Change the Tone

For the past few days, my kids have been enjoying hacking around on an electronic keyboard that's on loan from my parents. The girls love to stand at the keyboard and pound out a "song." There's only one problem. My girls don't know how to play the keyboard.

What comes out of the keyboard is the most disharmonious sound you can hear. Several times this week, I've had to send them to do something else just to give my poor ears a rest.

Yet, yesterday, a friend of ours came over and began playing the keyboard. This talented musician created beautiful melodies on the same instrument that my girls used to create headache-inducing sound. The difference? Our friend knew which keys to use to make a harmonious sound.

I don't know about you, but sometimes our house sounds more like my girls playing the keyboard than it does like my friend who can make beautiful music. Mean words, sibling competition and frustrated parents make for a disharmonious tone in our home.

The key to creating harmony between siblings and even parents is the same as creating harmony on the keyboard -- training. Very few people can walk up to a musical instrument and start playing Mozart. They have to learn to play the instrument, usually starting with simple songs and scales.

Our kids also need to be taught to create a harmonious tone in our homes by showing respect for others and getting along with their siblings. Take steps to train your kids to live at peace with each other, so your home is a refuge for everyone who lives there.

Romans 12:18 says "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Helping our kids to understand that peace and harmony in our homes depends on their actions and choices puts us on the road to having that peace under our rooves.

• If you have a piano or other instrument, show your kids the difference between a harmonious sound and a disharmonious sound. Ask them which one sounds better. Explain that bickering, arguing and disrespect are the equivalent of disharmonious sounds. Getting along and showing respect for others make a harmonious sound. Encourage your kids to create harmonious sounds in your home.
• When your kids start arguing, calmly explain that you don't allow that behavior in your home, then escort them outside -- no matter the weather. Tell them they can come back in when they are going to contribute to harmony in the household.
• If your kids can't solve a disagreement, don't hesitate to step in and teach them how to solve it. Too often, we simply solve the disagreement for our kids, which teaches them nothing. It's so much easier to simply send them to separate rooms or tell them to play something else than it is to solve the underlying issue. But teaching them to solve their problems means you won't have to step in as frequently. Offer your kids options for compromise and help them figure out which one to take.
• When your kids start to bicker, give them a task to do together. I usually hand over the bathroom cleaning supplies when my kids start arguing with each other. Forcing them to work together to complete a task in a small space forces them to figure out how to work together.

A harmonious household is a peaceful place to live and creates a welcoming atmosphere. Everyone hits a discordant note at times, but the goal is to have your home be a place of refuge more often than it is a place of bickering. May your home be blessed this week with the sounds of harmony.

Summer Fun: The 39 Clues to You -- Day 2

Today is the second day of our summer adventure “39 Clues to You.” Two weeks ago we kicked off our adventure with a day dedicated to learning about how each person is God’s masterpiece – the best thing that He can make. If you missed it, you can read about our first day here.


The goal of this summer’s adventure is to help the kids understand that each person is important to God. Each of the girls gathered around my kitchen table has special gifts and talents that God will use. Because God made each person different, we need to respect and appreciate those differences. How we treat others matters to God.

Today, our lesson focuses on being the image of God. Our memory verse for the day is Genesis 1:27, “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”

God created us in His image. That means we are created to be like God. We aren’t exact replicas of God, but because we are created in God’s image, we should reflect the character qualities of God. To illustrate this point with the girls, I’m going to have them draw an image of themselves on a piece of paper. We’ll talk about how that image reflects their physical characteristics. Then we’ll talk about how we are made in God’s image, not to reflect His physical characteristics but to reflect His character. We also need to be aware that if we claim to follow Jesus, then our actions show the world a picture of God. We want those actions to be an accurate reflection of who God is.

Each week, we’re going to focus on the gifts and talents of one girl. This week, our clues will lead us to learn more about my oldest daughter. The girls will get six clues that they must put together to figure out which girl we’re focusing on. As we reveal the clues, we’ll add things to the “picture frame” stuck to the wall, which represents the masterpiece God created when He created that child.

Each child will be asked to identify something that they like about my oldest daughter and write it down. We’ll add those items to the “picture frame” as well.

My oldest daughter loves to play soccer and draw, so our activities for today include learning some soccer moves and playing a soccer game. She also enjoys drawing, so we’ll be learning how to draw a few simple items. When we’re done learning these things, we’ll talk about whether they were easy or hard. We’ll discuss how we can’t all expect to be good at the same things, but we should appreciate the talents that our friends have.

