies!!!

In about two weeks, I'm going to have a dozen giggling, hyper kids in my kitchen, and I'll be handing them bowls full of sugar-laden icing. Am I crazy? Probably, but this is one of my girls' favorite Christmas traditions -- our annual cookie party.

When my oldest was 2, I decided it would be fun to have a couple of her friends over to decorate cookies. They had so much fun that we've done it every year since. The first party started with three kids, and over the years it has grown to about a dozen kids. We decorate cookies, play some games and find some simple ways to share the true meaning of Christmas with the kids who attend.

What started as a fun activity with a couple of preschoolers has turned into a full-fledged party with a purpose. My girls choose a charity, and we collect things from the attendees for that charity. One year we collected art supplies for our local children's hospital; another year we collected canned food for a food pantry. The girls get to have a party and hang out with their friends and they learn something about serving others. Every kid goes home with a plate of cookies for themselves and a plate of cookies to share.

To be honest, there are some years I'd like to do away with the cookie party. It's a lot of extra work in the days right before Christmas. But after every party, I see the smiles on the faces of those kids, and I know that it's worth it. I know those kids leave my house knowing that Christmas is about Jesus. They have all experienced joy and friendship in the two hours they're at our house. The cookie party is as much about reaching out to my kids' friends as it is about making my kids happy.

The more often our kids' friends are under our roofs having fun experiences, the more influence we have in their lives. The Bible tells us that God considers children precious and that we are to pour ourselves into their lives. Jesus said, "“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these” (Matthew 19:14). Using creative ideas, like a cookie party or a caroling party, we can draw our kids' friends to Jesus as we teach our own children.

So, gather up some of your kids' friends, make some time in your schedule and bake some cookies. When the day is over you'll be exhausted, but you will have made a difference in the lives of your children and their friends.

Memory Monday: John 15:13

We had some unexpected visitors for dinner last night. My next-door neighbor sliced her hand open and had to go to the emergency room to get some stitches, so her three girls spent the evening at our house. Our girls are all close friends, so the girls all thought it was an unexpected party. When she got home from the ER, my neighbor told me about a woman that she had seen there. The mom had brought her middle child in because he had hit his head. She had two other children with her as well, one in a stroller.

My neighbor and I were talking about how glad we were that we had each other to depend on in situations like this one. However, my neighbor made the point that a couple of years ago, she might have been in the same situation as that mom at the ER tonight, with no one to call for help. That's a tough place to be as a parent. No matter where you live or how close your family lives to you, you need to cultivate friendships where you can call someone in the middle of the night for help. I'm blessed to have several friendships like that and even more blessed that some of them live in my neighborhood.

Friendships like these model the description of friendship found in our verse for this week, John 15:13, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." We're not often called to actually give up our physical lives for our friends, but laying down our lives may mean changing our plans to accommodate an unexpected crisis in a friends' life or even just taking the time to listen when your friend needs a sympathetic ear. Whatever it is, the joy you'll find in laying down your life for a friend is unmatched. And the relationship that forms when you do is much deeper than the superficial level we sometimes mistake for friendship.

Begin teaching this precept to your kids when they begin making friends. Teach them to put others first, and show them the rewards of "laying down" their lives for their friends.

• Give your kids three pieces of paper with the following words written on them, one on each piece of paper: Jesus, Others, Self. Ask your kids to put the papers in order of importance. The correct order is Jesus, Others, Self. If your children get the order correct, ask them to explain why they should put others before themselves. If they did not get the order correct, help them put the words in the correct order and talk about why Jesus and Others should be above ourselves.
• Have your child think about one of their good friends. Ask her what makes that friend a good friend. Make a list of the qualities found in a good friend. Ask your child to think about whether she is an example of those qualities. Talk about situations where her friends might need her to be a good friend. Talk about what she might do in those situations. For example, you might ask her what she would do if someone was mean to her friend and her friend was upset. Or ask her what she would do if she had plans to go to the movies with another friend and her friend was upset because her grandmother had died unexpectedly. The point is to make your child realize that being a good friend sometimes requires us to be inconvenienced to help another person. In those cases, our attitude is everything to our friends.
• When your child puts his friends first, be sure to ask him how it made him feel to help his friend out. Point out that despite the inconvenience to your child's schedule, helping a friend nearly always leads to a more meaningful friendship because that friend knows that he can count on your child. In laying down his life for his friend, your child has been a picture of Jesus to his friend.

