Cleaning the Counters

My kitchen counters tend to be the receptacle for just about anything anyone wants to throw on them. Did you find something on the floor in the kitchen? Stick it on the counter. Did I ask you to clear off the table for dinner? Put all that stuff on the counter. Did you have something in your hands when you came in the kitchen to get a snack? Leave that on the counter, too.

It doesn't matter how clean my kitchen counter is at the beginning of the day, by the end of the day, it's usually heaped with stuff. If I let a few days go by, I can't even find my counter.

I'll admit, I'm mostly a clean it up every couple of days kind of girl. Cleaning off my kitchen counters is a never-ending chore like the laundry. As soon as I do it, I have to do it again. It seems pointless, so I put it off as long as possible, which just makes the chore that much more overwhelming when I finally get around to doing it.

This week, I started designating 15 minutes of my morning to cleaning off my counters, wiping them down and wiping off my table. I haven't mopped my kitchen floor this week, but my whole kitchen looks cleaner because the countertops are clear and clean. I no longer dread walking into the kitchen because of the clutter I know I'm going to find.

Yesterday, I was tempted not to clean them off. I had other things to do with that 15 minutes. However, I convinced myself that clearing the counters was important and spent the required 15 minutes doing that task. I was so glad I did when my youngest daughter came home with a mountain of papers from school. Instead of just adding to the clutter on my counter, I was able to go through those papers and keep them in a neat stack at the corner of the counter for her dad to look at when he got home.

Spending time with God is a lot like cleaning the counters. It's something we need to do every day, so our stress and sin don't accumulate. When we spend time with Him every day, we have a chance to wipe the slate clean -- every day. We get a chance to fill up with His love and grace so we can deal with everything that goes on that day. When we spend time with God each day, we clean out the old frustrations and sin, so they don't build up in our lives, making it harder to unroot them.

Hebrews 10:19-23 encourages us to draw near to God. "Therefore, brothers and sisters, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water." Spending time with God, drawing near to Him, is a cleansing process just like wiping off the counters. Our time with Him cleanses our hearts and fills us up with the beauty of His love and grace, wiping away the ugliness of the things the world flings at us.

But spending time with God is as much a habit as cleaning off my counters each morning. It requires making a conscious choice to spend time with Him. Creating that habit is much easier if we learn it when we are young. Help your kids learn the importance of spending time with God.

• Be an example. Let your kids see you spending time with God. Give them opportunities to see you studying God's word and praying. You might want to save the bulk of your quiet time for when the kids aren't around, but do a short devotional or read a few verses of the Bible when your kids can see you.
• Make it part of the routine. Set aside a time in the day, every day, for your kids to spend some time with God. Even a 2-year-old can sit down for five minutes with a picture Bible to begin instilling the habit of spending time with God.
• Make a plan for your kids' quiet time. Buy them an age-ppropriate devotional. Give them a Bible reading plan aimed at their age group. Give older kids a prayer journal to write down their prayer requests in. Giving your kids structure to their quiet time helps them understand what they should be doing during that time.
• Talk with your kids about what they're learning during their quiet time. Ask them to share with you the verses they read or the insight they gained.

Spending time with God helps clean the counters of our lives. It allows us to refill, recharge and sets up our day to focus on Him. Teaching your kids this habit now will help them keep cleaning the counters of their lives as they grow.

Turning Drudgery Into Love

My husband got up yesterday morning and reminded me he had to leave early for work as he walked out the door for his run. His reminder was so I wouldn't forget to make his lunch first. "Why can't he make his own lunch?" I thought, as I hurried through writing my blog so I could get done in time to make his lunch.

My youngest daughter announced in the grocery store yesterday that she no longer liked the lunch I had been fixing her, and she wanted something else. "Really?" I thought. "Isn't it enough that I make your lunch every day?"

My oldest daughter was unhappy from the moment she woke up yesterday after a restless night. She woke up in tears and went to bed in tears. "Why are you crying now?" I thought as I tucked her in last night.

By the time everyone went to bed, all I wanted to do was sit in a quiet corner. Two overtired children had made for a difficult evening. One was bouncing off the walls; the other was weeping at the drop of a hat.

I really didn't feel like serving my family yesterday. I wanted someone else to make lunches, make dinner, file papers and clean up the kitchen. Just once, I wanted to go through the day without having to pick up a mess that someone else had made. Just once, I'd like to walk through the family room without tripping over someone else's shoes.

It's the little things, like those shoes, that trip us up when it comes to taking care of our families. While it's not wrong to want our families to help out around the house, having a me-first attitude isn't what God has in mind for us.

Jesus gave us an example of how to be a servant leader when He washed His disciples' feet, a job usually reserved for the lowliest servant in the household. Washing other people's feet is a disgusting job, especially when those people either went barefoot all the time or wore sandals. I think it's way more disgusting than cleaning the toilets or picking up dirty underwear off the floor.