We’ll finish the day with a reminder that each person is made in God’s image and we should act as if what we do reflects back on God because it does. The challenge for the girls this week is to get caught being a reflection of God in their actions toward others, which is a good challenge for all of us to take on this week.

Soccer Tryouts and Tears

My oldest daughter plays club soccer, and we spent the weekend going to soccer tryouts in near 100-degree heat.

For those of you unfamiliar with the world of club soccer, every June soccer clubs hold tryouts. Kids can try out for as many or as few teams as they like. Then, they wait for soccer clubs to call and offer them a spot on the team.

We're a family that has chosen not to tryout hop. Our daughter tries out for one club that guarantees her a spot on one of their teams. The whole tryout process leaves me feeling conflicted, though.

My daughter is 10. She's a decent soccer player who shows occasional flashes of brilliance. She's not a girl who can dominate a game all by herself, but she's an important cog in the wheel of her team. And she loves playing soccer at a competitive level. However, tryouts generally leave me with a sobbing child at some point during the two-weekend long process.

The first day of tryouts on Saturday did just that. The club she plays for has different levels of teams. This year, our daughter played on the top level team and before the tryout we talked about what it would take to make that team again.

A combination of nerves, heat and getting kicked in the ribs had my daughter having a bad day at tryouts. She was exhausted and frustrated. All weekend, I watched girls come off the field in tears. The combination of stress, heat and exhaustion were taking their toll. As I watched the tears fall, I thought, "Why do we do this to our kids?"

The answer is our youth sports culture forces it on us if our kids have even a smidgen of talent. To sit out of the process pretty much leaves your child with no chance of ever making the team when they get older. But the pressure those 10-year-olds felt on the field this weekend was crazy.

Don't get me wrong. I love having my kids play sports. I wouldn't trade the things they have learned from playing team sports for anything. My girls have had great coaches who have invested in them both as people and players. They have learned lessons about winning and losing well. They have gained self-confidence and courage.

But the pressure they feel in trying to make a team is out of proportion with the importance of making that team. Short of pulling my girls out of the sports they love, which would stifle some of who God made them to be, we have to figure out how to help them through the stress of the situation.

So, after a tear-filled Saturday, we changed our tactics on Sunday. Instead of talking about how to make the top team, we simply encouraged our daughter to go out and do her best. We reminded her that we love her whether she makes the team or not and whether she plays soccer or not. Removing the pressure of expectations from my daughters' shoulders made a huge difference. Even a ball to the head didn't keep her down long on Sunday. She even found reasons to smile out there on the blazing hot field as she competed for her spot.

What was the difference? Well, a good night's sleep helped a lot. But the thing that made the most difference for my daughter was knowing that her worth to us and to God was not tied in up in whether she did well on the field or not. Sometimes in our efforts to encourage our kids to do their best in whatever they do, we place unrealistic expectations on them. Everyone wants to be the parent of the next super star, but most of us are not those parents.

When our kids know that they will be loved and accepted by us no matter what happens on the field or at school, it frees them to be able to be themselves. God expects our best. He tells us "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." (Colossians 3:23). But God doesn't expect us to be someone that He did not design us to be. Ephesians 4:11 reminds us that He gave everyone different gifts: "It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers."

Expect the best from your children but be sure they know your love and acceptance isn't dependent on anything they do. Don't let the expectations of the rest of the world get in the way of your unconditional love for your child. Your unconditional love and acceptance allows your child the freedom to be who God created them to be.

Memory Monday: Toeing the Line

We just returned from a 10-day vacation. We visited relatives on both sides of the family, attended the Indy 500 and spent a week on Lake Freeman in Indiana with my extended family.

The house we rented on Lake Freeman had its own beach. We never went in the water, but the kids spent hours playing in the sand. The beach had a pretty steep drop off into the water, so we were a bit concerned about someone accidentally falling in.

With six kids on the beach ranging in age from 3 to 10, we spent a lot of time telling them not to get too close to the edge. We discovered that "close" is a relative term. The adults' idea of close to the water wasn't what the kids considered close to the water. There was much discussion between parents and children about how close was too close.

To solve the issue, we laid a rope in the sand and said, "Don't cross this line." The defined line made it much easier for the kids to know how close was too close to the water. It was interesting to watch how each child dealt with the clearly defined rule.

Our two rule-followers never went anywhere near the rope. Once the line had been defined for them, they didn't have any trouble not stepping over it. The other four weren't as convinced about the steadfastness of the rule. They would get near the rope and often try to see how close they could get to the rope.