Remember that the best way to teach your kids about friendship is to model a good friendship for them. If you don't have close friends for whom you are willing to lay down your life, convincing your children to lay down their lives for their friends will be a difficult task.

Have an Open Door

Our house has an open-door policy. If you're a friend of my child, then you are welcome here. However, once you cross the threshold of our house, I will treat you just like I treat my own children. I will expect you to obey the rules of our house and to treat others with respect. I'm not afraid to sit you in a chair for five minutes or take away whatever toy you were arguing over. I might even impart some Godly wisdom to you. We've never had a friend not want to come back.

You see, I view my kids and their friends as my mission field. Right now, God has not called me to serve him full time in the heart of Africa or the wilds of the Amazon. He has given me two children who are my primary mission field. Whatever friends they bring into our lives become a part of my mission field as well. My prayer is that you would view your kids and their friends as your mission field as well.

Make your home a welcoming place for your kids to bring their friends and let them bring them over frequently. When your kids ask if someone can come over on the spur of the moment, don't worry about whether your house is spotless or if you have enough food to feed everyone. If you have nothing else planned, say yes. I guarantee your kids will be happy with a bag of popcorn and a hot dog shared with their friends. My house is rarely spotless, but I've never had a kid say to me, "Wow, your house is a mess." They're usually just busy making it messier.

By making your house a comfortable place for your kids and their friends, you create relationships with the people who have influence in your children's lives. As your kids get older, they become more and more interested in what their peers think. If you have those kids in your home all the time, then those kids know where you stand on important topics.

Some of your kids' friends are hungry for an adult to be interested in them. You may be the only person in their lives who can teach them about Jesus. Take advantage of the opportunity to create relationships with your children's friends. You may turn out to be a huge influence on their lives.

Matthew 19:14 says "Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.' " We want our homes to be so welcoming to our kids and their friends that we help draw these "little children" to Jesus. Here are five simple ways to have an impact on your kids and their friends:

• Encourage your children to invite their friends over. Make time in your schedule for that to happen. When you go on some of your outings, encourage your kids to invite a friend along. You can learn a lot about your kids' friends when you take them somewhere with you.
• Always keep some kid-friendly food on hand. Our house always has a package of hot dogs and a box of macaroni and cheese in it. I know that if I have extra mouths to feed unexpectedly, nearly every child will eat a hot dog and mac and cheese.
• Create relationships with your kids' friends. Get to know what they like and don't like. Ask them about their activities and interests. Listen when they talk to you. Every child needs adults outside his own family that he can trust. You can be that person for some of your children's friends.
• Don't change the way you interact with your kids when they have friends over. If you would normally intervene in a situation and offer some sage advice, do it even if your kids' friends are there. I've been known to break up an exchange of less-than-desireable words between my kids and their friends with a tube of toothpaste and an object lesson about how we can't put our words back in our mouths just like we can't put toothpaste back in the tube. It's important for your kids' friends to see what you believe and how that impacts your family.
• Occasionally plan a special activity for when a friend is over. It can be something simple like making cookies or giving the kids big pieces of posterboard and letting them each draw part of a huge picture. Then hang the posterboard all over your wall. Make time spent at your house memorable, so your kids' friends will want to come back.

Whatever you choose to do, go out of your way to be an influence for Christ on your kids and their friends. There's an old song that says "you're the only Jesus some will ever see, you're the only words of life some will ever read." Invest some time and energy in being the hands and feet of Jesus to the precious children that come through your front door.