After He was done washing their feet, He said "Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet" (John 13:14). Jesus set an example of how to serve, by taking on the lowliest task of the day, then asked us to follow His example.

We don't always enjoy serving our families. Many parents work full- or part-time, then come home to deal with everything that goes into keeping a family on track -- homework, housework, activities. The grind can become old, and we can start to resent our families, especially when they're acting less than grateful for our effort.

But God sees our service, and He smiles. He looks down on you every time you encourage a child when you would rather throw up our hands and walk away. He sees the lunches you make and the bathrooms you scrub. He sees the piles of laundry you fold and the miles you drive to take your kids places.

When we look at all of these things as acts of service to our families, we gain a different perspective. They're no longer chores. They become acts of love.

The day in-day out grind of life can wear us down. Ask God before you get out of bed each morning to show you how to best serve your family each day. Ask Him to help you view those distasteful or tedious chores as an opportunity to show your family you love them through your service to them.

Serving our families follows Jesus' example, and it shows our kids that service and love go hand in hand. By serving one another out of love, we give our kids a visual picture of what Jesus did when He washed His disciples' feet. And that picture is worth more than any words you can speak on the subject.

How can you serve your family today?

Empty Praise

I read an article the other day about how teachers are changing the way they praise children in the classroom. For the past decade or so, the prevailing theory has been that children need praise even if they haven't earned it. Schools started giving out awards and praising kids for things that required no effort or learning, all in an attempt to boost a child's self-image. The theory was that if kids had a better sense of self-esteem, then they would work harder in school.

All that empty praise has led to, well, nothing. Test scores haven't risen, and studies now show that kids who are given meaningless praise are actually afraid to try difficult things. Those kids are afraid that if they try something difficult and fail, they would ruin the image their teachers' had of them. Failure would mean that they are no longer as smart as their teachers had been telling them they were.

Researchers have discovered that kids who receive praise that is earned -- even if it meant trying something three or four times -- will try harder the next time they're faced with a problem. When the praise is based on their actual performance, it means something, and kids are less afraid of failing the next time.

God knew this long before these researchers figured it out. He gave us directives against lying and empty words. One of the first commands He gave the Israelites was "You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor" (Exodus 20:16). In other words, "Don't lie."

In Matthew 5:37, Jesus admonishes us to let our word stand by itself. He encourages us not to embellish our promises with oaths but to simply mean what we say, "All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one."

Our words mean something, especially when it comes to our kids. We need to avoid the trap of empty praise and instead use our words to encourage our kids to live a life that's pleasing to God. Constantly praising them for things over which they have no control (like appearance) or giving them praise they didn't earn makes our words meaningless when we praise them for something they did do well.

Try praising your kids in one of these ways:

• Praise them for character qualities. If you catch your child being kind to another child or patient when patience isn't his strong suit, praise your child for it.
• Be specific in your praise. Don't just praise your child for a job well-done, praise them for something specific that they did.
• Praise your child in a way that encourages them to try something difficult the next time. If your child has attempted a difficult task, praise them not for the task but for having the courage to try something hard.
• Only give praise if it has been earned. Don't give your child empty praise. Kids are smart. They know when they didn't earn the praise. Praise your kids often, but make sure your words are true and meaningful when you do.

Praise is important in a child's life. They need to hear words of praise and encouragement. They just need to know that those words are true -- not empty.

3 Easy Ways to Talk With Your Kids on MLK Day

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. It's easy to let this day slip by without acknowledging the significance of the man we're celebrating. It's the first day off from school since the holidays, and it's a day that not everyone gets off from work. It's easy to view it as a day we can sleep in and let the kids hang out in their pajamas until noon and never really focus on the importance of what Martin Luther King Jr. accomplished.

Prejudice is an ugly thing. It breeds hatred for no reason other than someone looks or acts differently than us. No child is born with prejudice in their hearts. It is a learned attitude. Whether kids learn if from their parents, their grandparents or someone else in their lives, kids who express prejudice toward others learned it from someone.

God isn't real happy when we judge others based on their looks. He made every person in the world, and He made each one of them in His image (Genesis 1:27). When we choose to judge someone based on the way they look, we're judging God. God never looks at the out trappings of beauty or skin color. He looks at our hearts.

1 Samuel 16:7 says "The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." God is concerned with the content of our hearts, not whether our skin is black, white or purple or whether our hair is straight curly or spiked.

Prejudice causes us to view others as less important and less valuable than ourselves. Prejudice has led to slavery. It was behind the massacre of 8 million Jews in World War II. It has been the reason for the slaughter of ethnic groups in Rwanda and Kosovo. It comes in all forms, against all sorts of people.