I sat and watched my youngest get as close to the rope as possible and even put her toes on the rope. She knew better than to actually cross the rope, but she wanted to see how far she could go before it was considered disobedient.

How often are we like my youngest? God clearly lays out rules for us to follow -- not because He loves making rules but because He loves us. Yet, we don't always see the wisdom in those rules and we see how close we can get to the line He has drawn -- and often we step over it. The consequences are that we step into sin without meaning to.

None of our kids wanted to fall into the murky lake water, but if they got too close that's exactly what would have happened. The same is true with sin. Most of the time, none of us intend to jump into sin. We just get too close to the line and fall in. We end up covered in the muck and mire of sin because we stepped over the line God drew.

Jesus told us in John 14:15, "If you love me, keep my commands." Following God's rules is a way that we show we love Him. If we try to follow God's commands as if they are a to-do list to get into heaven, those rules become a burden. But if we recognize that God created rules for us because He loves us and we follow those rules because we love Him, staying within the lines God has drawn becomes an act of worship, not a tedious task.

Most of the time, we make rules for our kids because we are concerned about their safety or their character. The same is true wtih God. He didn't just set arbitrary rules. All of the commands God gives us are either intended to keep us safe or to mold our character.

As you memorize John 14:15 this week, help your kids to understand that God's rules are about love -- not restrictiveness. He loved us enough to give us a framework in which to live. We show we love Him by following His commands.

Toeing the line of God's commands is much easier if we understand the reasons behind the rules. And God's reason is love.

I Hope You Dance

We're on vacation this week, so I'm re-running some of my favorite posts from the last year. Enjoy some of my favorite ideas, and I'll be back with you on Monday.

We danced this morning -- on our driveway while waiting for the carpool. It's a beautiful morning, so I walked out on the driveway with the girls. I'm not even sure how it happened, but suddenly I was teaching my girls the waltz. On our driveway. At 8 in the morning. On a cool, sun-kissed morning.
As I walked back in the house, I took time to just savor the moment. The return to school this year has been tough on my youngest. She's doing great at school, but she's exhausted when she gets home. We've had more temper tantrums and whining in the last week than we had all summer. It seems like all I've done for the past four days is correct her behavior, send her to her room and take privileges away. God knew I needed to dance with her this morning.

My oldest is entering the "tween" years, and she's been trying out her eye-rolling and new-found sarcasm abilities. She's not as cuddly as she once was, and she's a whole lot more independent. We've had our fair share of stomping feet and "That's not fair" in the past few weeks. God knew I needed to dance with her this morning, too.

Since I got home from She Speaks, I've been trying to finish up a Bible study curriculum for our church for the fall, work on my freelance projects, get everyone back to school and get my house back in order from the whirlwind summer. I've been short-tempered, quicker to snap at people than to laugh with them and just generally tired. God knew my girls needed to dance with me this morning.

So, we danced this morning, and I want to encourage you to do the same with your kids. Oh, you don't have to teach them the waltz. You don't even have to really dance. Just find a moment in your day to enjoy your children. Don't try to teach them some big concept, don't try to ask questions about their day -- just enjoy their company. Laugh with them. Enjoy their different personalities. Treasure who God made them to be.
God knows you need to dance, too. While it is important for us to be intentional in teaching our children Biblical truth, it's equally important that we take the time to enjoy our children as the perfect little gifts that they are. Psalm 127:3-5 says "Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." In the everyday grind of life, it's easy to get caught up in the things we need to do and the things our children need to know. We can lose our perspective that our children are a reward from God -- they are a blessing.

So, today, I hope you dance.

Trusting When You Can't See

We're on vacation this week, so I'm re-running some of my favorite posts from the last year. Enjoy some of my favorite ideas, and I'll be back with you on Monday.


My youngest daughter is petite. For much of her life, she wasn't even on the growth chart. We've spent a lot of years picking her up so she can see what all the rest of us can see without trying. She really dislikes large crowds because she can't see over or through them. For a long time, she couldn't see over the edge of the car door to see out the window, even in her car seat. We would point something out to the girls, and we would hear "Where? I can't see it!" It was really important to her to be able to see what we were seeing so she could believe what we were saying.