Take some time today to talk with your kids about prejudice and help them understand that God does not want us to judge others. Use these three quick ways to focus your kids' attention on the reason for the day of from school.

• Give your kids a box of 64 crayons. Tell them to draw a picture. Then take the box away and give them just one crayon and ask them to draw a picture. Compare the two pictures. Talk about the variety of colors and how the colorful picture is more interesting than the one that has just one color. Explain that God created variety when it comes to people. Ask your kids to name the ways that people are different from each other. Explain that God wants us to love each other because He loves us and thinks we are all valuable, no matter the color of our skin, our hair or how we sound when we talk.
• Take a walk outside. Ask your kids to find five different things God made while on your walk. Talk about how different all the things are that God made. Even trees and grass have different varieties, sizes and colors. Talk about how people are like that, too. God made all different varieties of people so we could all fill different roles in God's plan. He designed us for a reason, and He made each one of us a masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10). When we choose to make fun of someone or dislike someone because of the way they look, we're telling God that what He made is no good.
• Talk about Martin Luther King Jr. Find pictures on the Internet of "whites only" bathrooms and drinking fountains. Talk about what it would have been like to be a black person living in a society like that. Most of our kids don't comprehend how the world could have functioned like that. My youngest daughter probably has 10 different ethnicities in her classroom this year. She is always puzzled when I describe a world where black people couldn't do the same things as white people. Listen to Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I Have a Dream" speech. Talk about how difficult it would have been to stand up to the authorities. Talk with your kids about why it's important to speak up against injustice even when it is the unpopular thing to do.

God created a world with a huge variety of people. He didn't make one set of people more important than any other. He loves each and every one of us. Make sure you take some time today to focus on the beauty in all of the people God made.

Friday Introductions: Chore Resources

Earlier this week, we talked about the value of chores. Today, I want to give you some resources to help you set up your own chore system for your kids.

We've had several chore systems in our house over the years. Some have worked well. Some have not. There's no one perfect chore system that works for every household. I know families who pay for chores in tickets and tokens. Those tickets or tokens can then be turned in to gain special privileges like watching TV or playing video games. I know other families who pay their kids for all of their chores and still others that pay for none. Whatever system works for you is the one you should use.

But how do you go about choosing that system? If you're just starting chores with your young kids, where do you start? If your system isn't working, how should you change it?

Setting up a chore system isn't difficult. Finding the right one for your family may take some trial and error. Luckily, there are plenty of great resources available to help.

• Ask friends and family how they deal with chores in their homes. Someone you know may have a fantastic idea that you didn't know about. Sometimes the best advice comes from our own circle of influence.
• Check out the list of age-appropriate chores at Focus on the Family. This list is a great starting point if you're trying to figure out what chores your kids are capable of doing.
• Create a chore chart of some kind. Our chore chart right now is simply a dry-erase board with each girls' list of chores. This works especially well for us because I can create a new list every day. There are lots of chore chart resources available, but I like the variety of printable charts available at Free Chore Charts.
• If you're looking for a system that's already set up and all you have to do is implement it, check out Accountable Kids. This is more than a chore system. It uses chores and privileges to create an accountability system for your kids. I have a friend who uses this system and loves it.
• Use your system, and change it if it's not working. Your chore system is only useful if it's teaching your kids responsibility and you are able to manage it. Don't stick with something that's not working just because you've always done it that way. If it's not working, change it.

Chores are an important tool for teaching our kids responsibility. Use the start of the new year as a time to get a fresh start on getting the jobs done around your house because when everyone chips in, the work goes a lot faster. Like the Bible says, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor" (Ecclesiastes 4:9). Use these resources to get your family working, and get a good return for your labor as you work together.

The Process of Becoming

My oldest  daughter is in her last year of elementary school. She's been with the same group of kids since kindergarten. Her place in the fifth-grade social order is firmly fixed. She's the "sporty" girl -- the one who only wears jeans and T-shirts, puts her hair in a pony tail and can keep up with the boys at recess soccer.

The funny thing is that my daughter loves fashion. She loves to dress up at home and create unique outfits. Her favorite video game is one where she owns her own boutique and has to dress customers. She has a great eye for style, but you would never know it by the way she looks when she walks out the door for school.

Last night, she was messing around with her clothes before she went to bed. She tried out a couple of cute outfits and did her hair. I commented on how pretty she is and asked her why she liked to hide it at school. Apparently, she's worked hard at her playground soccer reputation and her clothing is part of her image.

We spent a little time talking about how middle school is an opportunity to change how others see her. It's a new school with lots of new kids who don't already know her. She can be whoever she wants to be.

These late elementary school and early middle school years are tough. It's the age at which our kids -- boys and girls -- are trying to figure out who they are and who they want to be. We call them "tweens" because they are in that stage "between" childhood and being a teenager. It's a time of discovery and learning. It can also be painful and heartbreaking.

No matter the age of our kids, they need to know they are loved -- both by us and by God. They also need to know that God is making them into all that He wants them to be, and every creation of God is beautiful. When your kids are frustrated with who they are or are so busy wanting to be older that they can't appreciate where they are, remind them that "becoming" is a process. It's one we can't speed up, and it's one that can sometimes be painful.

• Find a picture of a butterfly coming out of its chrysalis. Talk with your kids about how a butterfly starts as a fuzzy caterpillar, then goes into its chrysalis and emerges a beautiful butterfly. Butterflies have to fight their way out of the chrysalis, but you should never help a butterfly to get out. Only the struggle to free themselves gives the butterfly enough strength in its wings to be able to fly. Talk with your kids about how growing up is sometimes like being a butterfly. It can be tough, but in the end, God creates a beautiful you.
• Share Ecclesiastes 3:11 with your kids. " He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Ask your kids to think of things that God has made that don't start out looking beautiful but end up pretty. Flowers are just green stalks when they sprout out of the ground, yet they provide beautiful color. Trees are barren in winter, yet they spring forth in bud and bloom when the weather warms. Talk about how this verse relates to us. Explain that God is always making us beautiful. Our beauty comes from letting God's love shine through us, not from some outer trappings.
• The next time you see a rainbow or a beautiful sunset, point it out to your kids. Talk about its beauty, and talk about how the beauty just showed up. We couldn't see it earlier in the day, but all the things that happened weatherwise during the day combined to make the sunset or the rainbow. Explain that the same thing happens with people. God uses all of our experiences and personalities to create something beautiful.

No matter the age of your kids, help them recognize that they are becoming something beautiful. God wants them to be who He made them to be. Sometimes that process is confusing and can even be painful, but beauty is the result.

A Different Perspective on Jesus

We're finishing our basement. Actually, we've been working on finishing our basement for about the past six years, but the past couple of months, my husband and I have been putting a lot more effort into it.

Last night, I needed to paint the drywall that's going on the ceiling, and my youngest daughter decided she wanted to help. Now, this is definitely one of those tasks that was going to take longer with her help than without. I was tired and just wanted to get it done, but I had been promising her she could help me paint for a while, so out to the garage we went.

I took up my paint pole and showed my daughter how to roll the paint onto the drywall. As I was doing that, she began to copy my motions and said "I'm imitating you." As she said that, into my mind popped the thought that we need to be imitators of Christ. In 1 Corinthians 11:1, Paul says "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ."

You know, last night I was tired. My kids were tired. It had been a tough day. The last thing I really wanted to do was teach my child something. I almost didn't grab that teachable moment with my daughter. I almost let it pass. In my mind, I had already said, "Not now, God." But the Holy Spirit kept prompting me to talk with my daughter about being imitators of Christ. So, as I handed over my paint pole and tried not to get side-swiped with the paint roller, I asked my daughter who we should imitate.

Her answer was quick and simple -- God. As we talked about what that meant and how Jesus was a physical example for us to follow, I asked my daughter how Jesus treated others. We've been working a lot on controlling our words and being an encourager to others the past few weeks. I asked her how Jesus talked to other people. Her answer made me sit up and take notice.

"He used nice words," she said. "But sometimes he was kind of harsh."

Wow, I thought. Here my 8-year-old had noticed something that I had never really put a lot of thought into. When you look at the words of Jesus, He never uses discouraging language or puts others down. What He does do is call sin a sin. He doesn't mince words about the consequences of certain choices in life. And He was never afraid to call out the religious leaders of His day.

Too often, we have a tendency to paint Jesus as this kind, gentle man, which He was. But we want to gloss over the side of Jesus that overturned the money lenders' tables in the temple and who took on the religious hypocrites of His day.

I'm not really surprised that my daughter picked up on this aspect of who Jesus was. She's a tell-it-like-it-is personality. She also has a strong sense of justice. Reading about how Jesus stood up for what was right and told people exactly what He thought appeals to who she is.

We want to make sure we're giving our kids an accurate picture of who Jesus is. Jesus is both a kind and loving Savior, but He is also someone who stands up for what's right and doesn't beat around the bush when it comes to sin. We want our kids to emulate all of those qualities. If they're going to be imitators of Christ, then we want them to imitate all of Him.

Take a moment to think about what you're teaching your kids about Jesus. Are you giving them a one-dimensional view of who He is? Are you sharing with them the accounts of when Jesus stood up for what was right? Are you sharing the times when He got righteously angry? If not, start working those things into your child's impression of Jesus.

And don't ignore the prompting of the Holy Spirit when God is asking you to grab a teachable moment with your child. God might want to teach you something in that moment, too.