For some kids, believing that God is there and He cares about them is tough because they can't see Him. It's our job to help our kids understand that God loves them and they can trust Him even though they can't see Him. Hebrews 11:1 tells us "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

Kids, especially young kids, are concrete creatures. They like to be able to see that what you are telling them is true. Since we can't see God, we need to show our children the evidence of God so that they can place their faith in Him. For without faith, they will never have a relationship with the God of the universe. Ephesians 2:8-9 says "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast." Faith brings us to a saving relationship with God. It is God's gift to us, and we can do nothing to earn it.

So, how do we bring God from the realm of faith into the world of the concrete for our kids?

• Point out to your child all the things that he does that require faith. We can't see what holds up an airplane, but we have faith that it will fly. We can't always see what holds our furniture together, but we have faith that it will hold us up when we sit in it. When your kids go someplace, they can't see you, but they have faith that you will come back and get them.
• Point out the evidence of God to your child. Everything from the rocks to the rainbow scream of God's existence. The beautiful variety of plants and animals show evidence of a Creator.
• Help your child remember times when she has seen God work. For older kids, have them keep a journal of times in their lives when they have seen God work. It can be simple things, like when they prayed to do well in their soccer game and did. Or it can be big things, like if they prayed not to be afraid during a tough time and God gave them peace. In the Old Testament, the Jewish people built altars every time God did something amazing in their lives. It helped them remember the things God had done for them. Keeping a journal, helps your child create altars of their own. When things get tough, and they don't see evidence of God in a situation, they can go back to their journal and see the evidence of all the times God has shown up in their lives. If you have younger kids, keep a family journal of the way God works in your family's life.
• This activity requires at least two people. Blindfold your child. Have another member of your family give your child directions to walk through an obstacle course. When they have made it through the course, talk with your child about how hard it was to have faith in the person giving the directions because they couldn't see that person or where they were going. Explain that sometimes having faith in God is like that. Sometimes we can't see where we are going, and we can't see God. We simply have to have faith that He is there and that He is leading us safely to the other side of whatever trouble we are facing.

Faith is the central component of the Christian walk. The earlier we can help our children trust God even though they can't see Him, the easier it will be for them to continue to place their faith in God as they get older.

 

Never Stop Growing

We're on vacation this week, so I'm re-running some of my favorite posts from the last year. Enjoy some of my favorite ideas, and I'll be back with you on Monday.


In our house, we know a lot about how the body grows. My youngest doesn't make enough growth hormone on her own, so she takes a shot every night that gives her the growth hormone that she needs. Growth hormone is necessary for growth to take place, but it's also necessary for a whole lot of other things in your body. It helps keep your bones from becoming brittle, and it affects a whole bunch of other systems in your body. Without growth hormone, your body simply will not grow like it should.

Just like we don't want our children's bodies to be stunted in their growth, we don't want their spiritual growth to be stunted, either. We want to help them build the habits they will need to continue growing spiritually throughout their whole lives. The most important way to do this is to model the behavior for them. If you're not consistently spending time studying your Bible, praying and worshipping, then you can't expect your children to do it. If you're not growing, then it's hard to tell your children that they need to grow.

I know that it's much easier to spend time with God when your children are not around, but your children need to see you spending time studying your Bible and praying. Even if all you do is read a couple of verses, make sure your kids see you consistently spending time in God's word. You can have a more serious time of study later, but modeling this behavior for your kids is the best way to impress upon them how important it is.

Help your children understand what it means to grow spiritually. It's kind of an abstract concept for them, so let's make it more concrete.

• Most kids love to look at pictures of themselves when they were younger. Break out the baby albums and flip through them with your kids. Talk about all the things they could and could not do when they were younger. Compare that with all the things they can do now. Talk to them about how it wouldn't be any fun to stay small forever. To be able to do more things, they had to grow. Talk about the things they will be able to do when they get older. Read Hebrews 5:12-14 with your kids and talk about how God needs us to grow in our understanding of Him just as we grow bigger physically. The more we grow, the more God can use us to fulfill His plans.
• On your kitchen table set out some healthy foods that would help you grow. Also set out some junk food. Ask your children to choose the things that will help them grow to be big and strong. Ask them if they can think of things that they might need to grow in their understanding about God. Just like we need to eat the right foods to grow strong physically, we need to put the right things into our minds and hearts to grow spiritually. We need to spend time reading and memorizing God's word, spend time with other believers and spend time talking to God.
• Give your children a journal and a devotional book. Make doing a devotional part of their daily routine, just like brushing their teeth and combing their hair. Have them write what they learned from their devotional in their journal each day. This exercise helps them form the habit of spending time with God each day.

Remember, your teaching is only as effective as your actions, so be sure to be a model of spiritual growth for your children.